Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, settings and dialogue are property of their respective owners. Any original ideas are property of the author.
Part I: Twilight
I sat in the chair, thinking. How had this come about? How could Bella stand to be around me, knowing what I was? She should be terrified! Yet there she lies, not caring that there is a monster watching her sleep.
Earlier, when she had asked about whether an intense physical relationship was the same for vampires as it was for humans, I had a hard time keeping my composure. She could not possibly comprehend how much damage I could do her. Chances were far more likely that it couldn't even be described as damage, but rather destruction. I shuddered at the thought, thinking again of the monster that lurked inside of me.
She was such an amazing creature, to be near me; not fearing, just watching. Understanding, listening... And quiet, she was quiet. Normally that would be a relief, no thoughts bombarding me from all sides. Fate of course, wouldn't cooperate. It just had to be her. The one mind I could not listen to. This should have been expected though, I suppose, and true to the unfairness of life. Bella's mind was the only one I actually craved to hear.
Cravings... My mind latched onto her scent; so powerful. An exquisite, tantalizing smell...
I internally cursed myself again for being in the room. How could I endanger her like this? Her smell: so sweet, floral; completely Bella. So delicious... I beat back the monster's side of that thought, and brought out the human part.
I remembered kissing her after our run. There is no possibility that a vampire had ever experienced anything like that ever before. Never. The worst, yet most amazing feeling. No words for that moment, as our lips met, my thirst flared, and my emotions soared. Her response almost sent me over the edge. I had no idea that human reactions could be so strong! But she and I both regained control of ourselves. Could that be indicative of something? Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad for her after all...
I continued to contemplate. Arguing back and forth with myself. Then I heard a mumbled whisper.
"Edward," Bella heaved a sigh that still managed to sound delicate. She was so fragile...
"Edward, I would never want you to leave," She continued. I slipped over to the bedside, leaning carefully towards her, inhaling her breath; so sweet, purely Bella. An angel.
"How could you... ...even ask that?" Her voice began to sound stressed. I tentatively reached out, and began to softly stroke her cheek.
She gave another small sigh, sounding almost exasperated.
Then, she was silent. I sat stroking her cheek for a few more minutes. I started to slow the speed and frequency of the strokes, and was about to return to the chair when she mumbled again.
It was so incoherent that even I couldn't make out what she said. So I asked her in a whisper, "What Bella? What did you say?"
She sighed yet again, but this sounded like a happy sigh. She was silent for seven heartbeats, and with each one I drew closer, listening.
"Edward, I love you." I froze in place, listening even harder. Had I imagined her saying that?
"I love you, Edward." She repeated.
Then I rocked back on my heels as a wave of pure contentment washed over me. I smiled, releasing a happy sigh of my own. I had heard it already, but hearing it again was just as dumbfounding as it had been before. I leaned forward again, brushing my lips across her cheek. Her face turned towards me, a faint smile upon it.
"And I, you." I breathed to her.
Her heart settled into a slower rhythm as she sank into a deep sleep again, and I finally moved. I went back to sit on the chair, thinking again.
I had so many thoughts and feelings running through me, and it seemed like there was no way to convey them. My piano wasn't here, and that was my usual outlet for my bouts of intense emotion.
I sat very still, just watching Bella sleep, listening to her heart; thoughts still tumbling through my head like a landslide.
I sat there for maybe another hour, when my thoughts began to unconsciously develop a bit of a pattern. The words seemed to spill out of thin air, developing a certain cadence. Then it was whole, a five verse poem for my Bella. I had a perfect memory, so there really was no need to write it down, but I had a strange urge to see it in ink. As if that would help to proclaim the sincerity and permanence of my feelings.
I saw a notebook on her desk. I gently removed a single sheet and picked up a pen. I recalled the finished poem carefully, making sure that I had it right before putting it in ink. I took a small breath and then began to slowly and deliberately write it down.
I finished in a few moments, even though I was writing much slower than I could. The words just screamed to be let loose. They had to be in a form where anyone could see, if I chose to show them. How could I not? I wanted the world to know how I felt about Bella. The most perfect and angelic creature imaginable.
Then something occurred to me; what if Bella thought it was silly? And she certainly wouldn't want the "world" to know. She was happy, I believed; content to be with me, but she didn't like attention. That was perfectly fine with me. Whatever she wished will be hers, so long as it was in my power and would not harm her. This poem would stay safely hidden, a tangible reminder of just a fraction of my feelings for her.
I sat, watched my angel happily for a few more minutes; then I realized that I should go home and shower. I chuckled softly, what would the neighbours think?
I listened for a moment, to make sure that Bella was still deeply asleep; then I jumped out the window and ran. I carefully folded the paper and tucked it into my pocket.
When I got home, I worked very hard to block out everyone's thoughts. Two reasons of course; the first, I was quite sure that I did not want to hear what was going through anyone's head at this time of night. The second, I did not want to talk to anyone, I wanted to get back to Bella as soon as possible. If someone felt the need to talk to me, they would most likely be 'calling' my name loudly.
I ran up the stairs, grabbing some clothes and jumped into the shower. I went as fast as was vampirely possible; just slow enough so that the water actually made enough contact with my body to have some effect. I washed my hair, and climbed back out, drying myself quickly. I got dressed and ran my fingers through my hair, making it semi-presentable.
I was about to leave, but then remembered the poem in my pocket.
No one was going to see this. I was still feeling quite unsure about whether I would even show this to Bella. I wanted to make sure that no one was listening, so I opened up my mind a fraction. I also wanted to be sure that Alice wouldn't see.
As soon as I opened my mind, I regretted it.
Emmett and Rosalie, as enthusiastic as ever. I moved my mind from there quickly; Alice was also... preoccupied. I quickly and quietly ran to my room, still listening to the edge of the thoughts swirling around. I went to the back of my closet, pushing clothes out of the way.
I searched carefully, seeking a safe place to keep the paper. I spotted a small crevice in the back wall. Perfect. I folded the paper a couple more times so that it would fit snugly into the crack. I gently pushed it in, then checked to make sure everyone was still... busy. Then I lept lightly out my window and ran back to Bella's house.
As I ran through Bella's window, I could hear her heart speed up. I jumped in, and listened.
"Edward," She mumbled. A small, tingling sensation ran through my body, I was happy that she was still thinking of me. I was always thinking of her.
I sat in the rocking chair again and waited for the sun to rise. Well, as much of it as you could possibly see in this wonderfully rainy town.
When I could clearly see the light, Bella began to drift toward consciousness. Her arm came up over her eyes, and lay there for a moment. Then she moaned and rolled onto her side. So beautiful...
Suddenly, she sat bolt upright, gasping. "Oh!"
I gave a slight smile, she had obviously remembered yesterday. "Your hair looks like a haystack... but I like it." I told her, announcing my presence.
A look of pure joy flitted across her face, "Edward! You stayed!" She said. She came rushing towards me...
Before I knew it, she was curled up on my lap. I sat frozen for a moment, Her movement had stirred up her scent in the air. The burning... delicious... I suppressed the monster's urgings, thinking of my angel. Then Bella looked at me, almost afraid. I sincerely hoped that she was not afraid of me, even though she should be.
I gave her a light laugh, hoping to ease her fear, whatever it was. "Of course." I replied, then began to gently rub her back. It felt so right. She was still for two heartbeats, then she laid her head slowly against my shoulder, and inhaled.
"I was sure it was a dream," she said.
No, not a dream. I was tangible, real. And Bella? She was a dream. My dream.
My dream come true.
- Author's Note: (Updated - Feb. 2010)
Hey readers! This is my first fanfic ever. Thanks for giving my story a try! Originally published in late 2008, I recently reedited and double checked all 4 parts of Hidden Sentiments for grammar, flow and canon-compliance. (If you find anything out of place, please let me know!) - I love constructive criticism, so don't be afraid to be a harsh (but correct) critic/reviewer.
*****Previous readers: Part IV has had more extensive editing, so go read it again!
*****All readers: If you haven't already, I'd love it if you dropped me a review; and be sure to check out my companion pieces for Hidden Sentiments: "Hunting," "Anxiety," and "Revealed Affection."
~Thanks go to my God, and everyone who has favorited, reviewed, or subscribed to this story!