"Billy, if you don't put that thing down right now, I'm going to eat it."

Billy didn't even take his eyes away from the miniscule creature in the palm of his hand. "As if you could."

Teddy grinned evilly and suddenly his mouth opened wide to reveal hundreds of teeth, all too big for a human mouth. Billy merely stuck out his tongue and turned back to the little ball of scales in his hand. "Don't listen to the big meanie, Teddy junior-"

"-we're not calling him that."

"He's just a big, mean meanie, isn't he? Yes, he is." He stroked the dragon's tiny throat and Teddy could have sworn it purred.

"Look, Billy, you can't keep the dragon."

"Why not?"

"Because! It's weird and creepy and…and…"

"And he's cuter than you could ever hope to be?"

"…and I'm allergic to them! Wait, what?"

No one could look disdainful quite as well as Billy Kaplan. "You're allergic to dragons?"

"Yes! It's a rare disorder that only…one in…in…200 million suffer- Look, Billy, just get rid of it."

Billy stuck out his lower lip. "But he reminds me of you!"

"Say that again and I'll eat you."

"He's cute and green and scaly-"

"I'm not scaly; since when am I scaly?"

"-and if you let me keep him, I'll turn Tommy into a rabbit for an entire week."

"…we're still not calling him Teddy Junior."