Okay this is a one-shot...I think.
It might be a couple more one-shots for Eclipse moments that were not shown, but we will see how this story goes.
Please reiview, and if you like to suggest a moment that was not witnessed in Eclipse please message me or leave it in the review.
All Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
"Shut your window if you want me to stay away tonight. I'll understand."
His words circled inside my head over and over again. I could hear the quiet sadness and assumed rejection in his words. It all lingered there making me feel guilty, but I didn't have a reason to be. I thought this in my mind and would nod my head in agreement. I didn't have anything to feel guilty over.
Then I heard the sound of the window I had slammed down minutes earlier in anger running through my head again. I was going to shut him out. I was going to tell him to stay away. But I couldn't. I had opened the window again. I had felt the cool air come back in, re-invited and relieved. Maybe Edward had watched me do it. Maybe that relieve was his own.
I felt guilty then. I had tried to shut him out. I had finally been that angry. What was I thinking? After all the things that we had fought about why was I so angry about this? I couldn't rightly answer it. It was more than just him not trusting Jacob. He didn't trust me to make the judgment that it was okay to trust Jacob. Who does he think I hung out with when he was gone? Who does he think I clutched to as if my life depended on it, because my life really did?
No, I can't think of that. My insides curled in on me thinking of that darkness. I silently thanked the heavens it was not that time. I thanked them that he was back-he was mine again. I wrapped myself up in my blanket. I held to my chest and rolled over to the side. I wasn't strong enough to think about what it had been like.
I breathed out the anxiety that I suddenly felt heavy in the room. The sound of the window closing loudly under my hand reverberated in my ears again. I felt the anger again, but this time some of it was reserved for me. Why couldn't I convince him? What was deficient in me that was unable to make him understand? Why was I so angry?
I knew one thing. It wasn't going to stop me from seeing Jacob. He had been my sun. The one who could reach me when…
No! I couldn't do it. How could explain how important Jacob was to me if I couldn't tell Edward exactly why? I couldn't tell him because I couldn't even think about, much less talk about it.
I listened to Charlie huff up the stairs, and stop at my door for a moment. He opened it and my eyes shut quickly. I heard him lean against the door. He stood there for maybe thirty seconds before he sighed and then shut the door again. My eyes opened when I knew it was safe. I listened to his door shut.
Edward would be here soon. Then my stomach turned. What if he saw the window close but not the window open? Now I felt the guilt. I had just been so…frustrated. He took apart my car. He didn't let me go see my best friend. I had a reason to be upset!!
I took another deep breath clearing my head. At the same time I had to try and be objective. Edward at first didn't want me to spend time with him. I had to convince him to trust himself and my judgment. Edward just needed time. He would trust that I was right about this, eventually. He was too overprotective, and as much as I have tried to curb that instinct, I really haven't been helpful to it. He would come around. I believed that. I desperately wished it. I really needed it. I needed both of them in my life. Of course they had to be bitter enemies. Of course they both had to be possessive of their time with me.
"Good going, Bella." I heard myself mumble. I had picked the perfect pair hadn't I? Was I just expecting too much. Why couldn't they just get along? What was so hard about that?
There was silence in the house now, and I began to feel lonely. Edward would usually be here by now. He could tell before I could that Charlie was asleep. It had been ten minutes since Charlie went to his room. By then he is already snoring so loud I could hear him, but I didn't hear him.
Then the terrible thought came to my head again. He's not coming.
I tried to breathe it out again but my breath hitched in my throat. I could remember so clearly sleeping by myself all those months. Night after night of such immense pain and loneliness. I could not push it into the deep again. It wanted to remind me what it felt like. It wanted to taunt me. Remind me of what a temper can do in a delicate situation.
I still didn't believe I did anything wrong, but did I have to storm off? Did I have to walk away? Did I have to close that damn window?
"I'm here." He murmured so softly in my ear. My heart beat sped up at the shock of his sudden presence. He was here.
I breathed in, smelling his scent strong and wonderful in the room. The dark memories were gone. I stayed still thanking the heaven again.
I turned myself around to see his face. He looked down for a moment and then to my eyes. We watched each other for a while.
"You closed the window." He whispered to me. I felt the dread well up me. I could see clearly in his eyes that I had hurt him.
"I opened it back up again." I offered as if I was pleading with him. I hated when I hurt him. I couldn't stand it. He smiled at me and nodded.
"You did." His hand caressed my cheek. "You did." He said more loudly. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to upset you. I just…I don't…I…" He huffed out a breath. He looked deeply into my eyes and pressed his lips into a straight line.
"I cannot…I will not lose you to anyone or anything ever." His voice was whispering but I could hear the force behind those words. He was serious. He would burn the world for me if I asked him, but he couldn't trust me with my own safety. His fear of losing me was too intense. His fear had been realized too many times.
"Edward, I don't want to fight tonight, and I don't want to talk about this again after I say this." I started. I put my hand over his hand that was still on my cheek. "I trust Jacob." He gritted his teeth. "I need Jacob. He's my best friend. I know you don't understand that, but it's the truth." He gave a great sigh and nodded.
"Now please hold me." I said scooting closer to him. My anger had subsided and now I just wanted him to make feel safe again. Not safe from evil vampires, young and crazy werewolves, or anything that could hold physical shape. I need to be protected from the darkness that had tried to take over just a moment ago. The force that had tried to make me re-live the worst time of my life. I needed him to just be with me. He looked at me incredulous.
"Bella, you don't have to. I know I upset you…" His words paused as he watched me move toward him. I leaned into him slowly. I kissed his cheek, but when I pulled away he kissed my lips. His hands grabbed on to my hair and his lips grew more passionate. Finally when I thought my life would flash before eyes with every good feeling I had ever had, he pulled away. He held me to his chest tightly and started humming.
Nothing else mattered right then. No fight or disagreement. No fear or hope or memory. He was here. That's what mattered. He was here.