Never say goodbye.
Because saying goodbye means going away.
And going away
Edward and I were sitting on my couch together, listening to the fire crackle and the thunderstorm outside. He put his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I put my one hand in his, and the other on his chest, where I laid my head.
"I'm just so…I'm confused," He continued. We've been talking for hours. It's been four hours since his break down, and it seemed like the flood gates were open; we were telling each other every we've ever wanted to tell, and it didn't scare me. "I know Tanya's a bitch. But, it's like for every twenty moments she's angry or acting like an ass, she has one moment where she makes me feel… I don't know, it's probably going to sound really stupid, but she just makes me feel special. I have a big family. Rosalie's the attractive one, Emmett's the athlete, Jasper's the smart one, Alice is the social butterfly, and what am I? A mix of all three? And she has a way of making me feel like I'm special, just because of who I am."
"I don't make you feel special?" I asked, half teasing, half serious.
He sighed. "You do, but… I mean, you don't have every guy in school after you." Looking down at my face, which held a mask of faux anger, he smiled and said, "You should though."
"Thank you," I whispered, inhaling his scent.
"But Tanya does. And just the fact that out of every guy she could pick from, the fact that she picked me… Like I said, it's stupid."
He lifted my face to look at him. "I know I said it before, but I was crying my guts out, and I don't know if you took me seriously, but I'm sorry." He looked at me intently, his green eyes searching mine. "I'm sorry."
I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded.
"I'm sorry I've treated you like shit. I'm sorry I'm in your house right now, when earlier you clearly told me to basically never step foot in here again."
"I never said that," I protested. "And besides, you were acting like an idiot before."
"Now you're not. Now you're acting like, I don't know."
"The old you. The Pre-Tanya."
"I know you are. And I forgive you. And I know I said I didn't want to be friends anymore, but I still do. But…"
He rested my head back onto his chest and was rubbing my head. "But what?"
I took a deep breath, thankful that I didn't have to look at his face while I said this. "Chances are," I started in a low voice, "I'll never get a moment like this again. Where I feel like I can talk to you about anything, so here's everything I've ever wanted to tell you…No one has ever—ever—gotten me like you get me; I've never met anyone who makes me laugh like you do. You're the one person who I can see always making me happy… At least the old Edward could."
I stood up, mustering enough courage to look him in the face. I knew I had to let him know this. I knew if I didn't tell him now, I never would. I knew it.
I trailed a finger down his temples, across his jaw line, and his lips. I kept my eyes on his the entire time, measuring his reaction. His eyes, which were melting pots of at least seven shades of green, stayed melting pots of seven shades of green as I trailed across his face with my finger. I kneeled, placing both of my hands on either side of his face, staring into his eyes for a few moments longer.
"I don't know if this is going to creep you out and drive you away, or make you closer to me, but I have to tell you. I have to let you know that… That I love you."
Edward blinked once, his eyes hardening the tiniest bit.
"I know this can't be that much of a shock to you. You had to have had an assumption."
"It's not a shock at all," he whispered. "I kind of thought so, but I hoped it wasn't true."
My heart fell, and I let go of his face.
"No." I cut him off. "Let me finish. Since you knew, let me ask you this. Have you ever really truly thought about it, then? You've got this girl, you've been best friends with since forever, who's completely head over heels in love with you, but for some reason you don't want to see that? You know that I love you! And maybe you feel the same way. Maybe you don't. But you refuse to just give it a chance. Are you scared? Are you scared of the thought that you've seen me through my best and my worst, and look a few hours ago! I've seen you at you absolute worst! I stayed with you through your worst while you're girlfriend, the girl you're in love with, leaves. Maybe you're afraid I'm perfect for you. And that really scares you doesn't it?"
"No. You listen first. I'm not asking for forever. I'm asking for a chance."
We both didn't say anything for a long time. Before I knew it Edward gently pushed me to the side and stood up, heading out the door.
"Where are you going?" I asked, grabbing his arm to stall him. "You're just going to leave?"
He ran a hand down his face and looked down at me, no emotion in those green eyes. "Why did you have to tell me that? I mean…I get done telling you why I love Tanya, then you dump you're emotions for me, on me? Why the hell would you do that?"
"Well, I'm sorry!" I raised my voice, throwing my hands up in exasperation. "You're cuddling with me on the couch over there, kissing my head, holding my hand, and what do you expect me to think? I thought, maybe I should tell him. Maybe he feels the same way."
"Maybe we're just really good friends!" He retorted, jerking his arm away from me and silently walking out, gently closing the door shut. I stood there for a second before running out the door, following him.
"So what now?" I yelled, thunder booming, lightening flashing, and rain pouring. "What happens with us now?"
He turned around to look at me. "What do you mean what now? Do you remember at all what happened earlier in the day? You flipped your shit at me. You yelled at me with all you had. Do you remember that? Do you remember screaming at me to get the hell out of your house? I remember it clearly, Bella."
"Edward! Just stay and talk. Can't we do that?"
I watched as he started walking toward his car again. "No."
I ran after him, bumping into him with such force he fell back on the street, with me falling on top of him. It was quiet for a moment before he blurted out:
"Damn, Bella. What'd you do that for?"
Unable to control myself, I started laughing. I was laughing so hard I couldn't even get off Edward, and believe me, I was trying. The laughter took all the strength from my limbs, and all I could do is lay on top of Edward, laughing like an idiot.
"What the hell is so funny?" He asked, his voice aggravated.
"You—" I started another fit of laughter while he stared at me with narrow eyes. "I just remember when we were at the playground like, ten years ago—" I stopped to laugh again. "And I was so excited to see you; I sprinted toward you and knocked you down. And you looked up at me and said, 'What'd you do that for?'"
I felt his chest rise and fall as he laughed at the memory. We stayed there for a few uncountable moments, laughing in the middle of the street, getting soaked by the rain. We were only broken out of our reverie when a car was driving and honked his horn at us. Scrambling to our feet, we ran under my porch, onto the wooden porch swing. Only then did I notice my teeth were chattering and I was freezing. I subtly scooted closer to Edward, trying to get warmer. I didn't want to say anything because I was afraid he would remember he wanted to leave. I opened up my mouth to say something to him, to convince him to stay, but we cut off by his cell phone.
"What's up?" He answered, and I strained my ears so I could hear who was on the other line.
"Hey Eddie, where are you? I'm on the porch outside your bedroom, freezing my ass off, and you aren't home."
"Well, can you get in, because it's freezing and you know I can't let your parents know I'm here."
I felt a knot in my stomach, thinking of Tanya in Edward's bedroom all night, in his bed.
"Maybe you just shouldn't come over tonight then, Tanya. Doesn't you're face hurt? Oh, that reminds me. Why were you at Bella's house anyway?"
I blinked in shock when he bluntly asked her that then looked down at me and winked.
"I—I—I wanted to get to know her better, but she's such a bitch she didn't even want to talk to me. Did you see the stain on her carpet? She threw her hot chocolate at me."
Edward opened his mouth in shock, then gave me a look that let me know he was kidding. "Are you serious Tanya? Well I'll be right over."
"Thanks Eddie. Love you!"
"Love you too, muffin… Oh, but pumpkin?"
"I love the cute names you're calling me tonight, Eddie. It's turning me on."
"I'm glad, baby. But I should only be there in forty minutes, do you think you'll be okay out there? I know it's cold…"
"Oh no it's fine. In fact, I'll stand on your porch and let it rain on me! I won't even go in my car to wait for you. So remember that I'd stay in the pouring rain for you."
"That's hot. I'll see you later."
He hung up and started toward his car. My face fell until he turned around and said, "Wanna have some fun?"
I nodded and ran over to him. "What are we gunna do?"
He opened up the passenger door for me and smiled. "You'll see."
"Listen to this."
I wanted to lean in closer to hear him—his whisper was almost inaudible, and it was still storming outside—but it was impossible to get closer than I already was. Edward had driven us to his house, and led me under his porch, telling me to be quiet. I still was completely confused as to what he was going to do, but I rolled my eyes and sighed, faking annoyance. He shot me a look, but otherwise ignored me, and pulled out his cell phone, hitting speed dial four. I smiled smugly, knowing I was speed dial two. I had a weird sense of déjà vu, thinking back to when Edward hug dragged me into the janitor's closet at school, and had prank called Emmett.
"What are you doing?" I asked equally quiet.
He looked over and smiled at me, getting me another wink. I smiled back, thinking he was having crazy mood swings lately. We both were. One second we hated each other, the next we loved each other, then one of us wanted to leave, and now we're having fun together.
I smiled wider when I heard the sound of annoyed pacing on the porch above us, followed by Tanya's huffs and puffs.
"She's gunna kill me," he whispered to himself, smiling impishly. He turned to look at me, his eyes dancing, and I looked back, momentarily paralyzed. Familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. And my heart ached when I thought how much I loved him and how he didn't love me the same way at all. Maybe my sensible brain was right, I thought. Maybe I did let my heart get the best of me. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high, and maybe I was in over my head. I guess I'm the stupid one for ever, ever, thinking that he loved me too. But maybe, quite possibly, I'm tired of being alone.
I continued looking into his eyes, acutely aware that his lips were less than an inch away from mine. For the thousandth time in my life I envisioned myself getting up enough courage to push myself that small distance forward, and placing my lips on his. But instead I swallowed and turned to the phone.
Edward looked back too, hitting the call button after making sure his number was blocked. A few seconds later I hear Tanya's ringtone—some techno remix thing—and Edward switched his phone to the ear I was closest too. I took a deep breath and I leaned in closer, if that were possible, and placed my ear by the speaker.
"Hey, this is Tanya."
"Tanya," Edward began in his Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. We both stopped to smile and get control of our growing need to laugh. "This is Arnold."
I leaned away from the phone and tried to control the giggles that were escaping my mouth. Next thing I knew Edward's hand was over my mouth, pressing my head against his chest.
"Shhhh!" He whispered.
"Listen, Arnold, I don't know who you are but my boyfriend, Edward, is with me right now and could be your ass in a second."
"Awh," Edward continued, his voice almost breaking from his humor. He paused to get a hold of himself then, "but I wanted to get with you. I'm the wide receiver for the football team."
I suddenly realized that this turn of events wasn't mean to be funny. I looked at the suddenly serious face of Edward, and realized he was trying to catch her in something. See what she would say.
"Oh," Tanya smiled. "Well, you're hot, I know that."
"But what if Eddie—I mean, Edward found out?"
Edward hesitated, searching for the right words. "He won't. Trust me."
"Where do I meet you?"
I saw Edward's face crumble in pain for the shortest of seconds, before it returned to normal. "The football field. Like, now."
"Be right there."
Edward hung up and threw his phone behind him, where I heard it splash in a puddle of mud. He closed his eyes for a second, and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry." My voice was muffled through his hand, which I could tell he forgot was there, but he heard me. He looked down and smiled sweetly at me.
"It's fine. Honestly, it is. I already knew. Emmett told me. She cheated on me with several of his friends. And I thought if I made a joke out of it, like I just did, it wouldn't hurt when I got her to confirm what I knew."
"I'm still sorry."
He rolled his eyes and looked at me, noticing his hand for what seemed the first time. "Sorry," he muttered as he removed it. He leaned back, supporting himself on the palms of his hands. I laid my head on his lap and looked up at him. "You're not sorry. You hate Tanya."
"True," I replied quickly, no hesitation, which cause him to chuckle. "But I hate to see you hurt."
We heard Tanya running down the porch stairs, and I got up from Edward's lap when I noticed he was starting to stand up.
"Hey, bitch," he yelled, causing her to shriek.
"Eddie!" She exclaimed with way too much enthusiasm. "You're here!"
He shrugged and when he spoke again, he was back to his prank calling voice. "Did you miss me?"
Tanya looked at him strangely for a second, then smiled and said, "You brought Bells here with you!" She ran over and gave me a hug. "I forgive you for punching me today, Bella."
"But I'm not sorry," I said the same time Edward said, "Shut the fuck up, Tanya."
Tanya ignored me and stared at Edward, I mean Eddie, in horror. "Don't talk to me like that!"
"I'll talk to you any damn way I want!" He hollered. Even in the dim light of the moon, I could tell his face was getting red with rage. I even saw a vein on the side of his head pop out, which only happened when he was really, really pissed.
"If you call me Eddie one more fucking time I'm going to kill you."
"You wouldn't kill m—"
"Honestly," he screamed, getting only about an inch away from her face. "Don't try me, Tanya. I'm not fucking around! I'm up to here with everything! You've lied to me, you've cheated on me, and you've been the biggest bitch to my best friend Bella!"
"That's because Bella is a slut," she said in a small voice. My eyes got wide in shock. Why would she talk like that when Edward was clearly about to bust something?
"The fucking—" He spun around in an angry circle, and hit a wooden post that supported the porch. "You're the slut, Tanya! Do you hear me? You. Are. The. Slut."
"Calm down, Eddi—Edward! I mean Edward!"
He shook his head and put a hand up to his eyes, squeezing them shut for a second. I knew the tears were coming next, angry tears, and sure enough when he looked back up, his eyes were glistening.
"I hate you Tanya. I really hate you. You kept me away from her!" he pointed to me. "I mean Jesus Christ, you pulled me away from her!"
"I did not!" Tanya screamed, surprising me. "You did that. I might have encouraged it, but you're the one who did, Edward, not me."
"You think I don't know that?" He yelled. "You think I don't hate myself just as much as I hate you?"
"Well don't blame me!"
"Godammit I don't know who to blame!"
She crossed over to Edward and slapped him across the face. "Blame yourself, Edward." I thought she was going to walk away, but she stood there for a second before scratching his cheek with her long fingernails. He gasped in pain, and I gasped in horror when I saw the deep scratch wounds.
"Edward!" I didn't have time to think how stupid I would look taking my shirt off, but didn't know what else to use, so I tore it off and held it to his cheek.
"Oh you whore!" Tanya insulted. I looked into her eyes and saw an animal that was going wild. I suppose I should have worried about myself, but I watched Tanya's movements, bracing myself to defend Edward. Before I knew it, she grabbed me by the hair and pulled so hard I was sure she was going to pull it all out.
"Let me go!" I screamed.
"I hate you, Swan!" She shrieked, kicking me in the stomach before pushing me towards Edward with all her force. Edward was caught off guard and we both fell back. I watched in terror as his head hit the side of his house with blunt force, seemingly going unconscious.
"Edward?" I called, trying not to sound panicked. I tapped his good cheek, the cheek Tanya didn't touch, trying to wake him up. I heard him moan and his eyes fluttered open. He blinked a few times, getting his vision focused, then grinned.
"Man," he said in a rough voice. "Am I'm glad it was you who railed into me. I know Tanya tries to maintain her weight and all, but she's a dense one."
I laughed, glad he was okay. "You must have a terrible headache," I whispered, hearing Tanya's car speed away. "And I'll be shocked if the entire neighborhood isn't woken up."
He didn't respond, so I looked down at him, concerned he blacked out, but he was staring at something below me. I looked down and blushed the deepest shade of red when I saw I was in my bra, and straddling Edward. I looked around for my shirt, and saw it was where Edward was standing before he got knocked down by me…for the second time in one night.
"I, uh, you're cheek was bleeding pretty, um, bad…" I trailed off, getting myself off Edward. His large hands grabbed onto my waist and restrained me from getting out of the position I was in. I looked at him, and he was looking back at me with the most amazing look in his eyes. There was a flash of bright lightening, followed by a distance rumbling of thunder. The rain had stopped.
When I was thirteen, I went to Italy with my mom for our summer vacation. I remember we were eating breakfast at an outdoor café. Across from us was a young couple in their twenties. The woman took a large bite of biscotti, and the man laughed at her. I remember the look that man gave her. It was so full of love, so full of passion, so full of need and longing, it was the most amazing look I've ever seen. Ever since then I've always wanted someone to look at me like that.
And now, as Edward stared into my eyes, a strong since of passion in his stare, all I could think of is he wasn't looking at me the way that man looked at that woman. He was looking at me with so much more.
"Don't get up," he whispered. "I have something to tell you. I'm sorry. There's not a man in the world who's more sorry than I am. I broke your heart, I can see that. I know that. I'm sorry. I feel like it's not enough, but I need time to make it up to you. Until then, I'm sorry with all of my heart and all of my soul."
"I forgive you," I whispered so low, I'm certain he didn't hear it.
He took his hands from my hips and brought them to my face, bringing it close to his. He searched my face for a second before looking me in the eyes.
"You're right. I knew it all along, I was just afraid to admit it to myself. And I'm going to admit it to you."
I swallowed, soaking in the moment.
"I love you, Bella. I love you."
Our lips crushed together and I melted into him. He moved a hand up to my hair and took out the clip that was holding it back, letting my curls loose, and tangled his fingers in it, securing me to him. With his other hand he sat himself up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Our breathing got heavy and I moved my hand to his chest, feeling his heartbeat. His lips moved down to my neck, allowing me to catch my breath. I inhaled his scene and smiled to myself in contentment. Edward's lips returned to mine, gently biting my bottom lip before letting his tongue enter my mouth. We lost our breath all over again, but didn't stop. Wherever he touched me, there was fire.
We've finally found each other. This is our night. And we weren't worrying about whether it was right or wrong, because for once, things are working out between us. This is the moment I've been looking forward to for a very, very long time. In a few hour reality is going to creep back into our lives, and attempt to suffocate us with our own misery, but we'll be able to face it this time, so long as we have each other. When the sun begins to appear in the sky, its warm light shining, we're going to close our eyes and relive this moment over and over again. The night we found each other.
Thanks for reading! You're support through this entire story was amazing. I hope I gave you a story that you enjoyed! It's the last chapter, so if you haven't reviewed yet, please do! Thanks again guys!