Interview with Snow White: the truth behind the 'fairy tale.
And a few others for the fun of it.
Interviewer: I feel so lucky to be here. I trust you're enjoying the the time here
Snow White (putting down her fake tan makeup, made of crushed coaca) : Oh yes, the sun is good. Especially helps me loose this absurd pale skin.
Interviewer: Oh... so how did you come to possese such a erm, unique complexion?
Snow White : It really was because of that stupid mirror. My stepmom, being overfussy about me, as usual created another darn potion and that made me so wonderfully beautiful, like a the blonde beauty style. Unfortunately that didn't work out with my hair but anyway she got jealous and banished me. For reference, the hunter guy never existed. I guess those tales came from my coachmen, who kicked me outta the carriage carrying me out of the kingdom and yeah the dwarves, you know.
Interviewer: I see. What about those charming dwarves?
Snow White: Charming is certainly not the word. Horrible they were, and they were so extra cautious in everything, so spotless was that den coz Reckless didn't want to get sick, or hurt or anything like that for the matter. Sleepy always awake, watching out for theifs, traitors, murderers, you get it, Stupid poring through books for them mining techniques, Weird was a really plain one with no words, Happy being such a whinger and the two Good and Bliss twins being the most evil and naughty things out there. Anyway, they took me cause they wanted to see how such an unpleasant person (sniffing) could change in a pleasant circumstance.
Interviewer (marvelling at how she said it all in one breath) : Wow. Oh yes, how is your Prince doing?
Snow White (looking haughty and bored): Oh that idiots all right. Seriously, he though I was a doll and wanted to take me to his castle to display and then those dwarves told him the story which I ask them to spread about me being under a spell, thinking that kissing a 1000 year princess would drive him away, but that idiot fancied himself in love (rolling her eyes, she continues) but being a princees aka soon to be queen is totally comfy so I let that pin-head go on.
Interviewer: I didn't realise he was that bad. So, how are your cousins Beauty, Cinderella and Rapunzel doing?
Snow White: Ah Beauty is still asleep mind you last time I visited her her snores drove my eardrums out. And trust me, she is as beautiful as the ugliest hag. That foolish prince's kiss is only a lure set up by her parents, and obviously no one's signed on all these years....
Interviewer: Ouch thats a little harsh. Well, cinderella?
Snow White: Cinderella's developed an awful temper. Poor Charming has gone that mad he has delusioned himslef into seeing her as a beast. Poor guy. And Rapunzel will be stuck in that tower for a few more centuries and then that prince( you have no idea how annoying that word is) is due to be born then, said her fairy protector.
Interviewer: Wow, it seems I am indeed a lucky one to find all this out. So is there anything else you'd like to say?
Snow White: oh nothing at all. Just tell the future inhabitants of my castle hello.
(Walks huffily out, leaving interviewer raising her eyebrows who then climbs into the time machine.