CSI: New York
CSI and Lab Rat No-No's
By A. Rhea King

1) The Las Vegas Wall Spawns

Author's Note: Just like the franchise, spin-offs happened. If you like this one, you should also check out Roolz:: Things A Lab Rat is Not Allowed To Do (Anymore) [CSI], and Roolz:: Lab Rat Do-No-Morez (CSI:Miami). Even if neither are your favorite show, they'll give you a chuckle!!

Mac grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair, switched off the light in his office, and headed for the stairs.

"Been a long day, hasn't it?" he heard Stella ask.

He looked back. She was coming up behind him, fixing her coat collar as she walked.

"Long is an understatement.

"Mac, do you have five minutes?"

He turned his head, almost running over Adam who was standing in front of him.

"Adam… Yeah. What's up?"

"See you tomorrow."

"You too, Stella. Do you have a minute too?"

She stopped and turned back. She came back. "I guess."

"Great!" Adam turned and tapped a button for the elevator. "I wanna show you something."

The two looked at each other with a slight shrug. Mac looked at Adam's other hand, noticing he had a box of chalk.

"Which case is this for?" Mac asked.

Adam stepped on the elevator and held it open for them. They joined him. Danny was jogging toward them.

"Hold the elevator!" Danny called.

"Not this one. Sorry!" Adam called back and quickly pushed the door close button, then hit the last basement button.

"ADAM!" Danny bellowed as the doors slid closed before he reached them.

Stella glanced at Mac. He looked as confused as she felt.

"Adam, what's going on?" Mac demanded.

"I want to show you something. I promise it'll be quick."

"This thing is in the basement?"


"What is it?"

"I'll show you."

"Just tell me, Adam."

"No. I have to show you."

"Adam, I'm tired. I don't have time for—"

"Last month, you told Sinclair you're trying to find ways to help build team spirit during the economic crunch, right?"

Mac hesitated.

"You shouldn't have been eavesdropping."

"Is it eavesdropping if I'm unnoticed in the elevator with you two?"

Stella smiled, looking down. Mac shook his head a little.

"I guess not."

The doors opened and Adam waved them to follow. The sign before them pointed to records A-M to the right, and N-Z to the left. Adam led them left.

"They do things really different in Las Vegas, know that?" Adam said.

"I imagine they do. What is this about, Adam?"

"Well, Greg – that's my cousin in Las Vegas."

"I remember. What about him?"

"He's on the graveyard shift and while I was there a couple weeks ago, we talked about the differences between you, I mean, CSI, here in New York and the ones in Las Vegas. He's a CSI too."

"You told me that also."

"Oh. Sorry. Well, they have this place in their building that just a few of the night crew know about. It's really cool. They get together and joke about stuff that's happened on the job and all." Adam stopped at a door and fished a key form his pocket. "I had to hunt down the key to this room. No one even knew about this room, but some janitor finally remembered it and gave me the key. I told him I needed someplace quiet to work on case evidence."

Mac sighed. "You haven't told me anything, Adam. Other than you lied to a janitor to get a key to a room no one even uses. Where are we, anyway?" Mac looked around him.

"That goes out to the street." Adam pointed at the nearby door. Above it was a broken electric EXIT sign. The window in the door was covered with grime. "I haven't gotten a key to it yet. Darnit! This thing sticks."

"Adam, I'm tired. I'm going home." Stella told him.

"No. Wait. I almost got it."

And the lock finally turned. The bottom hinge was broken so he had to lift up on the door to open it. He turned, waving them in and then flicked on the light. There was a single bare bulb in the center of the room, but it was coated on one side with dried mud, so only one side of the room was lit. The room smelled wet and musty – it hadn't seen a human in decades. The two walked in and Adam wrestled the door closed. The two CSI looked around the bare room, not sure what they were supposed to be doing.

Stella was the first to see it. There was a chair against the wall to the left of the door, and the beginnings of a list


Underneath it he wrote:

1. When caught flying paper airplanes in the hallway, I should have a very good excuse for when my supervisor inevitably asks 'And why were you flying them in the hallway?'

2. It is wrong to want to touch realistic sex dolls in front of my female co-workers.

3. I should not mention how hot an avatar of a suspect is in the presence of a supervisor, or suspect.

4. I should not convince my co-workers there is an elf in the morgue, even if the M.E. does look a little like an elf in the right light.

5. I will not compare a co-worker to a Sim, even if he does something very Sim-like.

The two turned. Adam was standing behind them wearing a grin. But it faded the longer the two stared at him.

"Well, see…" Adam started. "They started this wall, some lab techs did, in Las Vegas. Actually, they found it. Apparently there had been people writing stuff for decades and they sort of took it over. Well, Greg had this incident with luminol and he put rules up there so that no other lab tech would ever do it again. Well, more people were inducted into the secret crew, and they just keep adding more and more rules on the walls. They have over five hundred now!"

"Adam, you can't do this," Stella protested.

"B-b-but it builds team spirit. His supervisor and the head of the lab are even on it. They put rules up when the techs or CSI do things they aren't supposed to. And the very basic rule is that once a rule is on the wall, it can't be broken. Bent, a little, but not broken. Here. Here." Adam fished pictures from a pocket and handed them to the two. "That's their wall."

Stella took the pictures and passed them on to Mac as she quickly looked over them. She didn't notice Mac taking much longer to look at them.

Stella shook her head. "This is vandalism, Adam. You can't do this."

"But Greg—"

"Is in Las Vegas and I don't care what they do there. We don't do that here. You are going to clean this off the wall now. Right, Mac?"

Stella looked to him for support. He was still looking at the photographs.


He didn't acknowledge her for several minutes. He glanced at her, and then looked at Adam.

"Give me the chalk," Mac told him.

Adam handed over the chalk.

"Can you hold this?" he asked Adam, holding out his jacket.

Adam took it. Mac opened the box and pulled out a piece of chalk. He handed the box to Stella and climbed up on the chair. In careful print he added:

6. Reminding the mayor of any of the following can and will result in loss of pay: "Nothing gets built on schedule or within budget," "The myth about management is that it exists," "New systems generate new problems," "If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious," "The only perfect science is hind-sight," "Multi-million dollar technology is worthless in the hands of an ignoramus."

Adam and Stella were both stunned. Adam shook it off faster. Mac turned and stepped off, looking Stella in the eye.


"It's chalk. If anyone finds it, we can deny everything." Mac smiled.

Stella looked at Adam. He was staring at the floor, trying not to smile. She took a piece of chalk out and climbed up on the chair, writing:

7. Never wear jewelry that lures toddlers.

"Now what?" she asked as she stepped off.

"Well, now I'm going home and getting some sleep. Tomorrow I'll try to hunt down the key for the exit." Mac looked at the photographs again. "We'll have to find some furniture, but it's New York. That shouldn't be a problem. Sneaking it in might be. How did your cousin and his co-workers get others involved?"

"Well, they invited them, kind of like I did today. But they had a rule too. They had to have worked there for six months or more first, and prove to be able to keep the secret. Oh, and whenever someone decided they had to meet at The Wall – they call their place The Wall – the secret word passed around was pineapple."


"Not so rare to hear in a lab. It happens," Adam told him.

Mac chuckled, handing Stella his chalk.

"Well, if we're going to do this," Stella started as she put the chalk away. "We have to invite Sid."

"And Danny and Don," Mac added.

"And Rita. She has to be invited. She's the keeper of all lab secrets," Adam told them.

"And Lindsay?" Stella asked.

"Yeah." Mac nodded. He looked up at the light bulb. "I'll bring a bulb tomorrow."

Adam was grinning when he looked at him. Mac held out the photographs. Adam traded them for his jacket.

"You did good, Adam. See you tomorrow."

Mac walked to the door and tugged on it, expecting it to open. He turned back to Adam. "And find a hinge. We'll fix this after work tomorrow."

"Okay. I'll get keys made, too."

Mac lifted it and pulled it open enough to slip out. Stella was right behind him.

The two walked to the elevator in silence and waited for it to return to the basement. Mac kept glancing down the hall.

"Are you really okay with this?" Stella asked.

He looked at her. "Yes. Why?"

"You look worried."

"Not sure how to get a recliner and sofa down those stairs. There's a bad right angle. I guess I'll make Don and Danny figure it out."

She laughed. "I have to admit, you surprised me back there, Mac."


"I didn't expect you to be open to his crazy idea."

"In Desert Storm, it was against the rules to keep pets – still is against the rules, but still happens. This cat wandered into our tent one day, and we kept it secret from everyone outside of our tent. It brought us closer because we knew we had to keep that secret, or the cat would end up being dumped somewhere and probably die. This may not be that extreme, but it can't hurt team moral to have a secret no one else knows." Mac shrugged a little. "And there's the added bonus of getting to write on the walls. I've loved that since I was a child."

Stella chuckled. "Who didn't? What did you guys name your kitty?"

"Kitty. We weren't very creative."

She laughed again. "So what became of the cat?"

"We were attacked one night and we were pinned down. She ran out into the middle of the battle and drew fire away from us long enough that we could bet behind the enemy and subdue them. She was killed."

"That's sad."

The elevator opened and the two stepped on. Mac tapped the first floor button before he looked at Stella.

"Not really. She was raised with a bunch of marines. She did what any good marine would have done – even if it might have just been instinct. She gave her life so her fellow marines would live."

She smiled looking away. "So you're a cat lover. I always thought you were a dog lover or pet rock type."

He didn't refute or admit to the comment.