Letting Go, Letting In
Summary: Two friends take a step neither was really prepared for and now they have to face the consequences... AH AU. BxE Lemon oneshot.
Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer, I'm just playing with them.
AN: It's 3am and I should be sleeping but this plunny attacked and I, dutiful writer, started typing. I hope you all enjoy my sleepless workings.
It was just a night, just one damn night. It didn't give me any claim over her, any right to be jealous or possessive. We'd both needed it and found an escape in each other. It was just a release, a way for us to lose ourselves in each other rather than our problems. It was that and nothing more, and I kept reminding myself of that fact as I tried not to watch those other guys flirt with her.
As I tried not to think of those other guys going home with her...
It made my skin crawl.
I spun on my heel and left before anyone could say anything, needing desperately for a drink, anything that could cause me to lose myself; even if it was only for a second.
I knocked the whiskey back the same second my fingers touched the smooth glass and I motioned for another before the liquid had even finished burning my throat. The bar tender raised an eyebrow but at my thunderous look rushed to comply. The liquid had barely caused a blip in mu furious thoughts and I needed more. Dammit I needed to forget.
She wasn't mine.
But God, how I wanted her to be.
I hadn't realised it, not really, not until after that night. Until after she'd thanked me for being there for her, for being a great friend, and fled. I'd let her go, and had spent every moment since hating myself for it. Why hadn't I stopped her? Fought for her?
I was driving myself insane with all of this; with thoughts of what ifs and unfulfilled desires. And damn, the dreams... I knew what it was like to touch her now, to feel her and taste her and all I could do at night was remember.
And nothing could stop the memories either. I'd spent more nights drunk out of my mind since that night then I had my entire life put together. And still I could clearly remember my thoughts of her during the night, even when my head felt like it would explode.
I knew life wasn't fair but right now is was being a downright bitch.
Slugging back the next whiskey I threw some dollar bills down on the bar and stood up, suddenly needing out of this place.
I strode determinedly through the crowds and they parted before, somheow knowing my mood and no to mess with me right now. I distantly heard my name being yelled across the noise but I just shook my head and continued; I couldn't deal with my friends right now.
I needed out.
Feeling the cold air hit my face I forgot everything for two seconds, feeling nothing but the element. It was a refreshing change and I revelled in it. While it lasted.
Sounds came back to me then, as well as the reason why I'd been in a continuously bad mood for the last couple of weeks. Growling I was about to head off down the alleyway to the main street when two voices caught my attention, one achingly familiar...
Turning in the opposite direction my feet started walking down the walkway, into the more secluded end of the alley. I stuck to the shadows, something telling me not to be seen.
"Aw, come on honey... Let's have some fun..." A male voice crowed.
"I was having fun inside," her voice answered, a slight strain to it. "And I'd really like to go back in now."
"But we only just got out here honey..."
"I'm cold." She said sharply, but there was a note of panic to her voice now and my feet started walking of their own accord again, my hands clenching into fists.
"I can warm you up..."I heard his voice as he pulled her toward him, forcing her body up against his.
"Felix stop!" She screamed but he didn't get a chance to say anything because I ripped him off of her like a ragdoll.
"Leave," I hissed, my whole body shaking with rage. "Now."
The man scarpered and I turned to see if she was alright, trying to calm myself but my rage wouldn't dissipitate.
"Are you alright?" I asked, glad my voice came out somewhat normal.
She nodded and looked up at me shakily, taking deep breaths. "Thank you. I don't know what I would have done if you had-"
"It's nothing." I said brusquely, not even wanting to think about that. "Are you sure you're alright?"
"I'm fine," She said wiping her hand over dress quickly. "I should get back inside. The night's still young."
"You're going to find another guy?" I snapped, barely reining my temper in.
She frowned at me then. "I didn't say that."
"It's what you meant. Will you let this one drag you outside too?"
She gasped and took a step backwards, her face showing shock that quickly morphed to anger. "How dare you-" She began in a low voice.
"I dare," I bit off. "Because I am your friend."
"Exactly," She said coldly. "Friend." And she span on her heel to stalk away from me but something inside snapped and the next thing I knew I had her pressed up against the alley wall.
"I'll show you friend." I whispered harshly, having no idea what the words meant as they tumbled from my mouth. Then I kissed her.
She gasped against me in surprise and I took her movement to force my tongue into her mouth, overpowering her easily. I swept inside of her hungrily, taking anything I could get as I pushed my body against hers. Her tongue started to move with mine as I heard her moan but I dominated hers, controlling every aspect of the kiss.
Tearing my mouth from hers I heard her gasp in lungfuls of air as I moved my lips along her jaw, sucking and licking as I went, causing her to mewl and moan. I reached her ear then, grazing it with my teeth before licking the outline.
"If you want me to stop," I whispered harshly, teeth grazing against her ear as I shoved my body against hers. "You'd better push me away now. I need you and I won't be able to stop." She moaned against me and I could help but grind my hips into hers to illustrate my point. "It has to be now Bella." I hissed.
"No," She whimpered, clawing at my shoulders. "Don't ever... stop."
And I was lost.
I crushed my lips to hers as I ground into her, matching the two in rhythm perfectly. She pulled at me tighter, trying to get me closer and I pushed against her willingly. Somewhere in the back of my mind it registered that her back was against a cold brick wall but the thought was gone as soon as it came when she writhed against me.
She broke off the kiss gasping for air again as I moved downwards this time, my lips never leaving her skin. She tasted absolutely divine, a mix of flowers and salt along with the perfume she was wearing. She was driving me insane and I couldn't get enough. My tongue added more pressure as I tried to lap up every part of her skin that I could leaving a sloppy trail down her chest.
Her top barely covered her breasts and before it had angered me, seeing her arrive with the others like that and knowing I wasn't the one intended to see it. But right now all I could do was thank the powers that be as I easily pulled it down further, probably tearing it in the process.
She gasped as the cold air hit her exposed skin and arched against me, two seconds later crying out and gripping me to her tightly as my lips took over the place of the material. I suckled at her greedily, trying to take as much of her in as possible while she arched beneath me, moaning helplessly as she tugged at my hair. I moved my tongue around her swollen peak and she groaned, bucking against me. I did it again, harder this time and she bucked harder against me, adding a groan of mine own to hers. I bit down on her then and she screamed, throwing her entire body against mine.
I moaned at the action and clutched her body tighter to mine as I moved to the other breast. She was trembling beneath me as I pressed feather-light kisses across it, teasing her as she shivered in anticipation.
"Please..." She whimpered.
"Please what?" I demanded, my words hitting her sensitive flesh.
"Again what?" I hissed and I knew I was being demanding but I needed to hear her say it; I needed her to ask for me any way I could get. It was all I dreamt about at night.
"Please... my breast... Edward, please..." Her words were disjointed and breathy but my heart leapt at the sound of them, even if deep down I knew she was only saying it to get her physical pleasure. Still, I'd take what I could get, and gladly so.
I clamped my mouth around her other peak and sucked mercilessly as she moaned above me, her sounds driving me to push against her harder, suck tighter, anything to increase her response. My teeth bit down on her slowly, increasing the pressure millisecond by millisecond as she writhed against me, her hands scrabbling for any hold on my as she endured my erotic assault on her body.
"Edward!" She screamed and I lost myself again, biting down as hard as I could without drawing blood. She bucked up against me and sustained the contact by wrapping a leg around my hip.
I reached up and grabbed her smooth thigh, moving her leg against my thrusts as I ground myself onto her. My mouth left her breasts and hungrily nipped its way back up to her mouth where I took her greedily, moving against her as she gasped for air.
"Edward..." Her sigh escaped into my mouth and I couldn't help the response my name on her lips provoked in me.
I grabbed her other leg and pulled it around me, one hand locking her ankles there as the other gripped her ass and pushed, grinding her body against mine as I pressed myself into her. She squealed loudly and clung to my head and shoulders. Ripping my mouth from hers she curled her fingers into my hair and tugged my ear to her mouth, her hot ragged breath causing tremors down my spine.
"Edward... Get us out of here... Take me anywhere. Anywhere... as long as it's you... Please."
I growled in response as I lifted her to me, striding down the alley as quickly as I could whilst it was still safe as I carried her. I may not be doing the morally right thing here but I'd be damned if I ever hurt her.
Somheow I managed to find my car and I pushed her against it, arching her back over the side window as her head hit the roof, the perfect angle to allow me access to her breasts again. She hugged her legs against me tighter as I kissed her chest, more moans spilling from her lips and I couldn't help mine form answering her in response.
She leant forwards then slipping down slightly as she yanked my head upwards her lips just as demanding as mine were. Her hands started to roam over me and the shivers they sent in their wake were excruciating. One of her hands stopped at my pocket and hooked inside, bringing out my keys and fumbling for the open button. I caught her hand in mine easily and together we pressed down on the right side, causing a beeping sound to echo some feet away.
I guess I hadn't found my car after all.
Scooping her up into my arms I continued our hungry kiss, our mouths gasping quick intakes of air as we parted for split seconds, although our lips never lost contact. As soon as I felt the car beneath me I opened the back door and bundled her in, pushing her along the length of the leather seat as I hovered over her.
She was the most breathtaking person in the entire world. Her light chocolate eyes were dark with desire, her lips swollen from their kisses and her exposed chest was panting heavily. She was looking at me from under heavy lidded eyes and I couldn't help myself but to lean forward and kiss her lids softly. She sighed breathily and it was the most exquisitely sweet sound in all of existence.
I moved down on her then, making sure to drag my body against hers as I did and by the way she moaned she appreciated what I did. Sliding my hands across her stomach and down over her hips I found the small clasp for her skirt and undid it, loosening the material around her hips. Instead of pulling it down though I bunched it upwards, running my hands from her knees to her hip bones, applying more pressure each time I stroked.
She moaned helplessly, gripping at the leather seats with white knuckled hands and I watched her hungrily, taking in every little detail as I inched my hands slowly closer to where I knew she wanted me to be. Her head threw back as she closed her eyes, my fingertips grazing over her panties clad sensitive area.
"Bella," I whispered and she whimpered in response causing me to dig my hands into her upper thighs. "Bella."
She moaned and arched herself upwards against me and I hissed, her legs feeling so good in my hands, her groin rubbing against mine tantalisingly.
"Bella," I whispered harshly. "Tell me what you want."
She moaned incoherently and I dug my grip tighter into her flesh, a perverse pleasure filling me at the thought that I'd leave handprints.
"Tell me Bella." I needed to hear the words, so very, very desperately.
"I n-need..." She whimpered, clawing at the seats for a hold, anything to ground her. "I need... You. Please."
"Me? Me where?"
"Inside me, please, please inside me!"
"Inside how?" I whispered gruffly. "With these?" and I pushed my thumbs into her through the fabric of her underwear as my hands pushed her part. "Or with this?" I spoke over her squeals as I moved my hands to cup her ass, lifting her up against me as I rubbed into her.
She screamed then. "Any! Please Edward, please."
I gasped against her stomach as her use of my name undid me and before I'd even made a conscious decision one hand was pulling down her panties whilst the other was thrusting up into her. God, she was so wet, so wet and so tight. I groaned against her skin, my head falling forwards to her stomach.
"Say my name." I begged my voice a hoarse whisper. "Please Bella, just say my name..."
"Edward," she choked as my fingers began to move, probing and twisting. "Edward!"
She was wound so tightly I knew she wouldn't last long but it didn't stop me from pushing her as hard as I could, adding a second finger and twisting sharply. My name fell from her lips again and I kissed her stomach, grazing my teeth along the skin as I pushed into her. She was so close and I knew she was going to fall.
"Edward!" She screamed, her entire body bucking off the seat and her walls clamping around my fingers viciously. I growled into her as she relaxed backwards my own arousal starting to get the better of me as heat pumped through my veins.
I pushed myself on top of her as I pulled my fingers out her whimper only pushing me further in my lust crazed thoughts. I met her heavy eyes as I finally came face to face with her and slowly and very deliberately I sucked one of my fingers into my mouth, her taste the sweetest thing I had ever known. She gasped inaudibly her mouth falling open as her eyes widened and I acted without thinking tearing my finger from my mouth and pushing it inside hers.
"Suck." I whispered huskily and groaned from the pleasure as her warm mouth enveloped my fingers, her tongue playing over them as she stared at me with lust filled eyes.
I shuddered at the thought of another part of my body being treated to the warm caress of her mouth... And then everything was too much. She shrieked as I moved, fast as lightening, pulling her up and around so she was straddling me. I needed to be inside of her. Now.
I pulled her my belt undone and then off my chest shaking as she unbuttoned my shirt, her nimble hands having it undone and off in seconds. And then her mouth clamped over my nipples and I bucked helplessly against her. One of my hands wound itself into her hair, pulling her this way and that as she changed the pressure on my chest. The other freed myself from my confines, unable to stop myself from stroking a few times as her delightful tongue tortured me.
Soon it became too much and I fiercely yanked her upwards, my mouth claiming hers demandingly as I positioned myself at her warm, wet entrance. She whimpered but I held back, knowing we were about to change things, knowing I needed to stop and make sure. This wasn't like last time.
"Bella," I croaked, every ounce of my energy ad control going in to keeping perfectly still; I would not take this from her, I would not do this without her permission, no matter how far gone I was. "Bella, are you sure?"
"Edward..." She moaned, trying to inch forwards. Somheow I stopped her.
"Bella I need to know. I won't - can't – do this without that. Bella I need-"
"I need you Edward." She panted and then brought herself down on me.
I groaned loudly at the same time she screamed and our breathing panted in the small confines of the car. I pulled her hips closer to me as she rose off and then sank back down again, mewls escaping her as she gripped my hair tightly. I knew my fingers would leave marks this time as I gripped her ass but I couldn't care, all I knew was this was Bella, and I needed more.
She picked up the pace then, withdrawing faster and sinking deeper off and on to me and I thrusted as powerfully as I could, slamming our hips together.
"Edward..." She moaned and I pushed harder, pulling her off of me as her movements began to falter. "Edward..."
"Bella." I whispered into her neck, my lips greedily tasting her skin as my hips pounded into hers.
She was losing it, her breaths coming closer together and her body losing all coherency. But I didn't slow down; I couldn't, even as I felt her tightening around me. Instead I pulled her legs higher around me and pushed in even deeper, the change in angle proving to be her catalyst and sent her over the edge.
"Edward!" She screamed and I pulled her body roughly against mine as I lost myself in her. Lost my rhythm and my control, my heart and my soul. I hit into her one last time before coming undone in her.
"Bella!" I growled as I slumped back into the seat, after shocks running through both our bodies as we panted for breath. I held her tightly against me, relishing in the last few minutes of being able to hold her like this before my mind caught up with my body and I realised what I'd truly done.
As feeling slowly started to seep back into my weary body I pushed Bella away slightly, trying to meet her eyes. I didn't know what I would find there but it had to be better than what I could imagine, right?
"Bella..." I whispered hoarsely.
"Take me home Edward."
I nodded and dumbly and shifted so she could get off of me both of us wincing as she did so. I hadn't been vey gentle with her at all and I knew she was going to be sore. I watched as she clambered t the other side of the car to me, pulling her clothes back on in an attempt to look respectable. I followed suit and then climbed into the front seat, pushing the key into the ignition.
She surprised me then, climbing into the passenger seat next to me but as I turned to talk to her I saw she was resolutely staring out the window. I pulled out of the parking lot then and focused totally on the road. I didn't want to think of what Bella was thinking of right now and I knew I'd have a few too many drinks so the increased concentration would be good. I hadn't planned on drinking tonight but seeing Bella like she was dressed and then all these guys fawning over her I had just needed something to make the night bearable.
As we drove I opened my mouth several times, trying to think of something – anything – to say. But each time I just closed it again and let the creeping resignation in the back of my mind take a greater hold. I'd lost her, and all because of my selfishness...
We arrived at her complex then and I killed the engine, sitting still and not moving, waiting or her to make the first move. Something I hadn't been courteous enough to do earlier tonight.
She wrapped her arms around her body tightly as she took a deep breath. "I need to go and, clean up," She muttered, her face downcast. "Can we just..." she trailed off, her words losing volume as she did but I heard them.
Can we just forget? Can we just not see each other for awhile? Can we just ignore this? My mind whirled with the possibilities but I had to ask a question of mu own, even though I had no right too.
"Can we still be friends?" I whispered, self-loathing filling every pore of my body.
She shook her head, her arms still wrapped tightly about herself. "No, I can't do that," She whispered and I dropped my head as she fumbled with the door. "I don't want that anymore."
I closed my eyes and let the pain overtake me as her door slammed shut, hating myself for what I'd done to us. How could I have let this happen? She was one of my closest dearest friends who I treasured above all else in this world. Why had I let my raging hormonal needs overtake that?
My head snapped up as my car door was suddenly flung open and my jaw dropped as I saw her standing there, looking at me with the most anxious and shyest expression I had ever seen on her beautiful face.
"Come inside?" She whispered, holding her hand out.
"But... y-you said..." I stuttered, staring at her bewilderedly as my brain tried to understand.
"I said I don't want us to be friends," She replied softly, catching my hand and tugging gently. "Now come inside Edward."
I pulled myself to m feet and shut the car door, watching her in shock. She smiled at my slyly, hope shooting through every cell in my body, and then led the way inside.
It is now quarter to six in the morning and I've read for mistakes but I probably missed some. I'll come back and fix those as soon as I can but right now I really just want to get this posted. I hoped you all enjoyed, this was my first lemon. Any feedback would be great.