He Isn't Balding!

A One-Shot by Ellipsis the Great

Summary: Why does Seifer wear that ridiculous beanie…? Seiner.

DISCLAIMER: Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

Rated: T just in case.

Theme: 63. Dirt

"I've known a secret for a week or two; nobody knows just we two. Listen do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell? Closer let me whisper in your ear…" –The Beatles, 'Do You Want to Know a Secret?'

"I bet he's prematurely bald."

As one, Roxas, Olette, and Hayner looked at Pence, who had been the one to make the odd statement. Pence himself was looking at Seifer Almasy as the big bully pushed through the sweaty bodies on the dance floor, glanced by Rai and Fuu.

"The fuck are you talking about?" Hayner asked, arching an eyebrow at his pudgy friend.

"Haven't you ever wondered why he's always wearing that stupid hat?" Pence asked. "I think he's prematurely balding."

"Maybe he has cancer, and the beanie's some sort of wig." Olette suggested. "Professor Thompson has one like that."

"He's been wearing it since high school, 'Lette." Pence said, studiously ignoring the fact that they had only just graduated from high school nine months earlier. Had only been college students for just over half a year. "We would have heard by now if he had cancer, and he'd probably just beat the shit out of anyone who said anything anyhow. I'm telling you: he's prematurely bald."

"Maybe he has really long hair." Roxas said. "Like a weird religious thing or something, y'know? But he doesn't want people to know."

"What do you think, Hayner?" Olette asked, turning to the man in question.

Hayner rolled his eyes as he swallowed the swig of beer he had just taken. "You're all wrong." He said, mentally thanking God for Pence's prowess with fake I.D.s. "He wears the beanie because he's a lazy fuck who doesn't like fixing his hair in the mornings, and it's an easy way to get out of it and avoid getting ribbed for having a bird's nest for hair. Seifer's too simple for any of that complicated shit you guys are spewing."

"…No way." Roxas snickered.

"Yeah." Pence said. "Why's he get so anal about it if that's all it is? He gets all bitchy when someone tries to get him to take it off. He even wore it to graduation and orientation!"

"Vanity." Hayner said with an easy shrug. "Plus he thinks it makes him look badass. You know how he is."

"I don't believe it" Roxas shook his head.

"It's true, Rox, trust me." Hayner said as he looked over at Seifer, who was accepting a drink from a waitress and nodding approvingly at his lackeys as they slunk off to the dance floor.

"Prove it." Pence said, knowing that his proud friend could never back down from a challenge.

"Fine, I will." Hayner grinned as he stood up, almost like he'd been waiting for just such a challenge. "Watch close or you'll miss it."

"Like we'd miss this." Roxas rubbed his hands together, eager to bear witness to the impending fight. Knowing Seifer and Hayner like he did, it was bound to become epic legend within the hour.

Hayner laughed and made his way over to Seifer's table, a confident swagger in his step as he carefully avoided drink-laden waitresses and drunken dancers. The three onlookers watched with baited breath as he finally reached the booth, leaning down to say something to Seifer.

They held their breath, waiting for a punch to be thrown, but could only gape as the abrasive former leader of the Disciplinary Committee threw his head back and laughed at whatever Hayner had said. He tried to scoot further into the booth so Hayner could sit down, but Hayner stopped him with a hand on his arm. With a cheeky smile, Hayner sat on Seifer's lap, causing the other man to laugh again. But the laughter cut off quite suddenly as Hayner kissed him, head at an odd and rather uncomfortable angle, though neither seemed to mind.

Seifer broke the kiss a few moments later, trailing the kiss down Hayner's jaw to his neck. Distracted by the kissing, he and the three onlookers didn't notice Hayner's hand inching up toward the beanie until too late.

Seifer immediately began glaring as he felt his signature hat being pulled away from his head, although that didn't stop his ministrations, which had proceeded all the way back to the nape of Hayner's neck. Hayner, eyes closed and head tilted to one side, smirked and tossed the beanie onto the table.

Had the astonished trio been able to hear their conversation, they would probably have lost their jaws to the floor rather than just having their eyes try to pop out of their skulls.

"You know, chickenwuss, when I said we could come out to your friends I wasn't giving you permission to steal my hat." Seifer mumbled into Hayner's neck.

"And you know that I can't walk away from a dare." Hayner retorted, letting out a fluttery sigh as Seifer hit just the right spot on his neck. "It seemed like a good idea."

Seifer snorted.

Opening his eyes so he that could wink at his still flabbergasted friends, Hayner reached up again and ran his fingers through his boyfriend's insanely messy but otherwise perfectly normal sandy blond hair.

They never questioned Hayner's assertions about Seifer again.

The End