Sometimes you're the monkey

My body feels different this morning. I just feel like I've shrunk.

I make my way to the nearest mirror to see if there is any discernible difference.

There is…it's not me. WHAT THE HELL? My eyes blink in rapid succession. No it just can't be. I'm looking at a much smaller body. Not mine… Goku's.

What in hell's name is going on? Oh wait let me guess. This is some kind of cosmic joke by that interfering "Merciful Goddess"

Oh god I'm gonna kill someone soon.

"Hey Sanzo….what the fuck? Monkey what're you doing in Sanzo's room?"

"Shut up you moron."

"You shut up monkey boy."

I heave a large sigh. "Gojyo it's me."

"I know it's you, I can see that."

"No idiot, Sanzo." I glare at him. I guess my glare isn't as effective in this body. "I can't explain it but somehow I woke up in the kid's body. And let me tell you it's not that much fun,"

His eyebrow shot upward. "Sanzo? Is that really you?"

"'Ch idiot."

His mouth dropped open. "Damn…what the hell Sanzo?"

I shrug. "I've no idea but someone is going to die, painfully."

He snickered. "Guess this puts a cramp in my plans for the night."

I aim a dirty look in his direction. "Don't even think about it. If I even get a whisper of you messing around with that brat I'll put a bullet right between your eyes." He throws his hand upward in surrender.

"No worries. It never even crossed my mind, but damn what're we going to do now?"

"Beats the hell out of me." I reach for a smoke.

"Ummm! Are you sure you want to do that in that body?"

"Damn it." I stretch out my hand for the nearest bottle.


I snort in disgust. "Shit I can't do anything this way."

"But it would be totally funny to see the monkey wasted." I manage to growl at him. "What? It really would. Ya gotta admit that."

Yeah I admit it but don't say it out loud. On second thought the idea of a drunken Goku doesn't sound all that appealing. None of us know what he'd be capable of. It could be worse than when he changes into his alter ego.

This is upsetting; even my stomach is in turmoil. It complains loudly.

"I think Goku might be hungry, Sanzo."

"God damn it to hell and back. This completely sucks." I hang my head. "Why this body? I'll get sick if I eat like that walking stomach."

"Well it is Goku's body so it'll probably be able to handle it."

"If you as much as snicker I'll kill you right here and now."

"Aww I'm sorry baby." He leans in close as if to kiss me, then pulls back with a sour look on his handsome face. "Damn it. This isn't fair."

A soft noise draws our attention to the open door. "Um Sanzo?"

Goku is staring at me with my face.

"What happened?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." I try to shrug nonchalantly. "Must be someone's idea of a joke."

"But why? I don't like this one bit." He/I pouted.

"Aww you look so cute when you pout." Gojyo chuckled.

"SHUT UP ASSHOLE." Goku and I shout at him. He reaches out and ruffles my hair. I mean Goku's hair. God this blows. Right now I just want him to hold me and I can't. I won't allow him to transfer his feelings to me in this form. I think I will kill that merciful menace if it's her fault.

Hakkai enters the room. "Sanzo I think we should get going. The next town is three days away and I heard there is a forecast of a large storm moving this direction."

"We can't Hakkai there's a problem."

"Goku what's wrong?"

"I'm over here Hakkai." Goku pokes his hand in the air like a school child. "Me and Sanzo got mixed up somehow."

He blinks several times, head turning back and forth between us. "I…umm…I see." For once it seems even that the even keeled Hakkai is at a loss for words. "Then I suppose we ought to stay here for the interim. We certainly can't go out like this."

"Ya think?" I reply sarcastically. Then my stomach growls loudly. "Fuck."

"Hey Sanzo I think I'm hungry." Goku snickers.

"SHUT UP YOU FUCKING IDIOT." I reach for my fan. He blanches and shrinks away. "God kill me now."

"I think perhaps we should go downstairs and get something to eat. That may help clear our heads a bit." Says Hakkai in his mild way. "At least we should make an effort to make things appear normal."

"When has anything been normal with us?" asked Gojyo helpfully. I land a heavy swat with my fan to the back of his head.

"Stuff it, kappa." I snap at him.

He rubs the back of his head. "Ow that really hurt you shitty monk."


Goku begins to giggle. It sound weird coming out of my mouth.

"Goku…" I snarl at him. He slaps his hand over his mouth.

"You better not leave any scars on my body you stupid ape." He blinks at me stupidly.

"I'm not that much of an idiot Sanzo." His next words leave me speechless. "Besides Gojyo'd kick my ass."

"What was that?"

"I said I'm not that much…"

"I heard that part, what'd you say after that?"

"But I didn't say anything."

"Yes you did." I was sure I heard him. "Something about Gojyo."

There is a quiet whisper in my head. "I said Gojyo'd kick my ass if I left any scars on you."

I turn to look at him closely. "What do you mean?" I send my thoughts to him.

"I'm not stupid Sanzo. I know what's going on with you two." I can feel my/Goku's face whiten.

"Oh! How long?"

"The whole time."

"Hey what's going on with you two?" Gojyo interrupts.

I somehow manage to pull myself together. "Nothing for you to worry about."

"Well let's go down to the dining room shall we?" said Hakkai braking the awkwardness.

"Whatever. Anything to get this stomach to stop complaining." I make a few body adjustments. Things just don't seem to be fitting right. And there are things I really don't want to know about Goku's body that I'm now becoming well acquainted with. "You're put together wrong monkey."

"What'dya mean?"

"'Ch! never mind." I hear a suppressed snicker behind me and glare at the cockroach angrily. At least this face has that setting.

I refuse to give in to the knawing hunger that this body seems to calling for. Goku gives me a pleading look.

"Sanzo I know I can eat more than that. Don't let me go hungry."

"Ugh! Don't you dare stuff so much into me. I refuse to get fat, and if you eat like you normally do that's what's going to happen. So don't you fucking dare stuff your face."

"But Sanzo…. What happens when we get back to normal? I'll be starving."

"Ah Sanzo you could use a little more weight on your frame."

"Hakkai!" I give him a warning glance. "Which ever body I'm in I will not adhere to his piggish behavior."

"But he is a growing boy…" I cut him off with the angry look this face has.

"No." I state stubbornly. "It's not going to happen so forget it."I push away from the table. "I'm going back upstairs." I grab a cup of coffee on my way.

"Hey Sanzo are you sure you want to pour caffeine into the monkey's body? He's already hyper enough as it is."

"Fuck you kappa. You jerks will just have to deal with it." I ignore whatever else is said and storm up the stairs. At least the heavy boots the brat wears are good for stomping.

A few moments later my red head lover entered the room. "Sanzo…"

I sigh heavily. "What do you want?"

"Maybe you should just ask the goddess to put you back."

"I don't think it'll be that simple."

"You got that right darling." Her voice cuts through the two of us.

I turn to face that Supreme Being. "YOU! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS FOR?"

"Why? Not having any fun my darling nephew?"


"But I'm not ready to do that yet."

"So it was you?" Gojyo turned to face her.

"Of course my dear general. I got so bored that I decided to make things a bit more fun."

"THIS IS NOT FUN." I was losing what little patience I had.

"It is for me."

"I wonder what would happen if I took this limiter off for a bit. Would the beast come out?"

"That would be intriguing to see." She smiled wickedly. "Can you feel it in there?"

"Sanzo, you're not really going to do that are you?" concern was written all over Gojyo'd face.

"Normally I'm not supposed to mess with the world down here but what's the point of being a goddess if I can't alter things just a little. Boredom is a horrible tempter."

"Just change us back."

"Nope don't feel like it yet. I'm having too much fun watching you squirm."

"What do you want? Do you want me to beg, to humble myself? Well you can forget that you miserable old hag."

"Shame on you Konzen Douji that's no way to speak to your auntie." With that she vanished.

"Gods I hate that bitch." I grumble.

"Maybe this once you should give in sweetheart."

"Bite me."

"Well if you insist." He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Don't you fucking dare."

"Hey Sanzo…" Goku interrupted just in the nick of time. "Did…umm…did you guys figure out what was going on? Hakkai said he thought he saw that goddess lady."

"Humph." I huffed. "Yeah it's all her fault."


"Because she's fucking with us that's why. That's all the gods and goddess are good for."

"That hardly seems fair." Hakkai said.

"She wants me to beg Hakkai. There is no way in hell I'm doing that."

"Hmm! Maybe you should capitulate this once Sanzo. It might be better in the long run."

"Kiss my ass. Is that clear enough?" he just gave me one of those patient smiles. "Maybe if you get some rest things will look better."

"I'm not some doddering old man that needs to take a nap in the middle of the day." I glare at Gojyo, daring him to say some smart ass remark. To his benefit he declined to open his mouth but I could see the smirk lurking in his eyes. "All of you get the hell out of my room I want to be alone."

"So says the diva." Gojyo teased.

"OUT!" I roared at them. They hurriedly retreated.

I can feel that demon spirit inside this small body. "Don't even think about trying to take over." I say to it. "You don't want to fuck with me when I'm this pissed off." I must be dreaming because it almost sounded like it was laughing. "I mean it asshole. I'm stronger than you."

"Not to worry priest." It whispers back. "I have no such intentions. Besides the child is in no danger."

"What?" I'm dumbfounded.

"If he were in mortal danger or pushed beyond his limits would be the only reason I would appear."

"I…ummm….I….well." it chuckles evilly.

"Just don't do anything foolish."

"I'll be sure to remember that."

"Good. Besides you are his guardian. I do not wish to do you any harm at this time."

"Ahhh! Well good then."

"I suggest that if you hate this so much you ask the goddess to return you to your true form."

"Shit! You too?"

"Of course. Do you think I find this pleasant?"

"I suppose not."

"Then you must do as your lover suggests."

"Hell!" it knew about that too. "Fine."

"I think I can call to him to come in to this room so the change can be made in secret."

"Who? Gojyo?"

"No priest. The child."

"Oh yes of course."

"Shall I call to him?"

"Yeah. And I'll try to call that meddlesome witch back too."

"Good you do that."

"All right." I call out. "You win. Change us back." I say just as Goku enters the room. "Fix this now."

"Bossy child." Her voice is waspish. "Ask auntie nicely."

"Fuck you."

"well." She feigns shock. "Just for that…." Her voice trails off.

"Wait, please goddess, change us back." Goku pleads.

"Sweet child. For you I'd do nearly anything."

"Stop jerking around and put us back to the way we're supposed to be."

"Manners Konzen."

I just growl. "Fine. Please return us to our proper bodies."

"Almost there." She taunts.

"What do you want from me?

"Your adoration."

"Get bent."

"Sanzo please." Goku whines with my voice.

I sigh in resignation. "Shit. Ok fine." I drop to my knees. "Please would you grant this favor and return us to our proper bodies." I fail to notice that Gojyo and Hakkai have entered the room also.

"Much better dear." There is a tingling sensation and a brief flash of that feral face inside this tiny body as I feel myself jerked back into its proper place.

"It's been fun priest." I hear a lingering whisper.

When I wake up I see the one face I need to see.

"Hi there cherry-chan. Missed you. Assuming it's you."

"It's me." I pull him down for a kiss.