A/N: I don't know, this is just a short story that decided to crop up out of nowhere…I actually expect it to have a few more chapters, but all in all, it's really very short.
Warnings: It's just about self hate and really all over hopelessness, so it's not happy. Probably violent as well.
Rating: Not like M, so I suppose T.
Disclaimer: I disclaim ownership.
It's the snow, it's always the snow, that reminds me of his face. Why is that? I don't even understand it myself, mainly because he's the furthest thing from snow you could possibly find. The cold, and the white emptiness is for me, the part that I resemble. I know that's what he would tell me if he were here..
The crunching beneath my feet is comforting but irritating at the same time. I love snow, and everything about it really, though it would be a cold day in hell when I would admit to loving it, to loving anything really.
But right now, I did not need crunching, I was supposed to be silent. I centered chakra down into my feet, creating heat, so the white fluff would melt with each step instead of indenting. I sighed and stared up into the gray sky, looking at the blackness of the trees fighting the colorless world of winter. So warped and blunt the branches were, so noticeable against that gray. Was that how I had been, when I was there? A black thing jutting out where it didn't belong?
It didn't matter now in any case, I was perfect here. In this silence and cold, I was in my element. Almost halfway away from that wretched place I had once willingly abided at. Would I actually make it? I suppose it could be possible. He hadn't been watching me so close lately, he had grown lazy in his persistence. He assumed. Once someone assumed, it was so easy to betray them; just as my brother had done to me. Just as I had done to my precious person. I snorted softly, glancing around the forest for signs of movement. How easy it was for me to put the same evil onto another person, the evil of being abandoned.
Should he really have expected me to stay, though? I'm too tainted a being, too broken to be of use to anyone…Especially someone like him, the person where warmth seems to start from.
Could he maybe melt my snow? I would never know I guess, I'd thrown that away with every other part of my soul that actually had some form of meaning to it. Almost there now. If I wasn't stopped the next hundred or so yards, he wouldn't come for me.
How terribly simple of him to expect my loyalty.
I shed my clothes as I walked, stripping down to just my pants, leaving that damned symbol of him behind. I kept my shoes, they helped some against the snow. Where had I been going? Maybe it was really nowhere, I had nowhere to go at all. My body shivered, protesting against the sudden bareness to the winters wind. It didn't matter; maybe I would find a tree somewhere to rest under until the ultimate sort of sleep took over me.
My toes were numb now, the snow melting onto them only to be replaced with more as I took each step. One last look behind me to confirm it, and I knew I was clear by now. I sighed and glanced up again, closing my eyes for a moment and just breathing as deeply as I could. Freedom tasted of bitter cold and loneliness, but it was freedom none the less.
The pale skin of my arms was covered in goose bumps, my body slowly going down in temperature as I continued to walk. My cheeks were bitterly cold, and I knew they must be tainted pink as the blood fought to keep a steady flow in my sleepy veins. Why did I feel like I wanted to see him so badly? Maybe that's what happened when you were close to dying, you wished for silly, useless things.
I sat beneath a tree, the bark scratching at my bare back as I slid down to meet the ground. I was there no longer than a few moments when I could see the snow start to fall. Very softly at first, like a whisper, barely noticeable in the least. Then came the puffs of it, floating down like flower petals, all gently swirling together like a painting. It was beautiful, I'll admit this to myself. My eyes were heavy with the sleepiness that comes from cold, and the shivers that threatened to come over me again and again seemed to change their minds and just let me be.
So many mistakes in my life…So many. I had chosen to live a mistake, to live by what I knew, just to torture myself. What else was there really? Now that I was done, I knew nothing else. I didn't want to stay there, but I could never go back either. That left only the forest for me to make a home of.
It would be short lived however, I knew this. Maybe another hour or so, and I would be faded like all of this white snow, another frozen piece of winter. How far had I walked, where was I? Hopefully a child would find me, get their first taste of what life was. I almost smiled, but it stopped before it met my eyes. I didn't wish myself upon anyone.
A/N: There we are. Maybe another chapter or two will be added to his. Please review me and tell me what you think. If people actually want more, I'll post the rest.