Hey everybody! Thanks so much for the reviews and suggestions –I'm getting the feeling that you guys don't like Renesmee… Well, it's not her fault that Bella chose the wrong man lol. Anyway, now that I know what you all want to have happen I'm going to have to switch things up a bit and it might take a while to write. I think I like your ideas better anyway…
I don't own Twilight or these characters even though I wish I did.
What If… Ch.8
Three months had passed since Jay's birth and as I'd hoped, things between me, Jacob, and Jay were getting a little less tense. Of course Jacob wasn't at all happy with the situation, but his anger and bitterness had subsided considerably as the time had passed. He never made himself scarce anymore, practically living at the Cullen's main house or camping out on the front porch – to get away from the smell. He was also very active in the care of Jay, spending nearly as much time with him as he did with Renesmee. They were like his two children and he was the proud papa.
Seeing the three of them together warmed my soul and at the same time, nourished my ever-growing plan to repair all of our broken hearts. Renesmee favored Jay in some ways and yes, she also had the same 'big head' Jay and I shared. Once grown, anyone would mistake her as the parent and deep down, I was counting on that.
Today, every Cullen- plus Jacob and Seth- was gathered around a large picnic table that sat on a flat patch of land astride the river behind the Cullen house. It was mid-afternoon and everyone was enjoying the beautiful spring weather. The vampires were sparkling like never before as the sun danced across their swimsuit-clad bodies, Renesmee shimmering slightly in a pink two piece and me in a modest bikini.
We'd been enjoying a picnic, the werewolves, Jay, Renesmee, and I the only ones eating the smorgasbord of food that'd been prepared, and were just now either relaxing in the sunshine or taking a dip in the cool river. The mood was calm, spirits were high, and the whole lot of us were thoroughly enjoying the nice day we'd been blessed with, especially the werewolves.
"Canon ball!" Seth yelled from a makeshift bridge over the water, a fallen tree to be exact. With a cheer, he leapt into the flowing stream and, because of his huge body size, splashed an enormous wave onto the bank, thoroughly soaking Rosalie to the bones. I hadn't realized the water got so deep, so I instructed Jacob to keep a close eye on Renesmee.
"Of course!" he said with a smile, grabbing Nessie and tossing her a few feet out and into the water. She squealed happily when her head resurfaced. I should've known the relaxation period wouldn't last long with two boisterous werewolves and an extremely hyperactive little girl.
Baby Jay cooed in my arms as a sprinkle of water touched his little cheeks and I laughed at his delighted grin. Edward, his cool arm around my shoulders, grinned down at the baby and wiped the droplets away.
He turned his attention to Jacob. "Come see if Jay likes to swim." He suggested.
Jake laughed and ran up to get the little baby. "Hey, little man." He said softly as he scooped up the bundle, supporting Jay's head like I'd taught him.
Alice called to us from the water. "Take his diaper off so it won't swell up and bust open." She said. Jacob pulled the little diaper down, accidentally and unknowingly ripping the sticky tab off. I watched as he tossed it onto the table then looked at Edward, exasperated.
"Ewww!" Renesmee said with a giggle. "He's naked!"
"So what?" Jacob responded. "We like to be naked don't we, Jay?"
I saw Rosalie roll her eyes.
"And look at him." He continued. "He hasn't got a thing to be ashamed of, just like his old man."
I slapped my forehead. Of course, Jacob was referring to himself, momentarily forgetting that Edward was the daddy. He slipped up big time.
"Uh…" Emmett said with a grin. "Jake, how would you know if Edward was"-
"Emmett!" Edward snapped. Emmett just laughed, but I could see the tension in his face. Jacob's eyes showed reserve, just realizing his mistake and seriously regretting it.
"I, uh… meant to say his uncle." He stammered as he waded into the water, little Jay in arms.
"It's alright, Jacob." I heard Alice say from her spot in the water. Jacob gave her a half-hearted smile and then turned so that the rest of us could see Jay.
"Ready?" he said into the little one's ear. Jay wiggled his feet happily.
"Be careful, now." Carlisle said from the bank. Esme lay beside him, soaking up the sun and wearing a wan smile upon her face.
Gingerly, Jacob dipped the child's tiny body into the cool water, allowing only his head and neck to remain above. With happy coos, Jay splashed with his arms with which he still had very little motor control over yet. I saw Jake grin widely as the baby experienced the new feeling of cool river water. It was another Kodak moment, perfect in every way.
"Can I hold him?" Renesmee asked as she made her way over to them.
Jacob lowered his body into the water to sit as his son played. "Nope." He said flatly. Renesmee stuck her tongue out and splashed him.
"No, Rnesmee!" Edward said from the table.
"It's okay," Jacob said quickly. "He likes it."
"Sowry." Renesmee mumbled sincerely.
"It's alright." Jacob assured her. "We'll let Alice hold him while I go and get him another diaper. I think I might've torn the one he was wearing."
He handed the bundle of joy to Alice and stepped from the river, allowing water to cascade down his annoyingly well-chiseled body. I turned my eyes away from him, blushing as his thin black swimsuit clung to his solid form.
"I'll be back." He announced as he headed toward the house.
I stood up, remembering that I had a whole new pack of diapers stashed away in the laundry room. "Wait, let me show you where the new pack is. We used up the last one this afternoon."
He nodded and I led him up the deck stairs and into the house. He followed close behind.
"I sure put my foot in mouth today." Jacob grumbled as we entered the cluttered laundry room. I smiled to myself and glanced around, trying to remember exactly where I'd stashed the diapers. The room was a complete disaster. The washer and dryer took up half the space on their own and the shelves across from them were piled with junk, clothes littered the floor like you would not believe.
"It was an honest mistake." I offered as I kicked an inflated balloon out of my way; how random. There was no telling what other strange things could be found in the room. Just the other day Emmett had found a pack of spark plugs for his Jeep underneath a laundry basket and no one had a clue how it'd gotten there.
Jake gave a humorless laugh. "Yeah well, I made an idiot out of myself."
I turned to look at him. "No you didn't."
He rolled his eyes, fidgeting with an old baseball glove perched upon a shelf beside him; he felt lousy. And I knew a perfect way to cheer him up and, quite assuredly, end his ever-growing heartache. I took a deep breath, readying myself to spill the beans and fix what I'd so selfishly screwed up.
I exhaled slowly and leaned against the dryer for support because, from witnessing Jacob's pain, I knew I would be feeling that same pain soon-because I was about to give up my baby. "I talked with Edward the other day…" I began quietly.
I swallowed. "What would you say if we uh, maybe changed the name on the birth certificate?"
Jacob was quiet for a long moment and I could see every emotion cross his face, confusion and hurt the most dominant of them all. "You want to take my name off the certificate." It wasn't a question and his voice was trembling slightly. "So what's his name going to be? Charlie Edward Cullen?"
"No, Jake. I want to change the father's name." I whispered, touching his arm. His eyes snapped to mine, complete shock now etched upon his handsome face. I smiled.
"W-what?" he stammered.
"You heard me." I chuckled. "Edward and I have agreed to allow you to be the father. It's only right."
"I can't believe this!" he crowed, tears of joy filling his eyes, a smile brightening his face. He reached over and hugged me with his bear-like grip and I nearly suffocated.
"Jake!" I squealed.
"Oh, sorry." He let go and I felt glorious oxygen return to my lungs. "I keep forgetting."
"No problem." I wheezed. "But – that's – not all.'
"What do you mean?"
I prepared myself for what I was about to say, already feeling the icy fingers of remorse begin to grasp my heart. "Well…" I said slowly. "When Nessie is grown then maybe she should… put her name on the certificate as well."
Jacob's smile washed from his face as he absorbed what I'd just suggested. Well jeez, I thought he'd be thrilled.
"You don't like the idea?" I asked, and as much as I hated to admit it, I hoped he didn't like it. I wanted Jay too.
"No that's a great idea, don't get me wrong." He assured me. "It's just that – I sort of want Jay to be ours."
My mouth fell open. "Jake, I've told you before and I know you aren't blind or stupid, but in case you haven't noticed-"
"You're married, I know."
"Yeah and I don't plan on changing that." I fumed, even though I was secretly tickled that he was game for letting me keep Jay.
"You don't have to be married to share a child, Bella. Are you the stupid one here?"
"I don't want him to have to be passed back and forth."
"I practically live here."
"What about Renesmee?"
"What about her?"
"If both of us are the parents then her brother will also be her step-son!" I screeched, not really caring whether or not the vampires could hear me. "We aren't the freakin' Beverly Hillbillies."
Jacob's brow furrowed angrily. "In case you haven't noticed, your little vampire family is already messed up as it is!"
"What are you on about?"
"Hello! Rosalie is Emmett's sister and his wife, same thing with Alice and Jasper. That's pretty screwed up if you ask me."
I couldn't argue with that. Damn him.
"No, it's too weird." I muttered.
"Hey, at least it isn't incest."
I sighed. He crossed his arms over his chest, a smirk of triumph on his face.
"I'll have to talk to Edward about it…" I said, utterly defeated. "Why is it so important that Jay is ours? Why can't he be yours and Renesmee's?"
His smirk vanished, only to be replaced with a very sincere expression. He nudged a basketball with his bare foot. "I don't know." He mumbled.
"Yes you do."
He huffed, arms still crossed. "I just want us to share something. Baby Jay is like a – a souvenir you could say. He is what should have existed, Bella. We are what should have been. Jay is us; my part of you and your part of me."
"Jake – " I tried.
"I can't get it out of my head." He continued. "That time at my house, the feelings we so obviously still share…"
"Here we go again." I mumbled angrily.
"No, Bella." He urged, taking my arms in his vice grip. "You cannot stand here and tell me you don't think about it too. You do wonder about us and what we could have been and you do imagine another life, a normal life."
"Werewolves aren't normal…" I whispered feebly. He let go of my arms, leaving imprints of his hands where they'd squeezed me.
"You know I'm right."
Yes he was right. No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did to keep my thoughts from him, the memory of us was never, ever forgotten. Sure I'd managed to push it to the bottom of my memory bank, but it always lingered on my conscious mind, never giving me a break, always haunting me. I should have expected it though, for how could you possibly forget something as life changing as love between two people who were naturally meant to be together, but weren't?
My eyes welled up with tears that I really hoped Jacob couldn't see, and I turned around to rest my palms on the cool metal surface in front of me, completely shaken. I glanced up and spotted the new pack of diapers on the narrow shelf above the dryer. As I reached up to grab them I felt a very warm pair of hands encircle my bare waist.
I gave a startled gasp and came down from my tip toes, turning to face the one embracing me. Jacob had all but closed the already small distance between us, our stomachs touching lightly.
"Jacob what are you doing?"
His eyes were ablaze with a fire I recognized from a year ago, and I was suddenly very feverish and scared at the same time. He never let his gaze falter from my own as he bent his head closer to mine. His breath was sweet and warm on my face.
I sighed shakily. "Stop it. Now."
"Bella…" he breathed.
I hadn't a clue what had come over him, causing him to act in such a way, to touch me so intimately. I tried to figure out what his motives were, see where on earth he was coming from. I hadn't flirted or touched him in any way that could be considered sensual, I hadn't led him on… It wasn't my fault.
"Jake, stop. I don't know why you think you can do this, now stop!"
He drew back, face suddenly stained red with an embarrassed blush. "I'm sorry – I shouldn't have – well…"
"What were you thinking?" I demanded, trying desperately to sound outraged instead of flustered.
"I don't know." He ran his fingers through his shaggy damp hair. "I just – can't help myself. I want you, Bella. I want you for my own so badly I can't stand it." His blush deepened noticeably.
I'd turned red too, but it wasn't from embarrassment. I was red because I was angry that Jacob had sprung this on me again, and mad at my body for responding to his advances. I really didn't know what to think or how to react to his revelation; I was dumbfounded.
"Bella, don't freak out." He pleaded, taking my arms in his hands again, but gently this time. "Let me have you. We belong –"
"Hush, Jacob. I don't want to hear it!" My eyes were brimming with tears again. "I love Edward."
"You love me too. You said so when we were…"
"I can't have you both." I cried in desperation. "I've chosen already! We can never –"
Before I could really begin, my words were cut off as Jacob took my mouth with an urgent kiss. I sucked in air with my nose, struggled helplessly against his unyielding strength. His tongue forced its way in to touch my own, and an overwhelming heat flooded my entire body. His hands grasped desperately at my backside, pushing me into him, allowing me to feel the level of his arousal.
"Make love to me." he gasped through heavy pants. I looked away, desperately trying to hide my flushed cheeks. I don't want him to do this, I repeated over and over in my head. I don't like this…
"No." I whimpered.
"You know you want to."
"Stop telling me what I know!"
He ignored me. "Touch me, Bella." He said in a voice I'd longed to forget but absolutely loved to hear. I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak.
He reached for my hand and as he took it, moved his lips to my neck and nibbled. He placed my shaking palm over the bulge in his swimsuit and my heart skipped a few beats. I could feel my body respond to the sensual touch, my swimsuit bottoms growing wet with my own reluctant arousal. I hated to like it…
Despite my good judgment and my commitment to Edward, I let instinct take over and squeezed his hard penis in my hands, nearly melting as I heard a low groan of pleasure escape his mouth. I rubbed him through the fabric just slightly, re-familiarizing myself with Jacob's shape and size. So for quite a few moments our bodies – hands, arms, mouths – were a tangle of touching and kissing as we fought to devour each other. The tiny room was quiet except for our heavy and desperate breathing. The air conditioned temperature had suddenly become unbearably warm, and our flailing bodies soon prickled with sweat beads.
What was I doing? Kissing my best friend and touching him in such forbidden ways? This man, who I was not married to? I tried to come up with excuses for my behavior and his, but they were all lame. I tried to tell myself that we were both in a vulnerable state of mind, what with the baby's parentage such a troubling issue. Jake and I'd just caught ourselves at our most excruciating point of vulnerability, that's all. We just needed comfort…
He lifted me up effortlessly and sat me down on the dryer. I felt chills run up my spine as his hands caressed my inner thighs, and gasped for air when his warm tongue plunged into my mouth. The feelings I was experiencing were so refreshing and somewhat new, even though I'd felt them once before, like a rare treat. Jacob's fiery touch, so wonderful compared to Edward's cold one, felt welcome on my chilled skin. The man's sheer masculinity, his rough hands and rugged features, made every ounce of me crave his body and ignore my marriage. I wanted his attention and I was losing all focus…
"Mmm…" I mumbled traitorously as he tasted my earlobe with his steamy tongue.
His hands slid under my bikini top and pulled it over my head to expose my breasts to the cold air, and my nipples peaked. He dipped his head down take one in his mouth, and I pulled at his shorn hair. Then went my bottoms as he yanked them down forcefully. I hissed as the cool metal of the machine touched my bare backside. With a ragged breath, he pressed his clothed erection into my open legs, giving me a preview, letting me know exactly what he wanted.
"Do you want me?" he whispered hoarsely, his deep voice sending shivers through my naked flesh. Yes, I did want him. But I couldn't admit that, I shouldn't because Jacob wasn't mine to have.
I shook my head no.
A growl sounded deep in his throat, he was angry with my response.
"We can't." I said weakly.
My words made him angrier and he reached behind my head to pull my hair, forcing my head back and my eyes to meet his. It is said that a person's eyes say it all, and so I was frightened by what he was telling me.
He wanted me, and he was going to have me whether I liked it or not.
I couldn't believe how Jacob's demeanor differed from the one he had during that fateful meeting long ago, where he'd been vulnerable and shy. The way he was treating me now, forcing my clothes off and pulling my hair, was almost animalistic. Instead of being the timid boy I'd remembered, he'd become a dominant man; a man willing to use force to get what he desired. I was terrified of what he was capable of and oddly, I was thrilled too.
Edward, my husband, was never the dominating type. He was always sweet and gentle with me, just as Jacob had been. It was very nice and romantic, but the way Jake was acting was so very exciting. He was running on lust and eagerness, and it was that eagerness that led his every demanding action. Again, I hated to like it…
"Make love to me, Bella. Please…" he pleaded in my ear.
His free hand went down to his swimsuit and he pulled them to his ankles and kicked them off onto a pile of laundry in the floor. I saw his erection and remembered every detail about it, remembered its feeling in my hands as well as in my body. Not thinking, I grabbed him and barely stroked, listening to his sharp intake of breath as he felt my trembling hands touch him so intimately. Jeez, why did I like it so much?
Our heavy breathing filled the air as he stood there and I sat, both of us bare and both of us staring intently into one another's eyes. This was it. Either I said 'no' like a good girl, a girl who was most certainly in love with her husband, or 'yes' like someone who was hopelessly lost in this man's fiery embrace.
He growled, waiting for my permission to continue with our adultery. No matter if I gave it or not, he would have me anyway.
Without a word or a pause, he held himself and guided his erection into me, letting a soft moan emit from his sweet mouth. His length, so warm and so different from Edward's, was yet again startling to my senses and I inhaled sharply as it stretched my sensitive walls. My hands gripped his broad shoulders as I fought to hold onto my good sense, to be good and stop him. But something deep inside wouldn't let me.
"Just let go, Bella honey." He whispered. I shook my head as fresh tears filled my eyes. What was I doing?
He sighed as he waited inside me, annoyed.
He covered my lips with his own and slowly began to pump within me, allowing my mind to remember the moment, this same feeling I'd experienced long ago. I tried to protest though, not letting the glorious sensations muddle me, and pushed his shoulders from me, averting my head so our lips parted. But he was just too strong and way too determined to have me. He'd turned into a ravenous animal who would not, could not be stopped.
I didn't know what to do. Fight harder? But he was too strong and way too excited to stop. Should I give in and let him have what he wanted? Should I really be enjoying this so much? No, I shouldn't be because it was so wrong. So why couldn't I stop?
My body was being pressed hard against the dryer as he moved within me, hurting my tail bone. I hissed, gripping his shoulders with my nails and uttered a small sound of discomfort.
He lifted his face from my shoulder and met my furious gaze, realized my situation. But instead of stopping and letting me go, he decided to change positions. Gripping my waist, he lifted me from my perch and stood me on the floor. The motion made him fall out of me and, to my surprise and equal shame, I wanted him back in. Quickly, he spun me around so that his front was pressed against my back and I was leaning on the stupid dryer for support.
"Jacob, stop…" my good sense said. He didn't listen.
He slid his erection between my butt cheeks and mumbled stubbornly, "No."
Again I tried to protest, flailing my arms and jabbing his ribs with my elbows. He caught me and shoved his body against mine, forcing me into submission and into the damned dryer, hurting my stomach. He wrapped one long arm around my entire body, restricting my own arms, and placed his other on the dryer for support. My struggling ceased as his strength overpowered my weak, human body.
I craned my neck so I could look him dead in the eyes. "Who are you?" I demanded through gritted teeth.
"I'm your Jacob." He whispered.
"No," I spat. "My Jacob would never force me to do this! My Jacob wouldn't rape me."
He had the audacity to smirk. "You can't rape the willing."
Ignoring my outraged expression, he slid himself back into me once again and continued his rhythm. I tried so hard to stay angry but the feeling that washed over me was too intense to overcome, the feeling of wholeness inside my heart and inside my body. I realized that this is where I should be, where I was supposed to have come long ago, but was too stubborn and intoxicated by Edward that I refused to. I was meant to be here in Jacob's arms, feeling his love and sharing my love with him, not Edward.
Jacob had been right from the beginning. If I'd given up Edward, this bond is what I would've had, a bond of love making and one of Jay as well. Our lives would've been normal and healthy, natural. There would be no Renesmee, the only part of me, up until recently, I'd allowed Jacob to have, so he wouldn't have imprinted. He would have been totally mine.
Now though, when I finally realized what my choice should've been, when I finally admitted to my myself who it was I really wanted, I couldn't have him. Not completely anyways, because Jacob was Renesmee's and soon she would be the only one he'd want too. Because of my stubbornness I'd missed out on a lot with Jacob, and because I had Renesmee, what little time I had with him now wouldn't last.
An overwhelming sense of defeat descended upon my heart and, reluctantly, I let go of the good sense I'd managed to keep and allowed myself to feel the love I'd repressed for too long. What would it hurt? To get what little of Jacob I could before I had to give him up to my own daughter.
I lifted an arm and wrapped it round his neck, shoving his head down to my lips so I could kiss his naturally warm mouth. Realizing that I'd finally given in, he moaned deep in his chest and squeezed his arm around me tighter. His breathing was labored as he pumped me with more force and his grip on the dryer grew stronger, his knuckles turning white. My stomach, being pressed harder and harder into the barrier, began to get sore with every thrust and as hard as I tried, I couldn't ignore the pain.
I lifted up, breaking Jacob's rhythm, and turned back around so that our bare chests and stomachs were touching. The beads of sweat that sprinkled Jake's body mingled with my own and we slipped against each other as we kissed passionately. His erection was pressed up against my abdomen, wet from my body and pulsing with an eagerness to continue.
He growled in his throat, looking at me with hooded eyes, "Love me, Bella." He whispered.
"I do…" I breathed.
He picked me up then, cradling me like I was a bride, and lay me gently on the laundry-covered floor. With hushed whispers and fleeting kisses, he made love to me, using every ounce of passion and love contained in his big heart. Gone were his aggressive actions, only to be replaced with the sweet tenderness of our first time together. Our bodies writhed with pleasure as we moved in unison and our murmurs and gasps of ecstasy were muffled by the piles of clothing. The room was so calm with silence save for our frantic breathing and lovemaking, and the scent of our pheromones filled the air, driving our senses wild with anticipation of release.
I knew when Jacob was getting close, his breath coming in labored gasps and his motions getting faster. Like last time, he perched on his knee and lifted my pelvis up to receive him, balancing precariously on his left arm. As I climbed up to my own release, I felt him spill into me. He cried out with a deep voice, in pure bliss. His body became rigid as he rode the strong waves out. As he slowed, my own orgasm flooded my body with startling power, so strong that I couldn't breathe.
He held himself up and began to pull out, but I grabbed his arms to stop him. "No, stay," I said breathlessly.
He sighed, lowered himself a bit, pressing on me so that I could barely get in any air. I noticed his body was trembling with exertion and sweat still dripped from his fevered skin.
Noticing my discomfort, he suddenly flipped us so that he was on bottom and me on top, our bodies still connected. I really wanted to stay that way forever and feel him so close to me and my heart, but I knew we'd been gone for far too long and my family would have started to wonder.
I sighed as I felt him grow soft inside me, and lifted up on my arms to stare into his handsome face. "I need to get back…" I whispered. He smiled wanly and heaved a content sigh.
"I think I'll head over to La Push." He mumbled, scratching his eye. I frowned. "I don't want Edward in my head."
I nodded, understanding. "I'll tell them you had to help Billy move furniture or something."
"Alright, but I don't know about you going back down there just yet." He said as he sat up on his elbows. "Take a shower. You smell like… well…"
I saw his cheeks turn red and I slowly saw my shy, timid Jacob come back completely. I chuckled. "Okay, come up for an excuse for me then. And get Seth to come get the diapers."
He smiled and we got up and dressed ourselves, after a frantic search through the laundry piles that is. Once clothed in his wet swimsuit, he walked out on deck and called for Seth to get his hairy butt up where we were.
"Billy needs me to move some furniture and Bella spilled a carton of laundry detergent all over herself so she's gettin' in the shower!" he called. Not the best of excuses, but it seemed to work.
"How'd she wind up doing that?" I heard Emmett ask with a hearty laugh.
Jacob chuckled back. "We're talking about Bella, here." He teased. I rolled my eyes as I peeled my top back on.
"Good point.' Emmett shot back.
Jake looked back at me. "Seth's on his way. Go get in the shower."
I nodded and turned to leave when Jake caught my arm. I met his gaze, confused by the sudden worry I saw in his brown eyes. "You're on birth control, right?"
"Yeah." I mumbled, remembering the only reason why was because I didn't want to have another child with Edward. My husband.
He sighed with relief. "See you later then, Bells. I love you…"
"L-love you too."
He exited the small room and I scurried up the steps to the rarely used bathroom, my body trembling with nervous energy and relief that we hadn't been caught. That was twice.
"Where are the diapers?" Seth bellowed through the house. I stuck my head out the bathroom door and told him where to look, shut it back quickly.
As I let the steamy water wash over my body, my earlier actions finally began to sink in and so did the guilt. But I brushed it off for the time being, knowing that I'd done what my heart had led me to do and, whether or not Jake and I made love again, as least I knew my true feelings. Despite them though, there was nothing I could do about my marriage to Edward or Jacob's imprint on Renesmee.
All I could do was savor the moments Jake and I had, and prepare myself to let go of them when the time came. Also, for the time being, I needed to figure out what the hell I was doing, or going to do for that matter, now that I'd had sex with Jacob of my own free will. This was going to be complicated, and Edward could never ever find out about it; Jacob was going to have to keep a strong barrier against him.
The smart thing to do would be to stop this affair with my best friend before it got even more serious because, damn it, I still loved Edward too. But, to my surprise, I realized I wasn't going to be able to do that. I was not capable of giving Jacob up, especially since I had a limited amount of time with him.
Ok everybody! I need suggestions and opinions. I do know where this is headed now, but a little help never hurt anything!