Title: The Orlando Curse, or I'm Afraid of Virginia Woolf.
Author: Whisper2AScream
Disclaimer: Xander, along with mentioned chars. (Buffy, Willow, Giles, Anya, etc.) belong to the twisted evil one known as Joss, as well as Mutant Enemy, Kuzui Productions, and Twentieth Century Fox Studios, not me. Grrr…arggh indeed. No infringement is intended, and not making a single cent. Not even a pence, so please ix-nay on the sueage. Orlando concept was the late, talented Virginia Woolf's idea, not mine. (Copyright's up, but hey, give credit where's it due, neh?)
Spoilers: General 5th Season spoilery stuff. Post-The Replacement. Nothing major.
Summary: Apparently, somebody or something thought Xander had it easy, and switched genders on him.
Category: SH (Slayage-Humor)
Rating: PG-13, I guess, for language mostly. Maybe mild adult themes.
Distribution: Oh yeah. *Kool-Aid Man crashes through wall* …Uh anyway, just let me know if you do, please? Thanks!
Feedback: Abso-fraggin-lutely! (E-mail me at: whisper2ascream13@yahoo.com)

"Ok, I'm calling it a night. So tired that my eyes are yawning," I commented as I got up from researching. I rubbed my eyeballs a bit, still seeing afterimages of demons and other ghoulies.

Giles barely glanced up from his book, "Very well, Xander. Night."

Anya then got up, "I'm tired too. So tired, I'm ready to collapse like a corpse. Only living, of course." She smiled brightly. Her idea of humor. Yep, there's Anya for you, always a gift for words.

"Uh, yeah, c'mon Ahn." I wrapped my arm around her as we left the magic shop. Willow and Tara had already taken off, and Buffy had even headed home. Jeez, how late was it? I glanced at my watch.

"Oh God, it's late. I got work in the morning! Foreman's gonna kill me." I hurried Anya over to the car, and then rushed over to the driver side. I got in, and heard the doors slam in succession.

"But I thought you didn't have to go in till noon. We were going to have breakfast together." I glanced over at her, and she was doing that cute pout I like so much. For an ex-demon, she was pretty hot. In fact, I found myself leaning over, and kissing her, right on the cute pout.

I then drew back, and started the car, "I didn't, but Fred called out sick, so I'm covering his shift instead." I pulled out into the road, driving up Main.
She frowned, "That's horrible. They should fire him."

"Anya, he can't help getting sick. That's one of those human things we have. We get sick."

"I know. I hated having that cold. And I hate having my period. Especially when the blood comes out looking…"

"Whoa! Way more information than I need," I grimaced as I drove. Oh yeah, definitely too much information. I knew about women, especially when Will was telling me some of the basic stuff when we both went through puberty. However, there are some things NO man should ever know.

Anya then said, "I have never understood that. What is it about a normal menstrual cycle that upsets men so much?"

"Maybe it's the fact, we're guys, and don't know, or even want to know. We just accept it as one of those girly things." I pulled up to her apartment building, and turned to her.

She glanced back at me, "I suppose. Does that mean men secretly fear women? Because of what they don't know? I'll admit some women came up with some very interesting ideas for revenge. Like this one women in the 13th Century wished for oozing pustules on her husband's…" Not wishing to hear the rest of the story, I silenced her by covering her mouth with my right hand.

"Once again, too much information." I then took my hand away, only to see her mouth zooming towards mine, and I soon forget our conversation.


Later, I drove home. At odd times, I'll get tempted to turn, and head to my old place, where my parents live. But then I remembered, that I don't live in that disgusting basement anymore, and dealing with my parents who either yelled at me, or each other. And I couldn't help smiling as I head to the apartment complex. My own apartment that I bought with money I had earned. Ok, I might be a townie to the college people, but I'm doing pretty decent. I was still smiling a bit as I sank into my bed, and fell asleep.