A/N – I know this would NEVER happen but hey! Work with me on this…
Anyway I just thought of this and I know I should be writing my other story but argh! I have never written a one-shot before soo…
Disclaimer. Do not own.
Probs during eclipse of something
Irritably, I swept my long brown hair out my face. Mud weighed down my hiking boots and I slumped dejectedly on a fallen tree, huffing in exasperation. Ferns littered the forest floor, concealing the path that I think I had lost anyway. Damn.
I tugged at my sweaty shirt and thought longingly of a long, cool shower. Don't get me wrong; I loved to hike. Every other weekend I would explore the vast expanse of forest that surrounded Forks. Sometimes Ben came with me but today he was watching some martial arts film with his brother. I sighed.
I had been going for three hours now. Clouds loomed overhead – was it going to rain? Great. I briefly pictured myself lost in the forest, soaking wet, cold… and grimaced. Deciding I had better head back home, I stood up.
However, before I could walk two steps, I heard voices. They sounded quite close, and I briefly debated whether to run away or just keep walking. Worried for my safety, I began to turn before pausing momentarily. As the voices got louder and more agitated, my curiosity peaked and I crept forward, quiet as possible.
Taking great care not to step on too many leaves or twigs, I stooped down a bit and peered around a particularly dense shrug. I was beyond shocked and confused when I processed what I was seeing…
Trees lay smashed on the ground. And I mean smashed. Whole trunks had been obliterated, turned to saw dust, whilst others had been toppled over haphazardly. My eyes widened as I considered what could have done this. No machine would be so messy…
However, the destroyed forest was not what caught, and held, my attention.
In the middle of the clearing sat the cutest, most whitest, most fluffiest creature you have ever seen. My heart melted as it seemed to look right at me with care-free eyes. I was mesmerized… so innocent… so vulnerable…
And then the shouting began.
Two figures stood opposite each other, too caught up in a heated debate to notice me. Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale. I knew them. Went to school with them. I actually got on really well with Alice. I had thought she was very outgoing, sweet, caring… until now.
She stood, hands on hips, eyes a ferocious black, nostrils flared, glaring at a cowering Jasper.
"How dare you even think of hurting such a poor, innocent little thing! Why don't you pick on someone your own size next time, huh Jasper Whitlock?! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF??!"
Jasper and I cowered silently in fear and awe of Alice's shrieking. Honestly, I had never seen Jasper display so much emotion! His shoulders were hunched protectively and he was clasping and wringing his hands, clearly distraught.
"Alice, my love, please. You understand don't you? It's not any different to Edwards favourite being a lion… or Emmett's being bear!! It's the same situation…"
I got a little lost from here on out. Edward's favourite animal was a lion??! I giggled mentally at this… it was quite cute of him really. That him and his older brother both still have favourite animals. I stifled a laugh at a mental picture of Edward sitting a bedroom, staring adoringly at various lion posters tacked to the walls. I giggled again.
Funny as it was however, I didn't see how it was related to this argument. I tuned into the conversation again, just in time to receive an ear full of Alice.
"At least they picked appropriate animals Jasper Whitlock! What are you trying to tell me here?!! I would have thought this misplaced affection would have ruined your ego!! Edward and Emmett will just love this…" Alice threw her hands in the air in exasperation and a look of horror passed across Jasper's face.
'You wouldn't…" his voice croaked now. It sounded strained, as if he was whispering a horrifying secret. Alice narrowed her eyes.
"I mean… You won't… PLEASE don't tell Edward and Emmett! I wouldn't live it down!! I can't help it Alice!! Its just so…. So… appealing…"
And I watched in horror as Jasper's manic eyes came to rest on…. The cutest most whitest, most fluffiest thing you have ever seen. It still sat between the two teens, nibbling on some grass now, completely unperturbed by the vibes of stress and humiliation that saturated the clearing.
That was his favourite animal?! Wow. I blinked a couple of times. No wonder Alice was stressed… it was a bit weird for a guy…
"Jasper. Whitlock. If. You. So. Much. As. Even. THINK! About. Eating. That. Bunny. I. will. Have. My. REVENGE!"
She… he… WHAT?! He wanted to EAT the bunny?! He wanted to EAT the most cutest most whitest most fluffiest thing I had EVER seen. Oh No. Not on my watch.
Waves of undiluted fury rolled off me. How DARE he even think about it?! Alice was right! The bunny was just so innocent, so special….
However, my daring plan of rescue was interrupted rather rudely by none other than the to-be-murderer-himself.
First, he stopped shaking. Then, apparently sharing my feelings of lividness, he stood up straight and looked Alice – tiny, furious, disbelieving Alice – right in the eye.
"My favourite food is bunny. You have always told me to find a favourite Alice. Well, here it is. I worked to earn this meal! Stalking it through the bracken-" At this, Jasper twitched excitedly and I cringed. "- This little bugger is feisty. He is not cute. He is not innocent. He knows he has met his match in me…."
At this, Jasper crouched low. His face portrayed and evil cunning, to the likes of which I had never seen before. His eyes glued to the bunny, he began to advance.
"My precious…. My precious… my precious…" Jasper murmured under his breath with every step and I feared for his sanity.
"Jasper… please…." Now Alice was begging and I was silently begging with her. To no avail. I watched in horror, hand over my mouth as Jasper pounced.
Monday Morning at School in the cafeteria…
I stared moodily at my tray of food. The scene from the forest kept whirring around my mind. I just couldn't get over how Jasper had eaten the poor thing.
I sniffed dejectedly and continued to mourn for the bunny. Soon enough, I was joined by Edward and Bella.
"Hey Angela" Bella greeted happily. A frown passed over her face when I glared at her, and then at her food. Did she eat bunnies too?
"Hey". I grunted. Edward and Bella shared a look. I didn't care.
The minutes ticked by and I slowly began to accept that Bunny was dead. It hurt… Oh God it hurt. But I think I would live.
As I came to this realisation, Alice joined us.
"Hey everyone!" She chimed. I whipped my head around and stared at her face. She didn't know I had witnessed the scene in the forest but I felt I knew her better. She would protect the innocent too… I gave her a smile.
"Not eating today Cullen?" Mike frowned at Edward and he looked at Alice and snickered.
"No" he replied. "I don't like the food this place does… It's not cute enough for my liking…"
My eyes widened. He knew.
Bella snorted into her food and erupted into violent giggles. She was clutching her stomach and everyone watched her, confused and amused as she occasionally gasped to Edward "Jasper!" or "HA!"
She knew too.
Alice merely glared at her tray and I sympathised with her. I knew she knew.
God, I still couldn't believe it. JASPER LIKES TO EAT BUNNIES. Sigh.
I gasped slightly as Edward's head whipped around in my direction. I stared at him steadily and repeated that Jasper liked to eat bunnies, curious as to whether that was what had gotten his attention. He had stopped laughing by now and was staring at me wide eyed.
"How…?" He whispered. No one heard but Alice.
"How did you know?!" I stared stoically back at him having no wish to repeat the traumatic experience, in my head or otherwise.
I suddenly had a thought.
"Hey Edward?" Now everyone was listening…
"Do you have many posters of lions at home?"
DUN DUN DUN.
I know that really wasn't funny but I don't care. I am bored. I like bunnies. I like Jasper. Do the math.