Because in the end, Haruno Sakura is worth it all. Oneshot.
Innuendos. Pick up lines.
"Wow. Just wow."
"Dobe, I swear to God if you do not give me back that journal within five seconds I will tie you to a tree and burn you to death."
Currently dancing in a tree, Naruto Uzumaki, infamous as ever, figured out the 1,547th way to piss off his best friend.
"Sasuke, writing her name, what? A thousand times in purple, glittery, calligraphy is not as subtle as you think it is." Naruto crossed his legs in said tree, licked his forefinger, and continued flipping through the mysterious red book.
"A thousand and twelve…and its mauve. But I suppose I should be praising you for using 'subtle' correctly in a sentence. Congratulations Dobe, you have over five brain cells now." An annoyed look crossed over the Uchiha's face.
Junior at Konoha-Aiko Academy for the Gifted, Uchiha Sasuke in the next few days is about to learn more than his whole High School Education.
"Mauve? I didn't know you were down with the rainbow. That's cool. Kind of expected it after being at an all boys private school for what? Fifteen years?" He stuck out his tongue and flipped another page. The raven haired boy twitched. He was getting spit on his journal. Disgusting.
"Tell you what, I'll help you Sasuke. Because that's what friends do- Whoa! WHY IS THERE A PICTURE OF SAKURA IN A SCANTY LITTLE-?!"
"Naruto." Insert death glare with such a killing aura that caused Naruto to slam shut the book and made several passing children cry. "You have one millisecond to drop my journal or so help you God I will hunt your ass down-" He was cut off by a salute, and the red book falling.
"Dropping load now." Wink.
"Don't say that. Ever. Again." Scowl.
Such is the way of best friends.
7:58 A.M Monday Homeroom KAKASHI
Are you ready for the plan of EPIC WIN?
Moron, we're juniors. Why are we passing notes like mere kindergarteners?
Screw you. Now, I have concocted a list of pick-up lines for you're everyday use. In mere days Sakura will be so smitten with your wit she will fall into your arms and maybe model that scanty little piece of-NEVERMIND. Bring it downnn boy…I'm good.
Too. Much. Information.
To get next to her: Do you mind if I hang out here until its safe back where I farted?
To astound her: Did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
To make her laugh: If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
To seduce her: What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.
To keep her guessing: Is there a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can totally see myself in your pants.
She's smart isn't she? This one will work for sure: Baby you're like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems.
OROROR: I wish I was your homework, because I'd be on your desk and you'd be doing me hard.
If She Has No Clue You Exist: Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.
If you're/she's A Video Game Nerd:You are impressed with how I handle my sniper? You should see what I can do with the weapon I pack under my armor.
You're fucking retarded.
Wait! I think I have an idea!
If it's more pick-up lines I'm sure as hell not interested-
NO! Sakura-chan is an actress. And the play is auditioning today. Get the lead!
What if I don't get the lead? Or her for that matter? It would be a complete waste of time.
Dude. We go by percentage here. And I know for a FACT Sakura got a 99.7 in that class, because I was the first one she hugged while screaming in happiness. She was wearing a short jean skirt that day. Very good day.
We're going to need help with this. We'll need to hack the system. We'll need…
12:38 P.M Monday LUNCH Section 64B
"You want me to hack into the schools computer system, so you can get the lead part in the play in a hope that Sakura will become hopelessly infatuated with you?"
The pineapple shaped headed genius sighed.
"This is so troublesome. And what will I get out of this?"
"Sick amusement?" Naruto smiled wickedly. The genius was bored so often he must be itching for
"I'll take that."
"I got the lead."
"SCORE! And did Sakura-chan…?"
"Karin. Got. The. Lead."
"Speaking of Karin, dude, look out-"
Insert Red Head Whore In A Tacky Gold Metallic Sweater Latching Herself Onto Sasuke.
"Sasuke-kun, rehearsals are starting! Let's go!" Karin proceeded to take Sasuke's other arm, and drags him down the hall to the theatre.
2:24 P.M Friday Homeroom KAKASHI
"I've got another idea; you'll be pleased to know."
"Two ideas in three weeks? Are you trying to kill yourself?" Sasuke's voice was dripping with sarcasm, he'd been more bent out of shape then ever with all the extra Karin-Time he had been getting. Seriously that girl should come with a warning, TOO MUCH EXPOSURE COULD CAUSE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS.
In the last week alone, Sasuke had thought of over a hundred ways to kill himself. Some were very creative, like hanging himself by the curtain rope, and choking to death on his script.
"Sakura's the understudy right?"
"And the sky is blue. Good job."
"ShutUpForOnceInYourLifeAndListen. We just need a way to get Karin out of the picture. And then while Sakura takes her role, you'll congratulate her afterwards on a job well done, and BAM, insta-porn."
"The play is next Wednesday. To get someone like Karin out of the play, we need someone like…"
10:58 A.M Monday Accelerated Honors Biology
"So, you want me, Sakura's best friend, to get Karin out of the play in order to have her Happily-Ever-After cliché? Even though we've been fighting over you, since like, forever?" The busty blonde sat in her desk, feet up upon her neighbor's desk, snapping her bright pink bubblegum and filing her nails. The Uniform policy hadn't changed in over fifty years, black jumpers for girls, with choice of white or black shirt and sweater. Ino's jumper had obviously been tailored; it was seven inches above the knee, and for a girl that's 5'8 that's pretty amazing. Her hair was in a high ponytail, and a black headband with green glitter letters that said "K-IA VOLLEYBALL" held back some loose strands of platinum blonde hair.
The three boys nodded.
"You want me to give up my love, and UCHIHA SASUKE fan club membership rights, for Sakura to be happy?" She questioned.
Sasuke and Naruto exchanged a look.
"We-ell, it is a lot to ask for, but Sakura is my best friend, and I do want her to be happy…"
"Troublesome." Shikamaru sighed.
"I'll do it!" She clapped her hands together excitedly.
7:58 P.M Wednesday Theatre
"Sasuke! That was so excited! You were perfect of course- but oh my god that was such a thrill and I just can't believe- I wonder where Karin went? Oh well, so I-" A hyper pink haired girl was in Sasuke's arms, after the play she had changed right away, into jeans and a green tube top. Her straight, shoulder length hair swung around her face, her eyes still gleaming with excitement. They were outside the school, by their cars.
"Yes?" She let out a laugh. "Sorry it's just so…I don't know, amazing?"
"Mhhm, yeah Sasuke?"
"Sakura. Will. You."
"Do you think you'll try out for the next play?"
"No-Yes-I don't know, Sakura, will you…Hn."
"Hn? That's not a word, silly."
"It is. Now shut up so I can ask you something."
"Sasuke! That's rude, if you want to ask something just ask."
"Nothing, just ask. Ask away."
"…I'm sorry I couldn't understand you."
"Still can't hear you…"
"I. Want. You. To. Be. My. Girlfriend."
"Oh! I'm sorry, were you saying something?" she looked sheepish.
"God damn it, Sakura be my girlfriend!" He hissed through gritted teeth. Uchiha's were not patient.
Sakura started giggling. Oh my lord, as if Sasuke's ego couldn't have taken enough damage.
"One condition." She wagged her finger in his face.
"I get to call you all the embarrassing nicknames I want!"
"Sasulovemuffin, I'm worth it, you wouldn't have done all that stuff if I wasn't. So that's a yes, and you're taking me out Friday night. I don't kiss on the first date, though o maybe Saturday if we're free that could be our second, oh and then next week we can go to the mall or the arcade or something we'll have to see, won't we?" Sakura shot him her glamorous movie star smile, and leaned in and gave him a swift kiss on the cheek.
"KissySasucakers, try to tone down the suicidal look, please honeybunch? By the way, why didn't you just use a pick up line? Surely Naruto would have had some…"
Because in the end, Haruno Sakura was worth it all.