Emmett Gets a Fish

A/N: Hola my peoples! I know, I know I haven't updated 'How to Save a Life' in a while. I am working on it!!!!! You see, I was working on the next chapter when all of a sudden a brilliant plot bunny popped into my head…and it involved EMMETT! It's just a short one-shot. I figured if I wrote it out it would stop bugging me! (And take my mind off of taking revenge of Russell Brand!...WITH SCISSORS!) Okay, well enough of my blabbing and crazy shenanigans…here it is!

Disclaimer: Ugh. Unfortunately I don't own Twilight! (Or Edward, Jasper, or Emmett!) Stephanie Meyer does. But I do have rights to the fish!! (Insert Evil Laugh here!) Oh, this is NON-BD compliant! Okay, bye.

It was an ordinarily cold and rainy day in Forks, Washington, and strangely quiet in the Cullen Household. Why you ask? Well, Carlisle was at the hospital, Esme was outside doing some gardening, Alice and Rosalie had gone shopping, dragging Jasper with them, Edward had gone off to the meadow with Bella of course and Emmett…well Emmett was lying on the couch being bored. Yes, you heard me right, being bored. And when Emmett was bored something was bound to go wrong. Let us take a look inside Emmett's mind…


Ugh. Yet another typical cold and rainy day in forks! "So bored! I must find something to do!" I say to myself. My voice echoes off of the walls, then its deadly quiet again. Ugh. I flop myself on couch. I was home alone for Pete's sake! I should have something to do!

Hmm, let's see…Carlisle's at the hospital, I could go into his office and paint it like pink or something. No, no too unimaginative! Esme is outside doing something, not quite sure what…I could rearrange the furniture in the house…naw too noticeable. Hmmm, Rose and Alice went shopping dragging Jasper with them to act as a pack mule. (Poor Jasper.) I could do something to Alice's closet! BRILLIANT! Wait, where's Edward? Oh, yeah with Bella…DUH! Time to get to rearranging!

I run into Alice and Jasper's room, and I find three doors. Okay, so one is the bathroom, but which is the closet?? Uh, the right one? No! The one in the middle! No, the one on the left! I give up! "Eanni Meany minee mo, catch a vampire by the toe. If he bites you let him go! Eanni meany mineeeeeeeee MO!" The one on the left! I grab the doorknob and turned it. Eww! It's sticky! I am able to push open the door…barely.

The doorway was blocked by an array of odd objects. There was clothes strewn everywhere on the floor, a clown wig lying to the right, on top of a group of empty Chinese take-out containers, as for the food it was in different places. Somehow a piece of orange chicken landed on my head. A unicycle lay on a shelf beside a giant green pencil and a blue feather boa. Books haphazardly placed on a different shelf teetered on the edge dangerously. "God, this room is chaotic!" I mutter, then I see it….the only organized place in the closet, a confederate soldier's uniform encased in glass with special lights hitting it just right, so that it gave off a sacred vibe. This was Jasper's Closet. Not Alice's. Then out of nowhere a potbellied pig comes charging at me! "Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I take off, bounding down the stairs and out to my jeep, not bothering to look back until I am safely inside!

Then it hits me! I know what I'm going to do today!! Hmmm, I need a guard pet thingy for my closet, just like Jasper has his pig, boar thing. Yes! I am going to get a FISH! I buckle my seat belt and start the car.

As I am driving to "Paws, Claws and Fins", the Port Angeles pet store I am thinking of what kind of fish I am going to get! "Hmmm. Well, I guess I'll just wait and see what kinds of fish they have there." I say to myself. Hmmm, I've been talking to myself a lot today. Then I pull into the pet store's parking lot. I hop out of the car and almost sprint to the door. Yay! I finally get my fish!

"Can I help you with something, sir?" Asks a pasty looking sales guy. I decide to name him Pasty.

"Uh, sure," I say. "I'm looking for a fish."

"Oh!" Says Pasty. "We have a variety of fish, here at Paws, Claws and Fins. What kind of fish did you have in mind?"

"Hmm, I want something you don't see everyday. Something new, fresh, exotic!"

"Well, we have this Pigeon Blood Discus Fish, here" said Pasty gesturing to a tank full of orange and black fish, with red eyes. "It comes from the Amazon River!"

I make a face. "Uh, no. Thanks. Do have anything with…not red…eyes?" The pigeon Blood thing was odd though. Who would call a fish 'Pigeon Blood'? It's obviously not a pigeon!

"Well, here we have a Red Turquoise Discus. These are very good fish, but they can be a bit difficult to care for."

I stare at the orange and black striped fish. It's kind of ugly. "Um, I don't think it's for me." I say. Pasty nods.

"We also have bigger fish like these Koi fish. They thrive in ponds!"

"Um, I'm looking for something that will fit in a tank." I say.

Pasty launches into a tour of almost the whole fish section. I am barely listening. Then I see my fish!

"I want that one!" I say to Pasty while pointing to the tank. He looks surprised that I have found the exotic fish of my dreams!

"You want the basic goldfish?" he asks.

"It's not a basic goldfish!" I smile gleefully.

"It's an exotic, new, fresh goldfish!"

"Uh, alright," Pasty says. "You will need a bowl and maybe a water filter."

I wave my hand at him, as if telling him that I can handle that on my own. He opens the top of the tank and asks me which one I want. I already had my fish picked out. "The one with the orange spots," I say and then Pasty stares at me.

"Which one of them all?" he asks.

"That one!" I say having to point to it myself. Pasty scoops it into a smallish plastic tank with a blue lid.

"Okay, I'm gonna go look for a better tank." I head around the corner and pick out the biggest tank I can find and some of those pretty little rocks that go at the bottom, a castle thingy for my fish to hide in, some of those cool looking plant thingys, a water filter and goldfish food. Then I went to the checkout stands at the front of the store where Pasty was waiting with my fish. I smiled and handed him the stuff, which he rang up, including my fish. I paid with cash and took the bag and the tank.

"Uh, thanks, uh, Pas—Steve." I say looking at his shiny plastic nametag. (I need to get me one of those.) Steve grins broadly, and I hurry out the door. I get into the jeep with my fish and carefully set the smallish tank on the seat beside me.

I drive home carefully, not wanting to jostle the tank too much. When I get home I open the big box with the giant tank and put it together with all of the rocks and the castle and the plants. I make sure to set the tank near an electrical outlet, so I can plug in the filter.

I manage to fill the tank with water, without spilling any and I put in my fish, then I realize that I haven't named my fish!

Let's see, an exotic fish needs an exotic name. Hmmm, tikki? No! Parakeet? No. "I've got it!" I shout. "Coconut!" BRILLIANT! I open the little bottle of fish food and I put some in for Coconut. I flip on the water filter and watch Coconut swim around in her tank.

"Okay Coco, we have got to teach you to growl." I tell her and I make my best growling face. Coconut makes her own growling face by opening and closing her mouth. I clap for her. I am so proud!

I copy Coconut's face and show her. I think she approves because she hasn't stopped making the face. I smile happily. I hear a key in the lock at the front door, yet I ignore it.

"Emmett, why are you making weird faces at a fish?" Alice asks

A/N: So what did ya think? Too much? This is a one-shot, but if you want a second chapter with the reactions of all the Cullens, just leave a review stating so. Okay, thanks for your time. Oh, I almost forgot… a special thanks to my 7th Grade English teacher, who has always enjoyed my stories. (Miss ya Mr. M!) Much love! PEACE! L8ter! P.S. This is unedited due to my BETA shortage! (If you wish to be my BETA, PM me and we'll talk.) So please be kind! Oh, and Coconut makes a special appearance in Shin Volvo Owner 20's Halloween Challenge. This however was not ready yet when it was posted. So, now this is being posted on Nov 2, 2008. Okay, bye.