In His Shoes
By: Natilie Sawada
For stormXgirl89. Thank you for the wonderful request.
Snapshot of New Moon
Takes place right after Alice left for Italy, leaving nothing but a note.
I couldn't breathe.
I absolutely could not breathe.
I stared, my eyes cemented to the last line of words on the page, closing the letter I'd found on our bed in our bedroom at Tanya's, explaining where she was.
I had to do something. I couldn't just let him kill himself. Please don't worry about me, Jazz, and please don't come after me. I'll be home soon. I love you. –Alice
No. No. Not Alice. Not Alice.
My mind seemed to only remember those three words. No. Not. Alice.
"Jasper? Jazz? Jazz, are you okay?" It was Emmett's voice that pulled my eyes away from the words. I looked up at her where he and Rosalie stood in the doorway of mine and Alice's bedroom with what I guessed were eyes wide with shock. "What's wrong?" I tried to speak, but nothing escaped my lips besides a hoarse strangled noise. " Jazz? Don't go catatonic or anything. Tell me what's wrong, bro."
I cleared my throat, although it wasn't necessary.
"It's…Alice," I finally whispered.
"What happened?" Rosalie asked. In the corner of my mind I was surprised. It wasn't like Rosalie to be concerned about anything—even regarding Alice.
"She…she went to Italy to try and stop Edward." My voice was still emotionless, detached. My eyes were focused on the wall behind her, latched onto one of the various paintings that adorned the walls.
"But that's suicide. She'll die!" Rosalie exclaimed.
"Rose!" Emmett nearly shouted. But the damage was already done.
No. No. No…Not Alice. Not Alice. Not Alice.
The words I had been trying so hard to suppress, now spoken aloud by Rosalie, were like a poisonous spore in the air, drifting into my airways, infecting my lungs, rushing through my blood, clouding my mind.
…that's suicide....that's suicide...
The words echoed like a horrible stuck record.
…that's suicide…that's suicide…
"No…" the word escaped my lips and the letter fluttered to the bedroom floor."I'm going after her."
"Jasper, stop it," Rosalie hissed, "you going and getting yourself killed is not going to help Alice, or even Edward for that matter. Just stay here like she told you. You can't help her now."
"But I need to help her! She's going to—"
"Jasper, snap out of it!" Emmett ordered, his voice raised the slightest bit, his strong hands clamping down on my shoulders. "Just accept that this is a time where you're not going to be able to protect her from everything."
"But I can't…I don't….Emmett, I can't—" my mind was reeling, my eyes darting wildly around the room, my muscles tensed as if ready to fight.
"Jazz? Stay with me, bro." I tried to blink, to clear my brain of the fog, and flood of images coming to mind. "You here?" Emmett questioned.
"Yes," I replied, blinking up at him, trying to keep my thoughts only on the present, trying to force my muscles to relax.
"Alice is going to be fine. Do you hear me? Alice is going to be fine."
"But, Emmett," I said, fighting to keep my voice steady, "you've heard the stories as well I as I have. She'll be considered an accomplice if she doesn't stop Edward in time. And how will she convince him?"
"Bella's going with her." Emmett told me. I had no reaction room left in my mind to worry about the fate of Edward's beloved mortal.
"So there's a chance?"
"Of course, Jazz. C'mon." He pulled me up from my seat on the bed by my hand. "Now let's go call Carlisle." I stopped, twisting my wrist out of his grip.
"Em, I…I don't think I can do that. I don't think…I don't think I can say it out loud." The weak tremor in my voice made me flinch internally. Rosalie's frustrated sigh did not make it past the swirl of Alice in my mind to register. Emmett studied my face for a long minute before speaking.
"All right. I'll talk to him. C'mon, Rose," Emmett said, taking Rosalie's hand, leading her towards to door. "I'll be right back, okay, Jazz? Everything's gonna be fine."
And with that last parting comment, he toed Rosalie out of the room. I heard him, already downstairs dialing the phone, heard the dial tone, heard Carlisle answer.
I turned my attention elsewhere. I didn't want to hear it.
I took back every bad thought I'd had about Edward's decision about going to Italy after Alice had told me. I took back every under-my-breath muttering of "how stupid" and "idiot" because now I knew how he felt.
How would I live if Alice didn't come back?
Of course, I would mourn if Edward died. He was my brother. Our family would never be the same—there would always be a hole in the fabric that was Cullens.
But if I lost Alice?
I would not be able to go on. I might not even have the will, as Edward did, to seek a way out. I might very possibly sit in my room for the remainder of eternity, remembering her face.
Edward had always been stronger than me.
I slowly walked back to the bed, listening to the springs creak as I sat back down onto it. I lowered my head into my hands.
I now knew how Edward felt, and I was sure I would never speak ill of any of his actions again. Love had altered all of us in a way that shaped eternity for us—had distorted the way we thought, the way we reacted to things.
Without her, my world would be useless.
Alice was the only thing that made this life, this existence endurable.
Alice was the only thing that made forever bearable for me.
I now knew how Edward felt.
I now understood his actions.
Because if I were in his shoes…I would have done the exact same thing.
This is my second Jasper POV fic. Think it turned out well. Once again, thank you stormXgirl89 for the idea. I've been writing a lot of New Moon stuff.
Sorry, New Moon's my favorite book out of the series. I like to write angst, and there's lots of potential for that when dealing with New Moon.
Well, PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME HOW YOU LIKED IT!!!
And more one-shot Twilight requests are more than welcome.