Hiya guys! Well, since I discontinued I Got a Feeling, this (potentially awful) idea popped into my head and I decided it would keep me occupied for a while. I rarely write comedies, so I thought this would be the perfect comedy to let me relax from trying to create romantic dramas. NO PAIRINGS FTW!

Let's see, I've been into FMA for quite a while now, but I just got really into Ouran when the English DVD came out on October 28th. Let me tell you, I think it's awesome. Since I keep up with voice actors and the like, and I couldn't help noticing that FMA and Ouran have a lot of the same voice actors, this idea couldn't help but pop into my head. Well, I hope it's not as bad as I initially thought it was going to be, and I hope you enjoy! Oh, and review afterwards!

Fullmetal Pedigree!

"I hate damn rich people…so egotistical…" muttered Edward Elric under his breath.

"Brother! S-slow down!" Alphonse struggled to keep up with Edward because he knew if he was separated from him, he would indefinitely be lost in this huge school. Normally he'd be able to keep up with his rampaging brother, but he had just gotten his true body back, and he was just getting used to it again. Plus, the uniform they wore had to be the stuffiest thing they ever had to wear, ever. They had only been there a few hours on their first day, and while Al could handle it for the most part, Ed had just about lost it. Al had no idea where Ed was going. He seemed to randomly be trudging through the hallways, but it would later appear that fate had carried them.

Edward flew up a giant staircase, down a long and wide hallway with an exaggerated window that dove-like birds flew past. He came to a room that seemed to be the only room that was silent in the entire universe when he walked past.

"Al! What does that sign say?" Al came short of running straight into his older—yet shorter—brother. He immediately looked up and interpreted the sign he was pointing to. He had to do that a lot since they had been launched into this strange world. Neither of them had known where they were when they first got there, until they had walked right into a sign and Al screeched "Brother, that's Japanese! We're in Japan!" What led after that was a big questioning of how Al knew that and Ed didn't, and neither of the two could understand why. Since then, Al had to read everything that they came across that was written in Japanese. Ed had to rely on his younger brother, and he hated relying on people. He promised himself that he would learn Japanese as soon as possible, but he really just hoped that they wouldn't have to stay there too long.

"It says…Music Room #3. It's obviously an abandoned one, because it doesn't sound like any music is being made in there."

"That means we're eating lunch in there. Let's go…"

"Brother, wait! Can you at least knock…" but it was too late. Ed had already turned the handle of one of the double doors that had to be twice his height if not more, and the two brothers were attacked with an abundance of red rose petals.

"Welcome!" was the noise that radiated out from the door. It sounded like five…no six…no seven overly-optimistic boys.

"What the hell?!" Ed screamed as he and his brother tried removing the rose petals from their uniforms, pretty much failing. "I'm going to smell like roses all day now!"

"You must be the new students without pedigree, correct?" a black-haired boy wearing glasses said. He held a black book that he was constantly writing in, and he had just stopped to smile and comment. He went right back to writing. Ed didn't like him or his crooked smile at all. What could he be writing in that stupid thing? he thought.

The tall blonde that had been sitting in a luxurious chair only seconds before was now in their faces, gasping the wits out of himself. "You must be Edward and Alphonse Elric! The prodigy brothers!" They saw a brown-haired boy laughing to himself—no wait, that was a girl; that was definitely a girl(1). Wait…then why was she wearing a boy's uniform? This group of people were only getting weirder by the second.

"How do you know our names?!" Ed was obviously very irritated at the moment.

"Why, you're infamous!" said the glasses boy, "You're the only commoner that's ever gotten into Ouran Academy besides our very own Haruhi Fujioka here," he gestured to the brown-haired girl with a wave of his hand. Hmm… though Edward, but that still doesn't explain why she's wearing a boy's uniform…

Then Ed realized, all he wanted to do was get out of there was soon as possible. All these guys were a bunch of narcissist idiots (his words, not mine,) and by now he couldn't care less about why there was a girl in a boy's uniform, or better yet, why there was an elementary school kid in a high school uniform(2), or why they were all so freaking interested in him and Al. This mysterious place pretty near frightened him, though he'd never admit it to anyone, himself included. Al was feeling almost exactly the same way, except he didn't believe them to be narcissist idiots, just misguided souls in the spectrum of time. Though he wouldn't mention that to anyone here, except maybe Ed, and probably not even him.

The next event I am about to record may or may not have happened, but the only disbelief against it is that this event is supposedly impossible. I for one do not believe this, and neither does most of Ouran Academy, or even the Host Club members, who witnessed it themselves. They say it was perhaps a hoax, a trick of the eye. The only possible proof is the damage left behind and what eye-accounts say. It is not my decision if you choose to believe this or not.

Ed turned to leave when he was suddenly up off the floor, at least just a foot and a half above the ground. He faced the source of his sudden uplifting, to see that that tall, egotistical blonde, the one that had been so extremely intrigued with him earlier, was holding him up by his underarms.


"What a foul mouth you have," he said, "and for such a vertically-challenged boy…"

"WHAT? I'M NOT SHORT!" No one in Ouran Academy had seen such a vicious temper before, and even if they did, they would have reported it immediately, thinking that some evil spirit had possessed the flaming idiot. Al, on the other hand, had seen it more times than he could count.

"Brother, please!" He tried reaching for him, but it was too late. Ed had already caught sight of the blonde's eye color. Violet.

Obviously, they were in an alternate universe, so it's still a wonder how Ed thought this up. Maybe it just immediately set off a warning signal in Ed's mind…

"HOMONCULUS!" he screamed, letting the narcissist holding him get a face-full of wind and an eye-full of terror from the little guy. Even though he had no idea what a homunculus was, it obviously scared the crap out of the boy he was holding. His first instinct was to drop him. Ed's first instinct was…up, for some reason. So the blonde let go, and the blonde he was holding shot up, grabbing hold of the chandelier above them, which uprooted and came crashing down. No one was hurt, except it almost hurt Ed, but he moved out of way in time. The room went pitch black.

"…What just happened?" someone finally asked, after a few seconds of dead silence. Someone started hyperventilating.

"Someone…somebody, please…t-t-turn on the li-i-ights…"

"We can't…Mr. Genius Elric broke the only light source in this room."

"That narcissist was the one that made me!"

"Narcissist! How dare…"

"Be quiet. We need to get out of here before…" more hyperventilating.

"Guys, please…" whoever was hyperventilating had just choked and begun crying softly.

Suddenly, the door burst open. The tall black-haired guy (must be a senior, Ed thought) who was seemingly attached to the hip of the elementary school kid, had opened the door and was already carrying Al, the one guilty of hyperventilating and now crying, with ease out the door. Everyone else followed. The Ed realized, hey, wasn't that guy just all the way across the room?(3)He guessed it didn't matter.

Once everyone was safely away from the dark room, the senior set Al down up against a wall. "Al…stop crying…" was all he could say to his pathetic(4) younger (contrary to popular belief) brother.

For as long as Ed could remember, Al had been deathly afraid of pitch blackness. It had to be his only one true weakness. He remembered way back when they were kids, there were those rare nights when the sky would be pitch black because it was so cloudy, or their mother would forget to pull the blinds back up before they went to bed. So rare, but when it happened, Ed's world practically came crashing down and he was a little kid again. He always had to remind himself it wasn't as bad as he thought. But Al was still crying.

"Al-chan, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Ed turned to meet the face of the elementary school kid. So, he didn't just look like one, he acted like one, too. But what was with him putting "chan" at the end of his name? It didn't make sense at all. It was probably a Japanese thing. Then, Al probably understand it, and that's all that mattered. He'd ask him about it later, but at the moment, the subject of the matter had tears running down his face, blubbering.

"Al, it's okay! Snap out of it!" the crying still persisted.

"Does he need to go to the infirmary?" said two high-pitched, but somehow masculine(5), voices in perfect unison. They sounded like twins, maybe, and it sounded like they were talking more to each other than anyone else.

No one even waited for a "yes" or "no." The tall black-haired senior aforementioned was already carrying Al, again with little ease. He was crying into his chest, making his uniform wet, but he didn't seem to mind. Everyone trailed behind him, and Ed couldn't help but be dragged along.

Fullmetal Pedigree!


(1) Ed is just a little more observant than most of the Ouran kids. :)

(2) Obviously referring to Honey. I know Honey is actually a senior, but since this is Ed's POV at the moment and he believes that at the moment, I decided to put it in that context.

(3) "Activate the conveyer belt." – Vic Mignogna, OHSHC episode 1 commentary

(4) I almost didn't put this, because I knew it would confuse a lot of people. It may sound like Ed thinks that Al's pathetic, but that's not the case. In this case, it just means that it seems no one can help him because he's in such a lowly state.

(5) This is talking about the official English dub voice actors. I've only watched a couple episodes in Japanese, but I haven't watched it in so long that I don't even remember how anyone sounds.


A/N: So how did you like it? Did it cut off at a really weird place? Sorry about that, I was kinda having writer's block and I was really excited about putting this up, so…this is what you get. Review, review, review! Constructive criticism FTW!

BIG CHAPTER'S REVIEW QUESTION: Was Al's fear of pitch darkness too weird?