Disclaimer: I don't own Edge, the other character is me and well…I'm relatively sure I own myself…
Edge sighed as he pushed open the door to his 'humble abode' as he called it. It had been ages since he had last entered his house and he really did prefer his comfy king-size bed over a cheap double bed in a hotel.
Edge threw down his bags in a daze and sunk into his couch, the comfortable pillows removing the physical pain of the last year. He thought of the multiple blows he had received, the most recent one- a choke slam off a ladder which he had so graciously received from the Undertaker- causing an uncomfortable ache in his back.
Edge raked a hand through his blonde locks as he lay down on the couch. God, he was tired. He had been working on Smackdown 24/7 since his comeback in 2007. Sure, it was fun talking crap and pissing off the crowd every Friday, but it was tiring as hell and after a year of total, nonstop work, Edge was burnt out.
He requested some time of from Vince who- after a long, bitter fight- agreed to give Edge a few months off. Edge scowled as he thought of his encounter with the chairman, who had faked his own death to get some time off. Not to mention the fact that John Cena- Vince's trophy wife as Edge called him- had asked for, and received, a good two months off to appear at some Nickelodeon shows in Australia. He wasn't even burnt out! He just wanted to appear on a crappy award show for kids.
The blonde shook his head and turned over. After a few minutes of tossing and turning, Edge groaned and sat up. It seemed like he wasn't going to get any sleep.
He yawned as he looked around his living room, he needed something to help his mind get to sleep. He pounced up as he spotted the item he was searching for sticking out from underneath the couch.
He pulled out the small laptop and rested it on his lap as he sat on the couch. He opened his email box.
"Oh my God." Edge whispered. Waiting in his inbox was 142 unread messages. He scrolled through them, the majority consisting of spam, chain mail or lame alerts. The blonde clicked the delete button and removed 100 messages. He scrolled through the rest, deleting the messages as he read them.
He chuckled at the letters from fans who had somehow gotten hold of his email address, some had sent in death threats which Edge found hilarious.
YoU suck! J0hn C3na is s0o0o00o much better than u and he don't cheat cos he's the best! U can't b3at HiM c0z ure a l0ozer and u suck!'
Edge scrolled through the rest of the messages, deleting the death threats and hate mail. Finally, he had only 1 email in his inbox, he opened the message, expecting another virus from an avid John Cena fan.
Inside was a link to a fanfiction website. Edge stared at the screen in puzzlement as he clicked the link; he had heard of fanfiction but had never really paid attention to it. He knew for a fact that about 50% of the stories in the wrestling section were about John Cena and another 40% were about John Cena falling in love with the writer of the story.
He watched the screen before typing 'Edge' into the search bar. Immediately, dozens of story's flashed into the screen. He read the summaries of each story, raising an eyebrow at each.
"Edge and Matt Hardy put aside their differences and decide they are in love."
Laughing hysterically, Edge reclicked the search bar and typed 'Edge Lita'. He was interested in the reaction of him and Lita to the writers. He waited for the page to load and smiled as he thought about the sweet love stories these people would write about them.
As he looked through the page, his smile vanished to be replaced with a look of confusion. It seemed like there was 20 anti-Edge/Lita fics for every one.
"Edge rapes Lita, can HHH save her?"
Edge grinned at this one, he knew Lita couldn't stand an iota of Hunter Hearst Hemsley and the idea of Edge raping Lita was hilarious.
"Edge bashes Lita, John Cena is the hero."
"Edge steals Lita's soul, can Randy Orton save her?"
"Edge handcuffs Lita to a moving bus, Jeff Hardy is there to help her."
"Edge is a LOSER, Lita realizes that she's better off with Trish."
"Edge ties Lita onto the railroad tracks, can Batista kill that asshole?"
Edge stared at the screen, disbelieving his eyes. These people thought he was Hitler! It seemed like Lita was paired with everyone but him. He looked at the names. 'Lita+John Cena, Lita+Randy Orton, Lita+HHH, Lita+Shawn Micheals, Lita+Rey Mysterio, Lita+Trish. Lita+The Undertaker' Hell, even complete strangers were having a chance with Lita and he wasn't.
It seemed as if Edge was the 'baddie' in every story. Frowning, he closed the laptop and exhaled as he lay down on the couch again. 90% of the stories were anti-Edge, 9% of the stories were about him and a complete stranger and the remaining 1% was the relatively good stories. It seemed as if there wasn't any awesome stories about him on …
Edge snapped up. "There wasn't any awesome stories on fanfiction…" It would take an awesome writer to write an awesome story about him, and who was more awesome than the Rated R Superstar?
With a flash of excitement in his eyes, Edge flipped open his laptop and began typing furiously. He was planning to write the most awesome story to hit that website!
"Not now Hendrix!"
I pushed past my annoyingly excited Labrador and entered my room, God it felt good to finish those goddamn exams! Taking a sip out of a well-deserved Pepsi, I sat at my desk and opened my laptop, it was about a week since I had flipped it open and a thin sheet of dust was forming.
I opened my email inbox, deleting the annoying chain mail but as I examined the last email I raised my eyebrows. I clicked the link, hoping it wasn't another virus.
My eyes scanned through the message, this was weird, too weird.
I just joined recently and I couldn't help but notice the lack of EdgeLita pairings. I just wanted to take this time to thank all you Edgeheads on fanfiction for writing stories about m-Edge that didn't involve chaining his girlfriend to a electricity tower only to end up being bashed by Dave Batista. I can't tell you how sick I get of those, I'm not Hi-I mean, Edge isn't Hitler in real life!
Anyways, check out my new 'fic' as you guys call them!
I raised an eyebrow. Ok, some stranger sent me a story digressing about Edge, that was…completely normal…I clicked on the link, for some reason, interested by what this guy had to write.
Edge: The Untold Story.
Once upon a time there was a little kid who grew up to be the most awesome wrestler in this planet. His name is Adam Copeland, this is his story:
Ok, the first paragraph was strange. It sounded like the prelude for Law and Order, I sat on my swivel chair actually awaiting the theme song.
Edge sat in his hotel room, typing on his computer before his long-time girlfriend, Lita, showed up at HIS doorstep. Not John Cena's, not Randy Ortons, not even Trish Stratus'.
"Hey baby did I tell you how much I love you and not John Cena"
"Of course Lita." Edge said, his perfectly shaped jaw shaping into a smile.
"I'm so lucky to be with someone as perfect as you, Edge. I'd much rather be with you than with that roided up, overrated son of a bitch that is Batista." Lita said.
"Yes you are Lita, especially lucky that you're not with a bitchy loser like Triple H"
I paused. The entire story seemed to be a huge opinion, I scrolled through the rest of the conversation between Lita and Edge, the entire conversation seemed to be Lita saying how lucky she was to be with Edge and Edge agreeing as he flashed his 'stunning good-looks'. The writer had used the word 'perfect' about 42 times!
Finally, Edge retreated back into his mansion, The WWE championship belt and the Heavyweight Championship belt around his waist. He was the star of the WWE when Vince had a sudden case of AIDS along with John Cena.
Wait. What was this guy implying?
So anyways, Edge lived a happy life with his girlfriend who he DOESN'T abuse, no matter what other fanfiction writers think…
"Yep. An awesome story by an awesome writer!" Edge said as he re-read his story.
"Wow, that was…strange…"I said staring at the page in puzzlement.
A/N- This entire story is me making fun of Edge, Mary Sue's, John Cena fan girls and my dog, Hendrix, who I do love ;)
Anyways, I wrote this as a tribute for the greatest freakin' champion ever! The Rated R Superstar, The Master Manipulator, The Ultimate Opportunist, Mr. Money in the Bank, KING EDGE THE AWESOME! (Yes, I still remember this nickname), Edge! A.K.A Adam Copeland.
Happy B-day Edge!
May you reek of awesomeness for years to come!