Okay this is totally a silly one shot that I had started yesterday, but I managed to complete in four hours. I hope that Basch and Ashe aren't too out of character, but I thought that such a situation here would be extremely sexy and hard for Ashe to refuse. Well, either of them. Aw what the hell…lemme know if I've lost it or if you like it.

Solving A "Little" Problem

"Is the good Captain out of the shower yet?"

Vaan's feet shot immediately off the back of the pilot's headrest and he opened his eyes as quickly as he could after having a relaxing snooze. He thought he had been busted by the Strahl's owner, for Balthier did not take kindly to having dirty feet marks all over the nice leather furnishings. Thank fully, it was not Balthier, nor was it indeed his Viera co-pilot.

He was quite surprised that he hadn't smelt the awful stench straight away. Yet he did think that ever since their return to the Strahl, the smell had lingered everywhere. Balthier hadn't stopped complaining about it.

When Vaan looked with groggy vision up at the person before him, the sight was not a pleasant experience either.

"Aww, haven't you washed yet?! The smell is going to linger something rotten!"

There was a deep disgruntled growl.

"I would have showered but for everyone else taking up the only bathroom on this vessel." Basch's voice came from beneath the endless gore and grime that caked his face. "I had accepted the women taking a long time, but I didn't expect Balthier to do the same. He has been in there for a good few hours."

Vaan edged away, his nose crinkling with disgust at the awful and wretched smell that was assaulting his nostrils. Basch looked hideous.

The last fight in the Deadlands had taken its toll on everyone. The slime and dirt was bad enough, but combine that with the fiends' bloody innards and their excrements, it was a nightmare. Every member of the party had suffered with such odorous and vile splattering, be it from falling into the swampy mire or having the brunt of a fiend's exploding body douse them from head to toe. Basch had bore the brunt of the worst, as his hacking and slashing with his spear required such up close contact.

Right now the tall man was hardly recognisable underneath the crap that covered him. Vaan couldn't even tell what colour his hair was, as it was now blacker than the mud they had traipsed through. His face was hidden beneath layers of this strange coloured substance that either stuck to him with a hard crusty consistency or oozed off him like a flan's jelly like remains. The rest of him didn't look wonderful either. Though he had gotten out of his clothes and exchanged the stinking armour for a towel wrapped around his waist; his chest, back and limbs were still covered with the dark vomity substance that only a Banshee could spew up. Vaan also spotted some suspect pieces of…entrails and flesh hanging off his back where he probably couldn't have reached. Vaan thought he was going to be sick. How on Ivalice did Basch cope all this time remaining in this state? Surely he could have tried to clean himself!

"Couldn't you have washed some of this stuff off?" he asked wafting his hand in front of his nose. He felt his eyes begin to sting. Basch looked down at himself and looked quite upset.

"I have. It is not easy to rid oneself of such defilement with just a basin of water and a scrubbing brush."

"Aw…not the one from the kitchen was it?"

"It would not be wise to use it in the food preparation area again….no."

"You didn't touch too much in the kitchen did you? It would be unsanitary leaving all that…."

"I was careful to avoid as much as I could."

Vaan felt his stomach gag once again at the stench. He coughed and spluttered and sure enough the sting in his eyes produced tears that trickled down his cheeks.

"Balthier won't be too happy if you've left a trail of this stuff over his ship." said Vaan, still choking and gagging. Basch looked down at his bare feet, which had indeed left gross marks behind him, along with other unrecognisable smears.

"Cleaning them was not easy either." Basch suddenly tilted his head back, to prevent a floppy piece of… (Eww grossness) from falling off his face. Vaan could see his patience was more than wearing thin. "Is Balthier out of the shower?"

"He might be."

"Might be? Argh! I will wait no longer! If he is not out of the shower, I shall drag him out!"

Vaan watched as Basch turned round and walked out of the cockpit, his feet squelching on the floor and leaving the very large footprints in his wake. The smell certainly didn't go away.

Vaan couldn't possibly go back to sleep now.

Thankfully, there was a constant hissing sound and soon a beautiful fragrant smell reached his nose. It was the lovely scent of Galbina lilies, but it just about covered up the stench of Basch and dead fiend.

"Eggh!" Penelo walked in, carefully hopping over the footprints. In her hand was a small air freshener dispenser and she was pressing on the nozzle to emit as much of the sweet lily scent as possible. She too wafted her hand about in front of her face. "I see Basch has been in here! How can he stand being like that??!"

"I bet he's smelt worse in prison though."

Penelo shuddered and continued to douse the cockpit with the freshener.

"Where has he gone?" she asked when she was satisfied that the awful stench was covered.

"He's gone for a shower. He's going to drag Balthier out of there, because it's been too long. Poor Basch…he really should have had the shower first."


Penelo sank down into the seat to Vaan and at the same time, both she and Vaan propped their feet up onto the headrest of the one in front. The two young teens both put their hands behind their heads and their feet began to tap in time together as they chilled.

Then quite suddenly, Penelo leapt to her feet.



With one hand gently clutching at a wash bag (containing ten of Ivalices' most strongest and powerful shower gels ever known) Basch used his spare and rather crusted and oily hand to press against the door of the bathroom. He had thought it to be locked, and thought he would have had to resort to kicking it down. Yet, as he pushed, it lightly slid open without as much as a creak.

He was greeted by a huge waft of steam and a potent smell of roses. He could barely see anywhere as the steam was like the thick dense mist in the Feywood. The sound of running water could just about be heard through Basch's clogged ears, as was the sound of singing.

Singing?! Balthier was singing?! He'd been in here for hours!

Gently he edged his way across the moist floor and fumbled for the shower curtain.

He felt the slick curtain and with such determination he dragged it back, intent on removing Balthier from the shower at all costs. So what if the pirate was naked. As long as he didn't touch anything (or see anything) and manage to finally throw Balthier out and have a shower himself…it didn't matter.


Basch reached his hand out to grab an arm. Instead it grasped something he wasn't expecting.

The high pitched squeal made his mind and body reel in agonising shock, and when he found himself looking and still holding onto a firm round breast, he froze. Then he felt a hard slap against his face.


Basch shot backwards, but the slick floor and the foulness on his foot caused him to slip back and crash against the door. It flew open and Basch fell back to ground with a heavy thud and a squelch. He was clouded by the steam that escaped from the bathroom, but when it cleared he saw the figure standing over him frowning with disgust.

The princess had thankfully wrapped a towel around her naked body but Basch could not look away. She was glistening with the warm beads of water that trickled over her smooth skin. Her drenched hair clung to her face and neck and there were still traces of the rose shampoo dripping from the silky blonde strands. Yet, the white fluffy towel that was wrapped around her was barely hiding what Basch had unfortunately grabbed hold of. He tried so hard to look away, his shame at touching the young royal, was screaming at him to do so, yet he could not.

"Close your eyes. Do not look at her….she is your charge, the princess of Dalmasca….do not look…"

But Ashe wasn't making it easy for him either. With her hands on her hips, she peered over Basch, her hair and body dripping water all over him. He desperately wanted to close his eyes and turn away, but he was captivated by the princess, even in all her fury.

"Captain….if you were so desperate to have a shower, you could have just asked. Or knocked!!" Ashe's face crinkled up to a frown as the awful stench emanating from Basch reached her nostrils.

He tried to reply, but he was still roaming his eyes over her body, noting the cascading and dripping water and soap on her skin. Basch was chiding himself so much, but why wouldn't he listen to his own pleas to look away?

Close your eyes man! It is wrong to be staring at the future Queen thusly.

The towel slightly slipped and Ashe had to tug it back up to prevent her knight from seeing anything again.

Don't look THERE! Don't remind yourself of what you touched…..you didn't like it! You didn't like it! Basch…for the sake of all things holy and pure, look away, do the right thing!

"Do I get an apology?" snapped the young woman flicking some of her hair behind her ears.

Basch managed to mumble something like he was sorry, which was unusual as he normally couldn't stop apologising. Relieved that she didn't need to tell him to shut up, Ashe pulled the towel tighter round her body, which unfortunately squeezed her breasts together and up. Basch almost died.

"Take your shower Captain. You stink."

Then after Ashe collected her belongings from the bathroom she walked away leaving Basch still lying in the corridor. He was feeling so awful. How could he have been so foolish? Why didn't he knock and just call out like he normally did? What happened to his manners?

He screwed his eyes tightly shut.

Well done Basch, her majesty is not actually here now, and this is the time you decide to shut your eyes. Curse you man!

He cursed himself over and over again, not realising that such contact with the princess would forever remain in his memory. Though his mind did give great thanks to the gods, that it hadn't been anything of Balthier's he had squeezed. He shuddered.


There was the sound of thundering feet and when he peeked open one of his eyes, Penelo and Vaan filled his field of vision. They were starring at him with wide eyes, but grimacing and nervous smiles plied on their lips.

"Erm….Basch…..Balthier isn't in the shower." said Penelo, as her fingers wrung tightly at one of her braids. She nervously laughed.

"He finished a while ago." said Vaan sheepishly shrugging his shoulders. "Ashe is in there."

Basch moaned. He closed his eyes again and buried his dirty slimy face in his even slimier hands. He felt the dreaded slick of mud and gods knows what else smear across his skin.

"Do you think we might have been too late in telling him, Vaan?"

"Yeah. I think we might have." There was a pause. "Penelo? Do you think Basch…saw anything?"

Basch screwed his eyes tight shut when he heard the harsh slap of skin on skin. Yet he did not feel the smarting pain that usually accompanied it.

"OW! Penny! That hurt!"


Ahhh! Bliss! Sweet heavenly bliss!

Basch leant against the wall and allowed the soothing hot water to stream over his head and down his body. He was clean. Thank the gods all those bottles of gel and the hard scrubbing brush he had brought, got every last spec out of even the most awkward of places. His skin was a little raw thanks to the brush's bristles, but he was clean and the smell had gone away. Now the hard jet of water was massaging his tired and weary bones and he could finally relax.

After a while he tilted his head back and the water directly hit him in the face. He opened his mouth and gasped. The hot water was such a wonderful bliss running down his face, neck, chest and back. He didn't feel disgusting any more and it was wonderful.

Never had he enjoyed a shower more.

But then as he ran his hand over his bare chest, as his fingers grazed over his nipple, the memory of someone else's came flooding back.

He should really and properly apologise to her.

But her skin was so soft…she felt so wonderful… firm and silky. Would the rest of her be?

Basch jolted suddenly in shock at such a thought and he leaned his back against the wall. The poor man was never more confused. He struggled between his duty and honour towards the princess and the strange new thoughts about her body. Why had he thought such things?

Oh no.

Basch looked down and his head began to shake furiously.

Oh holy hells no…don't do that…..she's your sovereign! Quick! Think of something else! Zodiac Spear…new armour…cooking recipes…Ashelia's breasts…..


Basch turned round and thudded his head against the wall. He couldn't believe that he was still thinking about it and that he was reacting to those thoughts. This was no way for a Knight to behave.

Basch offered his prayers to the gods and apologies to King Raminas (bless his soul.)

"Forgive me sire…."

The gods would not be that forgiving.

There was a knock at the door that positively made Basch's nerves deteriorate even more. He didn't answer, he kept his head against the wall and tried to ignore the memories of earlier and the swelling between his legs.

The knock came again.

"I am having a shower!" he finally responded.

The knock sounded once more, before being followed by the one voice he didn't want to hear.

"I'm coming in!"

"No!" Basch scrambled round in the shower and grabbed at the curtain. "Your majesty, please no!"

Too late. The door opened and when Basch peeked round the edge of the dripping wet curtain he saw Ashe strolling in. Thankfully she was dressed and not wearing the towel again, but even her normal attire wasn't any better. It still showed far too much bare skin and it didn't help alleviate Basch's little problem. It made it worse. He hid behind the curtain and turned his back to where Ashe was standing, for there was no way he could face her now.

"Princess….this is most…"

"Basch…" The princess sounded angry. "This cannot wait. I have to speak to your about your improper…groping."

Oh please…not now.

"Princess, this is not perhaps the best time." he said, feeling the lump in his throat and the strain of speaking the words. "Could it wait until I have finished?"

"No. It cannot."

Battle tactics…Moogles dancing….larren pudding….the annoying way Vaan keeps popping at the bubble wrapping in Balthier's cargo hold…airships…fiends and beasts…..breasts.

Nothing was working. Every time he tried to keep is mind away from it, his dishonourable thoughts always returned to the young woman's cleavage. He banged his head once more on the wall and considered turning the hot water to cold.

"Basch, this has to be said." Ashe said quite firmly. "Now I know I should have locked the door, but that gave you no excuse to come barging in here like a berserked wolf. I also realise that you had thought I was Balthier, but what you did…."

"I did not intend to touch her highness….there or anywhere!" said Basch. "Forgive me, my lady…I behaved poorly. I brought shame to both you and myself."


He heard the slight pause and hesitation in her voice and with his back turned, he could hear her boots on the floor as she started to pace. There was a long and very uncomfortable silence, but Ashe finally spoke up.

"This has obviously made things extremely awkward and I don't want that between us, Basch."

"Aye Majesty. If you no longer wish me in your presence then I shall keep my distance…."

"That will not be necessary." Ashe sighed and once again there was that pause, as if she was truly contemplating whether to say her next words. "Distance will not work, and would be impossible, especially on this ship. I feel extremely uncomfortable about what happened. Embarrassed, mortified and I have never been so shocked in my life when you did….what you did."

"Majesty, I…"

"Don't say anything. Despite the traumatic experience of being suddenly grabbed in the shower, there is only one way to make this situation go away."

There was a sickening dread building up in Basch's stomach. What was the princess planning? Basch didn't want to know, so he began to recite the Knight's code in his mind. He failed miserably.

"I have thought things over and well…this is the only solution I can find. In order for this situation to be resolved, we both have to be able to remain in each other's company without worrying about what occurred. I have to accept what happened, but that will not be easy for me." Ashe cleared her throat. "My thoughts will constantly be hounded by your actions and the fact that you saw my….my breasts. It was not a pleasant experience, Basch. I didn't like it. Not…at…all."

Was that a subtle hint of insincerity in her quaking voice? Was Ashe actually trying to convince herself that she was angry at him?

"So…" Basch ran his hands over his face. "What does her majesty suggest?"

"You've seen me naked." Ashe drew in a big breath and exhaled. "I have to see you naked."

There was a squeak as Basch's foot slipped on the floor of the shower cubicle and it was followed by a few more as he tried to regain his balance. Thankfully he was able to hold onto the metal bar on the wall, but that didn't help him with the overwhelming fear and terror at Ashe's suggestion. Was she really meaning this? No…it was ridiculous. It had to be a joke.

"It is the only way to solve any….anxious or uncomfortable feelings." said Ashe, slowly creeping closer to the shower. Basch flatted himself as much as possible against the wall of the shower, but his little arousal problem only made him feel worse as it knocked against the steam slicked glass. He winced.

"That idea is not feasible, highness." he said, the fear in his voice escalating. "Nor is it proper for one of your stature to see a servant in such a manner. It is a request I must respectfully decline."

"I do not make this request lightly, Captain." Ashe snapped. "Nor is it a habit that I ask a knight in my service to do such a thing. This is a bizarre and unusual situation."


"Good. I don't want to make it an order and..."

"Please, don't make it an order."

"Basch! Don't interrupt!"

He remained silent, but the terror never left.

"This is not exactly proper, Basch, but the quicker we do this, then the quicker we can go. So….Captain, pull back that curtain."

"No, majesty. I will not."

"It was okay for you to see and fondle my breast but I cannot see you naked?! That is hardly fair."

"It was a mistake, highness. I never meant to do any of those things, I never intended to embarrass you like that."

"Well…you did. So pull back the shower curtain and let's just get this over and done with!"

The sweat of fear was now pouring off Basch. He couldn't believe that Ashe was demanding this of him. Nor could he believe that he was still thinking of how her breast had felt within his palm and how sweet the smell of rose soap on her hair was. The memory was so clear and potent in his mind, it was intoxicating and invigorating. It was wrong, but his body was having different reactions.

"I cannot." he said and he tried to cup himself with his hands.


"I have a problem."

"A…a problem?" her voice was quivering now, the nerves replacing the authoritive tone of royalty. Ashe coughed. "Is it something I can help with?"

You're causing it, your highness….

"No! It's er….a little rising problem that will not go away easily. Especially with you here."


"Princess…please. Allow me to just…"

She never allowed anything. The curtain was ripped open and Basch had no choice in the matter. He jumped back in shock and slipped down onto the floor of the small enclosed cubicle. He landed on his back and with his feet halfway up the wall spread open in a most undignified manner.

Basch Fon Ronsenberg was lying beneath the shower and he was on full display.

This was not the best shower ever.


Oh holy hells! He's wonderful! Oh my god! He's naked! Basch is naked and I can't look away from him…..from his….

Ashe's hand covered over her wide gasping mouth, she began to shake and throb with a heat so intense at the sight of the nude man before her. This was not how she had wanted to react, this was not how payback was supposed to work. Ashelia assumed that she would feel victorious for getting Basch back, triumphant at getting to see him as he had seen her, but that was far from the case.

She had only seen one man naked before and that was Rasler. He had been lovely naked, well toned and very attractive, but it did not compare to the man lying before her. Even in his thinned condition, he was ravishly gorgeous.

And he had a small problem?? A small problem? It was far from small.

"Turn away! Please, princess!" said Basch, as he tried to sit up from his upside down position. His hands were still trying to cover his arousal, but that wasn't working out well either. "I…I…please turn away?"

I can't. I can't look away, Basch. Oh no…is he reacting like that because of me? Of what he did earlier? Is that why he's so….erect? I shouldn't have done this! Turn around now and leave!

Her cheeks were burning. Her heart was racing and thumping so hard in her chest and Ashe felt such a craving swelling with in her entire body. In some places more than others.

"I…I will leave then…." she stammered.

"Thank you, princess."

Ashe never moved and she never took her eyes away from her naked knight. She bit her lip, a little too hard.

"Your majesty?"

She didn't respond.


"I can't leave, Basch."

"You must."

"I can't."

Without realising, Ashe took a few tentative steps towards Basch. He reacted by squirming in an attempt to move away from her. Instead, he slipped once again, this time into a position where he could sit himself up. But his long legs couldn't lay flat and he was forced to put his feet on either side of the cubicle's frame. It was a very displaying position for him, but for the young princess it only excited her more. What had she done? How did a simple scheme go so wrong?

All she had to do was see him naked and then leave. Yet she never foresaw her own embarrassment or expect to be so turned on by an older man.

"I'm sorry Basch. I thought it made sense, at the time."

Ashe knelt down at his feet. Her hands were shaking, her mind was reeling and going wild at being in such close proximity to him. She was reacting to his body in a manner she had never thought possible. Was it really so wrong to be feeling like this? Was it was wrong to have the urge to reach out and touch him, to slide between his legs and caress his skin. To kiss him?

It was all so sudden. Just the sight of his bare flesh, of endowed manhood, Ashe was losing all control. Basch was a man she had known all her life, but never thought of in such a manner. But here she was, on the bathroom floor with him.

Their eyes met. They both recognised the fear they were feeling, but as the minutes wore on, the fear slowly began to change into something else. The heat wasn't just coming from the hot water of the shower…it was coming off the both of them. It was boiling.

"I'm sorry." Ashe whispered. "I've made us both uncomfortable with this, haven't I?"

Basch nodded in agreement, but he couldn't stop gazing at her.

"It is more than awkward, majesty. It will not be easy at all to amend."

The tension was unbearable. Ashe tried to collect herself, calm her roaring and rather boisterous urges. How could they possibly go back to normal after this? They couldn't.

The solution became only too clear.

Ashe found the strength to get up to her feet and approach the door. She heard Basch's sigh of relief, but when instead of leaving, she locked the bathroom door, there came a frightened gasp and a stammer of barely comprehensible words. The words turned to frightened noises when Ashe then unclasped her belt from around her waist and proceed to take off her clothes.

"Princess!!!" Basch was frightened beyond belief. "What…what are you doing?"

Her metal greaves clanged on the floor next to her boots. The black leather armour piece came away from her slim midriff and it too fell on the floor by her red skirt.

"Majesty….I must…."

"I'm making things right." she said, ripping the remainders of her clothes from her body and flinging them on top of the others.

Now the princess stood completely naked before Basch and it felt strange. She wasn't afraid of him seeing her like this now. She wasn't angry or wanting to scream for him to leave. Though she was a little afraid.

What am I doing?!

Ashe walked back to him, noting the wide gaze of attraction as he devoured her with his eyes. She knelt down at his feet and slowly she manoeuvred herself in between his legs. He jerked and shook, still trying to move away, but when her fingers grazed at his thighs, Basch found himself reaching out to touch her in return.

They were both trembling, but the needs of the body outweighed the rationalization of the mind. When the both of them had been without such contact for two whole years, it was impossible not act on such physical desires.

Ashe leaned in closer to him, breathing so deep and hard as his nervous fingers traced along her bare back. Their faces were inches apart, lips almost touching but not yet daring to.

"Princess…we shouldn't…" Basch sighed, as Ashe's fingers now slid down his sides and to his pelvis. He felt her brush lightly against his "little problem" and he reacted by letting out a deep pleasurable moan. His fingers squeezed hard against her shoulders, almost to the point of his nails digging into her skin.

"Do you not want me?" she breathed as their heads turned, moving in for a kiss but not letting their lips actually touch.

"Aye….I do." he growled. "But…."

"We're even. You've seen me naked….I've seen you naked……"

"Then we need not continue with this."

But he wanted to. She wanted to.

"Things can never go back to normal between us, Basch."

"And this will make it better?"

Ashe peered down into Basch's lap. She replied with a seductive smile and finally she pressed her lips against his.

The fire erupted. The silly doubts and worries vanished as Basch and Ashe let loose their inhibitions and wrapped themselves around one another. In such a tight and enclosed space, it was not easy. However, when a couple so out of control as they were, it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered at all.


"What's this?!" asked Balthier as he walked up the corridor. "A queue for my bathroom?!"

Fran, Penelo and Vaan were all standing outside the said door, but when he got closer, it was more than evident that they weren't waiting to use it.

There was a loud banging noise. There was thudding, a pounding noise that intrigued the others greatly. Balthier just hoped his water heater wasn't packing up again.

"What's going on?" asked Balthier, who was still quite angry that his airship had that lingering disgusting smell.

There was a series of quick bangs, which made Penelo and Vaan giggle.

"Who is in there?" Balthier demanded.

"Basch." said Fran.

"What on Ivalice is he doing in there?"

Penelo's giggles turned into snorts of laughter and she had to latch onto Vaan for support. Balthier didn't know quite what was so amusing. Basch was definitely wearing something out and if it was the water heater…there would be cross words exchanged.


There was a tinkle of glass and a clang of metal. There was a scream, followed by the sound of gushing water. Balthier knew immediately that the water tank had been ruptured. Furious and ignoring the hysterics from the younger teens, Balthier walked up to the door and endeavoured to kick it down. But instead, the door was flung open and Balthier had to jump back to avoid the flood of water that seeped from the room. He also kept a good distance to prevent the spraying water from the burst water tank from ruining his waistcoat and shirt.

But he did not expect Basch Fon Ronsenberg to walk out, wearing just a towel. Nor did he expect to see the princess right behind him wearing the same thing. Whilst the young Queen to be couldn't hide her obviously flustered and satisfied expressions, Basch remained as stoic as ever.

He approached Balthier and in his usual calm and deep voice.

"Your shower is broken. Sorry. I shall gladly pay for the repairs."

Balthier's mouth hung open in shock. He couldn't say a word.

He could only watch as the knight kissed his princess' hand and the two of them turned in different directions and went their own separate ways.

How long Balthier had stood rooted to the spot, staring at the devastation of his bathroom, he didn't know, but it was there and then that he decided he would have to get another bathroom installed.