'It Might Have Felt Like Love'
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all characters associated with it belong to Shonda Rhimes and ABC. As much as I wish they were mine, they never will be. All other characters and places are mine. If there is a real person or place that I have named in my story, it is purely coincidental.
Summary: Callica. Set after episode 5.07 'Rise Up.' Callie and Erica didn't exactly break-up, but after their little public argument they weren't exactly still together. So, what are they? And is either willing to fight for it? FemSlash. Inspired by Sara Ramirez's amazing rendition of 'It Almost Felt Like Love' in No Ordinary Thursday – The Songs of Georgia Stitt. First chapter doesn't have the song, it's in the last part of the next chapter.
Flashback in italics
Reviews welcome, but please be nice.
Erica looked at herself in the mirror, the argument she had with Callie being on non-stop re-run across her mind.
"I went to the chief about Izzie Stevens and he completely shut me down. Well, we'll see what he says when I report this to UNOS."
"Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa, wait, why?" Callie reached out and put a hand on Erica's arm, causing the blonde to stop and turn around to face her. "I mean, what good would come from that?"
"What do you mean?"
"What possible good would it do? I mean, would it benefit your patient's outcome, or-"
"My patient wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her." Erica desperately needed someone on her side about this. The Chief had shot her down, every other doctor in this damn hospital refused to talk about it and she thought at least Callie would be on her side.
"You're going to report this to UNOS and cost this hospital its transplant certification? Cost our patient's organs? Cost people their jobs? Cost Izzie Stevens her career?"
"Wait, so you're taking Izzie Stevens side in this? Over mine?" No, this was not happening. Callie had to be on her side. Erica needed someone on her side because right now because it was her against the whole hospital and she needed Callie by her side.
"She's a doctor, one of our doctors. There's a reason we have each other's backs Erica."
"Oh please do not talk to me about a code, because this is not that."
"No, this is that. Look, I don't know what happened between Denny Duquette and Izzie Stevens that night, but unless you were in the middle of that situation I don't see how you can make a judgment."
"Easy. There's right and there's wrong, and this was wrong. And illegal." Erica silently begged Callie with everything she had to back her up in this, to be a good friend – and lover, and support her in this. 'Please Callie.' She thought. 'I really need you right now, don't shoot me down. Don't make me feel like this is a mistake, that we are a mistake.' "There is no gray area here. You can't kind of think this okay. You can't kind of side with Izzie Stevens. And you can't kind of be a lesbian." It was a low blow and she knew it, but she was beyond rational thought at this point. This wasn't even about Izzie Stevens or her patient anymore. It was a fight for their relationship and Erica needed Callie to prove she was in it as much as she was.
Callie paused for a minute, taking it all in. "Yes I can."
Erica laughed. She had just lost the one person who was supposed to be standing by her. She was totally alone. "I can't believe I didn't know this."
"Erica, the chief is right-"
"No, you." Erica interrupts. "I don't know you at all." And with that she turned and walked away, pretending that the look on Callie's face didn't stick a knife straight through her heart. Pretending that hot tears weren't burning their way down her face. Pretending she didn't need this, any of it. When the truth is, without Callie . . . what was the point?
She could not for the life of her understand why Callie was siding with Izzie Stevens. Izzie Stevens, the woman who had slept with her husband and started all sorts of nasty rumors about her. She was the reason Callie had no friends at the hospital since she started there.
"Shit." She cursed, shaking her head. It didn't matter the reason, this was not something she would let their relationship end over. Izzie Stevens did not deserve that satisfaction. She looked over to her bed where a big orange cat was lounging. "I really messed up, didn't I?"
The cat just stared back.
Twenty minutes later she was standing outside the door to the apartment Callie shared with Yang. She kept knocking, but no one answered. She raised her hand to knock for the umpteenth time when the door finally opened, revealing a very disturbed Christina Yang in a robe and slippers. "This had better be good." She said to the intruder without even looking up. "I was sle – Oh, Dr. Hahn." She changed her tone drastically at the sight of her 'mentor.' "I'm on strict instructions not to let you through this door."
"I'll let you scrub in on my next five surgeries."
Christina's eyes almost bulged out of her head. But why stop at five? Hahn obviously wanted to get into the apartment, so she figured she had a little bargaining room. "Ten."
"Five." Erica reiterated.
"Three and I'll even let you do some of the procedures." She could see the wheels turning. "By yourself."
Erica knocked lightly before quietly opening the door to Callie's room. The light from the rest of the apartment illuminated Callie's sleeping form. Her face was puffy and she had tear marks down her cheeks. Erica almost turned and walked right back out of the apartment and out of Callie's life. Callie deserved better. But she entered the room and shut the door behind her just as quietly as she had opened it. She could be better. They had something. It was real and most of the time it scared the hell out of her, but it was something and it was worth fighting for.
She slowly made her way over to Callie. The darker woman was cuddled up in her blankets, but Erica could see that she was still in the clothes she had left the hospital in.
Erica sat down next to Callie, careful not to disturb the sleeping woman. After a minute or so of trying to think of what to say, she put a hand on Callie's shoulder. "Callie?"
Callie's eyes snapped open and locked onto Erica's. "Erica?" Then she remembered she was mad at the blonde doctor and that Christina had promised not to open the door for anyone, especially Erica. "Christina!" She yelled out to her roommate as she sat up in bed, fully intent on marching into her room and giving her an earful.
"I bribed her. I'm letting her in on my next three surgeries."
Callie sat down against the headboard and brought her knees up to her chest. "Three surgeries? That's all I'm worth?"
"Three surgeries in which she'll be doing most of the procedures herself."
Callie looked at Erica. It must have taken a lot for Erica to agree to that. She took in Erica's appearance and realized she pretty much looked the same way she must at the moment. But she wasn't about to give in that easily. "So now you're here. What do you want?"
"Callie I'm . . . I'm sorry."
"Oh Erica save it." She threw the covers off herself, but Erica's hand on her arm stopped her from leaving.
"No, I . . . I have no idea what I'm doing. I . . . I don't let people in, and when I do I find the first thing I can think of to push them back out." She looked around the room, willing the tears that were so close to making themselves known to stay put. "I had, possibly the worst day of my life and I just needed you to be there for me. I keep my distance from people because when I don't, I get hurt. I let myself get too attached to this patient and it nearly broke me when he lost that heart two years ago."
Callie settled back down, unconsciously sliding a little closer to Erica.
"And now I find out that I've been working with the doctor who stole the heart from him and nothing was done about it?" She shook her head incredulously. What was she doing here? Callie would never understand any of this. Callie proved that when things got tough Erica was not the one she went to. She was sure Mark Sloan would help Callie 'figure things out' in the morning.
"I wasn't even going to go to UNOS. I just wanted someone to be on my side." That wasn't even what hurt the most. What really hurt was that Erica had lost the closest friend she's had in . . . years, and the best lover she'd ever had. Callie had made her see who she truly was and there was no going back from that. "I wanted you." And with that she got back up and walked out the front door, out of Callie's life. But how long she was gone? . . That was up to Callie.