Dear Vaati,

It is I, the Supreme King of Evil, Gannondorf! I am writing to you for one reason and on reason only.

Where is my Kitty? Seriously man, you said you would send her to the mansion after she had her shots. But you will send her.....right.....RIGHT!?!?!?!?!?!

The mansion is just as annoying as per. Thank the Goddesses they dropped that Awful Roy guy. The guy was just as annoying as that princess Marth. They shoved some guy called Ike in instead. Thankfully, he is good. Someone to test my strength again! They are also a bunch of liars. They said that this time around we could do a performance of high school musical 2, and then what do they lumber us with?

Some junk called "The Subspace Emissary"

What the hell kind of name is that? "The Subspace Emissary"? It sounds like the villains from a Disney film! And I have to team up with Bowser and some stupid fat man called Wario. Get this; he is like a bad guy whose main power is farting! Farting, of all things! Not a good gun, sword or even brute strength. It's by emitting poisonous gas from his rectum! Now, he and Bowser (who keeps hitting on me) turn everyone into trophies as Nintendo can't make a game that is 16+ so we can not actually kill them. I sit around; watch them on CCTV because when you are my age, you can never be too paranoid.

Stuff happens; good guys come, you STILL can't unlock sonic and you end up in the subspace as a couple of character whom no one likes. I then show up and I manage to have a nice chat with Master hand. The chat was odd. We didn't say a word and yet.....I feel like I know him better. Also did you know that Master hand has a fetish for Clefairy and small children? But on a more important note, it turns out that shock horror, Master hand isn't evil. He is being controlled by some reject smurf called Tabuu, which sounds like some kind of Russian Ice cream. And just as he comes to kill us all, Sonic shows up. You have unlocked him

And Sonic Phantom achieves orgasm.

But Blah, everyone on the roster (void of Toon Link, Wolf and Jigglypuff because well......they suck!!!!!) takes on Tabuu we win and congratulations, the whole thing is over and we go back to reading Fan fictions. Did you know how kinky Pit and Link can be? I say the truth comes out at last! And besides it makes a change from Princess Marth get snugly with anything that has a Wang.....Jesus. Also, despite what people say, I DO NOT FIND KIRBY CUTE. I RESPECT HIM AS A FIGHTER AND HATE HIM BECUASE HE IS A GOOD GUY......

Okay BUT HE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUDDLY. I admit sometimes I take him away for a privet cuddle and I like the fact that he is pink BUT THAT IS ALL!

Anyway send Jess over soon and I EXPECT to see you