To the tune of "Can't Fight the Moonlight" from Coyote Ugly!

Based on Touj0ursPur's video of the same name.

Written with Rhianne (aka, Spudproductions on YT.)

Video should be up next weekend...




So you've been curious

About what I wear

When I'm in your corner, all alone

Well Bella, my precious,

I just thought I'd share,

What covers my bone.


Underneath my trousers, (trousers)

What lies beneath will make you go wowsers,

Don't steal my virtue tonight.


As the belt comes undone,

I beg you, don't poke fun,

When you find out I wear, boxers…

Yes, boxers, I know,

Deep in my pants, something starts to enhance,

Shut up love, don't despair of my

Tickle Me Elmo underwear…

Because I enjoy

A healthy breeze to my toy.




When Edward bought his pair

Of new underwear,

I thought it was a bit strange.

Rosalie, please don't scream

I'm not a drag queen,

I just needed a change.


Underneath my Levi's (Levi's)

You are in for one hell of a surprise,

Gonna break more than a house tonight


As I slide down my trunks,

Guess what covers my junk,

Lifts and separates all my crap

Look at my jockstrap!

Rose, play along!

This is more than a thong!

Go on squeeze, these firm cheeks

You know, this is turning you on,

I'm so masculine…

Yo, just watch my aim,

It's gonna land on the doorknob…


So tight! How does it fit in?




I'm Carlisle the mighty (mighty)

Sporting my sensible whitey tighties.

They make Esme so damn hot!




Back in the army days, had a pantaloon phase,

But now I cannot stand

To constrict my Little Man

So, now you know,

I go commando,

Nothing beats the sensation

Of phallic liberation,

You should try it...




So now girls, it's your turn, we Cullens wanna learn,

What you're hiding beneath your clothes,

Any black pantyhose?

Hey? What the hell, why GRANNY PANTIES, Bell?

Thanks a lot, so not hot to me,

No longer horny.

Bella, do you hate me?

Gonna find Lauren Mallory...