Author's Note:

Hello there!

Invader Zim was a great cartoon. But sadly it succumbed to what is none as the cliché of being "Too Good To Be True" due to a multitude of factors such as decreasing ratings, angry mail from concerned parents, 9/11, corporate greed, etc…

Therefore it's only fair that somebody give it the proper treatment it deserves…and eventually the proper send-off.

I'm going to do something that's yet to be done…taking the cartoon series and making it into a fanfiction series…doing all of the episodes that were produced, all of the ones that were partially-made, and more!

And I invite you to come along for the ride. This Halloween, enjoy a great treat…courtesy of Zim, Dib, Gaz, Gir and all the others! And by all!




Some say humans are odd.

There's an old, somewhat true saying: "Darwinian Man, though well behaved, is, at best, a monkey shaved".

Now where I come from that's not true. Mostly.

Unfortunately for a great deal of the humans here on the Earth that's home to a particular family named the Membranes, it is. Most people are rather stupid…weird in a not-very-good way…and above all, odd.

But we're not the only ones.

The Irken race, they too are…odd.

Easily excited…easily distracted…very obsessed with PRIDE. They believe they're the greatest things in existence.

They kinda don't look the part. Insect-like eyes with black antennae to match…teeth are "zipper-like" in design. Three-digited hands, and no nose or ears…

And green skin that has tiny, tiny scales, with a worm-like tongue in their mouths and two toe-less feet…so they're like some kind of freaky half-reptilian, half bug Invader species.

They all wear "PAKS" which keep them alive. These look like rounded backpacks made of metal with pinkish, round markings on them that open up to reveal metallic "spider legs"…among other things. It's like they wear Swiss army knives on their backs!

They have a heart and a brain, but beyond that, there's only really one other important organ: the squeedly spooch, a "super organ" that fulfills any other bodily functions that are needed.

So the Irken race are…odd.

And the story begins with one particular member of the Irken species. One who's the oddest and probably most dangerous member of them all.

His name…is Zim.

…It was an important day. A VERY important day.

The Great Assigning!

Hovering there with a metallic ring surrounding it's pinkish/purple form as clouds swirled around was Conventia, the Convention Hall planet. This metallic ring was actually an important space station…and there were many a ship docking up to it. All similar in design…with the same insignia on the front: a black Irken skull that was triangular in shape with rounded, oval eyes.

A large holo-vid screen floated in front of the space station. A rather tall (though not THE tallest) Irken with a metallic helmet and a single red "eye" in the front was speaking. "Welcome brave Irken soldiers!" He announced. "Welcome to Conventia…the Convention Planet! Please proceed to the docking bay and take the complimentary teleporters to the planet's surface!"

One by one the ships docked underneath the large metal ring as big tubes opened up from portals above, connecting to the ships, snatching onto them like snakes. After the ships had been held, those within the ships shot up into the metallic ring…and their bodies were converted into energy. A moment later, that energy was shot down in a beam down at Conventia in the form of a dark pink laser beam, fired by satellites from the docking station to the planet's surface.

The announcer continued to speak as one by one the Irken soldiers were deposited to the teleporter pads below, walking off as pinkish/red skies without clouds covered their heads. "Be sure while you're here to visit the gift shop for cheap, useless stuff!" The announcer said cheerfully. "If you're here for the Great Assigning, remember where you parked…"

(Hey, sometimes they forgot!)

"And please proceed to the Main Convention Hall!"

A throbbing, HUGE crowd was slowly marching towards the Main Convention Hall of Conventia. Interestingly, a funny little red robotic animal appeared at the main gateway that led to the main hall, cheerfully exclaiming "Galactic Conquest is near" as he waved his arms. Some of the Irkens seemed very relaxed and confident, enjoying the balloons that were given out near the front door.

At last they'd all assembled. A sea of green with maroon, blue, purple, pink and other colors of eyes gazing up at a round, metallic THING that had red lightning splitting the air from it to the ceiling. It was time…the Great Assigning.

Here's how it works! All Irken soldiers gather at the Convention Hall Planet as their leaders, the Almighty Tallest, assign invaders for the next great operation that's taking place. In this case, Operation Impending Doom II.

What's that? "What about Operation Impending Doom I?"

…er…it's a morbid story…

And yes, I said "Tallest". That's right. Their leaders need only one requirement: to be taller than everyone. Don't get me wrong, people on Earth tend to vote for the taller guy, but with this sort of requirement, it meant ANYBODY, literally ANYBODY could be in charge. From that geeky sort of fellow you knew back in high school to the idiotic college frat boys who would eat dog feces for ten bucks.

Now do you understand how f—ked up Irken society really is? Gooood.

"And now…" The announcer spoke up once again. "Wiggle your antennae in salute because here they are! Your all-knowing…all-powerful leaders…the Almightyyyy Tallest!"

One by one locks on the metallic thing opened up…a nervous and dirty-looking Irken named Skoodge gulped. He had had a bad feeling about this day…

He sort of wished his best friend was here…but it was for the best…right? The Tallest were never wrong…

And there they were. They appeared to their people as the top ring of the metallic thing rose up into the air. Orbs of metla shot out, shooting red beams of light around like it was a disco, and the Irken soldiers cheered as the Tallest descended from the top ring…

They really WERE tall. They had robotic bodies that were square-shaped in form and had two long claws instead of gloved hands like their people. One was red in color, with eyes to match, the other was purple. Their names? Red and Purple!

"Thank you! Thank you!" Purple said happily, waving to them all.

Red grinned smugly and poked Purple in the side with his arm. "See? TOLD YOU they'd like the lasers!" He whispered, grinning.

"Everything is always LASERS with you!" Purple muttered as a large holo-vid display screen as set up behind the floating ring that was carrying them down. "I'm telling you, SMOKE MACHINES are what the people really-"

Then he took a laser to the eye and fell on his back, groaning. This only served to make the Irken soldiers cheer LOUDER.

Red calmly smiled and addressed the crowd. "Welcome, mighty Irken soldiers! You are the finest examples of military training the Irken Army has to offer!" He pointed with one claw. "Good for you." He said quietly.

Blinks all around. Somebody went "uh". A few eyebrows went up.

"Standing behind us however…" Red said, gesturing behind him as Purple stood back up. "Are the soldiers we've chosen for roles in one of the most crucial parts of Operation Impending Doom II!"

Now a large display of the galaxy appeared on the holo-vid screen behind the Tallest and the soldiers that were behind them. The crowd roared in glee, hands waving in the air.

"You in the audience can just sit and watch." Red remarked.

"You shoulda tried HARDER." Purple added.

"These superior soldiers…" Red spoke up, gesturing around.

"Though not a superior as US!" Purple interjected.

"DUH! These less superior than us but still QUITE superior soldiers will each be assigned to an enemy planet!" Red crowed, grinning evilly.

Purple turned to face the soldiers and addressed them, a grin of his own appearing on his face. "There…you will blend in with the hideous native inhabitants!"

"All while gathering crucial information, assessing the planet's weaknesses and making it vulnerable to our big…" Red faltered for a second, trying to find the right word. "Spaceship…gang!"

"The Armada?" Purple asked, looking rather annoyed with Red's lack of information about the fleet that rained fiery doom down on people. "Now…let the assigning begin!" Purple announced.

"…woo!" One Invader from the back said, punching the sky. The Tallest smiled, appreciating this little outburst.

"Step forward Invader Larb." Purple asked, pointing at one Irken with a rather tall, square-like head.

Larb trembled slightly in nervousness, then stepped onto the pod. A ramp then extended from the disk that the Tallest stood on to the pod and Larb ran up the ramp.

"Ah, you seem to have GROWN since the last time we saw you, soldier!" Red told him, smiling in an almost kind fashion.

"You've been assigned to the Planet Blorch." Purple said, gesturing towards the screen. "Home of the Slaughtering Rat People!" He told the invader cheerfully. It showed a very frightened Larb being surrounded by large, fang-toothed rats that were about to eat him alive.

"Why would you draw THAT?!" Larb sobbed, pointing at the screen as tears filled his eyes. But then…salvation.

"HOWEVER…" Red spoke up. "Due to your increased height, we have instead decided to give you Planet Vort…home to the universe's most comfortable couch!"

Now a picture of Larb reclining happily on a couch appeared.

"YESSSSS!" Larb said, doing an air-punch. Purple handed him a metallic assignment sheet and Larb ran off to go to his ship, happily grinning.

"Next!" Purple announced. "Invader Spleen!"

Another Invader appeared, with a VERY big and tall head. He had a band aid on his head. As they looked him over, they went "ooh" at the sight of his tall head.

What they DIDN'T know was that somebody was coming past the ships that were in the docking bay. His high-pitched, angry voice demanded that the ships move…not that anybody was IN them to hear him.

He quickly squeezed his ship in between two larger ships…

Back down at the Main Convention Hall, they were at the last invader.

"And last…Invader Skoodge!" Purple announced.

The fat, squat little Invader with a dirty outfit appeared before them, looking up at them with a mixture of expectancy and fear.

"Oh that's just sad." Red remarked, shaking his head.

"Could you GET any shorter?" Purple asked in an exasperated tone.

Poor Skoodge the Short looked like he was going to cry. His lip quivered.

"And I'm afraid you will be assigned to Blorch, home of the slaughtering rat people." Red told him. Then he waved Skoodge off. "Thank you, go away now."

"Move it, move it, get outta my way, move it!" One Irken snarled as he shoved soldier after soldier out of the way, running towards the main ring as Skoodge, tears still in eyes, stood to the side.

"Thus concludes the Great Assigning!" Red announced. "Now go help yourselves to the nachos and we'll see you at the equipping station!"

"Yeah! Gorge yourselves, ya moochers!" Purple spoke up.

"NO!" A voice shouted. "No, no, no! Wait!"

Red stiffened. "That…that horrid voice…"

"No…" Purple said, body quivering. "It CAN'T be…"

And then he appeared! A figure just as short as Skoodge who was skinny and rather…well…pathetic-looking. Maroon eyes, a standard outfit…besides his size he looked normal…


"ZIM!" They all gasped.

"Sorry I'm late, my Tallest. I couldn't find my invitation!" He said, saluting with his gloved hand as Skoodge backed off. "You're lucky I made it at all!"

Tallest Red groaned and leaned down to looked at Zim. "You weren't INVITED at all." He growled.

"Weren't you banished to Foodcourtia, the food court planet? Shouldn't you be…frying something?" Tallest Purple remarked.

"Oh, I quit when I found out about this." Zim remarked, smirking.

"…you quit…being…banished?" Purple asked. Something inside his brain went "ping" and was fried by the immense ridiculousness of the whole thing.

Red frowned angrily. "The assigning is OVER, Zim." He told Zim.

"But you can't have an Invasion without ME!" Zim insisted. "I was in Operation Impending Doom I!" He said, holding a digit up. "Don't you remember?!" He asked.

Red covered his head, groaning. Purple sighed and held his claws to his chin in thought. "Oh yes…we remember all right…"


Dozens of ships were being blown to smithereens. People were scattering like flies around him. All of Irk was in fear as a madly-cackling Zim sat in the cockpit…along with some operators…of the Frontline Battle Mech #4.

"Sir, we should stop!" The first operator spoke up.

"NO!" Zim snapped.

"But sir, we're still on our own planet!" Another operator begged.

Zim turned angrily on him. "Twist those knobs, twist those knobs! You!" He shouted, pointing with a digit. "Pull some levers! PULL SOME LEVERS!" He chanted.

Meanwhile, the Tallest watch the whole ordeal unfold from a building's window. The carnage continued as people's screams echoed alongside of Zim's laughter.

"…I'm gonna remember this." Red said.

"Yeah, me too." Purple agreed.


Everyone glared angrily at the little Irken that had destroyed most of Irk.

"…I put the fires out!" He finally said, trying to defend himself as he put his hands behind his back.

Red, gritting his teeth, leaned down to glare at Zim. "You…made…them…worse!"

"Worse…or BETTER?" Zim asked, raising an eyebrow and grinning confidently.

"Guh…" Tallest Purple hung his head. "Besides…no Invader has ever been so…very small. You're VERY SMALL Zim. You're a tiny thing!"

Zim looked downcast. "But…Invader's blood runs through my veins!" He insisted, clenching his fist, pleading with his eyes at the Tallest. "Like giant radioactive rubber pants!"

The Tallest blinked.

"The pants command me!" Zim proclaimed, pointing at the sky. Then he exposed his arms. "Do not ignore my veins!" He begged.

"…er…" Purple turned to Red, eyes asking for a hand.

Tallest Red did the only thing he could think of. "As…a show of…er, gratitude for your years of service…eh…" He dived into his suit and pulled out a sandwich. "Here's a sandwich."

"But…" Zim began, holding onto the sandwich.

"Thanks for coming, everybody!" Purple said, waving at the crowd.

"No!" Zim pleaded.

"Goodnight!" Purple went on.

"No, no, WAIT!" Zim begged.

"WHAT?!" Purple moaned. "You GOT your sandwich!" He muttered.

"My Tallest…" Zim pleaded, squeezing the sandwich tightly. "An opportunity to prove I can truly be an Invader is all I ask! GIMME!"

Red suddenly got a glint in his eye. "Hold on. I've got a plan." He said to Purple. Then he turned to Zim. "We see now that you're truly deserving,." He told the young Irken.

"Yes. Yes I am." Zim said, beaming proudly.

"You will be sent to a planet so mysterious, that nobody has ever heard of it." Red told him, folding his arms in front of him.

Purple caught on. "RIGHT!" He said, pointing upward. "And those who HAVE heard of it dare not speak it's name!"

"What's it's name?" Zim immediately asked.

"Ooh, I dare not speak it!" Purple shuddered.

"Where is it?" Zim asked, raising an eyebrow.

Red hovered around the holo-vid, trying to find a planet. "Um…er…" Then he found a post-it note that had the outline of a planet with a question mark on it with the word "Planet" written underneath it. "Right there!" He announced.

"Ooh, ooh, ooooh!" Zim said gleefully, eyes going wide. "A secret mission!"

"Happy now?" Red asked him.

Zim's eyes narrowed. "Yessss…" He hissed.

"Invaders!" Red spoke up. "Report to the equipment hall! And remember…lasers!"


Another laser hit Purple in the eye. He screamed and fell back down to the ground, groaning. Red chuckled and rubbed his "hands".

"The universe will be ours for the taking! It's only a matter of time before all the races of the universe serve…the IRKEN EMPIRE!" Red crowed.

"I'll have them serve me curly fries!" Purple laughed happily as the people cheered…

…meanwhile, on Earth. a boy with a scythe-like protusion of black hair on his head who wore glasses, a black jacket, black pants and shoes looked up from his computer, the transmission coming through the headphones he was wearing and filling him with horror. His name was Dib Membrane, son of Prof. Membrane, a world-famous genius in the field of science. Dib was almost obsessed with the paranormal…but now his "obsession" had lead to real results…to a startling revelation…

"They're COMING…" He whispered…

He quickly ran towards the end of the roof he was on and leapt down, grabbing onto a pipe and swirling around it as he raced towards the ground. Inside, a purple-haired, Gothically-dressed girl frowned as she opened up the fridge. Her skull necklace hung down like her frown. Her hair color was much like her mother's, who…well…let's just what was left of her was kept in Professor Membrane's labs.

"Dib drank the last soda." The gothic girl named Gazoline Membrane realized. She clenched her fist, growling. "He…will…PAY…"

Dib, meanwhile, had slid down the pipe and into the kitchen window…but he had forgotten that the sink was full of soapy water. He plunged into it…

Then popped right back out, eyes wide. "They're COMING!" He shouted, getting Gaz's attention.

His father, a tall man who had hair similar to his son's who was wearing goggles, black gloves, and large boots with his lab coat appeared not to hear this.

"Dad, I heard them!" Dib spoke up. "They're actually coming! I heard them, I HEARD them! I was up on the roof and I heard this transmission coming through!"

His father raised a finger to his son's face. "SHH!" He said. "Not now, son! I'm making…"

Lightning sparkled from his hands and then…

"TOAST!" He held it up.

"…" Dib ignored the invention of "Super Toast" and ran to his sister, who was sipping from a juice box. "Gaz, they're coming!" He told her. "They're really coming!"

"WHO'S coming, Dib?" Gaz asked, raising an eyebrow and looking less-than-convinced.

"I…don't…know…" Dib whispered, looking out the window and at the sky. He only knew he had to stop it…he had a calling, a gift for seeking out the truth…his whole family was special, different from the others…

… "This is your Standard-issue Information Retrieval unit." Purple announced, pointing to a robot with a cylindrical head, round eyes and short, stubby legs with little hands. It's eyes, "shoulder pads" and round chest spot were all red. "Also known as "SIR"." Purple told the Invaders. "It will assist you in gathering valuable information during your mission."

"It's also a thermos!" Red added, holding a claw up.

"Who wants this one?" Purple asked, holding the SIR unit up in the air.

"Ooh, ooh, me!" One called out.

Purple threw it and it bounced off the Invader's head. "OW!...thank you." The invader said.

Red nodded. "Everyone else, line up and take a robot!"

One by one the invaders lined up. From out of the wall, a long mechanical tentacle that serves as a conveyor belt emerged, and from this, several compact SIR units slid down to the floor below. Invader Larb was lucky enough to get the next one.

"SIR! Go warm up my ship's engines." He ordered.

The little robot saluted. "Yes master, I obey!"

He walked off, with Larb following after. And who else should be there, but…

"YES!" Zim laughed, rubbing his hands. "At last, a robot slave of my very own!" He said as he stepped forward and held out his arms.

Red grinned evilly. "Um, eh, we have a top-secret model for you, Zim." He said. "Close your eyes and you will get a big surprise!"

Naturally, Zim closed his eyes. Red waved his hand over a hole near him and a trashcan popped up from the floor. Red rummaged through the junk and SIR parts, whilst Purple tossed out a screw, 2 pennies, a paper clip, and a rubber ball from his pocket band around his body. As Red attached some eyes to a head, Purple dumped the contents of his pocket n as a brain for the new robot.

Needless to say, when Zim opened his eyes and looked the hunk of junk over, he was less than pleased. "It looks kind of... not good." He said, pointing at it.

Purple nodded. "Yes! Well, that's what the enemy will think! Get it?" He asked, as Red nodded in agreement.

Zim smiled, "getting it". "I see! Very good! It even fooled me! I am honored to be trusted with such advanced technology!"

The Tallest tried to suppress their giggles and weren't doing a good job…and then the robot activated!

"GIR , reporting for duty!" It said, saluting as it spoke with it's strange little mouth.

Zim raised an eyebrow, confused. "GIR? What does the "G" stand for?"

And then the SIR unit's eyes turned a light teal color to match the patches on its body. "I don't know!" He said in a sing-song voice. He stood there, head tilted to the side, tongue sticking out of his mouth slightly in stupidity. Then he began to bang his head, going "whooo-whooo-whooo" as he did so.

Zim looked VERY skeptical. "Um, is it supposed to be stupid?" He asked the Tallest.

"It's not stupid, it's ADVANCED." Purple defended.

The two Tallest chuckled to thesmelves as GIR hopped up and down on his head…yes, he was definitely a robot that was not like the others…

… one by one the Irken ships left Coventia…and Zim had already gotten inside of his own ship.

"Okay, ! Our mission starts now! Let us reign some doom down upon the filthy heads of our doomed enemies!" Zim proclaimed as GIR sat next to him.

"I'm gonna sing the doom song now!" GIR proclaimed. His head rocked back and forth in the air as his eyes glowed briefly. "Doom doom doom doo doom doom! Doom-doom-doom…"


I bow before her, holding up what she had asked for.

Another mission successful!

"Here it is milady…my Tallest Miyuki."

If cannot see her face, not even if I looked up at it, but I know she's smiling. She lets out a happy sigh and picks up what I offer.

"And it's got a little lemon slice! You REMEMBERED!" She speaks, overjoyed.

She DOES love lemon slices in her seltzers.

My name is Darth. Invader Darth. I am a loyal servant to Tallest Miyuki and…well, I suppose just another servant to Second Tallest Spork.

I don't LIKE Spork. He doesn't like me either. Mostly because he knows I know that he wants to kill Miyuki and take her power from her.

But that's because he's a power-hungry fool with obsessive delusions of grandeur. Such a short-minded idiot. Miyuki is a very kind person. She's also beautiful and wise. Perhaps one of the greatest Tallest we've ever had.

What's that? Oh, you want to know why I talk about her like that. Simple…Miyuki and I have an understanding. She saw my potential and it was because of her that physical defectives like me are given special training instead of being…retired…

A mental defect is something unforgivable. A physical defect can be worked around. Take me…

I am blind, true, but I know my way around a ship…around Irk, around Foodcourtia and around the vending machines better than ANYBODY else on the planet because of practice, a keenly developed senses and…a reason for being…

Spork wanted us physical defectives trashed. Miyuki put my life on the line, saying that I could prove myself to be an Invader…and she was right to place trust in me. I became an Invader, Spork ate his own words and I now am happy as Miyuki's personal delivery boy.

I wish I could see her though…and that's where IT comes in. The Bio-Interfacial-Neurological-Enhancement-Device, or BINED. It's designed for one purpose: to allow me to see as my ship. I interface with the CPU and I see…

It allows me to see an area within 50 feet of it…and Miyuki has no idea of this little trick. I installed the feature into the computer myself. Now it's as if I CAN see.

"Don't you WANT to see?" Well, yes…in fact…

I COULD have been able to gain the gift by using an implant taking from an alien species known as the "Modians". I have a Modian child in my ship.

But I've never touched him. He remains within a tube, cared for, sleeping peacefully most of the time. He'll be invaluable one day, I know it. I spared him from dying whilst his family burned. I knew he would be of use…

Yes, I could take his eyes for myself and see…but I won't. No need.


Because occasionally it happens…Miyuki does what she does now…she kneels down and looks into my eyes and I hear a soft whisper, saying I may touch her. She knows I cannot see, knows of my dirty little secret and approves…she is proud of me, I imagine…

And she lets me hold her cheek without gloves upon my claws…I feel around her face…careful not to touch her beautiful eyes…and I picture her within my mind as I smile, the warmth from her smile beaming at me like rays of sunlight…

I finish and bow, then she speaks again, taller than me once more, asking me to complete another mission.

A simple one. Recon at Planet Dirt. There have been some problems with the vending machines over there and she'd like me to fix them.

I say yes. I imagine she nods at me, then she dismisses me and says to "Come back as soon as you can" in that gentle voice of hers.

…I was just fixing the last of them when there's shouting and cries from the lounge area at the training center on Dirt. I head towards this symphony of sorrow and open the door. "What's going on?" I ask.


The tone in his voice means something terrible. Something awful. Probably death…

And he said SHE…

"Miyuki?" I whisper.

"She was…eaten…EATEN!" One screams. I can hear tugging that indicates he's pulling on his antennae. Another one is rolling on the ground, the alterating pitch of his voice giving away a steady mix of horror and sorrow.

"That creation of HIS killed her! The defective!" That one from before snarls. I hear a THWUMP and know he's punched the couch. "ZIM!"

…did he say…


"ZIM." They all hiss together.



Skoodge's friend. My old pal Skoodge has told me stories about Zim…enough to fill a book! He's absolutely IDIOTIC…he destroys everything he touches…

He destroyed Miyuki.

"He's…going…to…DIE!" I howl.

I'm at the ship in a matter of minutes. I take off at full speed. It'll take at least a month for me to get there, but as long as there are no problems with the ship, I'll-

…sigh. Why do I keep not seeing those asteroids?

I'm still repairing my ship when the broadcast channel comes on, revealing that Zim has been sent away to a far-off corner of the galaxy. In fact, they're tracking him at "Station IRK" for funsies. I hear the location played…

I start the ship up.

I close my eyes and I can still see in my mind's eye Tallest Miyuki, and as I reach up, I can almost feel her cheeks again…

Zim will die. He's easy enough to find…

He's an Irken who is not like the others…

...I have a specific goal…

I have an important mission…

I cannot fail with the power I have…

Their destiny will be cruel unless I do something.

And I shall! They will not meet their doom as long as I draw breath…as long as I have this power!

My destiny is not like the others…