Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
A/N: Because I'm feeling angsty. Because I love Sam and Dean. Because Michael Scofield gave that enlightening speech about tensile strength (see Prison Break, season 1). Because it's Halloween!
Tensile Strength I
Growing up in a family of hunters, Sam learned how it is to be strong. Ever since he and Dean have been children, they were trained by their father to fight both humans and dangerous supernatural creatures. The two brothers even competed against each other – which one would submit in their wrestling matches, who would be able to hit the bull's eye with both knife and gun. Sam remembered how he would work hard to beat his smaller but tougher brother.
Weakness was never in Sam's vocabulary. Nothing could ever tear him down.
Or so he thought.
The first crack appeared in his seemingly indestructible fortress when he was in high school. He had the time of his life. He had friends, he was popular, athletic, charming, handsome, and he was an excellent student. He was every girl's prince, every guy's best friend, every coach's dream, every teacher's pride and every parent's perfect child. He had the perfect life.
But most of all, what Sam loved about high school was being normal. There, he didn't have to think about silver bullets and werewolves. Everything was normal. And Sam found out that normalcy was what he wanted. What he craved. He realized that he was tired of his father's control and constant training, tired of learning everything about vampires, restless spirits, doppelgangers and just about any creature one could think of, tired of being different.
When he was in his senior year, he decided that he was going to college, and there was nothing that his father could say to dissuade him. They had a fight. John insisted that it was their mission to hunt all supernatural entities that sought mankind's destruction. Not to mention that a demon killed Sam and Dean's mother. Sam was having none of it. He did not want anything to do with demons and God knows what other creatures were there. Their mother would want her sons to be successful and normal people, not lunatics who run around trying to wipe out beings who might not very well be real.
Sam had looked imploringly at his elder brother who just frowned and looked away. Of course. His brother was totally like their father. Sam had packed his bags and stormed out.
A few years later, Sam was surprised to see Dean standing outside his door. Sam knew his escape to college was futile the moment Dean told him that their father went on a journey to who-knows-where and that he needs help running the "family business." Sam resisted the urge to throw his brother out and curse him to the lowest level of hell and heard him out. Sam didn't know what made him agree to go with his brother, but it was certainly going to be a one-time thing only. Or so Sam thought.
Then came Jennifer's death. She was killed by the monster that Sam and Dean were hunting. Sam felt a part of his fortress crumble down. The very thing that he tried to escape from came back with a vengeance. Two very important people to him were dead. He decided to hunt them down and exact his own revenge.
He was back to being different.
It didn't help that Dean and he fight over virtually everything. Dean was the only person remaining whom he could trust and depend on, and he felt like strangling said person at almost every moment.
It didn't help that the two of them fought for their lives every time they hunted down an evil entity. It didn't help that he almost lost his life an innumerable number of times had Dean not saved him.
It didn't help that he was becoming more dependent on Dean. It didn't help that Dean was gradually becoming Sam's cornerstone.
It didn't help that they found out that he was a psychic, and what troubled Sam most was that he might, he could kill Dean when some vengeful spirit decided to possess him. When he held Dean's face close, he told him not to hesitate killing him if he became a threat to their cause and most especially, to him. What hurts was seeing the hurt and fear in his brother's eyes and the knowledge that the same emotions was clearly reflected in his. But what hurt most was the possibility that he could put Dean's life in danger. He knew he would die for Dean. But he'd rather live to see him smile, to fight by his side, to endure whatever might come their way.
Furthermore, what certainly didn't help was that Sam realized that all the pain and hurt he felt was due to the fact that he loved his brother. More than in a brotherly way.
And it definitely didn't help that losing Dean in any way would mean that everything Sam is would also be lost. Sam could not… would not lose Dean.
Sam fought the urge to punch Dean when he found out that his elder brother struck a deal with the devil to exchange his life to let Sam live. He was angry that his brother welcomed death just to undo his own death. But most of all, he was afraid to lose the one person whom he truly and deeply loved. Staring at Dean's eyes, he knew that if his brother would die, he would too.
Sitting at another bed, at another random motel, at another unknown place and looking at the various scars that adorn Dean's back, Sam knew that this time, he would be the one to fight tooth and nail to save his brother's life.
He stood and walked over to his brother. He knelt down, lifted Dean's chin and gazed into the other Winchester's green orbs.
"Dean…" Sam whispered, leaning in until he was inches away from his brother's face.
"Sammy, don't…" Dean protested weakly, closing his eyes as his younger brother closed in and brushed their lips together.
Sam pressed their lips tighter when Dean didn't make another protest. He grabbed the back of Dean's head as his elder brother responded to the kiss. Sam slipped his tongue out to gently lick Dean's lower lip, asking permission to his brother's mouth. Dean obliged, waging a war for dominance with his younger brother's tongue but easily succumbing to Sam's onslaught. They drew back when oxygen became a greater need, interrupting Sam's passionate exploration of his elder brother's mouth.
"I won't lose you, Dean. I won't. I can't," Sam whispered, pressing his forehead to Dean's.
"You better not, Sammy-boy," Dean replied, managing a grin as he looked up at the other's brown eyes.
Sam smiled back as he kissed Dean again.
He may already be battered by everything he went through, but as long as Dean stays with him, Sam knew that somehow, he could fight off the devil himself.
A/N: My first Supernatural fic. Please excuse any confusion that I caused on the timeline and other stuff. I am getting very angsty these days. –sigh- There will still be a part 2, and that will be from Dean's POV.
Again, criticisms are most welcome. Sam and Dean plushies to my reviewers! Thanks, guys! Again, Happy Halloween!
P.S. Blame Michael Scofield's speech on tensile strength! He confused both Sucre and me!