Hi everyone. Here's another Muppet fanfic I'm coming out with. I recently took a vacation to Japan a few years ago and I thought it was a very beautiful country. So I thought what if the Muppets got to visit this neat place? And the Muppets are property of Jim Henson productions and Disney.
Muppets Visit Japan
By Cullen Pittman
We see an airport in Tokyo, Japan. And out the doors come everyone's favorite Muppets chattering away and acting all excited about being in Japan.
"Um, excuse me, everyone", said Kermit the Frog, trying to get everyone's attention. "Quiet down, please", asked Kermit. But everyone was still too busy being excited.
"QUIET!" shouted Animal. Everyone behaved at Animal's fierce voice.
"Thank you, Animal", said Kermit as he took out a dog biscuit and tossed it to Animal who ate it happily while panting.
"Now everyone", said Kermit, "I know you're all excited that we're here in Tokyo, Japan."
"I'll say", said Gonzo taking out his camera and started clicking at everything he saw. "Oh look, I think I see a close up of one of those big nosed monsters you see on those Japanese monster movies." Gonzo didn't realize was that he had his camera aimed at Miss. Piggy's snout.
"And I'm about to give you your first taste of Japanese culture", growled Piggy. "HI YA!" and she whacked Gonzo across the street causing him to crash into a cart filled with square melons.
"Will you all cease with this disgusting behavior?" demanded Sam Eagle. "We are all guests here in Japan representing America. And we want to show the people here that we are decent, mature, and intelligent Americans. Can you all please do that?"
"Ya, ya, ya!" said the Swedish Chef, "Tree choors fer de reed, wit ,in boo!" and he started waving a white flag that was drawn in scattered red stars and blue stripes in crayon.
"Why they gave you American citizenship, I'll never know!" groaned Sam.
Kermit, I am so excited", said Fozzie. "I can't wait to check out some Japanese joke books. I even bought a book that translates Japanese jokes into English jokes. Let's see, the Japanese word for chicken is niwatori"
"Niwatori", sighed Gonzo, coming back covered with melon juice and bits. "I like that word for chicken. And I bet that'll make my sweet Camilla melt into my arms the minute I call her that."
"And I can't wait to try out some of that Japanese cuisine", said Rizzo. "I'm gonna be so full that I'll be walking around with my belt unbuckled during this whole trip."
"What belt?" asked Pepe. "You don't even wear pants."
"But I plan to on this trip", said Rizzo, taking out a hanger with a small pair of Ken Doll jeans, "Just to feel what it's like to be a full of food human."
"My uncle requested that I bring him back a geisha", said Scooter, "Whatever that is."
"Yo, Scooter", said Clifford, "There's a geisha over there. And Animal found her."
We see a lady in a kimono screaming while Animal was chasing after her shouting, "GEISHA! GEISHA! GEISHA!"
"Heal, Animal!" shouted Floyd as he yanked on Animal's chain causing him to stop.
"My uncle wants me to bring him back one of them?" asked Scooter. "He's been alone way too long."
"Remember, guys", said Kermit, "The main reason we're all here is that my old childhood friend, Koji the Frog, is starting his own version of The Muppet Show here in Japan. And I wanted to fly us all here so we can see it and also help him out."
"Boy, Uncle Kermit", said Robin, "It's gonna be great to meet a frog who's Japanese. I hope Koji is nice."
"Koji's a pretty good guy", said Kermit, "I remember back when I was a tadpole in my home swamp, a Japanese kid visited and let loose a tadpole from a jar and into my pond. After that, Koji and I became good friends and I taught him about America and he taught me about Japan. And when Koji reached his frog stage, he decided he wanted to return to his home country." Kermit had a flashback of when he was in the swamp and watched a blue frog dressed in a kimono and a straw hat, holding a walking stick, and walking off into the sunset.
"And right over there is Koji's new Muppet theater", said Kermit as he pointed to a huge fancy theater."
"That sure is a pretty looking theater", said Robin.
"Aw, Kermit, can't we all see Japan first?" asked Fozzie. All the other Muppets started begging and pleading to Kermit.
"Okay, fine", said Kermit as he looked at his watch, "We don't have to meet Koji until 7 o'clock tonight. And if you all want to look around Tokyo, I insist you all use the buddy system so you won't get lost. And remember to all meet back at that theater before 7."
"And I shall be your buddy, buddy", smiled Piggy as she snuggled against Kermit.
"Um, thanks for offer, Piggy", said Kermit, "But I already agreed to go with Robin. He's my responsibility."
"Sorry, Piggy", said Robin.
Piggy looked grumpily, but then smiled. "That's quite all right my dear Robin. You go on ahead with your responsible Uncle Kermie and I'll just spend my time going shopping. Beauregard! Front and center!"
"You called, Piggy?" asked Beauregard.
"I'm in a shopping mood today and I need someone to carry the hundreds of clothes and jewelry I intend to buy. I hope you're strong enough for the task."
Beau started to sniff himself, "Yep, everyone keeps saying that I'm strong."
"Eyew!" groaned Piggy as she covered her snout. "Why do we pigs have to have keen senses of smell?" She took out a can of perfume and sprayed Beau with it and sniffed him. "That's much better", smiled Piggy, "Now, follow moi, Beau."
"Hey, Rowlf", called out Floyd as he handed him Animal's chain. "You wouldn't mind being Animal's buddy while I show Janice a heavy romantic time here, would you?"
"Oh, Floyd!" sighed Janice.
"Well, to tell you the truth…" stuttered Rowlf, but then he looked at Animal who was showing off his teeth saying, "Nice dog!"
"You mean nice dog as in buddy, not nice dog as in a delicious hot dog?" asked Rowlf nervously.
"Either way", said Animal in a sincere voice.
Soon, all the Muppets were paired into groups of two and then split off in different directions.
* * * * * *
Kermit and Robin came across a museum. "Look, Uncle Kermit", said Robin. "I've read on a website that this museum has a lot of ancient Japanese history and artifacts. Can we check it out?"
"Well, okay", said Kermit. "It's good to give little frogs new experiences." As they went up the stairs, they were greeted by a blue frog wearing glasses, a white shirt, and black pants.
"Kermit-san?" asked the frog.
"Koji?!" smiled Kermit as he suddenly recognized his old Japanese friend. "Koji, it's you, buddy!" Robin watched as the two frogs did the traditional Japanese bow and then hugged each other in friendship.
"It is good to see you again, my friend", smiled Koji. "And who is this young frog behind you?"
"This here's my nephew, Robin", said Kermit.
"Um, cold knees and cheese walls, Mr. Koji" said Robin, stuttering while bowing.
"I think the word you are looking for is konichiwa", giggled Koji.
"Sorry", said Robin embarrassed. "I don't know much Japanese."
"Don't worry, my young friendly tourist", smiled Koji, "I speak good English. Thanks to the time I spent in an American swamp under the kind flippers of your Uncle Kermit-san."
"It was my pleasure, Koji", said Kermit, "And when you phoned me and said that you were starting your own Muppet Show here in Tokyo, I just had to come and see it."
"Yes, my very own show", sighed Koji. "And I have assembled a group of the finest Muppet performers in all of Japan. We were all big fans of your American Muppet Show and we wanted to copy that fame and success here in Japan. Our first show premieres tonight at 8 o'clock. I hope you will attend."
"Oh, we will", said Kermit, "All my friends are out seeing the sights right now, but they agreed to be back here before your show starts. And I was going to take Robin into this museum."
"A wise choice", smiled Koji, "Robin-san, I am sure you will find this museum very educational and enlightening. I will be your tour guide."
"Thank you, Mr. Koji", said Robin, "Do they have actual samurai armor in there?"
"But of course", smiled Koji, "Maybe afterwards, I can teach you the ways of the samurai."
"Do I get a sword?" asked Robin.
Koji was about to say yes, but then looked at Kermit who was shaking his head, no. "Sorry, little one", said Koji, "But swords are much too dangerous for someone your age. You could lose your tail."
"But I already lost my tail", protested Robin, "Naturally, during my tadpole stage."
"And we don't want you losing those little legs you've recently grown too", said Kermit.
"Okay, Uncle Kermit", sighed Robin as he followed Kermit and Koji into the museum.
* * * * * *
Rowlf and Animal were walking down the streets of Tokyo. Animal was scampering around like a wild dog wanting to bite at everything, restaurants, girls, vehicles, and people walking their dogs. "Want Japanese food! Want Japanese food!" shouted Animal.
"Heal, Animal!" said Rowlf who was tugging on Animal's chain preventing him from attacking. "As long as I'm holding your chain, you're under my command."
"Excuse me, sir", said a policeman who approached the two Muppets.
"Is there a problem, officer?" asked Rowlf as he tried to close Animal's mouth shut.
"There is a leash law in this city", said the policeman.
"But I have Animal on a leash", said Rowlf, showing the policeman the chain.
"I was talking to him", said the policeman to Animal. "Sir, you must keep that dog of yours on a leash in case he might run out of control."
"WHAT?!" gasped Rowlf.
"Here, let me help you with your dog", said the policeman as he removed the collar and chain from Animal and attached it to Rowlf.
"Now wait just a minute", protested Rowlf, but it was too late. Rowlf found himself wearing the chain while Animal was holding the other end, smiling sadistically.
"Now, that is much better", said the policeman. "Make sure you clean up your dog's messes and enjoy the rest of your stay in Tokyo."
"Arigato", said Animal, calmly bowing to the leaving policeman. Then turned his head to a nervous Rowlf and smiled, "You under my command now!"
"This shouldn't happen to a dog!" groaned Rowlf and then saw a man on a motorcycle drive by.
"Japanese wheels! YUM!" shouted Animal as he started running down the street still holding onto Rowlf's chain causing poor Rowlf to get dragged and knocked around.
"I'm reporting you to the SPCA for this!" shouted Rowlf.
* * * * *
We now see a restaurant where Gonzo and Rizzo were being pushed out the door by the headwaiter. "No rats allowed in this restaurant!" shouted the headwaiter as he closed the door.
"That's the sixth place that won't let in rats", grumbled Rizzo, "What's rat gotta do to get some grub around here?" grumbled Rizzo.
"Hey, look!" said Gonzo as he pointed to a huge TV screen attached to a skyscraper. They saw an ad for some kind of battle monster tournament called Koozbanian. And the first prize was a year's supply of box lunches.
"Look at all that good stuff", said Rizzo, drooling while the people on TV showed what was in one of the boxes. "Fried shrimp, dumplings, rice balls, and there's plenty of space in that box for me to sit inside and eat", shouted Rizzo, "We gotta enter!"
"There's just one problem", said Gonzo, "We don't have a Koozbanian to enter."
"Oh yeah!" sighed Rizzo, "So much for box lunches."
"I think I have an idea", said Gonzo, studying Rizzo.
* * * * * *
Somewhere in a nearby park, we see a crowd gathered while two boys were having a Koozbanian battle. A fuzzy pink creature known as a Merdlidop had completely clobbered a short round creature known as a Fazoob. "Merdlidop, Merdlidop!" said the pink creature in a triumphant alien sounding voice while the crowd cheered. "Nice work, Merdlidop", said the first boy as he took what looked like a small red box and sucked the creature into it. The defeated boy did the same for his Fazoob and walked away.
"So far, our resident champion known as Smash, has defeated his ninth opponent", said an announcer who stepped into the battle ring. "Just one more victory and he will win the year's supply of box lunches. Is anyone here brave enough and have the right Koozbanian to defeat the great champion Smash?" Everyone backed away nervously while the boy known as Smash stood there proudly.
"I'll challenge him", said a voice. Everyone turned to the right and saw Gonzo stepping into the ring.
"What kind of creature is that?" asked a guy in the crowd.
"I'll bet his beak is as sharp as a katana blade", said a girl.
"Excuse me, Koozbanian", said the announcer as he approached Gonzo. "But if you want to compete in this contest, you'll need a trainer to instruct you."
"Hey, I'm no Koozbanian", protested Gonzo, "I'm a trainer. And I got my champion right here." And he took out what looked like a small brown paper bag.
"Aren't trainers supposed to keep their Koozbanians inside their Kooz-cubes?" asked Smash.
"Um, uh, that technology hasn't reached America yet", said Gonzo. "Now, let me introduce my champ, Rizzo!" Gonzo turned the bag upside down and released Rizzo dressed in what looked like a red wrestling mask with antennas, T-shirt, and cape.
"I can't believe you talked me into this", grumbled Rizzo.
"You're doing this for food, remember?" whispered Gonzo, "And Koozbanians in battle are only supposed to say their names and nothing else."
"Oh, okay", said Rizzo as he walked into the battlefield, "Rizzo, Rizzo, Riz."
"Funny, I've never seen a Rizzo in any of the official Koozbanian catalogues", said Smash.
"Um, Rizzo will appear in the future catalogues", said Gonzo, "You're all getting a special sneak peek at one the newest Koozbanians. I was lucky to get the very first one in a contest."
"Well, okay", said Smash as he takes out a cube, "Let's see how your Rizzo does against my Doglion!" The cube opened up and out came a giant white furry monster that looked like a cross between a sheep dog and a lion. "DOGLION!" roared the monster as Rizzo got knocked back.
"Gonzo, you can't be serious", whispered Rizzo as he rushed back to Gonzo, "This ain't a monster, he's a mountain!"
"Don't worry, Rizz", said Gonzo, "I recently read on a Koozbanian website that a Doglion has one pressure point. Just jab it and you'll paralyze him."
"Where is that?" asked Rizzo, "On the ankle, on the toe, I hope."
"It's his uvula", said Gonzo.
"Uvula?" gasped Rizzo, "What's a uvuuuu….!" Cried Rizzo as Doglion picked up Rizzo by the tail and started swinging him like a yo-yo.
"Hold on", said Gonzo as he took out a dictionary. "I'll find out what a uvula is in just a second. Oh no! I can't find a uvula in this dictionary!"
"Doglion, bite and savor attack!" shouted Smash.
"Bite and savor?!" gasped Rizzo. He watched in fear as Doglion opened up his mouth, threw Rizzo in, and started making sucking noises.
"Rizzo!" cried Gonzo, but then became surprised as Doglion stood there motionless and then fainted onto the ground.
"Doglion, what has happened to you?" gasped Smash as he approached the huge beast and opened his mouth. "Eyeeew! Smells like rat breath!" groaned Smash.
"That's Rizzo breath!" grumbled a wet Rizzo as he crawled out of Doglion's mouth.
"Rizzo, you made it!" gasped Gonzo, "But how did you take down that monster?"
"It turns out a uvula is that dangly thing that hangs down from the inside of your mouth", said Rizzo, "I just jabbed it while I was bouncing around this big lummox's mouth."
"Oh, wait. I see uvula right here", said Gonzo looking at his dictionary. "It starts with U and I was looking in the Y section at first."
"And the winner of the Koozbanian battle tournament is the small but mighty creature known as Rizzo", said the announcer. "And you win the year's supply of box lunches." A curtain opened up and revealed a whole supply of delicious smelling box lunches.
"Oh, this rat's nose just went to Heaven!" shouted Rizzo in a loud voice.
"Rizzo, ix-nay on the English-ay", whispered Gonzo.
"Oh, yeah", said Rizzo, "Rizzo, Rizzo, Rizz!"
"Wait, did that Koozbanian just talk and did he say that he was a rat?" demanded Smash.
"Wait a minute, he is a rat!" said the announcer as he pulled off Rizzo's mask. "I'm sorry, but for using a common rat instead of a true Koozbanian, you are disqualified!"
"You mean no box lunches?!" wailed Rizzo.
"No", said the announcer, "But you'll getting this booby prize trophy instead for your dishonesty." And he threw a tiny trophy to Gonzo and Rizzo knocking them both on the heads while the crowd walked away in disgust.
"So much for lunch", sighed Gonzo.
"Wait a minute", said Rizzo as he sniffed the trophy and took a bite out of it.
"Riz, what are you doing?" asked Gonzo. "It's usually my job to eat indigestible stuff."
"This trophy is made out of stinky cheese", smiled Rizzo, "It was worth all of that pain. Care to join me, buddy?"
"Sure, why not", sighed Gonzo, "It'll probably be the only food I'll get on this trip. Just one moment", Gonzo put a clothespin on his nose and started to take a nibble on the stinky cheese trophy.
* * * * * *
In an arena, we see a sumo match going on and in the top seats were Pepe the King Prawn and Angel Marie the Monster. "Yeah, slam that fatso!" shouted Angel while jumping up and down, "Show no mercy!"
"Hey, take it easy, okay?" sighed Pepe, "It's only wrestling."
"Hey, you're looking at Angel Marie, the number 1 wrestling fan in the world", said Angel.
"I've been wondering", said Pepe, "How did a big guy like yourself get the name Angel Marie?"
"It's a funny story", said Angel. "The day I was born, my mom and dad took a good long look at me and wanted to name me Fallen Angel Marie. But the people at the hall of records accidentally smudged off the name Fallen when they were making my birth certificate. And that's how I became the sensitive and delicate Angel Marie. Hey look, my favorite sumo is winning. Go on, cream that chump! Make him wet his loincloth!"
"Yeeech!" groaned Pepe. "I'm going down to the concession stand to get more snacks, okay?" And Pepe left the still yelling Angel Marie.
* * * * * *
As the sumos continued wrestling, Pepe walked past the ring with a grumpy face. "Can you believe that concession stand?" he grumbled, "The only food they had left are fried shrimp. Even though I am a king prawn and not a shrimp, I still find that kind of insulting!"
"A shrimp!" shouted one of the sumos as he reached over and picked up Pepe by the head.
"That's king prawn, okay?" shouted a struggling Pepe.
"I love both shrimp and prawns", said the first sumo, "Especially raw!"
"Me too!" said the second sumo, "What do you say we take a break and have a feast?"
"Sounds good to me", said the first, "But first we must tenderize him." The first sumo pressed a scared Pepe onto the mat with his thumb while the second sumo started cracking his knuckles.
"Pepe?" gasped Angel from the stands. "How did you get lucky enough to be in a wrestling match?"
"Angel Marie!" cried Pepe, "Help your buddy!"
"Cool!" shouted Angel as he made a huge jump from his seat and landed in the arena causing the two sumos to get surprised. "If you two tubbies want to eat my pal, you'll have to take me on first."
The two sumos growled and charged at the calm monster. Pepe covered his eyes as he heard a bunch of yelling and pounding going on and then it stopped. "Is it over?" asked Pepe as he turned his head. To his surprise, the sumos were on the floor defeated while Angel Marie was standing on their backs bowing while the crowd cheered.
"You okay, pal?" asked Angel.
"Yeah, I'll be okay, okay?" said Pepe, "Thanks, amigo. You ought to change your name to Guardian Angel Marie."
"Maybe later", said Angel, "Right now I got some important business with these two." Angel turned to the faces of the two defeated sumos. "All right you guys", said Angel, "Now that I defeated you in battle, you'll have to do whatever I say. And the first things I want you to do are to stick these pink panties on me and squirt me all over with Thousand Island dressing. Then you get to spank me and call me names. Hee hee hee!" The two sumos looked shocked as they saw Angel take out a bottle of dressing and a jumbo sized pair of pink panties.
"Those parents must've really messed up that boy bad", said a shocked Pepe.
* * * * * *
Floyd and Janice were walking around a sidewalk enjoying the sights until Janice pointed somewhere, "Look, Floyd. A photo booth! Like, let's take romantic and funny pictures of ourselves."
"Anything for you, baby doll", said Floyd as he put some money into the booth's slot and they stepped in and closed the curtain. A lot of clicking and flashing were going on in the booth. Once it was over, Floyd and Janice stepped out of the booth and gathered up the photographs that came out of the side slot. They looked and smiled at the 6 different pictures of themselves, but then became shocked and surprised when they saw the last picture.
"Who is that tall dark guy behind us?" asked Janice. Sure enough, it looked like a shadowy phantom with red eyes was standing behind the hugging couple.
"Wait a minute!" gasped Floyd as he peeked into the booth and found it empty. "I could swear that we were the only two in that booth!"
A young Japanese man who was walking by saw the picture Janice was holding and said, "I see you Americans had the experience of meeting the legendary Photo-Phantom."
"Photo-Phantom?" asked Floyd, "Who the heck is that?"
"It was believed that Photo-Phantom was a demon that escaped the spirit world", said the man, "But he was only restricted to all the photo booths in Tokyo. So he spent his time waiting for unsuspecting victims to enter the booths he resides in so he can steal their souls."
"You mean that scary dude took our souls?!" cried Janice. "But I like my soul!"
"He'd better not have taken all my soul music!" said Floyd.
"Do not worry", said the man, "You both still have your souls. They said that Photo-Phantom reformed many years ago and doesn't steal people's souls anymore."
"Whew, like that's a relief", sighed Janice.
"He now only steals people's wallets", said the man.
"My wallet's gone!" gasped Floyd as he felt his back pants pocket.
"You mean the wallet that had all of your baby pictures?" asked Janice.
* * * * * *
In another photo booth across the street, we see the dark and scary Photo-Phantom looking through Floyd's wallet. "Nothing in here but a few American dollars and an expired driver's license", said the Phantom in a spooky voice. "Oh look, baby pictures!" The Phantom looked at all the pictures and suddenly became shocked and terrified. "AHHH, THE HORROR!" he cried as he dropped the wallet and started to shrink. "I'm going back to the safety of the spirit world!" the Photo-Phantom shouted as he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Floyd peeked into the booth. "Here's my wallet", smiled Floyd as he picked it up and searched through it. "Good, everything's here", said Floyd and then frowned when looked at his baby pictures. "No wonder why they wouldn't let me be a Muppet Baby", sighed Floyd as he left the booth.
TO BE CONTINUED