Before you die, you see the Ring
Mommy started all of this. It was all Mommy's fault. She betrayed me. She stopped loving me, just like Daddy. Daddy never loved me. But Mommy did. Mommy loved me more than anyone else. I was special; she said I was. I guess I wasn't as special as Daddy. She loved Daddy more than she loved me. She chose Daddy instead of me. And I hate him for it… She should have loved me more. I should have been better than Daddy. But Mommy didn't think so.
"Round we go
The world is spinning
When it stops
It's just beginning
Sun comes up
We laugh and we cry
Sun goes down
And then we all die…"
I liked that song. Mommy gave me the music box with the colorful horses that go around and around and around. I liked to wind it up again and again just to hear the song. I didn't like real horses. They were ugly and loud. They kept me awake all night. But I liked the horses on the music box. I liked them because Mommy gave it to me. That was the only reason. I really liked the song that it played. I made up my own lyrics to go with it. Mommy said the lyrics sounded pretty. Daddy didn't think so. He didn't like the lyrics. I sang them anyway because I liked them and Mommy liked them. I didn't care about Daddy.
I was singing that song the day that Mommy changed. I liked the way my voice sounded by the old well. It was fun to listen to the echo come back to me from the darkness. I pretended that there wasn't any water at the bottom. I didn't like water. It made the well a little scary to know that it was down there. Mommy said not to go near the well. She said it was dangerous. But that day Mommy said that I could. So I did. When Mommy came across the grass toward me, I knew something was wrong. Her presence felt different. Not like my loving Mommy.
"Isn't it beautiful out here, Samara?" She asked.
I didn't answer, because I didn't think it was. Nothing was beautiful expect for Mommy. She was the only thing. I wanted to turn and see her, see how pretty she was, but she put something over my head. There was nothing but darkness and I couldn't breathe. I tried to take it off, but she wouldn't let me. I felt really dizzy and then I stopped moving. Mommy whispered something that I couldn't hear. I couldn't move anymore and I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. And then I fell.
It was the water that woke me up. I didn't like the water. But I was covered in it. I was wet and cold and when I looked up I saw the lid of the well slowly sliding into place.
"Mommy!" I screamed, but there was only a ring of light left. And then there was nothing but darkness. Mommy had trapped me. The last thing I would ever see while I was alive was the ring of light that shone through.
I tried a lot of times to climb out. The rocks were slippery and I had nothing to grab, but I tried anyway. I climbed until my fingers were bloody and my fingernails were beginning to tear off. But I could never get out. I screamed and I cried because I wanted Mommy to come back for me. I wanted Mommy to come save me from the cold and the wet and the dark. Mommy never came back. She was probably with Daddy. I wished Daddy were dead. Then Mommy wouldn't have thrown me in the well. She would have loved me and sang to me and braided my hair. Daddy had made that impossible. Daddy had always loved the horses more than me and Mommy had always loved Daddy more than me. It wasn't fair.
I stopped trying to get out by the fourth day. I didn't know how much time had passed, but I guessed that it was at least that. I just leaned against the wall of the well and sucked on my hurting fingers. They tasted bloody and like mold. So did the water. I hated being in the water all the time. I couldn't escape it. My hands and feet were all pruny. I couldn't feel anything except for the pain in my hands. I think I must have broke something besides my fingernails. After a while, the blood began to taste better. It was salty and I was starving. I didn't want to eat the moss growing on the walls. Sometimes I would bite my fingers to make them bleed more. I was just so hungry. But I was never thirsty in the well.
I couldn't sleep. I was afraid of drowning. If I fell asleep in the water, I wouldn't be able to stay above the surface. I had to stay awake. I busied myself by drawing on the walls of the well with a small stone I had worked loose. I couldn't see what I was drawing, but I knew it was pretty. The pictures were pretty like Mommy I missed her. Even though she had put me in the well. But I was angry at her, too. I was angry that she had gotten rid of me. I had just wanted Mommy to love me. But Mommy loved Daddy and Daddy loved the horses.
I hated the horses. I was glad they all drowned. I was glad they drowned and it was my fault. Daddy was scared of me. He knew I was scaring the horses. And since Daddy loved the horses, he hated me for it. I think Daddy thought I was hurting Mommy, too. I wasn't hurting her. I just wanted to show her what I could see. I wanted to show them what I could see. They were both scared of me, but Daddy was the most. He made me sleep in the barn with the horses. I hated the horses; they kept me up at night. I was so glad that they drowned. I drowned Daddy's precious little horses. But I didn't want to drown. I was afraid to drown in the well. I didn't want to return to the water. I had escaped it before. I didn't want to go back. But I just felt so tired…
On the seventh day, I couldn't stand anymore. So I floated on my back and stared up, pretending that the lid would open and Mommy would save me. It was fun to pretend. I couldn't feel anything anymore. I couldn't even feel my fingertips. I had been so cold before, but I wasn't anymore. I wasn't anything.
I think that must have been when I sank. I just know that water poured into my eyes and my mouth. It hurt. But I was already going someplace dark. Someplace deeper and darker than the well. And my last thought as I sank to the bottom was;
I just wanted to show them what I could see…
And I was going to show everyone.