100% pure crack fic. For my dear partner in crime, Selvanic.
Life with Orochimaru was less than pleasant for Sasuke Uchiha. When he had first agreed to join the Sound Village he had expected that the time he was going to spend there would be both brutal and unrelenting. He had anticipated the beatings, the chiding, the snide remarks and the cruel punishments. He had even prepared himself for the sheer horror and strangeness of Orochimaru's world.
What he hadn't counted on, was the level of influence Kabuto wielded over his new sensei. At first, Sasuke had thought this to be only an act, another con game initiated by this conniving and most smug medical ninja. Apparently, he had been wrong. Kabuto was infuriating. Sasuke could never tell what the hell was going on in that twisted brain of his, and to make matters worse, he could read Sasuke like an open book. But what pissed him off to no end, the one unforgivable aspect of Kabuto, was his false insincerity towards him. Trying to talk to the boy as if he were his friend. As if he cared.
And it only got worse.
It had started subtly. Little comments here and there. It's cold out today, Sasuke-Kun. You better dress warmly or You really should try being more polite to your elders, Sasuke-Kun. Who the hell was he? His mother? Sasuke had laughed bitterly at that. His family was dead...all of them. All but the man who had betrayed his clan and sent Sasuke's world crashing down around him. He kept reminding himself that this was the reason he was here.
Are you hungry, Sasuke-Kun. I prepared breakfast for you this morning. Just the way you like it.
It was demeaning and beyond creepy. And Orochimaru didn't even seem to think there was anything odd about it in the slightest...that was what worried him the most. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more it seemed to him that Orochimaru viewed these actions and words as commonplace and completely ordinary. He had shaken his head in disbelief. The Orochimaru he had come to know was both cold and callous. He was vicious, merciless and entirely happy to kill his subordinates when he felt the desire. Sasuke had witnessed it with his own eyes. All it took was one off-hand comment, one small misstep and the snake sennin would fly into a rage and eviscerate the unfortunate servant who dared to invoke his wrath.
So what the hell made Kabuto so special? He was constantly vocal about his opinions and wasn't afraid to question some of his lord's more rash ideas. And goddamit he was never reprimanded for it! Every time Sasuke tried standing up to Orochimaru, he usually ended up with a backhand to the face. That was why when he first had heard it, his heart filled with joy...even if just for a moment.
"Lord Orochimaru!!! Please....I'm begging you to stop!"
Kabuto was clearly in some distress. Maybe it was his turn to incur Orochimaru's anger for a while. It set Sasuke's mind at ease.
From down the hall there came a loud crash. The unmistakable clang of metal hitting the floor. It could only have come from one of Kabuto's steel operating tables.
"I just bought that! How do you expect me to continue my work if you destroy everything in my lab?"
Sasuke laughed darkly to himself. Talking like that when the snake sennin was enraged wasn't the smartest of ideas. Perhaps he had been giving Kabuto too much credit when it came to his intelligence...
Noises of destruction reverberated off the walls. Kabuto screamed violently. The clatter of surgical tools being strewn across the room. And then silence.
Sasuke wondered if Orochimaru had actually killed his self-proclaimed right-hand man. Then low moans of pain indicated otherwise.
"Have you had enough, Kabuto?"
The sennin's voice was chilling in it's tone. Sasuke involuntarily shuddered. It was pure evil.
"Please, Lord Orochimaru...I..." the reply was cut off by a tortured yelp.
Oh this was just too beautiful not to witness. Sasuke had to know what kind of sadistic punishment the sennin was inflicting upon the surgeon. He wasn't going to miss this for anything. Slowly, he crept down the dimly lit passage that led to Kabuto's laboratory.
The flickering lights gave off an eerie glow. Shadows danced across the walls creating the ominous illusion of vengeful phantoms.
"Kabuto, remember that you are mine to do with as I please. Now beg me!"
Lord Orochimaru must have been in a terrible rage. His voice was thick and broken in his anger. Sasuke wondered if he should just turn back lest he be discovered and become the focus of that horrible ire. If it hadn't been for his intense hatred for Kabuto, he would have.
The man was barely coherent in his response. Whatever Orochimaru had done to him, Sasuke was sure he wouldn't be healing himself too rapidly from it. He cautiously peered into the room.
Kabuto was prone on the floor, drenched in sweat. Blood streaming from what looked like two gaping fang marks in his neck. His glasses shattered and laying several feet away from him. Writhing in agony as Orochimaru pinned him, pounding against him mercilessly.
Sasuke grinned from ear to ear. It was about time Orochimaru put that damn, arrogant, self-centered, insufferable....wait a second...why the hell was Kabuto naked? And why was Orochimaru smiling? He sure as hell was pounding Kabuto all right, but not with his fists. And judging from the expression on the medical ninja's face, this was far from punishment.
Sasuke stood there transfixed. He tried to look away but he couldn't. He swore he could smell smoke as his brain slowly attempted to process the information. Eye twitching, mouth agape, he stood there in abject terror. This was far worse than anything he had ever dreamed of. Not even the sight of the mangled corpses of his entire village had sickened him in quite a manner such as this. He would never be able to erase the images from his mind. He turned and fled down the hall.
He spent the night huddled in the corner of his room rocking himself back and forth. Trying to tell himself that revenge was all that mattered and nothing was going to divert him from his goals. Oh god, the noises. They persisted well into the early hours of the morning. Why? Why must they be so loud? He was never leaving this spot.
He didn't acknowledge the soft knock at his door.
"Sasuke-Kun? It's well past eight-o-clock. Are you hungry, I made some breakfast for you..."
Kabuto was grinning happily. And why shouldn't he be?
Sasuke stared up blank-eyed and drooling.
"Goodness, Sasuke-Kun...are you okay? It looks like you haven't slept. You weren't having nightmares again were you?"
"I had a bad night."
"I hope we didn't keep you awake, Sasuke-Kun. Orochimaru can be a little vocal at times."
"I didn't hear a thing."
He would spend the remainder of his days at the Sound Village convincing himself that those words were true.