More Than Ever

BPOV

Song: We Are Brocken by Paramore

The italics are flashbacks and the normal writing is present.... my first one shot :P!


I am outside

And I've been waiting for the sun

And with my wide eyes

I've seen worlds that don't belong


My life.

Yeah, my life... it's a bitch. A very evil, horrible, dickheaded bitch.

22 years. That's how long I have known him. 22 years, how long I have loved him, longed for him. 22 years, I didn't tell him. Now 22 years later, I am standing behind her in my bridesmaid's dress, a huge fake smile plastered on my face while I continued to weep inside.

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A mother sat in Forks hospital holding a new born child in her arms. The child was yet to open her eyes but her already mahogany coloured hair was lightly spread on the top of her tiny head. The father was sitting in the nearest chair, his hand tied tightly with his wife's.

"Renee," a women came in followed by a young 4-year old boy, his brown curly hair bouncing on the top of his head, a younger 2-year old boy, his bronze hair sticking up at all angles as he gazed curiously at the bundle in the mother's arms, and in her arms was a young girl, her short black hair already with a mind of its own, "She's beautiful." The women, trailed by her children, sat on the edge of the hospital bed.

"I know," the mother whispered, a tear escaped her eye as she looked down at the girl she already loved with all her heart.

"What her name?" The small bronze haired boy asked her beside his mother, finally looking at the child's face.

"Her names Isabella, Edward," the mother looked up from the bundle into the boys piercing green eyes.

"Bella," the boy nodded from beside the bed, he reached his small hand up and stroked the baby's hand with his finger. The small hand unclenched then quickly latched onto the boy's finger holding it tightly in her grasp.

The mothers laughed quietly while the young boy continued to look at the eye lids that had started the flutter, "I think she likes you Edward," the mother sighed and looked back down at the child in her arms also noticing what the young boy had.

The whole room turned silent as they watched the young child's eyes flutter open. The brown orbs were transfixed on the young boys face as he looked straight back with his own emerald orbs glistening.

"Bella," he whispered as he climbed onto the bed to get a better look at the child, "Bella," he said once again as they continued to stare into each other's eyes.

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I looked up, wiping away the tear that escaped the corner of my eye. I felt a pair of small arms wind themselves around my waist. I closed my eyes tighter, forbidding any of my welling tears to escape. I turned around in the arms, scrunching up my face, knowing that if I let another drop leave that I would never be able to stop my life's unshed tears from falling. I rested my head on top off my best friend's head, one of the only two who knew my secret.

"Bella," her voice broke as she sobbed onto my dress, she cried what I only wished I could, "I'm so sorry." Her tears had yet to stop as I tightened my eyes pushing back my own.

"Ladies," I heard my other friend call from behind us, I turned around and saw her already beautiful polished with make-up and her perfect body wrapped in a winter wonderland. I smile at her forcing my tears back, "What's the matter, Alice?" she held out her hand and placed it on my best friends shoulder.

"You know, I'm gunna miss Edward," she quickly lied wiping her eyes.

"Alice, we'll visit, we haven't even found a decent house in Alaska yet so we won't be leaving for a while. When we get back from Milan you will see us all the time," she laughed probably picturing her perfect honeymoon. I gulped back more tears as Alice shot me an apologetic look.

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"EDWARD!" the small brown eyed girl screamed at the young 7-year old who was laughing at his best friend's situation, "EMMETT'S GOING TO KILL ME!"

The young girl was running out of breath as the 9-year old ran after her. She tripped over her feet, as she did usually, but before she could hit the ground a pair of arms wrapped around her waist keeping her from another conversation with Mr. Ground. She blushed as he placed her on the ground.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice frantic. Checking over her to see if she had broken another bone.

"I'M FINE!" she screamed slapping his arm. He looked at her with confused eyes, "IF YOU HAD JUST HELPED ME NONE OF THS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!" she turned around waiting for the apology that came soon after, "I'm sorry, I'll go kick Emmett's butt now," he shot her a grin that made her 5-year old heart flutter before running away after his brothers retreating figure.

"Bella..." she heard the familiar voice of her friend from behind her. She turned around and saw Alice smiling up at her, "I see good things from your futures!" She looked at her friend like she was insane.

"Alice, how many times do we have to tell you that you don't see the future?" The brown haired girl asked her friend sceptically.

"We? We as in you and Edward?" her friend asked and the young girl nodded at her confused, "Exactly, you and Edward."

"I don't actually have a clue what you're talking about," the girl said while her friend skipped away from her, "Just remember that I told you first!" the girl heard her friend call back before dancing through the patio doors.

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Alice left when Rosalie started killing Emmett for reasons unknown.

I sat on the floor in the corner of the small room we had to stay in before the ceremony started. I was finally alone from people however I wasn't from my thoughts plaguing me. I turned my head when I saw one of my friends trying to sit down comfortably in her huge white dress. The smile on her face made me want to puke but that was wrong she was a good friend even if secretly I hated her guts.

"What the matter?" she asked as she finally got comfortable beside my frozen form.

"Nothing," I mumbled into the hands that were covering my face.

"I get it, you don't want to tell me anything bad so you don't ruin my big day, I get it. But I don't care so tell me," She laughed. What was I supposed to say, Oh okay, I hate you and I always have. I am in love with the man that is going to be standing at the altar smiling at you and I am going to hate you for the rest of my life the second you steal him fully away from me.

I took a deep breath so my words didn't come out broken, like I was, "I'm just going to miss him." I closed my eyes tighter trying to stop realisation coming to me.

"I know, and he'll miss you too," she smiled before pulling me into a hug I didn't return.

"Tanya, come on its starting," I heard Irina say while helping Tanya up and running off to the start of the aisle of a church I already hate.

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The nine-year old girl sat in the tree house she shared with her best friend. Her legs were pulled towards her chest, her face buried deep inside trying to fight away reality. She rocked herself back and forth feeling more alone than ever.

Her ears peeked up at the sounds coming from the entrance. A pair of arms pulled her onto a familiar lap as she cried onto his shirt.

"She's- going- to- leave," she cried into his chest as he held her closer, rocking them both back and forth into the night.

During this period the young girl realised he had fallen asleep and looked up into his peaceful face. It was now that she had come to realise that her best friend was more than a friend to her, so much more. She continued to cry onto his chest wondering why whoever was looking over her could do something so mean.

As to send her an angel that could never be hers.

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I stood up wiping the back of my skirt.

"Bella!" I heard another familiar voice call from behind me. I turn and saw Jacob dressed all in white, his suit, tie, socks, shoes, gloves, cuff links and he had even added white steaks into his dark hair. I'm sure my mouth fell open, what the hell was he doing in all white at a wedding!?

"You like?" he asked twirling around, "I thought since you are totally in love with the groom and all that I was going to position against the marriage and dress in all white so he can get married to you!" he smiled and engulfed me into a hug.

'I don't understand how dressing in all white will stop a wedding?" I asked my friend confused.

"Neither do I. But Alice said that the one thing you're not supposed to do at a wedding is dress in all white or dress in all black so I called Rose and she said she would dress in all black, saying that she was mourning the marriage because you know she hates Tanya and I would come in all white like Alice said and Alice also said that she would come in white and black to petition secretly so Esme didn't kill her," he smiled and I just laughed at him.

"Good Luck," I said before making my way towards Tanya. Who obviously hadn't seen Jake... yet. I laughed to myself before remembering why the wedding march had started in the back of my head and Kate was setting off down the aisle.

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The 13-year old girl kept on stealing glances at her best friend as they lay on his roof looking up toward the sky.

"Look," he said pointing towards the sky, "it's a car," the girl squinted her eyes trying to find the car in the sky.

"Edward, there is no car in the sky," she laughed allowing herself one look at him. His bronze hair was still as mess on the top of his head, his face had lost all its baby fat leaving him with a perfect jaw line, his pale skin glistened in the night light and his piercing emerald eyes shone as he looked towards the sky. She sighed before looking up to the sky.

"Look, it's a shoe," she traced the shape of the stars, stealing another looked at her best friends whose lips smiled towards the sky, "I can see it." He turned his head and shot her favourite crooked smile at her causing her heart to splutter. The blush rose to her cheeks and she looked away hoping he didn't see her red cheeks.

Suddenly, a bright light shot across the shy. A shooting star.

"Look a shooting star," her best friend exclaimed from beside her.

"Really?" she asked sarcastically from beside him before making her wish.

I wish one day Edward will realise he loves me before it's too late.

She opened her eyes and saw him in the same position she was in a few seconds before. When he finally opened his eyes she turned to him curiously, "What did you wish?"

She thought she saw a small blush creep up his neck before he answered, "Did you ever hear the expression, curiosity killed the cat?"

"Yep but I'm not a cat so tell me," she said facing him once again, his emerald orbs pierced her own brown ones and sent a shock of electricity down her spine.

She was used to this feeling.

She liked it.

"I would rather not," he said his face the reddest she have ever seen it.

"Fine, I'll just pretend to be a dead cat," she huffed while he laughed at her.

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I set off.

My face towards the ground.

I knew I wouldn't be able to look at him.

The man I loved.

The man I can't live without.

Can't live without.

I gulped back the truth as I arrived at my destination.

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"Bella, guess what?" the new girl shrieked as soon as the 17-year old arrived at her locker.

"I don't know, what?" she asked trying to stop her newest friend from breaking her ear drums with all the high pitched screeching.

"Edward, THE Edward Cullen just asked ME, Tanya Delani to the movies as in a DATE!" she started bouncing up and down screeching more but the brunette just froze all her books dropping from her arms as her heart ripped in half.

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I turned around as soon as Tanya stood next to Edward. My eyes travelled along the first rows where they were met with Esme's. She was staring at me her cries broke out as she looked at my broken face, Esme didn't miss anything and I'm sure she didn't miss the huge fact that I have been hopelessly in love with her son ever since I knew him. I peeled my eyes away from hers and saw all the Cullen's in the same position, Alice was crying as she looked sit me repeating sorry over and over again, Carlisle sat there just looking at me. His eyes looked pained, he thought of me as a daughter, he looked torn but I didn't know what between. Rosalie was sitting next to Alice, dressed in all black, just like Jacob said, she was glaring holes into the back of Tanya's head before turning to me quickly then turning back.

I moved my eyes to the other side of where I was standing, making sure my eyes didn't accidently move over the people standing at the front of the room. Emmett was sat there looking between his family and me obviously trying to find out why they were all looking at me like they were. And finally my eyes moved mover to Jasper who was looking at me with his head tilted slightly to one side. I looked back into his gaze the forbidden tears welling in my eye and his eyes grew before they melted into an apologetic glance.

My eyes glazed over with unshed tears until I finally had to let one fall. I moved my gaze to the ground as Tanya said, 'I do'.

Another fell as the priest asked the question that caused the whole room to go silent and a third tear dropped soundlessly down my cheeks.

"I..." he started but stopped, the room let out an audible gasp, "I.. erm.. I," he cleared his throat. Only Edward would be so nervous he couldn't say the two words that would bind him and Tanya together. I lifted my head up as another tear fell down my cheeks, my plain, brown eyes were met with a pair of sparkling emerald ones.

"I... oh god," another tear stained my cheek, he turned to face me one last time before he faced the priest again, "I... do." Another set of tears rolled down my cheeks as I turned away from Tanya and Edwards kiss. I closed my eyes tight until the tears stopped falling. They started making their way down the aisle and I was met by Jasper as who looked down at me and I closed my eyes tighter as her led me back down the aisle behind my love.

He pulled me outside and by the steps outside the church, I was pulled towards Jasper's chest so people wouldn't see me crying.

I cried for my life.

My love.

My Edward.

My life.

I repeated in my head as I stole the motorbike keys from Jaspers pocket.

My Life.

I pulled away from his chest and saw Edward leaving the doors with a gleaming Tanya on his arm.

My Life.

I knew I had to be quick so I bolted. The fastest I had ever had. I ran. Ran away from the church towards Jaspers bike.

"EDWARD! She's got my keys. ALICE! I can tell she's going to do something stupid. I mean really stupid!" I heard footsteps from behind me but I jumped on the bike and shoved the keys in the ignition.

My Life.

"BELLA, I KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING TO DO! STOP!" I heard Alice voice scream from behind me as I took off. The feeling of the air against my face usually helped me escape but now I just felt even more trapped.

My Edward.

My Life.

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The brunette sat at her computer finishing her first novel. A novel about her life. Yet, the ending in this was different. Everything was happily ever after. But she knew life never ended that way. Never happily ever after.

She sat back clicking her, now over used, fingers.

Ding dong. She heard the doorbell ring and she saved her work before she ran downstairs to answer er door.

She threw the door open and saw her best friend grinning towards her.

"I did it!" he exclaimed pulling the 22-year old into a hug that she didn't quite understand, "I proposed and she said YES!"

She froze in his arms holding back her tears as her already broken heart completely shattered, broken into a million little pieces that could never be mended.

Never be fixed.

Never be whole.

She plastered on a fake smile trying to pushing him out the house before she broke down in front of him.

"That's really amazing, Edward but I have to go do something now give my congrats to Tanya," she tried closing the door but his foot stopped it.

"Bella, let me in I have more to tell you," he said the concern in his voice evident. The tears were already rolling down her cheeks.

She cracked.

22 years she was in love with this man.

Now he comes to her telling her he's engaged and expects her to be happy for him.

Her life was ruined and he didn't care.

He was too in love with Tanya to ever care about her.

She cracked.

"GET AWAY FROM MY FUCKING DOOR YOU FUCKING BASTARD BEFORE I FUCKING GET A FUCKING RESTRAINING ORDER PUT ON YOU AND YOUR FUCKING ASS. I HATE YOU, YOU ASSHOLE, FUCK OFF!" she slammed the door in his shocked face before leaning against it, the tears rolling down her face.

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I knew the destination off by heart. I had been here so many times. Thinking about doing what I was about to do.

I knew they were following. I could hear them.

I turned the last corner jumped off the bike and ran over the the edge. I looked down and saw my fate. The crashing waves below accompanied by the sharp rocks were my fate now.

"BELLA!" I heard their voices call from behind me. I turned and saw them all standing their looking at me with frightened eyes but I couldn't stop. Not now.

My life was gone.

Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice and finally Edward, standing in front of the others closing the gap between us. The tears were rolling fast down my cheeks as I held my hand out telling him to stop.

"Bella, don't do this, things will get better," I heard Alice say from behind Edward's frozen figure.

"No, they won't Alice. I'm sorry. Esme, Carlisle I love you both so much, you are basically my parents and I will miss you so much," Esme let the tears roll down her face as she threw herself into Carlisle who stood frozen, " Emmett you are my brother and I love you, I will miss you with your stupid jokes and hugs, Rosalie, thanks so much for mourning the wedding even if it wasn't for me but just now I love you, Jazz if it wasn't for you I don't think I would have lasted so long here. Every time, I came close to doing something like this you were always there to help me and for that I love you. Alice," I sighed looking up from the ground where my eyes were plastered, the tears freely flowing from my eyes, "there are no words that can express my gratitude towards you are my love or how much I will miss you, you were right, you always were apart from one thing, we don't have good futures do we? I love you," I watched as Alice mouthed, 'I love you too' through her tears. I turned and finally looked at my love.

"Edward," I sighed and decided to make it short or else I would never say it, "I love you." I took a deep breath before turning back towards the cliff edge, I looked over once more, I lifted my foot and was about to step off when I heard it, "I love you too, Bella" the familiar voice flew through the air and I turned. He loved me?

Before I knew what I was doing I was walking away from the edge and he held his arms out for me cautiously when I saw the glint on his wedding finger.

Tanya.

I stopped. He was lying. He loves Tanya. He just didn't want to do anything.

The tears started again, "YOU LIE! YOU LOVE TANYA! YOU WILL NEVER LOVE ME!" I screamed befor I started back towards the edge, "I promise you Bella, I love you. I love you more than anyone. More than Tanya. More than life itself. Bella, I beg off you don't jump." His voice sounded so sincere, and I knew he meant it. He loved me.

But that still didn't erase Tanya. His wife.

I didn't turn back, "I love you, Edward."

I stepped off the edge and heard the screams and cries that followed.

I felt free for the first time in my life, I felt truly free.

I closed my eyes so I didn't see my final fate but his peircing, emerald eyes.

My wish on the shooting star came true, he realised he loved me but it was too late...


'Cause we are broken

What must we do to restore

Our innocence

And oh, the promise we adored?

Give us life again

'Cause we just wanna be whole

Thank you so much for reading. Please reveiw and tell me how I did... flames or compliments either is nice I just want to see if it was ok or rubbish!

edward..