Many thanks to my beta reader Maryann!
This story was inspired by "Feed Me!" by go suck on a lemon on wraithbait and by the guys rom Monty Python.
Parrot Sketch: Wraith Version
The Wraith queen looked at the soldier who was lying on the floor. He wore the typical uniform of Atlantis and the badge on his sleeve identified him as a Norwegian. He didn't move. Not at all. Rigor mortis had started already.
"Come here!" This shout of the queen sounded a bit like a snarl. Immediately a Wraith stood up behind a console where he was hiding. "Yes, my queen?"
"I wanted to feed, but all you brought to me was this soldier."
"What's wrong with the soldier?" The Wraith was worried because this soldier was their only prey. The inhabitants of Atlantis had the annoying habit of interfering in cullings.
"What's wrong with the soldier?" The queen leant her head to one side, in the strange manner queens had, almost like a little bit of a neuroparalysis. "You ask me what's wrong with this soldier?"
"Yes, my queen."
For one moment it seemed that astonishment shone out of the queen's face, if a Wraith queen was able to have such an emotion. "This human is dead. That's wrong with him."
"No, my queen. He isn't dead. He is just resting."
Now the queen leant her head to the other side and hissed at her inferior. "He is just resting?"
"Oh yes! He is just resting. Isn't he a beauty of a human being?"
"I recognize a dead human when I see one. And this human is definitely dead."
"No, really, he's just resting."
The queen slowly swayed her head back and forth. "If he is just resting I should be able to wake him. Hey, human, wake up and face your fate!" The dead soldier didn't react to the shouts of the queen. He couldn't react, could he?
With slow steps the queen got closer to the Wraith. "This is definitely a dead human."
"No, my queen. He is probably stunned."
"Stunned?" The queen snorted with rage. Then she bent over the dead one and touched his carotid. "He has no pulse."
"Maybe he is hibernating."
"Humans do not hibernate!" The queen screamed bloodcurdlingly. The Wraith used the diversion to kick once at the dead one. Then he pointed at the human. "Look, he moved!"
The queen paused and looked at the dead soldier. "You nudged him."
"No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did!"
"No, really not!"
The queen grabbed the dead body and shook it. No reaction. Then she threw it up and let it fall to the floor. Still no reaction. Finally she laid her hand on its chest as if to feed on it. Definitely no reaction. The queen pointed at the dead one. "This human is no more. He has ceased to be. This is a late human. He's a stiff. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. He gave up his existence in this universe. This is an ex-human."
"Well." The Wraith looked at his queen helplessly. "Maybe we will be luckier with the next planet."
The last thing the Wraith realized was how the hand of his angry and hungry queen got closer to him.
Another Wraith entered the room and saw the Wraith lying on the floor. "Is he dead, my queen?"
The queen smiled. "No, he is just resting."