There's no point to this one-shot. It's just a good time with good music and, of course, my trademark stupidity and laughs. I had a fun time writing this and I think it's pretty funny so hopefully you'll like it too. I know it's not a real story or anything but I'd love to get your reviews.

I don't own Twilight, but I do own a Halloween costume that's pretty awesome ;)

"This is gonna be fuckin' awesome. I can't wait to hear you girlies scream," Emmett chuckled from the driver's seat.

I glared at him. I was hoping I'd turn in an X-men and burn a whole through that thick skull of his. We were hanging out, having a great time at the diner but no. That's not enough for Emmett.

It's the weekend before Halloween, so of course he decides it's a great idea for us to go to the haunted house in Port Angeles. The same haunted house that I'd been forced to listen to Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley yammer on about all week long. Everyone in our school had been gossiping about it for weeks.

I felt Edward's arm wrap around my shoulder and squeeze me into his side. I looked up at him with wide eyes, hoping to convey just how terrified I was about going. Scary movies were never really my strong suit. He leaned down to my ear to whisper.

"Love, relax. I promise nothing will happen to you. I won't let anything touch you," he pressed a kiss under my ear.

I shivered a little. I never decided if that was because of him or the prospect of something touching me in that haunted house. Emmett took a sharp right turn, and drove down a dirt road that was barely lit. At the end of the road I could see the huge abandoned house the city had decided to turn into a haunted house for the holiday season.

There was a huge cluster of people waiting outside, assumedly waiting their turn to go in. There were cars parked on the long-dead lawn on the right side of the house. Emmett turned down his God awful rap music—this time was 'Swagga Like Us'—a ridiculous remix on M.I.A.'s perfectly fine 'Paper Planes'—featuring Kanye West, Jay-Z, Lil' Wayne, and T.I., Emmett's dream come true— and rolled his window down. Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley were at the back of line.

"What the fuck are you two doing here? I thought you came last week?" Emmett asked.

"We did but this is the last weekend. We couldn't miss another chance," Tyler grinned at Mike, who nodded.

"You two are fuckin' homos. Save the bromance for when I'm not around. Ay, save a spot alright? I'm gonna go park right now," Emmett jerked his head in the direction of the parking lot.

Tyler and Mike nodded and turned around while Emmett drove towards the parking lot. Only Emmett could insult two people and then expect them to help him out. I thought it was hardly fair that he used his status as captain of the baseball team as a means to control people. I probably wouldn't care any other night, seeing as how he did it so often, but tonight I was pissed at the over-sized hormonal seventeen-year-old.

Edward slipped out the backseat after Emmett parked the car. He offered me his hand and helped me out. We shut the door and started to walk towards the haunted house. You could hear the bloodcurdling screams and shouts of the victims that were currently inside.

There was Halloween music playing but it wasn't enough to drown out the cries of terror. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and I squeezed Edward's hand tightly.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he stopped walking to face me. His free hand came up to my cheek to see my face better through the dim light.

"D-did you h-hear that?"

"Bella, it's going to happen," he sighed.

My eyes went wide and I nearly screamed myself. I couldn't even try to be angry with Emmett right now. I was too terrified.

"Here, I brought my iPod. We'll listen to it until it's our turn, okay?" he offered.

I nodded shakily and grabbed his hand with a force I didn't recognize in myself. We walked forward and caught up with the rest of the group, who were still making the trek across the dirt and grass.

"Ugh, this dirt is getting all over my Jimmy Choo!" Rosalie complained.

"No one told you to wear heels Princess," Emmett replied.

"Fuck off Emmett! We were just supposed to be hanging out at the diner tonight," she retorted.

"She's right, Emmett!" Alice defended Rosalie

"Listen Frodo, I didn't hear any of you guys complaining when I suggested the idea. You're just getting all pissy now because we're here and you're scared. Hang onto to Jazz if you're so scared and zip it, Thumbelina. We're having fun tonight and I'm not going to let any of you asswipes ruin it for me," Emmett declared.

"I complained!" I shouted out.

Emmett turned around, smirked, and then kept walking.

"What the hell? You oaf!" I shoved him.

Edward immediately locked both of my hands in one of his and looked at me incredulously. Emmett turned around slowly and shot me a murderous stare.

"Bella you need to slow your roll. Besides you complaining doesn't count. You get scared of your own shadow," he turned around and kept walking.

I hate Emmett!

We were walking past the others in line. Emmett was looking for Tyler and Mike.

Tyler waved his huge, clumsy, hand around and hit some girl in the back of the head. She turned around and glared at him. He immediately put his arms out in a show of surrender and accidentally hit her breast. Her jaw dropped and she smacked him on the side of his head with her purse. She whipped her hair and smacked him with her ponytail. He squinted his eyes and wiped his tongue.

I guessed her hair had hit him in more places than she probably intended. I heard Edward chuckle next to me and I cracked a smile until I heard another spine-chilling scream. I stiffened and Edward led me over to the rest of the gang. He turned his iPod on and gave me the earbuds.

I looked at him apologetically. He was going to have to listen to those screams and the ridiculous conversation I'm sure Emmett would be having with Tyler and Mike. He shrugged and kissed my forehead. I turned the iPod onto shuffle and put the earbuds in. Edward grabbed my free hand and held onto it tightly.

I could see everyone's lips moving intermittingly but I didn't have the slightest clue what they were talking about.


Poor Bella was absolutely terrified. She didn't realize but she'd been mumbling in her sleep for the last couple of nights about the haunted house. They weren't nightmares per se but they definitely agitated her even in her sleep. When Emmett mentioned the haunted house idea, I immediately thought two things:


-Aw crap, Bella's going to freak…

Being the supportive boyfriend I am, but also the selfish dick I was capable of being, I found myself at a paradox. I wanted to go to this haunted house really bad but I didn't want Bella to be frightened. So I figured I'd do both. Go to the haunted house but be protective so Bella wouldn't be very scared. Good plan, right?

"You need to keep that one in check," Emmett muttered next to me.

I looked at my older brother incredulously.

"You need to work on not being such a dick," I retorted.

"What? I didn't see you whisking Bella off in the Volvo after we left the diner. If you really cared that much about her not being scared you wouldn't have come."

I sighed. He had me there. My Volvo was still sitting in the diner's parking lot in Forks. Luckily, we spent every Friday night there until we were too full to eat anymore and wanted to do something else, so the owner didn't mind us leaving our cars there.

I glanced at Bella and she was blissfully unaware of the shouting and screeches that seemed to be getting progressively louder as the line moved up and the night got later. I smiled at her innocence and gave her hand a squeeze. Her eyes shot up to mine and she smiled sweetly.

I looked back at Rosalie and she was texting on her iPhone. Jasper and Alice were talking to Mike and Tyler about something. I chuckled at how wholly un-amused Alice looked.

"And there's this one zombie who's got all this pus and blood coming from his mouth. It's so gross," Mike scrunched up his nose.

Alice swallowed and I figured she was probably fighting back the bile that wanted to erupt from that visual. Rosalie glanced at Tyler who was now standing a little too close and looking over her shoulder.

"Can I help you?" she snapped.

"N-no. I just think the iPhone is really neat," he winced to himself.

Yeah, buddy 'neat' doesn't really get Rosalie's wheels turning.

Emmett finally noticed how close Tyler and Rosalie were, so he walked over determinedly, and squeezed in between them. Rosalie fell over a little but Emmett grabbed her waist.

"What the fuck, Emmett?"

He just grinned and planted a big wet one on her. I grimaced and looked back at Bella. She was bobbing her head to what I detected, from the faint music I could hear, as the Smashing Pumpkins. How fitting, I thought. Only she could appreciate 'Tonight, Tonight' and the video. She was the only sixteen-year-old I knew that had seen A Trip to the Moon.

She caught me staring at her and grinned widely. I was hoping the music was distracting her from the impending debacle that would probably happen in about another twenty minutes or so. She leaned up and puckered her lips. I pressed mine to hers and she sighed. She got back to her level and put her head on my chest when a thought occurred to me. I tapped her shoulder and her head snapped up.


She looked at me curiously and then I remembered she couldn't hear a word. That and she was terrible lip-reader. I pulled the earbuds from her tiny little ears and smiled.

"Bella, love?"


I needed to make this quick. It had been a few minutes since the last scream. She was doing well getting distracted. I didn't want to ruin it now.

"I was thinking you could listen to the iPod when we go into the haunted house. It'll distract you," I spoke in rushed words.

She cocked her head to the side and looked pensive. She shrugged and said 'sure' before popping the earbuds back in. I sighed in relief and hoped the haunted house managers wouldn't notice the headphones through her long dark hair, which she was thankfully wearing down tonight.

I glanced back over at Alice who was smoothing over the blouse she was wearing. I rolled my eyes and looked at Rosalie. She wasn't much better. She was wearing a blouse and sweater set with a denim mini skirt and her stupid heels. Those two were so impractical.

It was fucking October. The weather wasn't exactly warm. I looked at Bella and there she was in her long-sleeved gray shirt and jeans. She was wearing her favorite Chuck's and an ignorant grin.

God, I loved her. She was my perfect match. Aside from Jasper, she and I were the only sane ones in our tight-knit group of crazies.

"Hey, Edward….Do you have your wallet on you?" Emmett turned around to ask me.

"Yeah. Why?" I asked skeptically.

"Just making sure. We're probably gonna have to pay for our tickets soon. You've got Bella covered, right?"

"Of course," I responded.


Emmett turned back around and started to walk forward.

"Hey, Edward," Mike was suddenly next to us.

"Hey, Mike," I sounded unsure of myself.

What the hell was he talking to me for? It was quite obvious we didn't like each other. He followed Bella around like he was pussy-whipped yet I was getting said pussy.

"Is Bella okay? She looks freaking catatonic," he looked at her with a concerned expression.

I glanced at Bella—who was tucked into my side—and laughed. She was smiling widely and staring ahead. I guess from an outside perspective she did look pretty nutty. As a matter of fact she reminded me of Danny Devito's character in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Mike looked at me curiously when I laughed.

"Yeah, she's fine. I'm trying to distract her. She's scared of this shit," I gestured to the haunted house.

"Oh man…really? Tyler and I have been talking her ear off about it all week. I feel like a douche," he sighed.

"You are. As a matter of fact it's been keeping her up at night."

"How would you know Cull..." he trailed off as he realized how exactly I would know that.

I walked forward with Bella and left Mike dumbstruck behind me. What a tool. Did he honestly think Bella and I were still virgins, waiting for prom night to have the 'perfect moment'? I would bet my Volvo that Mike was still a virgin and wanked off pretty regularly. A red haze filled my vision when I realized he would probably be wanking off to fantasies of Bella. My jaw clenched. Fucking Newton!

"Hey, Emmett! How much longer do we have to wait for this shit? Alice is getting cold," Jasper spoke.

He was standing behind Alice, rubbing his hands up and down her arms to create friction. I smirked when I caught myself wondering if he was standing behind Alice because it was more convenient or if he was trying to hide a raging hard-on from all that friction.

"How the hell should I know, Jizz? I don't fucking work here. Besides Alice should have dressed better it's fucking October. Even Rosalie has a sweater on," he gestured to Rosalie's figure.

"Yeah…paired with a tiny mini skirt," Jasper responded, obviously pissed off at Emmett.

Emmett had taken to calling Jasper 'Jizz' instead of Jazz. For some reason he found it hysterical to call him that.

"Obviously it doesn't matter. She hasn't complained like Bonaparte over there," he pointed at Alice.

"I'm surprised you even know who that is!" Alice shouted at him.

Despite how easy and funny it was to make fun of Alice's height it was always a bad idea. She got very touchy about her inability to grow after the age of nine. Emmett couldn't resist though. He was always knocking Alice on her height.

It didn't matter that she'd made him pay some serious consequences afterward—like that time she put Visine in his Sprite before his Homecoming game, making him glued to the toilet seat for an hour and a half before the game—he always made fun of her.

"Just cause I like to act like an ass doesn't mean I don't pay attention to shit every once in a while Half-Pint," Emmett grinned.

He was just going to work them in all night. Alice had better be prepared to do some damage or listen to his jokes all night. I had to be fair though. Emmett was on a roll. I glanced at Alice and her tiny fists were pulled straight to her sides and her upper lip was pulled behind her teeth. She was seething and Emmett was standing there with a self-satisfied grin.

Rosalie just shook her head and Jasper looked at me frantically. Fuck, no! I was not getting involved with that. Emmett and I might be brothers but I was not going to get meshed into his messes. Alice was brutal when it came to revenge.

We finally made it to the table, where they were handing out wristbands and collecting money. I paid the $20 for Bella and I while she stared aimlessly at the house. It was kind of funny how clueless she was.

"This is gonna be fuck epic!" Emmett shook his fists.

He looked like he was warming himself up for a baseball game. I knew this because I was on the team as well. Emmett's pregame ritual consisted of getting 'hyphy' to rap music. A better description was of him imitating rappers like Lil' Wayne in their music videos. They're not really dancing but there's really no other word for it.

I looked over at Jasper who was staring in disbelief. I knew exactly what he was thinking. How the fuck do I hang out with this guy on a regular basis?

We finally started up the stairs. The door was now in our line of sight. I could see two creepy guys—dressed up as deceased doormen—ushering people into the door. I was actually pretty impressed they managed to stay in character and not even crack a smile at people like Mike and Tyler. They ushered a group of eight in before us which left Mike and Tyler to be in our group. Nice.

"I'm gettin' antsy," Tyler rubbed his hands together.

"Hey Cullen?" Mike called out.

I immediately turned my head. Even if he was referring to Emmett it was an involuntary reaction. I looked at Mike and he was standing next to one of the doormen.

"Doesn't Bella have to take that shit out?" he practically shouted.

My eyes closed. No, he did not just fuck up my plan.

One of the creepy doormen turned to me. His eyes were twitching.

"The headphones—out," he crossed a line over his throat.

I sighed. Mike Newton was going to get jumped after we got out of this stupid haunted house. I turned back to Mike and smiled superficially.

"Thanks Mike."

"You're welcome," he actually smiled.

He didn't even catch the sarcasm. Fucking douche bag!

"Next," the other doormen stretched out a shaking hand to Alice to push her inside.

She recoiled in Jasper's side and grabbed onto him tighter than virgin's pussy. God, did I really just think that? I really need to stop hanging out with Emmett. I tapped Bella's shoulder and pulled out her earbud. I felt like I was about to kill her goldfish or something.

"Bella, love…you have to take the headphones out. They noticed," I rubbed her back.

Her mouth fell open and her eyes went wide. I could see the moisture start to pool in her large brown eyes and I'd never wanted to kill Mike Newton any more than in this moment. Her bottom lip trembled slightly and she nodded slowly.

She pulled out the other one and handed me my iPod. I put it back in my sweatshirt pocket and grabbed her hand tightly. I grabbed her face with my free hand and forced her to look at me.

"I won't let anything happen to you. I promise you," I stared into her deep chocolate brown eyes.

Her jaw clenched and unclenched. She was trying to keep it together. She nodded once again and curled into my side. She let go of my hand but only to latch onto my waist, much like Alice was doing to Jasper. Rosalie stood with her arms crossed, while Emmett tried peering inside to get a better look at what was going on behind the curtain.

Mike and Tyler walked in and we all started to follow. There were shrieks and howls but I knew they were just sound effects. Bella, however, practically dug her fingers into my skin.


The house was entirely dark. I was latching onto Edward with all my might. All the shrieks, howls, maniacal chuckles, and ghosts' moans felt like they were right in my ear. All I could think about was 'It the Clown'. Fuck Emmett for making us watch that movie when I was only 11!

"Bellaaaa," I heard a male voice whisper.

"Fuck off Emmett," I heard Edward hiss.

I heard Emmett's stupid laughter and I wanted to cry. I was pretty brave and all but I could even admit Halloween, scary movies, and witches and shit scared me. All of a sudden a light flashed on in the corner and a zombie popped out of nowhere. The skin was absolutely terrible. There was blood and pus oozing from every opening. His hair reminded me of Heath Ledger's Joker.

He ambled toward us and I let out a deafening shriek. I noticed Emmett cover his ears and Jasper look at me with wide eyes. I finally snapped my mouth shut and the light flashed off. The zombie disappeared. I shoved past Alice and Jasper and practically ran to the front. Why the fuck were we walking? We should be running!

"Come here my pet," a creepy female voice called out.

I heard one of the girls scream and the floor started to light up. I could see smoke at our feet. I looked up and I could see the faint outline of a witch. She was grabbing Alice's arm. There were around the same height.

"Fuck! Get it off Jasper!" she screamed.

My throat closed up. I couldn't even scream as much as I wanted to. Alice was still struggling against the witch. Jasper peeled her away and jogged over towards us. I looked at Edward and his eyes were pleading with me not to be frightened. I needed to trust him.

We kept moving forward. The next section of the house was lit in red light. There were corpses hanging on the walls, jars with body parts, creepy owls that looked like they were straight from the Psycho set, and coffins. I knew something would be popping out at us any minute now.

We were almost out of the room when a coffin popped open and some dressed as a vampire sat up. He had dark red liquid running from his mouth and a terrifying look on his face. He was trying to be charming but all I could see was how malicious he looked. I grabbed Edward's forearm and I heard him swear. I loosened my grip and practically trampled Mike and Tyler to get out.

"Ouch, Bella!" Tyler complained when I stepped on his shoe.

I walked forward with Edward still attached to my side. I could hear Emmett laughing from behind us. It got quiet again and I heard Rosalie giggle.

"Emmett, keep your hands to yourself. Rosalie you too," Jasper warned.

I didn't even want to think about what those two were doing in the dark. I shuddered.

"Bella, relax. We're almost out," I could barely hear Edward over the howls.

The next room was lit up in green lights. There were leaves on the floor that crunched as we stepped on them. It was abruptly chilly in this room and my hands were trembling as I held onto Edward.

"Edward, I have a bad fee—," I was cut off by a sharp howl.

I turned around when something was thrown past us. I looked at the wall where a loud boom resounded from whatever was thrown and a wolf man appeared. He was grinning mischievously. He was growling and I could almost feel the vibrations despite the fact he was 15 feet away from me. He licked his lips and snarled, revealing daggers for teeth.

"Bella," he growled.

This time my voice box didn't fail me. I shrieked. The wolf man winced at the sound and I ran off. I could hear the rest of the gang following behind us. I felt someone touch my arm and I immediately went to defensive and smacked whoever it was. Edward flipped his cell phone open and held it up to whoever it was. It was Jasper. He looked at me in shock.

"Oh, Jazz…I'm so sorry! You snuck up on me," I murmured.

"It's okay, Bella. I was just going to ask what happened."

"The werewolf knew my name," I looked up at Edward.

His eyes widened. Edward hadn't even realized.

"Holy shit, Bella. You're right," he glanced over his shoulder.

"Let's keep moving this place is getting freakier and freakier. We need to get out already," Jasper suggested. Alice's eyes were pink from tears and she was shaking.

Edward nodded and moved forward, his arm wrapped around my shoulder, and rubbed soothingly. We continued walking forward. It was still dark but I could make out the faint sounds from outside. We must be getting closer to the exit, I thought. I could feel Jasper and Alice behind us and I heard Mike and Tyler whispering to each other. Emmett's chuckles were farther away but I knew he was close.

We were in one of the last rooms. There was a flash of light, almost like lightening and I heard a scream. I turned around and the back corner was light up by a spotlight on the floor. Rosalie was standing there, her eyes were wide but something was off. She looked confused. That's when I noticed it, the pale white hand that was on her breast and the other one that was on her exposed thigh.

"Fuck," Edward swore under his breath.

The next part happened in a blur. Emmett rushed past Rosalie and tackled the haunted house character to the ground. There was a loud crash and a painful-sounding pop. We all winced and hurried to get out. Rosalie stood up after being knocked to the ground and ran—pretty impressively for being in Jimmy Choo's—to the exit. She burst through the doors and we ran after her.

We got to the parking lot when we all stopped to catch our breath. I was actually somewhat surprised to see Mike and Tyler still with us. We all stared at the house, keeping watch to see if Emmett would emerge. I gasped when he did. He was being escorted out by two people who seemed to be the security detail.

I laughed loudly. Talk about poetic justice. He forced me into this haunted house shit and now he was getting in trouble! A little part of me wanted to do a happy dance at the sight. Edward chuckled next to me and Rosalie sighed.

She walked forward to meet him and started to speak hurriedly to the security officers. She gestured to her chest and I saw one of them swallow hard. That was slightly gross, considering he was probably old enough to be her father.

"I wonder what's going to happen," Tyler spoke up.

The security guards walked over to us and gave us stern looks.

"You guys are banned from this haunted house. We don't allow violence or horsing around. Granted this is the last weekend, we don't want to see you troublemakers on this property again," the more mature one spoke.

We nodded submissively and bowed our heads. It wasn't really our fault but we weren't going to argue. The older one looked at Emmett.

"And you're lucky Mr. Yorkie isn't going to press charges. You need to keep that temper in line," he shot Emmett a severe look.

Emmett rubbed the back of his neck and nodded. The security guards walked away and we all let out a collective sigh. This night had been interesting to say the least.

"Well that guy was a tool. We didn't even do anything," Edward broke the silence.

I smiled up at him and he smiled crookedly.

"And you Emmett… you're a fucking dumbass. How could you go and attack that guy?" Edward chuckled.

"He was molesting Rosie!" Emmett shouted.

"Emmett he was not. I'm sure he didn't even realize," Rosalie retorted.

"Did you hear him? He said that guy's name was Yorkie. I would bet my left nut that that was Eric Yorkie's older brother, Oliver. If he's anything like his younger brother he was definitely trying to cop a feel," Emmett shot her a look.

Jasper choked on his laugh and buried his head in his hand. Alice looked like she wanted to laugh herself, which was a nice change from how terrified she looked earlier. Tyler and Mike were trying to keep straight faces. They weren't exactly on Emmett's list. They couldn't afford to piss him off. Emmett let out a heavy breath.

"Alright, well we better get back to the diner. Actually all that ass-kicking made me hungry again," he grinned his dimple bearing grin and rubbed his stomach.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and walked away from Emmett.

"Aw, Rosie, don't be that way," he called out after her.

He shook his head and jogged to catch up to her.

"Do you mind if we meet back up with you guys at the diner?" Tyler asked tentatively.

Everyone looked at Edward. Although, Jasper was older it was pretty much a known-fact that Edward was our leader after Emmett. The Cullen boys just exuded that sort of confidence and stature. He shrugged.

"Sure. Just don't bring your groupies," he laughed.

Mike and Tyler shook their heads almost violently. They knew better than to bring Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory around. We all walked towards Emmett's Jeep, where Emmett was blasting 'The Choice Is Yours' by Black Sheep.

I groaned and Edward laughed. We all climbed in and closed the doors. Emmett backed out and started to drive past the house when a person ran up to my open window. I shrieked and grabbed Edward's thigh.

"Bella!" the voice called out.

I recognized that voice.

"Emmett! Stop!"

He jerked to a stop and the person caught up. It was Jacob Black. He had makeup and weird fuzzy stuff on his face.

"Jacob? What are you doing here?" I wondered.

"I work here," he grinned.

I cocked my head to the side.

"I was the werewolf, Bella. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you so bad," he ducked his head.

"Oh, Jake…it's alright! It's your job. I was just freaked out that you knew my name. I didn't realize it was you," I explained.

"I see."

"Bella…gas. Hurry it up," Emmett prompted.

"I'm sorry, Jake. We've got to go. Will I see you around soon?"

"Sure, sure," he grinned and then ran off.

I rolled the window half way back up and then stopped when Emmett shot me a look. He always needed everyone to know what he was playing. I rolled my eyes and pressed the button again. The window went back down and I curled into Edward's side. He was so warm with his sweatshirt on. I felt him kiss the top of my head and I smiled up at him.

"I love you," he winked.

"I hate your brother," I grumbled while Edward laughed.

"I heard that!" Emmett shouted.

"I wanted you to!" I shouted back.

Emmett let out a guffaw and turned up his stupid music while we drove out of city limits and back onto the highway.

So what did you think? I personally love Emmett but Bella's in highschool she gets to be a little bitchy ;) How many of you knew Jacob was going to be the werewolf? Haha, I couldn't write that and NOT do it. Oh and Emmett's nicknames...epic. I had to admit I was pretty impressed with myself. Anyway, leave a review, listen to the music, and let me know what you're going to be for Halloween etc.