ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS FAN FICTION—EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE—ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. THE FOLLOWING FAN FICTION IS ALSO SEVEN YEARS IN THE FUTURE… BECAUSE RAPING OF NINE YEAR OLDS IS GROSS. THIS ALSO INCLUDES COURSE LANGUAGE AND STRANGE HAPPENINGS, AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT SHOULD NOT BE READ BY ANYONE. EVER.
"An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind."
It was another peaceful day in South Park, Colorado. The birds were chirping, the air was filled with snowflakes, townsfolk greeted each other as they walked past. Even South Park High looked as if time itself had stopped to breathe in the peaceful, mountain air.
It was another typical day in this quiet mountain town.
"Fucking Jew! Suck my ass barf!"
"Haven't you learned any new insults since you were nine, Cartman?!"
"Of course I have, I just didn't think you'd understand them considering my supreme intelligence and everything."
"Cartman you are so unbelievably stupid I just can't believe it. What kind of insult could you possibly think of that I couldn't?"
"How about the fact you've never had a date because you're the ugliest boy in the class? Even Butters is hotter than you!"
"Wait a minute, are you talking about that list from fourth grade?"
"Where I was hotter than you? Yes."
"Two things: one, that list was fake, and two, at least I've never been beat up by Stan's girlfriend, you fucking fat ass!"
"At least I've had a girl touch me, you fucking fag!"
The sounds of desks clattering disturbed the nearby birds. A crash of wood against metal was heard, closely followed by gasps of students inside. It was another 'peaceful', typical day in South Park.
"Eric, Kyle, that's enough!"
Some students walked in front of the school, accompanied by the distinct smell of weed. "What's that noise?"
"Oh, it's just that transvestite teacher again. So glad I'm not in his…her class."
The kids continued on their way, just in time to miss a desk crashing through the classroom window and hitting the snow with a thud.
"What the fuck is your problem Kyle?!"
A look through the newly-broken window would show us Ms. (Mr.) Garrison's 11th grade English class.
A bunch of students were holding back a thin, red-haired boy wearing a green hat from ripping the face off of a much larger boy with brown hair and a smug face.
"I'm so sick of how you treat me!" Kyle spat at him, while while trying to break the hold of a black-haired boy in a blue hat, and a boy in a suffocatingly large orange coat.
"Dude, calm down!" said the boy in the blue hat.
"No! I'm not going to fucking calm down, Stan!" Kyle snapped back, attempting to break free from the other boy's grasp, other students looked on in horror. "This fat ass has pushed me and pushed me to the point where I just can't take it anymore!"
"I'm not fat, I'm buff! And you're still the ugliest!" Cartman retorted, obviously missing the point in the conversation.
The boy in the orange coat tried to speak, but all that was audible was, "Mis maways men maik mish, must mo muffing mufid."
"Kenny's right dude, Cartman's just so fucking stupid I don't see why you expect it to get any better."
Cartman laughed. "No, come on guys, let him go. He won't hurt me anyways, with his weak little Jew arm- OH!"
Cartman held his gut and fell face first onto the floor as Kyle straightened his posture and shot Cartman a look of extreme loathing.
"Fuck you fat ass." Kyle turned his back on the other students and walked out of the room.
What the fuck just happened, Stan thought as he watched Cartman pull himself up off the floor.
At this point, Mr./Ms. Garrison regained its courage.
"Cartman, get your ass to the counselor's office right now!"
"ME?! But Kyle was the one who attacked me-"
"I don't fucking care get the hell out of my class!"
Stupid fat ass. Conceited, fucking moronic, overweight dip shit. I hate him, Kyle thought as he trudged through the snow. He'd never skipped school in his life, but after his display in the classroom, he felt as if this was his only choice.
Constantly harassing me, insulting my religion, that idiot doesn't even know what he's talking about half the time. No matter what I do, he's always there making my life hell.
What could I do, to get back at him, to show how absolutely horrible he makes me feel.
I need to do something.
If I don't, I get the feeling this will continue even through graduation. He'll haunt me through my work, into a retirement home, in the grave…
An eternity with Cartman, that's a living hell.
"I can't believe that fucking Mr. Mackey! A week's worth of detention, and for what?? That fucking Jew attacked me!"
The boys were walking home from school. Cartman was complaining, Stan was rolling his eyes, and Kenny was checking out every girl that walked by, basically not paying attention to the conversation.
"Dude, what did you say that made him so mad?"
"I don't know! It must be his Jewish blood, when they get mad they attack anything, how else would you explain what happened to Jesus?"
"Okay Cartman, for one second, stop being a douche and try to remember what you said."
"Okay okay! I told him he was ugly and Jewish and weak and a gaywad."
"Mai mfink mu myused ma mwurd 'maggot'" Kenny said, then went back to gawking at the wonders of cleavage.
"Hey, Kenny's right dude, you did use the word faggot!" Stan said.
"So? What's the big deal?"
"That word is seriously insulting Cartman, it's one of those things that you just don't say to someone, especially if they might be gay,"
"Has that ever stopped us before?"
They all stopped walking and thought for a second.
"No." They said in unison.
"Well, anyway dude, don't use that word to anyone, especially Kyle." Stan said.
"Why not?" Cartman asked innocently.
"Well… because I think that might really insult him." Stan averted his eyes.
"Why?" Cartman was getting curious.
"I don't know dude… Maybe but I'm not sure… he might…"
"WOAH! Stan, you think Kyle's gay?!!"
"WHAT?! No I never said that!!"
"Mu motally chust med mat!!"
"No I didn't, don't take his side Kenny!"
"I knew it! I always knew it! This is fucking fabulous, absolutely amazing, you have no idea Stan! HEY EVERYONE! KYLE'S GAY!"
"DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" Stan put his hand over Cartman's mouth. He said quietly, "I don't know if he's gay or not, I've just had this feeling for a while, and I'm not sure. If you do ANYTHING to Kyle about this, I will tell everyone you're gay for Butters."
"COME ON STAN THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Cartman broke of Stan's grip.
"I'm dead serious. You don't think people remember you putting Butter's dick in your mouth?" Stan's eyes narrowed and looked directly at Cartman. "Think again."
Kenny and Stan walked off, leaving Cartman in the road by himself.
"FUCK YOU GUYS!!"
7:00 at night, Stan was lying on his bed, talking on the phone with his girlfriend.
"No Wendy, do we have to go ice skating? I have other stuff to do. Oh, hold on Wendy, someone's on the other line. No I'm not trying to hang up on you to avoid going out with you. Hello? HELLO?? WENDY!!" The line was disconnected.
"Hey dude, sorry about today, I just needed to get out of there." It was Kyle.
"Don't worry about it," Stan said, "Uh… dude did Cartman say anything to you?"
"After school today, I never wanna see that asshole again. So, no, why?"
"No reason." Stan answered quickly. "…you know Kyle, if there's anything you wanna talk about, you can always come talk to me about it. I won't judge you or anything, I promise. I'll always be here."
The other line remained awkwardly silent until Kyle said, "What did you do Stan?"
"Yes you did! You said something to Cartman!"
"No I didn't dude, look, I gotta go finish my math homework. Talk to you tomorrow!"
The line disconnected.
"GOD DAMNIT!" Kyle slammed the phone and looked around his room.
What could Stan possibly have said to Cartman to make him act like that? Kyle thought.
"KYLE! COME DOWN TO DINNER, your Hamantaschens are getting cold!!" His mom yelled from downstairs.