Just an idea for Cat, sometimes she says things that make me wonder!!!

I'm Not As Strong As They Think I Am

Many of my friends assume that I am brave, a wild girl brought up as a fighter. The truth is I am anything but. For all I have done has been for selfish means, in the end. It is just that I am so alone and I can't stop pretending that I am the street-wise Cat all my friends adore. I want them to like me; I want them to love me. No one ever has.

After all they are all I have.

And in the end I know I shall never be married, no matter how many of my friends profess to fall in love with me, however I may argue against the idea that Billy is my friend. Besides what he has for me is a twisted mockery of affection, I do not like to think of it, and besides even the Boil does not deserve to be burdened with me.

I am guilty of so much; somehow all the people I meet and befriend fall into pain upon my acquaintance. I am selfish for I let them admire me when I repair the problems I had originally sown, I let them care for me whilst I subtly stab them in the back and them heal the wound. I do not do this deliberately but this affliction follows me like death itself, my time has run out and the misfortune of my peers buys me some more. This is all metaphorical of course; Grim would not be so kind with a life such as mine.

Johnny moved to America because I wasn't good enough, because I couldn't protect him well enough like Mr. Sheridan asked of me.

And if their attention was not on me I am sure that Pedro would never have been locked up waiting to be a slave boy.

And my very own chance of redemption, of marriage, sacrificed himself to save me from my own incompetence.

So when Johnny asked me to be his child's Godmother I nearly screamed and told them all the truth, that I am nothing. That no matter how many trips I take to far away places, that no matter how many strange languages I learn, I am still an Orphan nobody wants.

If my own parents did not love me what gives me the right to look for it elsewhere?

I am not as strong as they think I am.

Please review, I know you want to.....