Wally was very happy. He had just gotten engaged to Linda Park, and he wanted the Big Seven to be the first to know about it.
This was proving to be a difficult task, however, because none of them were around.
Superman was off-planet no doubt doing something important; John was off on a mission; Diana was being Ambassadorly somewhere; J'onn was on another holiday away from the League; and Shayera was goodness knows where.
Finally Wally found Batman hunched in front of a monitor and being all detective-y.
"Hey, Bats, guess –"
"I'm busy. Go away."
"But I – "
Wally backed away. "Alright! I'm going . . . yeesh."
After searching the Watchtower once again, Wally decided to wait by the Teleporters, hoping that one of his friends would eventually appear. His wish was granted when John materialised a few minutes later.
Now, John had had a very bad day. Mari had dumped him because the apparent 'tension' that was so not there between him and Shayera was just too much for her to handle.
Then, Copperhead, Killer Frost, and Shade had managed to wreck havoc in New York City and then escape from him and the blundering idiots he had brought with him.
So, quite understandably, John was not in a good mood.
"John! Guess what? I'm getting married!"
"I'm not in the mood for jokes, Flash," John growled.
"I'm not –"
"I said not now, Flash!" John snapped as he stomped away. Wally sighed and teleported home. Maybe tomorrow.
The next day Wally spotted Shayera in the Cafeteria, and just as he was about to go sit with her, John sat down. Wally smirked at this and sat down with Green Arrow instead. There was a meeting after lunch. He would tell them then.
Wally glanced at the clock, the seconds slowly ticking by. Ugh, he moaned in his head, so boring . . . . Sorry Supes, but I honestly don't care.
Wally started to amuse himself by slowing down and speeding up his perception of Superman's voice. "Ssssoooooo, then I wwwwweeeeeeennnnnnt. . ."
A couple minutes later, Wally couldn't take it anymore. "Can I say something?"
"Does it have anything to do with what Superman is talking about?"
"Well, no, but –"
"Then it can wait."
Wally sighed, and began to contemplate his chances of survival until the meeting was over.
Thirty minutes later (but what felt like thirty hours later), Superman announced that the meeting was over.
Wally leapt to his feet and said excitedly, "I'm getting married!"
The was a four second pause as five pairs of eyes (J'onn was away on holiday, as we have already mentioned) stared at Wally. Then Shayera rolled her eyes and said sarcastically, "Ha, ha. Great joke Wally. I'm splitting my sides with laughter."
A hurt look flashed across Wally's face, that no one but Batman would have noticed. Batman, however, was not looking at Wally at that moment. He was instead looking at Wonder Woman, with the word 'marriage' bouncing around in his head.
Since this story is neither about Batman nor Wonder Woman, this is as far as we will go into the mind of Batman.
Batman was jolted out of his thoughts by Wally protesting, "But it's true! Her name's Linda."
"Right," Batman said, getting up and stalking out of the room.
"Sure Wally," Shayera called over her shoulder as she went to the door, followed by the others. "You and 'Linda' have fun."
Six months later
Wally had eventually given up trying to convince the others that he was engaged. He had hoped that the wedding invitations would be enough proof that he was serious. No such luck.
"Is he still going on about that? Diana had asked Bruce, while tossing the invitation in the garbage.
At first, Booster Gold had believed him, until Green Arrow told him to think about it. As if the Flash, of all people, would get into a serious relationship. He himself hadn't even proposed to Black Canary yet.
Finally, in utter desperation, Flash had invited the Creeper, who had immediately accepted with great enthusiasm.
At the actual wedding, Wally managed to find the Creeper before too many people had spotted him and convinced him to change back into Jack Ryder.
Of course, later, back at the Watchtower, nobody believed the Creeper when he assured them that yes, he had attended the Flash's wedding. He was crazy, after all.
Approximately nine months later
"Who're twins?" Green Arrow plopped himself down beside Flash, who had been talking to Green Lantern. Flash beamed at him.
Green Lantern raised an eyebrow. "Your kids. Flash are you saying you have . . ." he paused not sure how to phrase this. "You have illegitimate children?"
"What the hell?!" Flash exclaimed in disbelief. "John, I'm married. I can't believe you'd say something like that."
Green Arrow rolled his eyes. "Right, you're married and you have kids. Honestly Flash, that got old a year ago."
"Their names are Iris and Jai," Flash said coldly, getting to his feet. "They were born on the twentieth at five o' clock. Iris can pass through solid objects and Jai has super-strength."
With that, Flash turned and zipped away.
When John related this episode to Shayera later, he asked her, "You don't think he could be telling the truth? I mean, he seemed pretty angry."
Shayera waved it off. "Nah, he's just mad that nobody finds his joke funny. He'll get over it. I mean, come on," she continued, "this is Wally we're talking about. He hasn't gotten a date in years."
After that, Wally was spending less and less time with the League. He usually only came up for monitor duty, missions, and meetings, and while he was there he mostly avoided everyone one, except for the Creeper. The two of them, oddly enough, appeared to be friends.
Peoples' views on the Flash changed rather abruptly, when he showed up on the Teleporters a few months later with a diaper bag slung over one shoulder and a baby under each arm, explaining that Linda had work and he couldn't get a baby sitter and he had monitor duty.
Naturally, once people realised that these children quite obviously belonged to Flash (Iris' red hair, and their huge appetites tipped them off), the apologies rained in.
Unfortunately, a thousand 'sorry's could not bring back the closeness that had once been between Flash and the rest of the Founders.
When John tentatively asked who the Godfather was, Wally had given him a long look, before saying, "Jack Ryder."
A/N: First off, I realise how unlikely this scenario would be. I think it was set off by the phrase, "The Flash of all people." Man, that phrase ticks me off.
This ended up being a bit more serious than I had planned. I'm not entirely happy with the ending . . . but I suppose it'll have to do unless I think of a better one.
By the way, this takes place after Destroyer.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading! I know I had fun writing it.
The moral of this story is: Flash is awesome, and no one should ever speak the words, "The Flash, of all people" ever again