What if… Chapter 1
I had wanted another child ever since Renesmee was born, despite the terrible birthing process I had endured. Another child would mean another great joy beyond description, another piece to the puzzle I called life. The only problem that arose from my want of another child was my husband's refusal to be the father. That brought my dreams to a screeching halt.
"It would surely kill you, Bella." He'd said forcefully. "You're lucky you survived with Renesmee!"
Then after a long while, weeks actually, Edward came to me with a compromise, an unimaginable suggestion: That I should conceive a child with Jacob.
I was absolutely furious and disgusted by his so-called solution to my "problem" that I couldn't see straight. Sure he'd mentioned it before, but I hadn't taken him seriously. Sleeping with Jacob would be so wrong on so many levels of morality. After finally gaining a rift between our feelings for one another, such an act would definitely create a stirring of old emotions and no doubt cause some hurt feelings. But Edward had told me to think about it.
"How could you allow this?" I'd asked in complete shock. It took him a while to answer, as he was delayed by a moment of deep thought.
"I would give anything, my life even, for your happiness." Then he'd left me alone, I guess to ponder over his words. He'd seemed like he was in a daze.
So think I did. I weighed the pros and cons. If I agreed to this, I'd have a new baby: a black-haired, happy-go-lucky werewolf running around. I liked that thought. It would be wonderful, but how would Jacob feel if he were not allowed to be his father, not in the biological sense of course, but in a sense of raising the child and being there for it? That might be a big issue. But then again the child would be my part of Jacob, and his part of me; an everlasting connection to each other and what could have been. It could go either way. Was a new baby worth all the complicated feelings that would result?
Then there was Edward. The knowledge of raising a child that he knew not to be his own may prove to be difficult emotionally. Could he do it? Would he love the baby as his own? Or would it break his selfless heart? I presented him with this argument and he'd responded just as selflessly as ever.
"As long as you get what you want." He said, unable to hide the reluctance in his voice. "Besides, I want another child just as much as you do. To keep you safe I wouldn't care who fathered the baby, well, preferably someone you trusted, and I would love it as my own."
Why did he have to be so generous? It got on my nerves. Anyway, the more I thought about it the more I warmed up to the idea. I reflected on how absolutely selfless Edward was, willing to sacrifice a lot for me; even his own right to my body. All to make me happy. He was amazing. Did I want a child so badly that I would give myself to someone other than my own husband?
Edward had again reassured me when I asked him that very question, putting his own feelings on the back burner. So, very reluctantly, and with much persuasion I had agreed.
Jacob, however, wasn't too keen on the idea. After imprinting on Renesmee there was no other who he would dream of being with besides her. He argued the ethics as well, complaining about being used as a stud, or being viewed as some sick pervert for agreeing to it. It took a lot of work to convince him.
"It's just so wrong, Bella!" he'd argued, his cheeks turning red from embarrassment. "I'd feel so-so dirty! Sleeping with another man's wife!"
"You've got my permission." Edward had interceded grudgingly.
"That's even worse!" Jacob shouted, throwing his hands up in exasperation.
"We could use artificial insemination, then." Edward suggested, only gaining another outburst from Jake.
"Oh I know what that is." Jacob began. "I refuse to-to –you know what- in a cup! That's degrading and with all of you waiting- and- just NO!" He crossed his arms in defiance, pouting. It was so child-like that I couldn't help but to smile. Edward sighed and looked away from Jacob, seemingly gathering his bearings. He finally answered Jacob though, in a pleading tone.
"Jacob, my friend." He'd begun quietly. "I will not allow Bella to endure another pregnancy like Renesmee's ever again. Now, I want another child just as much as Bella does. You would be doing us a huge favor, Jacob. You would help us to have this child we both want so badly."
"Then why don't you go to some sperm bank or-or grab some dude off the street? I'm sure-" Jacob ranted, but Edward cut him off impatiently.
"Because Bella knows you." He said sternly. "She loves you and trusts you completely." Then, a little less forcefully, "Would you give us this baby?"
"Do this for me, Jacob." I'd pleaded in a whisper. He sighed and put his face in his hands.
"What will Nessie think when she finds out I've slept with her mother?" he'd said weakly, his voice muffled by his big hands. I guess he realized he'd lost the battle and maybe even that he wanted me to be happy just as much as Edward did.
"We'll explain it to her when the time comes and she'll understand." Edward had said.
For the next couple of weeks, while I waited for my body to start ovulating, Jacob wouldn't make eye contact with me and I understood why. I couldn't look at him either without blushing like an idiot. I knew it would be an awkward process, but I was willing to endure it. I could only hope that Jacob was as well.
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