It's been a while since I've done one of the Ketchum family oneshots. There is honestly no point in this fanfic - it's just random. And yes, it's not as good as some of my other work on this subject.
-.- I blame school and their food. X3
It was a regular sunny day in Viridian City. A peaceful, silent day.
But of course the peaceful, silent day immediately changed as Ash Ketchum and his Pikachu was dropped off at a house in Viridian City.
The fourteen-year old boy moaned when he arrived at the house and looked at his mother, Delia, who was smiling her trademark cookies-'n'-cream smile. He sweatdropped. " Mom, do I have to spend the day with Dad ? " he asked. " I mean, we've spend St. Patrick's Day, Father's Day, and that last week of August together. Are you absolutely positive that I have to deal with the douchebag today ? "
Delia stared at Ash for a few seconds before nodding. " If it was up to me, you'd be spending half the year with him. He's very lucky that he has problems with his temper. "
Ash's sweatdrop grew bigger. " And I couldn't go with Gary, Tracey, and Mr. Oak on their duck-hunting trip because ?....."
-.- " We already know that Stephen is a horrible aimer and would probably end up shooting you while he was drunk. "
T.T " I could've dealt with that, Mom. "
" Ash, just deal with your father for one day ! I'm sure if he's extremely careful you won't get shot by the police. "
" But Mooooom ! I don't wanna visit hiiiiiim ! "
Delia's smile turned into an evil grin. " Well, it's too late for you. "
The family car quickly turned back to the main road, far away from Ash. The boy sighed angrily and turned to Pikachu. " She dropped me off here because she's still pissed off at Dad for what happened the last time I visited him, " he muttered. " If it wasn't for that incident, I'd bet all my money that she would invite him over to our house..."
" DAD, DON'T DO IT ! "
Giovanni rolled his eyes. " And why shouldn't I ? This guy pissed me off ! He called me a spazzy douchebag ! "
Ash slapped his forehead. " But you are a spazzy douchebag ! "
" So ?! This guy's not going to tell me that ! "
" HE'S THE F--KING MAILMAN ! "
" And your point is ? "
o.o " He has a harpoon...."
" Wha- OWWWWWWW ! "
Giovanni fell to the ground and clutched the place where the harpoon landed. " Ow ! My ass ! It huuuuuurts ! "
Delia sweatdropped. " Giovanni, you should know by now to never underestimate a mailman. Especially one that knows the nautical weapons well. "
" Oh, don't act so innocent. We already know that you've injured ten mailmen with your bitchy attitude and that purse of yours ! Ian cried for a week ! "
" I THOUGHT WE AGREED WE WOULD NEVER MENTION THE IAN INCIDENT AGAIN ! "
V.V " I agreed to nothing. "
" GET THE F--K OUT OF MY PROPERTY ! "
o.o " Okay...."
Ash scratched his head. " Uh, Mom ? Are you ever going to forgive him ? "
" Eventually. "
" Eventually, my ass, " Ash murmured to Pikachu. " She's probably going to wait until Thanksgiving to forgive him. "
" Pika-piiii. (Everyone in your family has issuuuues. ) "
-.- " Thanks, buddy. You just had to rub it in. "
Ash sighed and knocked on the door. He waited for a few seconds, but there was no answer. The boy moaned. " Come on, Dad. We already know that your attempts to disappear from your problems is useless. We proved that in the Pong tournament ! "
Still nothing. Ash kicked the door with his foot and grimaced. " Come on, Dad, you weirdo douchebag ! Just because Mom's still mad about the mailman thing doesn't mean you can act like a little kid ! "
" THAT'S IT ! I'M CRAWLING THROUGH THE WINDOW ! "
(Ten minutes later...)
" Crawling through one of Dad's windows wasn't as easy as I imagined. There were pointy things in his lawn. I think they were pieces of barbed wire. "
Ash plopped down in a chair in the living room and grinned. Pikachu sweatdropped. " Pika-chuchu ? (Ash, where's your dad ?) "
The boy shrugged. " I don't know, Pikachu. I think he's doing something evil, but you never know. I once caught him making pies. "
" Pii ? (Pies ?) "
" Yeah. Pies. It was a very disturbing sight. "
" o.o "
" Why do you think we don't have a good father/son bond like Gary and his dad ? "
Pikachu just blinked for a few minutes before his cheeks started to produce sparks of electricity. His eyes went wide. " PIIII-KAAAAA ! "
Ash's eyes bulged. " ZOMBIE ?! WHERE ?! "
The mouse pokemon slowly pointed his tail to something. Something that was a ghostly white and was coughing very badly. Ash let out an ear-splitting scream. " Holy effin' crap ! It's a zombie ! " he shouted.
The boy quickly grabbed a knife from his pocket and pointed it at the something. " Make one step and your head is uncampidated ! " he warned.
" It's (cough) decapitated, Ash. "
" HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW MY NAME ?! "
" ...Ash, it's me. Dad. "
There was silence for a few seconds before Ash sweatdropped. " Dad...I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE ! "
T.T " I am not a (cough-cough) zombie ! "
o.o " You're not a zombie ? "
Giovanni groaned before letting out a mild cough. " No. I'm sick. Some stupid five year old came to my house on Halloween and coughed on me, and now I'm sick. This is why (cough) I've never liked children. "
Suddenly Ash's eyes started to dramatically water. He sniffled. " Does that mean...that you don't like me, Dad ? "
" Dad ! "
" Hold (cough-cough-cough) on. I have to think about this for a few (coooough) seconds. "
Ash's jaw dropped. " I can't believe you ! Why the hell would you need to think about it ?! I'M YOUR SON ! "
-.- " So ? I'm almost three times older than you. I don't need to kiss your ass, you know. "
" ....Can we make fudge ? "
Giovanni sweatdropped and broke into a fit of coughing before looking at Ash with total confusion. " What the hell does making fudge have to do with me liking you ?! " he demanded.
" Well, I like fudge...."
-sigh- " I can't make fudge because I'm sick. But I guess if you want to kill yourself making fudge by yourself, that's pretty damn fine with me. "
" Whaddya mean, Dad ? "
T.T " Sorry. I'm still a bit steamed with not seeing your mother in a couple of months. "
V.V " So has she. She's been throwing darts at the ties that you've left behind at the house. And burning them. "
o.o " Just make your damn fudge, Ash. "
" YAAAAAAY ! "
Ash quickly left Giovanni and went into the kitchen, an overjoyful expression on his face. The older man groaned. " Just be glad that I'm sick, " he muttered to himself.
(Seven minutes later....)
" WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY KITCHEN ?! "
There was brown stuff that was splattered all over the kitchen. Chocolate-smelling brown stuff. Ash grinned at his sick and furious father with no disregard to the giant mess that he had made. " Fudge ! I made fudge ! " he exclaimed.
" You...made fudge ? "
" Yeah, I did. "
" YOU'LL BE ALSO MAKING A TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL WHEN I'M DONE WITH (-giant cough-) YOU ! " Giovanni roared as he pulled Ash down to the ground by the leg.
Ash blinked dumbly for a few seconds. " Uh, Dad ? What did I do ? "
" Do ?! You made fudge all over my flippin' kitchen ! "
" Yaaaaaaay ! "
" No, not yay ! "
The boy blinked again. " Dad, you seriously need to stop being a douchebag. "
Delia sweatdropped as Ash quietly slipped inside the car. She scratched her head. " Ash, what did you do ? "
V.V " I made fudge all over Dad's kitchen and got in trouble. Oh, and Dad was also sick. Not a zombie. "
o.o " You really need to spend more time with your father, honey. "
" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! "