Not All Right

Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order: Criminal Intent

Summary: Post Players. "Megan you alright?" It's such a stupid question.

Author's Note: A while ago I watched the episode 'Players' in season six which allowed us to have a little glimpse into Megan Wheeler's past. Now I loved that ep...damn nearly had me in tears so finally I have written my tribute to it since I really needed a break from some other stuff. Also please note it's like 11:30 right now so I am absolutely out so there is probably a bit of tense mix-ups and so forth and do apoligise for that (yawns).

Enjoy!


She doesn't usually clean.

Cleaning has never been a joy of hers, and she tended to avoid it all costs, though sadly living alone meant she did have to keep a habitable apartment (if you could call it that)...not that she was there that often. So now as she stood in front of her sink, furiously washing all her cookery, mind blank, she found her solace.

She knows that her fingers are wrinkled like prunes, but every time she stops, she sees the bones, the bodies, and she feels sick to her stomach. She wants to vomit, she wants to break down, she wants to cry...when she stops she sees their faces.

She knows that they see her as a kid, a lost little girl. She doesn't want their pity, she doesn't need that. Ross tried to give that to her dignity when he told her straight out what her dad was, but she knows the hidden depth in his words. She wants to punch something as she remembers Rodgers face. Rodgers isn't an 'optimist' so to see her like that is sickening.

It isn't fair, it really isn't fair. Who did she piss off to deserve this? Not that anything had actually happened to her...oh what was she saying! Her father, her own dad had been connected to the mob, been one of those son of a bitch lawyers that she hated.

She had also been lied to. She couldn't see why her Mom hadn't just told her the truth, she could've taken it. But what really got to her, was him, Mike Logan. His little comment.

"Megan you alright?"

She had wanted to punch him, to knee him in the balls, to scream at him. She wasn't alright, couldn't he see that? He'd been a cop for what twenty years or something and he couldn't tell she wasn't okay. Oh but he knew, she knew that and yet he still had asked.

He could've just kept his mouth shut like Ross. She closed her eyes, and dropped the knife she was scrubbing into the sink. She wished she had told him, she had wanted too. But it wasn't his burden to carry, she knew that...

She sighed and continued to clean. She'd learnt long ago that she could only depend on herself. It was one of those things she had picked up with her Mom working two jobs after her Dad had vanished...fuck why had she had to find out like this?

She scrubs the dishes even harder.

Some time between cleaning everything square inch of her cutlery draw and grabbing an entire bottle of gin the door bell drinks. She freezes for a moment, considering if she should just ignore it but as someone starts to bang and she hears a familiar voice yelling through the door.

"Megan!" calls the man's voice, "Open the god damn door now before I break it!"

She places down the gin and heads to the door. She flings it opens and is instantly pulled into his arms. She stands there for what feels like forever, breathing in his scent, sobbing against his jacket. He's saying calming words, soothing words. He's holding her like her dad used to when she was little and was scared or had scraped her knee or something.

"Why didn't you answer your phone?" he asks gently. She doesn't reply, just reads her head against his chest, shaking slightly. He seems to understand, because he just pulls her in tighter not letting go.

"It was such a stupid question," she stammers suddenly.

"But not a stupid answer," his deep voice says. Once again it reminds her off her Dad...her...

But as he holds her she wonders if her father was just like him or if she just thinks that and really her Rabbi embodies everything she's ever wanted in a father

And tomorrow she's gonna tell Logan that, no, she isn't all right.

Because really it isn't a stupid question.

Just an obvious answer.