A/N: There are so many fics out there that are Robin's point of view after A Good Day To Die/We Are Robin Hood, so I thought it would be interesting to see what Marian was like, what she felt etc... so I wrote this slightly AU/Surreal fan fic... Just thought I'd say this before you read it... so when you're done please review, tell me what you think.
Dedication: Beth who helped inspire me to write this with her oneshot of Robin's POV and Ellie who helped with a little decision.
When Angels Cry
"I want to go back! Take me back! I don't want to be here!"
"Shhh… everything's going to be alright." Marian's father went to hug her; he had not expected her to be like this, he had not thought she would upset to be in heaven.
"No it's not, how can it be?! I left him, I promised I would never leave him, I broke my promise!" She screamed at him, trying to get away.
"Hey…" He soothed her. "It's not your fault you left… you died."
"Get off me! Leave me alone." The tears rolled down her cheeks as she walk away, wishing she wasn't there.
Three days later she is still watching him, having barely taken her eyes off him, tears pouring down her face.
"I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry." She mouths over and over again, hoping that somehow he can hear her and knows how sorry she is for leaving him.
Three days ago she had watched him bury her, asking her body why she'd left him.
"I don't know, Robin… I don't know why anyone would want to take me away from you." She tells him, or at least tries to tell him.
Now, she watches him on the ship, travelling back to England; knowing that he hates to have to leave her behind, but he can't do anything about it. She sees him shunning everyone, shutting out everything but the image of her in his mind, and speaking to no one.
She knows what he's thinking, he can't believe she's gone; now there's no one to guide him, tell him he's worth it, or keep him fighting, even though he promised he would.
"I have not left you! I am here, darling. I will always be watching over you! You will never be alone." She calls out to him, but in her heart she knows she has left him, and hates herself for not having the strength to survive, for him if for nothing else.
"Marian, my darling, come away; this is doing nothing but upsetting you." Her mother came to see her, hoping she would be able to get through to her daughter.
"I am not leaving him. How can I leave him, for even a minute, when it is because of me that he is like that?!"
"I don't know, but you will have to learn to cope, as will he."
"No. You did not know him like I did, he will never be able to cope, he told me that I am everything to him; he said he fights for me, the thought of coming home to me is what brought him home from the Holy land. He needs me, and I need him!"
"Marian…" Her mother struggled to find the words, resorting to giving her a cuddle, but Marian refused it. "See? You don't understand… just leave me alone please." She turned away, switching her attention back to Robin, who still hadn't moved. "I love you…" She whispers, more tears rolling down her cheeks, and she wonders if he heard, because she hears him whisper back.
"I love you Marian."
Her mother hopes that with time, they will both learn to accept it.
Weeks later, Robin's parents come to visit her, telling her that she has blossomed into a beautiful young woman, and that it was surely due to her that Robin became the man he is.
"We are so glad you found each other." They smile, hoping it will cheer her up, but the memories only make her cry more.
"But now we've lost each other." She replies.
"You had a wonderful life together."
"Not really." She retorted. "We wasted too much time, we didn't do anything we wanted. We didn't have the wedding in the forest, we didn't get to have married life, we couldn't live together in Locksley Manor, we never had children like you did, we never got to raise them together… he wanted to teach them archery." She smiled weakly; imagining how fantastic it all would have been.
"I'm sorry." His parents both say, it's the only thing they can think of to say.
"Yeah, so am I… so am I."
Three months after she'd arrived, she still watches over him, and hasn't stopped crying. She wishes she was there with him; she knows she should be there to wipe away his tears, but then again if she was there, there would be no tears to wipe away.
She barely eats, though she doesn't need to here. But what worries her is that he eats as little she does, sometimes less. He never sleeps either, except collapsing out of sheer exhaustion; he feels cold, so cold, no matter how many blankets he has, no matter what he tries to do. He reaches out for her at night, wanting to hold her close, to feel her body against his, but he can't and it makes him cry. She cries too, because she wants to hold him close, and just like him, she can't.
"I thought heaven was supposed to be perfect." She cut her mother off before she had a chance to say what she wanted.
"So did I." She now saw otherwise; her daughter in tears, ever since she'd arrive, how could that happen in a perfect place?
"But how can it be, when he is not here?!"
Her mother smiled; if Robin knew Marian had said that, he would fall in love her with her all over again. "I know how you feel remember?"
"But the man you love is here now." She had her parents there and Robin's parents, even Carter had come to see her once, but without Robin she still felt lonely. "I need to be with him. I don't belong here just yet."
"There is a way you can go back." Her mother spoke quietly, she loved having her daughter there with her, but if she wasn't happy then it wasn't the same.
"There is?! How?" She couldn't quite believe it, but she was sure that whatever it was she would do it.
"I don't know much, but you have to want it enough."
Marian looked questioningly at her. "What does that mean?"
"If you want it enough, you will find a way to get back."
"I will." She stated firmly, a look of determination in her eyes. "Thank you."
"You're welcome; I see how much this means to you; you are not happy here."
"This means everything to me."
"I know…" Her mother pulled her into a hug. "I will miss you, my child."
"I will miss you too…" Marian hugged her back. "But I have to go."
Her mother pulled away, holding her daughter out at arms length. "Look after each other, okay?"
"I don't want to see you back here anytime soon." Marian smiled; it wasn't like she wanted to come back soon. "Or him for that matter."
Her mother gave her one last hug, before leaving, knowing that Marian was keen to get back as soon as possible.
Marian returned her attention to Robin, a new found determination to get back him, and soon. She gazed down at him, desperately trying to think of a way to get back, until she heard him say something that greatly concerned her.
"I'm sorry Marian, but I don't know how much longer I can go on without you."
"No. Robin you have to keep going, just for a little bit longer. I am coming back to you; I will find a way to get back." She urged, watching as he looked up at the trees, as if he'd heard something, intrigued as to what he'd heard.
"No, you didn't hear her; she's dead."
Her eyes widened. "You can hear me Robin, I am here. Listen to my voice; keep going, for me. I will come back to you; we just have to wait a little bit more. Keep strong, my darling." A tear rolled down her cheek as she watched him; cupping his hands over his ears and vigorously shaking his head. "You poor thing…" She whispered; knowing that he thinks he is going mad and hearing things.
Two days pass, and she watches as he approaches the makeshift grave marker. He kneels down infront of it, laying some flowers infront of the wooden cross.
"Happy Birthday Marian." He sobs, and she smiles a little at how sweet he's being as a tear rolls down her cheek; she hates to see him so upset.
"Thank you." She whispers.
"I brought you this from the castle." He hung the sparkling blue pendant around the top of the cross. "Remember your twelfth birthday when I gave it to you? That was an amazing day…"
"I remember it well…" She sighed, her mind flashing back to that day; the gift, their first kiss and admitting their love for one another.
"And I made sure the poor were well fed; I know it is what you would have wanted."
"It is; I do not want them to suffer because of me." She replied, almost as if they were having a real conversation. She sat there in silence for a few minutes, waiting to see what he would say or do next.
"Together we're stronger… I said that when I proposed… remember that?"
"Of course I remember!" Marian exclaimed. "I will never forget."
"That's the problem you see… without you I am weak… without you I am nothing… but with you I am something special." He continued to stare at the grave marker, tears pouring down his face.
"You have always been special, with or without me, Robin!… Why don't you see that?" She asked softly, wondering if he would hear and answer her.
"I can't do this without you… I need you here with me, Marian." He sobbed, so quietly she barely heard it.
"I need to be with you too…" She whispered back, and she knew she was going home to him.