Dysfunction is my middle name,

Rebellion is a game I've played,

And while fun it doesn't pay big in the end.

Just to illustrate my point,

The other day I had a joint,

Perhaps it wasn't best to have it in Zell's class.

Angrily, he yelled at me,

'How long have you had that thing?!'

I asked, 'How long have you been giving Seifer head?'

He sent me to see Squall,

I should have said nothing at all,

Because now I'm stuck here in detention hall.

Another crack, another day,

I told Irvine he was gay,

So Cid said he wanted to see me.

Cid looked quite severe,

'Why did you call Irvine queer?'

I said, 'My God, that's a bad toupee.'

He went off the wall,

I should have said nothing at all,

Because now I'm stuck here in detention hall.

Quistis's class, third hour,

My hijinks made her mood sour,

So she sent me out of the room.

Hilariously, she looked stressed,

So I said, 'That's a nice dress,'

'Were you hoping to slim into it?'

She looked like a fool,

She was just not cool,

So now I'm stuck with a Saturday School.

Later yet, that very night,

Making out with Angela Wright,

I didn't turn on the TV to mask the noise.

In the morning I had a fright,

Squall questions, 'Who was here last night?'

Stupidly, I replied, 'Your mom.'

He gave Cid a call,

I should have said nothing at all,

Because now I'm stuck here in Detention Hall.

Selphie's class, 9:00 AM,

Another incident begins,

When I pull out a bag of chips.

She slaps down the ruler with a smack,

Says, 'I didn't say that you could snack.'

'That's not fair, you get that bag of crack.'

I took the fall,

I should have said nothing at all,

Because now I'm stuck here in Detention Hall.

Fourth period, chemistry class,

In the hall with bathroom pass,

Seifer grabs me and drags me to his room.

There he rants on and on,

Threatens me with sword half drawn,

I guess he found that 'Kick Me' on his ass.

I fumbled that ball,

I should have done nothing at all,

Because now I'm stuck here in Detention Hall.

Because now I'm stuck here in Detention Hall.


Author's Note (Added 1\29\07): Unfortunately no, I was not high when I wrote this, which is a shame because that would have been my best excuse. At the very least this particular skeleton in my fanfiction closet has withstood the test of time in that it remains, as my summary so succinctly points out, mildly amusing. The rhyme scheme is all fucked up and it wants to be funnier than it is, but I guess you can't have everything.

-Caleb Nova