A/N: Okay, I have another new story. I really need to stop coming up with new ones while I still have uncompleted stories out. Before I begin about this, the order I will update goes likes this: Lacking Simplicity, If Tomorrow Never Comes, and If We Had Seen It Coming.
Okay, now for this story. This is something new I'm working with. It's definitely for mature readers and there are more than definitely some very dark parts. There will be parts I'm shore you won't like but it will get better. Again, it takes place during season two. Here we go…. (may possibly be a Kleenex needing chapter)
If Tomorrow Never Comes
Chapter 1: He Hurts Me Most
He's staring at me from the nurses' station, giving me that McDreamy look that he knows render's me speechless. I'm leaning against the wall waiting for him to leave so I can get a patient's chart. I have been trying to get over him but then he gives me that look and I forget how much he's hurt me. He's moving closer to me, abandoning the chart he had held in his firm hands. Soon he is right in front of me but I can't move away.
I can see his lips but I hear no words, only see his eyes undressing me. I ask him to leave me alone and go back to his wife so I can move on but he just smiles and runs his hand down my cheek. Before I can push him away and leave he's tugging me into an empty on call room just around the corner. I faintly hear the click as he locks the door behind him.
Soon, his hands are playing with the string of my scrub pants. He unties them in less than two seconds and pulls them down to my ankles. I gasp as his hand slips up my shirt and cups my breast through mycotton bra. He renders me motionless. His other hand traces my inner thigh, drawing invisible circles, working upward.
He leads me to the bed, his lips kissing and suckling at my neck. I let him lye me down, his body covering mine. His hands are moving everywhere, making my senses go wild. He removes his hands to undress himself and returns them before I can come back to reality. I can't even remember my scrub top and underwear being removed. There we are, naked, skin to skin. He looks at me, a dark lustrous look in his eyes.
That look pulls me back to reality. "Derek, we- we should stop. This- it's wrong. Addison…s-she …please just stop." I told him, his hardened cock hitting my thigh. I don't know if he heard me or not. He moves his hips closer to mine, I feel his shaft begin to enter. "Derek, stop! I don't- I don't want this. No!" I'm nearly shouting now, pleading. He does not hear me as he enters anyway.
I try to push him away but he's too strong and he's moving too fast. I don't want this. He leans down to kiss me but I turn my head and he catches my cheek instead. This does not make him either. I open my mouth to scream but he pulls my face to him and covers it with a forceful kiss. I stop fighting, it's useless. I lay there like a broken doll as he keeps pushing in and out of me, too rough to feel anything else.
He finishes, a drawn out moan leaving his throat as he pulls out gripping my waist for support. He smiles down at me and lays a feather kiss against my forehead. I faintly hear him say 'I love you'. How could he possibly love me? He leaves, closing the door behind him. I'm lying there naked, crying and wishing that it never happened. I barely get on my panties and bra before I finally sink to the ground in a heap, my cheek plastered to the linoleum floor. Tears cascade down my face endlessly. The sad thing is that even after that, I still love him. I don't want to but I don't know how to stop.
I lay there unmoving, crying so hard my chest hurts. Seconds turn into minutes and minutes turn into hours. I know Bailey is on the war path looking for me as well as the Chief but I can't get up. I can still feel him in me, and his breath hot on my skin, hear him whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I move my hands up to cover them and feel blood on my neck. He was pushing in so hard I couldn't even feel him bite me.
I feel a vibration by my waist and see that it's my pager. I reach for it blindly and pull it up to my eyes. Twenty pages all saying the same thing. 'Chief's office 911' and then another three paging me to the pit. Even after seeing this, I still lie here broken. I throw the pager against the door. How had they not heard me shout? Did I not shout loud enough? I see the door knob turn, of course they would hear the pager hit the door.
The last person I thought would find me walks in but does not see me on the floor. I slide under the bunk bed's base before they can turn on the light. I don't want to be found, not like this. I hear their feet scuffle along the floor and then see them stop in front of the bed. The mattress creaks as they sit on it. I guess they aren't looking for me after all.
They yawn as if they are worn out from the day. As I hear her lying down, I wonder if she would still lie there if she knew what had happened just hours ago. I flinch as her pager clatters to the floor. Not long after that she reaches down to get it but pauses. That's when I see my broken pager scattered by the door and my scrubs thrown in a corner next to it.
Had she seen it? She moved again, throwing her legs over the side. I gulped as she leaned over to retrieve her pager. My breath stops in my throat, hoping she won't see me. She's about to stand up straight again when her head turns sideways and her eyes lock with mine. My heart stops and my body freezes rock solid, tears making a fresh trail over the old dried ones.
"Grey? Everyone's looking for you! Why are you under there?" she questions, looking at me like she would have rather bit a lemon than find me. She reaches under to pull me out when I don't make a plan to move. I flinch away from her as if she had been the one to do this to me. She looks around the room, sighing in what I think is frustration. She stops so suddenly that I barely even realized she had stopped.
I follow her eyes to my broken pager and my forgotten scrubs, the top torn. When had that happened? She looks back at me in confusion. Her eyes travel my body, in deep thought. I sink further back to the wall. Her head snaps back up to look at me as if my movement brought her back down to earth. She's looking at me but her eyes aren't level with mine and I realize she's staring at the bloody bite mark on my neck.
"Come out here, Grey. I won't hurt you." she tells me, her voice sounding so soft and caring. I slide out, ignoring the hand she offered me for help. I sit up and use the bunk frame to push myself up onto my feet. She scans my body trying to figure out if I was raped or if I just liked rough sex. Her eyes linger on my waist.
I look down and see two deep purple hand prints on either side of my waist from where he gripped me during it. She looks back up at me, a worrying look in her eyes. "Come with me to an exam room. Um, we'll need to call the cops." she finally says after giving me that sympathetic look for what seemed like hours.
"NO! I can't, he-he…I can't. No. I don't need to be examined either." I stammered, my eyes shouting volumes of emotions. How could I call the cops on someone who I love? How could I cry rape when I wasn't even sure if it was or not? Addison stared down at me, reaching out to pull me to her in a hug. I move backwards colliding with the bunk bed.
It looked as if I were backing away because she were another guy who could hurt me. The truth is I backed away because I didn't want to be comforted by the wife of he man who hurt me so much. "You need to let me at least check you out. I'll just do a rape kit and clean up that bite mark." she offered, this time keeping her hands to herself.
I stare at her incredulously. I don't want her touching me even just to pat my arm let alone touch me down there. "No. You can't because if you do a rape kit then you have to call the police. It's protocol to do that, if you don't then you could be suspended or even fired. You don't seem like the one to lose a job just because someone wasn't sure if it was rape or not, especially not for me. I mean why would you? I mean you hate me and you probably think I asked for this. I did sleep with your husband and I get drunk and sleep with inappropriate guys. Derek even knows I'm a whore so maybe I did ask for this." I'm rambling, going on and on. I'm surprised I didn't just out right tell her it was Derek.
She contemplates me for a moment as if wondering how she should respond. "I don't hate you, Meredith. Right now this isn't about you and me and Derek. This is about you and the bastard that did this. You are not a whore and you didn't ask for this. If you said no and the ass kept going, then it's rape." she told me, nearly shouting as if that would make a difference in anything.
"I did say no, I tried to scream too. But that's not what I mean. You wouldn't understand. I-I wanted it, my body wanted it. I didn't even try to stop him until he already pushed in. God, isn't that sick?! I only wanted to stop because…I-I can't even tell you the truth!" Suddenly I'm laughing, laughing so hard I clench my stomach. She looks at me like I'm crazy. I'm laughing at the irony.
She hurts me first by showing up to claim her husband, then he tries to fix it by saying I saved him when he was drowning. He hurts me next by pushing himself on me and now she's the one trying to fix it. The funny thing is, it's all unfixable. Everything. I can't talk to him about how she made me feel inferior compared to her and I can't tell her how he hurt me.
"You can tell me the truth, Meredith. I'll stand here with you all day until you tell me who did this." she pleads, as if I'm her responsibility. I shake my head, ready to bolt. I move to the corner wear my scrubs lay haphazardly and pull on my pants. I tug on my scrub top despite the tear at the bottom followed by roughly jamming my feet into my sneakers.
I feel the blood trickling down my thigh from when he kept going too hard and too fast but ignore it. "No, I can't. You know him. Everyone knows him and no one will believe me. You can stand here all day but, I'm leaving. No one and I mean no one is to know about this. If you tell anyone, I'll deny it ever happened. Now that, people will believe." I said angrily.
I didn't want anyone else involved. I didn't want anyone involved in the first place. This was my problem and even if I told someone else they wouldn't believe me, regardless of who did it. I'm just the slutty intern after all, right?
"I'll believe you Meredith. No matter who it was, I'll believe you." she pleaded, looking at me with this sad look. I looked at her, quietly studying her. I shook my head. "I can't Addison, I can't. He…he's the one who hurts me most, hurts you the most. I don't want him to hurt you anymore than he already has. That means not telling you who did it. It's for the best. Just- just be stronger than me and keep trying."
I gave her so many clues because deep down I wanted her to know, to hate him and hurt him as he hurt me. But I couldn't tell her, couldn't risk her getting hurt more, not physically but emotionally. It hurts just the same. He always knew how to hurt people, it's what he does best. He is who hurts the most.
A/N: Okay, so there it is. I honestly don't know where this idea came from but, it's all coming in pieces and I can see where I want to go with it. As always, R&R good or bad.