Disclaimer: I dont own anything on this page. All Harry Potter characters, themes etc are the property of J. K. Rowling. There is quote in here taken from Stardust, I dont own that either.
A/N: My second ever fanfic. First ever Draco/Harry. They just belong together though don't they? I have a problem with comma's and this is not beta'd, but please enjoy.
I hate that little curl on the back of his head. I can't understand where it came from, the rest of that head is covered in a shaggy mess, but then there is that curl just touching the top of his robes at the back. I want to cut it off. I wonder if he would notice if I just reached forward and muttered a little severing charm to get rid of it.
"Malfoy! What the fuck are you doing?"
I turned to look at Weasley, I hadn't even noticed that I'd started to lean forward; I was just staring at that damned piece of hair.
"It's none of your business Weasel" I smirked at him, praying to whoever was listening that he wouldn't make a big fuss and make him turn around. I had forgotten however, that whoever may have been listening probably hated me for all the shit I caused, and so those green eyes were suddenly locked on mine and it made my blood boil.
How much I hated those eyes, and those stupid glasses just made them seem even bigger. Made him look like some wide eyed innocent child. Well we all know what a load of shit that is! I've seen him around with at least a dozen different girls this year, not all of them in our grade either. I don't know what they see in him. Apart from the obvious physical flaws, his uniform is never neat, I don't think I've ever seen him come to class with his tie straight or his robes draped correctly and frankly it's just irritating. There are of course those eyes, and then lastly that damned hair. I'm not sure I can stand to look at him much longer to tell the truth. I'm sure simply the sight of him will infect me, next thing you know I'm going to start smiling at everyone just like he does.
The most infuriating thing about that smile is that he never does it for me. It doesn't matter how witty I am, how cleverly I manage to insult the Mudblood and Weasel. That smile seems to be reserved only for those of lower birth. It's just one more thing about that stupid boy that I just can't stand, and I'll be glad of the day when we finally graduate from this hell hole and I can live in peace, or at least be able to get through the day without having to look at him.
The problem, I discovered, is that I hate him so much I am even subjected to his presence in my dreams! Surely some torture designed especially for me to make sure that I never get him out of my head. Although lately, my dreams have at least been somewhat satisfying. He is far more agreeable in my dreams, allowing me to smooth out his hair, remove those glasses and finally receive the full blast of that smile. Perhaps, if he were more like this in real life then I wouldn't have to hate him so much. This of course is just more proof that he does this simply to annoy me.
It's not just the obvious things either. I hate the way he runs his hand through his hair, and then quickly re-arranges it over his scar, as though any of us could forget who he is. I hate the way he's always casting quick glances at the ground whilst waiting for the snitch as though afraid to fall. Granted, he has fallen quite a few times before, but he was never seriously injured, so I can't understand what he's so worried about! I hate the way he chews his food, always with that smile on his face, never truly enjoying anything he's eating, as he's always too distracted by the people around him. Of course, now I hate the fact that he sits with his back to the Slytherin table after he caught me sneering at him once at dinner, I think it's just simply rude to turn your back on other people. He needs to learn some manners.
It's the way he gets my heart going every time I catch a look at him. This hatred must be so ingrained now that with the mere sight of him, my heart starts to pump my blood furiously around my body, just ready to pounce. I remember reading once about what the Muggles call a 'fight or flight' response, well this is clearly my 'fight' response as I would never imagine fleeing from him.
I'm walking along after class now, having managed to curb my instinct to cut his hair, when I see him bent over in an alcove. Tying his shoes probably, that boy can never remember that he is a wizard and above having to bend to tie anything. I approach him to remind him of this very fact, when he suddenly stands upright and turns to face me.
His face is flushed red from the blood rushing to his head, and he has removed his glasses, probably to stop them simply falling off his nose as also forgets to use a sticking charm to keep them in place. He looks so much like my dreams that I forget I am not sleeping and instinctively reach out to smooth his hair. He just stares at me, green eyes going wider as I manage to bring some control that to birds nest he calls his head.
I pull my hand back and appraise my work. As I look over my creation, I discover that those eyes are quite nice actually, if I forget who they belong to; and if I just straighten that tie, there, he looks almost decent. Much better, I think to myself, wondering just how he was getting his mouth to look so pouty right now. I might have to ask him, I'm sure that must be why all those girls like him, maybe he can teach me.
"Thanks." He says, smiling at me in what I know is the first time ever.
Oh Merlin! I said that out loud didn't I? And now that I thought about it, I realized I had in fact said "Much better". Fuck!
"I can never seem to get it right, my hair just doesn't seem to want to lie flat, and my tie always slips sideways. No one ever seemed to care so I just couldn't be bothered fixing it."
He was talking to me, which was strange because apart from the usual "get lost Malfoy" (inventive I know), he never really speaks to me and I wonder why all of a sudden he's decided to grant me his oh-so-precious time. I suppose, after killing a Dark Lord and helping capture his dark followers, he might have decided that old grudges need to be set aside. I agree actually, but this damned hatred thing just won't seem to go away, so I decided long ago to just fly with it. He was still talking.
"… The most stupid thing I've ever had to do. But I guess we all had to do it, right?"
And he's smiling at me again, waiting for a response, except that I wasn't listening so I have no idea what I'm supposed to be agreeing to.
"Uh, yeah." I manage to get out, then immediately feel like smacking my head against the wall because I have never sounded so uncultured in all my life and I should probably just kill myself now before word gets back to my father and he decides to do the honours. But he's smiling again, and I guess what I ever said was the right thing.
"I think its stupid don't you?" he paused as though waiting for a response, but since I had no idea what was stupid, I decided remaining mute was the best idea until I had figured out what it was.
He seemed to figure out that I wasn't going to respond, so he continued.
"This whole hating each other thing. I hated you because you insulted my friends, and just generally were an egotistical, pure-blooded, snobbish…"
I looked at him, giving him my most practiced, incredulous look. I had seen my father deliver this look on countless occasions and it always served to stop the blithering idiot in their nonsensical tirade.
"Right, sorry." He continued. "Anyway, I've been through things a thousand times worse than you could ever have single handedly put me through. I've lost more people than you could ever imagine loving in your entire life and I'm over it. I'm over this stupid rivalry, and the stupid sneers and glares. I want a life, and I finally get the chance to live one that is solely my own. If I want to fuck it up I can." He smiled again.
Now, I pride myself on being intelligent, I always think three moves ahead of any opponent and am never confused or surprised. However, this was making no sense at all.
"You're rambling Potter. It's very unattractive." Although why I was thinking about his level of attractiveness was beyond me, I think he may have confounded me when I walked up, that would explain all the weirdness. He smiled again.
Won't his face get sore doing that all the time, it's certainly tiring me out already.
"I'm telling you I want to fuck up my life." He laughed this time. Hmm… definitely crazy.
"Look, for so long, I hated you, and I'm not really sure why. Then in the end, when it was all over, I saw you and your family and I thought maybe, you're just a normal person, with some strange ideas about life. So maybe I was wrong to hate you. And maybe, I'm sick of being the boy who lived-then died-then lived again-and killed the bad guy" He laughed again. "Maybe I want someone who doesn't want anything from me at all, someone constant, whose feelings have never changed no matter what I did. And maybe, no definitely, my friends and family will think I'm mad, that I'm under a spell or just generally fucked in the head. But I want a new life, and I want to let go of the old one because I didn't really like it that much to start with. So basically, I want to fuck up my life… with you."
That was long, and random and didn't exactly make sense, but a part of me must have understood it because that damned fight response was kicking in, I just couldn't figure out why.
"I want you to listen to me. I'm going to speak slowly and clearly and perhaps you can do the same. What the fuck are you going on about?" I practically shouted the last part, my heart thumping so loudly I thought perhaps he wouldn't be able to hear me over the noise. And damn him, he smiled again.
"I love you"
That was it, three words that still made no sense to me. I was beginning to think he really HAD confounded me. However, with all the extra beating my heart was doing I was starting to get a little light headed, so maybe that was just it.
"No… you hate me… I hate you…" I thought perhaps spreading it out like that would help my brain settle back down, just speak the facts and everything will be alright. Fuck! Why is he still smiling?
"Well see that's the thing about love. It's unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and… strangely easy to mistake for loathing"1 He wasn't smiling this time, it was more like a smirk. Like he knew something I didn't.
He stepped toward me, just one step and I thought my heart might explode. I was beginning to think that maybe I was dying, this couldn't simply be hatred, this was too intense, I was about to have a heart attack and die and no one would help me. One more step and he was nose to nose with me. Well, more like nose to mouth as I am definitely at least an inch taller. However, that inch difference didn't seem to matter when he rose up on tip toes and pressed his lips to mine.
My heart went crazy, and my stomach decided to do somersaults and my brain switched off. It was a full scale attack and as soon as I got my senses back I was going to retaliate. However, the only sense I seemed to have right now was telling me to pull him closer and then push him against that wall so that he couldn't escape. I figured once I was able to get him back for this, that having him trapped against a wall would be very advantageous, so I followed my instincts.
So there we were, me and him, not an inch of air between us, snogging in an alcove. If Pansy had come to me yesterday and told me I would be enjoying it this much, I would have hexed her. Well I would have hexed her again, as she was already sporting Dumbo ears after attempting to touch me at dinner last night. Once the need for air started to invade my brain fog, I pulled away.
"I hate your clothes, and your hair, and your glasses and your eyes and your stupid smile" I said, my mouth brushing his with every word. "I have a perfect life, with perfect parents and perfect hair, clothes and everything." My brain was still a fog, but my heart seemed to be coming to rest. "You're going to fuck up my life".
"I know." He said. And I smiled.
1. This is a quote from Stardust, which I saw last night and loved and that quote prompted this story.
Please review. Feedback appreciated, however I do know that I have a comma problem, and I know its not really very professionally written but it's supposed to be the thoughts of an 18 year old boy, so slightly random. Also this is just a small snapshot in time, it does not deal with all their issues, friends etc.