Someone was shaking me. So I wasn't actually in a blender...someone in reality was actually skaking me. I opend my eyes and mumbled. "What?" It was Emmett. "I'm supposed to wake you up. I don't know why." he just shrugged and walked out of Edward's bedroom carrying a phone with him.

"Emmett you were supposed to give the phone to her." I heard Rosalie scream at him and he ran back into Edward's room with an sheepish grin on his face. "Sorry. Here ya go." He handed me the black small telephone and I sat up and put it to my ear. Emmett sat down on the bed and got comfy. It was a little uncomfortable. "Emmett...do you mind?", "Nope." I rolled my eyes. I forgot you have to be literal with Emmett. "Get, scram, leave, shoe, please." I smiled and he smiled and left quietly. He shut the door behind him. I heard him 'fake' walk away and then...."Emmett Cullen! Get away from Anna's door this instant!" Esme, is a lifesaver.

"Hello?" I spoke into the phone and someone coughed on the other line. "Anna?" Jake. I could tell he was sick. And I'm not there with him. "Jake are you okay?" I asked him and he coughed once more. "I'm fine." his voice was raspy and crackling. "I was worried about you. You didn't come home last night. I thought they did something to you..." in other words he thought they ate me. I Heard Edward chuckle from Jasper's room.

"I'm sorry I didn't come home. I was really tired. I'm really sorry. I'm on my way.", "I love you Anna." the words made my heart flutter and made it even harder to breathe. A smile crept onto my face. "I love you Jacob." he hung up and I walked to Edward's full length mirror. I fixed my hair into it's normal blue/black disarray and I opened Edward's door to walk downstairs.

I waltzed down the stairs and found Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme sitting at the dining room table. Rarely used I suppose. "Good morning Anna." Edward said smiling. "Morning." I replied and wondered for a second why their pale skin and beautiful eyes and bone structure, or scent at the very least, had no effect on me. They were normal people to me...and that's what scared me. Maybe I have some mental problem. Wouldn't be very surprising.

Edward was in front of me then. it's then that I noticed what he was wearing. A tight grey sweater and loose jeans. Well this isn't Alice inspired. "Your right, it was Rose today." He answered to my thoughts and I smiled. "Are you ready to go then? Or do you want some breakfast?", "I'm fine, but thanks." he just shrugged and Emmett got up from his chair. "Don't make a fool of yourself Emmett." Esme warned him and he looked at her like she was insane.

He stepped inbetween Edward and eye and looked me in the eye. Trying to scare me I suppose. But it didn't work. He showed his gleaming and pointed sharp teeth and I looked at him like he was crzy. My heart didn't go into crazy mode and I only sighed. "I'm not afraid of you Em. Get over it." I said and he sighed and walked away. "It was worth a try." before he could walk out of my rang Edward grabbed him by the arm.

He held out his hand again and I looked astounded. "Your kidding?" Edward just shook his head and pulled out his blue wallet. A one hundred dollar bill this time. Edward took it with pride. "Thanks Anna." Edward said to me and I replied with a smug. "Anytime."

I said my goodbyes to the rest of the family that was sitting at the dining room table and Edward and I walked out the front door. His volvo was shining in the hot sun. And he was shinging too. But again, this had no effect on me. He opened my door for me and then he got into his.

The music that played when we entered the car was not 'Edward' at all. It was Fastforward to 2012 byb Adtr. My favorite band but not their best song. He switched it to Casablanca Sucked Anyways and I rolled my eyes. I need to remember 'He's a mindreader!'.

Once we were on the main road he turned the music down to a low hum and I could tlel he was going to say something. "I'm sorry Bella was so rude last night." he said and he actually sounded sorry. "It's not your fault. She's her. Your you. You can't control her idiotic actions. But honestly. You should forgive her like I did Jacob. Maybe it will change her attitude." I murmured the last part to myself and he held a famous Edward smile.

"You forgave him?" he asked me and I nodded. How could I not? He is my love for life. I can't not forgive. It kills me. "I understand. It's hard not to forgive Bella. Even though she did all of those terrible things...I can't help but to love her reguardless. I don't know if thats a bad thing or not." he just shrugged and we turned a sharp corner. The speedometer was edging towards ninety-three. Again I didn't mind.

"It could be a bad thing. If you let it. LIke if she asked you to commit murder or something...would you do it? For her?" he seemed in thought for a moment and I wasn't surprised. I have thought about it before also. If Jacob asked me to kill somebody. He asked me with passion, love and adoration. What would I say? What would my answer be?

"It depends." thats a reasonable answer. The best probably. "If that someone had hurt her in any way physically or emotionally even and to what extent? Those kinds of things matter. But I don't believe I would kill an innocent that she just decided on a whim she wanted dead." he shook his head. And I guess thats the best answer that anyone could come up with. Of course I'd just ask Jake to do it himself. He is the werewolf. I'm just the human. Not normal...but a human if nothing.

"Anna, have you ever thought about going back to school? They don't have your records in Forks. Don't you want to finish your education?" I have thought about it. Finishing high school, college possibly. But it seems impossible to me now. "It's not impossible. Just make up a new name. And Alice and Jasper can get someone they know to make you some I.D and a birth certificate." thats sounds great and all but Jacob would'nt want me going to school with you guys.

"Thats his problem Anna. You are your own person. Jacob doesn't control your life. He may be your love, but not your life." I nodded. "I'll figure it out. But what name would I have? I want a good one." I smiled at the thought of having a new name. It gave me a sort of excitement. "How about Elena?" thats what Jacob called me after we visited my father.

Then I had a vision. A flashback I'm sure of it. It was of Edward and I kissing. He was calling me Elena, and I was accepting it. We almost made love. But I stopped him.

I looked at Edward in shock and he winced. "This is soooo weird." I said and sighed. "Well now you have to forgive her." I said and he smiled. "I'm sorry you had to see that. And I wonder why you keep having these flashbacks." he seeemed deep in thought as we reached the boundary line. He let me out and apoligized that he couldn't take me straight to Jake's house. "It's a sunny day. That rarely happens so a walk will do me good." he told me to be careful and he gave me hug. My heart gave no reaction and neither did I.

I got out of his volvo and began walking down the stretch of blacktop. He just stayed in that same spot until I was out of sight. I just thought of random things the entire way to Jacob's house. Like flowers and why trees were so tall here. And how clouds didn't just fall from the sky along with the sun. Troublemsome things didn't cross my mind. Not once. The walk to the house was calming. Birds were chirping and you could practically feel the suns happy rays coming down on the little town of Forks. I didn't choose to be happy I just was.

I could see the little red house that three teenagers lived in and I ran to it. Once I got inside my eyes had to adjust to the dim light in the house. It took a few seconds but my eyes finally adjusted to the light and I saw Jacob laying on the couch with a blanket over top of himself. Damien came out of his bedroom and he smiled.

"I am so glad your here! This dude has been puking for hours. It's kind of annoying." I rolled my eyes and sat on the floor beside him. I rubbed his head softly. He wimpered and a wave of guilt washed over me. I put my head on his arm and I felt him trying to sit up. I pushed him back down. "Your crazed. Lay down." I ordered. He winced and layed back down.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. I didn't know..." he just smiled and stroked my face. "This is so not your fault Anna. I was just worried." I went to kiss him but he stopped me. Thats a definate first. "I'm sick. I've been puking like a maniac. You don't want to kiss me." but I know he still wanted to be kissed. He just didn't want to force me into anything.

I reached up a little more until our lips met. His taste was...okay I will admit kind of repulsing but I put it aside as our kissing became more intense. He held my mouth to his and I layed down on top of him. When we were done with our little face fest, I just layed on his chest and basked in his warmth. He rubbed my head and I sighed. "I missed you." I confessed and he kissed the top of my head. "I'm glad." he chuckled.

"I'm going to go out. I'll see you later." I knew Damien was telling me and not Jake. "Where ya going?" I asked still laying on Jake. "Well....to see someone." I just chuckled. "Alright bye Damien.", "Bye Anna." and the door shut softly. I felt Jacob resume rubbing my head and I looked up at him. "Are you okay?" I asked him and he smiled. "Feeling better now that your here." I rolled my eyes. "Thats such a cheesey line." he chuckled and I smiled.

I love making him happy. It's kind of pathetic the kind of immense pleasure that I get from making him smile, or laugh. "I'm surprised." I said and I knew he would be curious. "About what?", "That ou haven't tried to take me yet." I said and blushed. "That was coming next actually." his tone and voice again made me feel like what I know I am.

I got off of him and he looked confused. "What'd I do?" he asked me. "Nothing Jake...I'm just thirsty." and that was part of it. I was thrirsty. But the other part, the larger reason was because I felt like a toy to him. Like he only wanted me because I was there. And for physical reasons. I didn't like thinking that. I didn't like knowing that whenever I showed affection around him it instantly led to the bedroom. Or to the bedroom at all. It annoyed me.

I took a clear glass from the wooden cupboard and filled it halfway with water. I drank it slowly and leaned agaisnt the sink. I played with the water int he cup idly. Wondering and thinking. I looked out the little square window above the silver sink and saw that it was still sunny out. Still birds chirping and rays of happiness coming down on the Forks. But now that I was in the house those rays didn't reach me. Even through the open window.

"Anna? Honey whats wrong?" I could hear him edging closer to me. I didn't face him when I spoke. I just looked out the window. "You should get some rest Jacob. Your sick." I wispered and dumped the rest of the water in the sink. Some may think I'm acting irrationally but they aren't in my shoes. They don't know what's been going through my head.

I didn't face him at all as I walked down the hall to the bedroom. But not ours but Damien's. Jacob was following me. "Please...don't." I wispered and he stopped. I went into Damien's room and searched in his drawer for what I knew was there. Then I found it. Pot. Ever since I smoked it in the car with that guy I've been on edge trying to find more. I got it ready and in no time I was smoking almost all of it was gone before I was gone with it.

The lights turned on I could tell. I opened my eyes and I had a searing headache. "Anna?" Damien. Then he saw the pot. "That was the last of it too!" he whined and I tried to apologize but I couldn't find my voice. My head was spinning. Damien was then in front of me. I grabbed his face and brought it to mine. "You love me right?" I asked. "Of course Anna. Whats wrong?", "Everything's wrong. I'm a whore! Thats whats wrong. And Jake...he just uses me. He doesn't love me! And you...your the only one who really loves me Damien. And I love you. And I want to love you. But I love Jake! But he doesn't love me! I'm just his toy. His fricken toy Damien!"

I stood up and fell back on the bed. "Careful there Anna." he said and chuckled. "What is Jacob doing?" I asked more like wispered. I am so confused. "He's talking to Bella.","Are you sure they aren't in his bedroom?" he smiled sheepishly. "Actually they are in his room." I got up and fell to the floor. It hurt. I looked at my arm. It was rugburnt. "Anna, what are you doing?" I ignored him and got up again. This time I balanced myself before I began to walk.

I got to the bedroom door to Jake's room and I heard laughing. "It's all the same you know? We could have been together. Should have." Bella said and there was a short pause. "I don't know. I imprinted Bells. You know that.", "Who cares? We did it once when you were with Anna. Whats the big deal now?" Bella's voice was like the devil himself speaking. "She broke down Bells. Completely broke down." he was picking on me. My heart pounded as I ran, while falling, and went ot the fridge. The bottle of liquor was still in the fridge. I pulled it out and drank. Chugging while it burnt my throat and made my tougne heavy.

I drank until my throat was numb and then threw the bottle into the garbage. Drugs and alochol were the only things that made this twisted life make sense. Made my terrible life, meaning full. Made me remember that hell is on Earth. And I just happen to be living it.

And I'm done. I'm done with this life. I'm done with life. I picked up a pen that was on the counter and a peice of paper that was magneted to the fridge. I scribbled.

'A heart can only break so many times before it cannot be mended. Mine had broken to the point where there is none of it left. And you can thank yourself for that. I loved you. So much. I wanted to have a family with you. So we could live in the blue house with the white shutters with our sixty kids. That was our plan remember?To grow old and spoil our grandchildren until they loved us more than their parents. That was our plan. But then came the bumps in the road. And I can't take it anymore. I lost my child and it seems like I lost you with it. I feel like I am a toy to you. And that you don't love me. I just want to be loved Jake. Thats all. So little though you make it seem like so much. Life is meaningless now. There's no reason to keep on living. It's just a cycle. And don't worry you can pick on me again since this is the greatest 'break down' yet. I don't mind. Just don't say my name again. And if you do make sure it's something along the lines of 'I hate you Anna.' or 'I'm glad your dead' becuase I will finally be happy in my cold grave. And this time I promise I won't awaken. I promise you that. I won't bother you again. I love you Jacob Black. And I'm happy that you get your happy ending with Bella. It's meant to be and I hope my death doesn't interfere with your plans....live a happy life now that I'm not in it. - Annabella Nicole Swan'

I felt happy that it would all soon be over. Happy that the depressing days of waiting for death has finally come to an end.

But first I took the note and I folded it up. I walked to Jacob's room smiling. And I swallowed over my swelled throat. I handed it to him. Then I held my hands in his. Forgetting that Bella was there. "Don't open this until I say so. Promise me." I said and a tear fell. "Whats going on Anna?" He asked me I just smiled and shook my head. "Nothing. Just...promise me.", "I promise." he said and I kissed him on the forehead. "I love you." I wispered and he said it back. His words dripping with it. But I had to remind myself that, that was just part of the cycle. I walked out of the room, not even smiling at Bella.

I took the knife from the butcher block and with both hands I held it to my chest. Pressing it in deeper and deeper each time. I was holding back screams. I sank to my knees and one came out. The knife was almost all the way in and blood dripped on the hardwood floor. Jake ran out of his room but I was loosing consiousness. I then regretted my descion. I want to live! I want to see Jacob's face again. Him smiling. Us marrying some day. The ring inside off his drawer...he does love me. But it just takes me to the furthest extent to figure it out.

He held me in his arms chanting the words..."I love you...Please, please Anna. I can't loose you." his tears fell on my face and I could only cry with him. The pain was too much. It isn't worth it. "It hurts...so much." I sobbed and pulled at the knife, which only made me scream louder. "Shhh...it's okay Anna. You'll get through this. I promise." he cried more. "Jake...s-so much...I can't. The pain." More tears fell from my eyes and they were getting heavy. I heard the sirens in the distance and he kissed my forehead sobbing as he did so.

"Open it." I wispered before I was gone. Death truly isn't peacful. It's the worst kind of pain you could ever experience. The worst. And I regret it. Because I will never see my love again. Never hear his voice or him mine. The pain was agonizing, but death wouldn't take me.

"She's still breathing!" A man screamed and I barely noticed myself being lifted. Air was begin forced down my throat, but I refused to take it. " Take it out! Hurry! She's loosing too much blood!" A woman shouted and the pain in my chest increased. "Ahhh! Please! Nah!" I was crying. Were they trying to torture me? Why won't they just let me die?

I couldn't hear Jacob. Did he leave? Why isn't he here with me? "Jacob!" I screamed and I heard his feet pouding on the ground. "Ja-cob!" I tried to shout but I was puking. The rest assured me of what I was puking. Blood. They kept putdin on my chest and forcing more air down my throat. I refused to let it by. I kept puking and then something hot touched my hand. Jacob. My love. "Don't...leave." I wispered and he squeezed my hand harder. "Never." he wispered and I was being lifted away. Lifted away and I kept going. It wouldn't stop. I kept going, and soon the pain ceased.

JPOV

They kept telling me that she was going to be fine but I knew the truth. They say that to everyone. They don't even care about her. They just do what they do because their paid to. They don't care about my Anna. And she think that I don't care about her. Thats why she did what she did. She thought that I was going to leave her when it was the exact opposite. I was going to purpose to her. My love. But that option is gone now. I live alone. Since there is no possible way to kill myself...I must live with my mistakes. Alive to others....dead to myself.

The doctor's told me that she would be in a coma. And he gave me a medical reason why. But I didn't listent to it. Because I knew...I knew that she tried to commit suicide because of me. I knew that she suffered every moment of her life with me. Every moment life and death, was a strain for her. And I just made it harder.

I hadn't read her note yet. I was too weak. I didn't stay by her hospital bed frightened that when she awoke she would hate me. Hate me for loving her. I couldn't live through that. I went hom that night and locked myself in my...our....bedroom. The room still smelt like her sweet apple scent. And I culd picture her laying beside me. Making silly remarks and blushing every once and a while.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the note. I read it in my mind but her voice was reading it aloud.

'A heart can only break so many times before it cannot be mended. Mine had broken to the point where there is none of it left. And you can thank yourself for that. I loved you. So much. I wanted to have a family with you. So we could live in the blue house with the white shutters with our sixty kids. That was our plan remember?To grow old and spoil our grandchildren until they loved us more than their parents. That was our plan. But then came the bumps in the road. And I can't take it anymore. I lost my child and it seems like I lost you with it. I feel like I am a toy to you. And that you don't love me. I just want to be loved Jake. Thats all. So little though you make it seem like so much. Life is meaningless now. There's no reason to keep on living. It's just a cycle. And don't worry you can pick on me again since this is the greatest 'break down' yet. I don't mind. Just don't say my name again. And if you do make sure it's something along the lines of 'I hate you Anna.' or 'I'm glad your dead' becuase I will finally be happy in my cold grave. And this time I promise I won't awaken. I promise you that. I won't bother you again. I love you Jacob Black. And I'm happy that you get your happy ending with Bella. It's meant to be and I hope my death doesn't interfere with your plans....live a happy life now that I'm not in it. - Annabella Nicole Swan'

I remember the day that we made our 'plans'

'She lay in my arms in the grass outside of Forks. Some place I had found while I was on patrol. "Have..have you ever thought about having kids?" she asked me and her question took my off guard. Children? The snotty children who whined alot? But our children wouldn't be like that. They would be angels. "I-I guess." I was nervous. "How many would you want?" she asked and I kissed her lightly. "Uh- sixty." Ilaughed. "And we're going to spoil them all rotten." she added and I agreed. "Whatever you want. You get Anna." I said and held her tighter'

But now that that plan is ruined what do I have? A dying girlfriend whom I don't derserve and my own guilt to eat away at me. I'm all set. I sat at home for the longest tie just waiting for the phonecall to tell me that she's dead. And I knew it was 'the call' when the phone rang. I asnwered it and said hello without emotion. I didn't have any left.

"Mr. Black?", "Yeah.", "I'm sorry. She's gone. Will you come and fill out some papers? We need to know what the burial plans are. And what to do with the body." My heart sunk and I hung up. The words ran through my head time and time again. "What to do with her body..." like she was just a peice of garbage now. Useless. But she's not she's still my love. And that will never change.

Three Years Later

It feels like my heart hasn't beaten in three years. Not once. And it never will again. I can't get over her and I don't want to. I just keep rehearsing her funeral in my head.

' I sat in the back corner where nobody could see me. I didn't shed a tear but I had to hold my breathe to not. I saw the bloodsuckers near the middle towards the other side of the Seattle church. Anna's mother and father were contacted and they believed all of the crap that the Dr. Dracula made up about her 'waking from the dead.' I watched as she sat there with an open casket. Her blood was drained from her body and her parents were up at the cakset on their knees crying. Holding eachother. Damien and Devan were there too. They cried more than anyone it seemed. When it was my turned to go up everyone stared. They knew I was the reason she died. And they accepted it. I don't know how. But they did. When I reached her cakset I cried silently. I did this to my love. How can I live with myself. I can't. I closed my eyes serenly as tears dropped. I ran my memory of her through my mind a thousand times. Hoping that we would always be...us. I took the velvet box out of my pocket and placed the ring on her finger. The skin was still warm. As though she had just died hours ago. I placed my note to her next to her hand and wiped the tears from my eyes as I walked away from her for the last time. I walked out of the church and tried to live. I didn't succeed very well.'

I know stand at the top of the highest cliff in La Push wishing for this to be the last moments of my life. I thought of Anna. Her being there with me. Us together. I actually saw her for a split second. Her black hair waving through the wind as she called to me from beyond the cliff. And I jumped.

I didn't scream I just closed my eyes as I hit the water and sunk to the bottom. I didn't hold my breathe I did just the opposite.

I heard people come into the water with me but I sucked in as much air as I posisbly could. It burnt. The salt water in my throat. But what do I have to live for?

I opened my eyes and I saw her. I reached to her and she was gone. And so was I. But where I went she wasn't. It was just black. Everything. And she wasn't there. She would never be.

The End.