Me: For the always lovely and incomparable Misu. I told you I'd do it. For readers, please go read 'Litter' by misumisu first, it will allow this to make more sense.
Disclaimer: Me? Own? Ha…haha…yeah, not happening.
Warning: Mass mpreg, major OOC, and silliness. Add a touch of yuri, a lot of yaoi, and some het and you've got this fic.
Aizen sat on his throne, a thoughtful expression on his face. This did not bode well. The Espada knew that look, it was the look of a man formulating a plan that they wouldn't like. The look of a man deciding something that everyone would silently object to, but do anyway. The look of their approaching doom. It was not a look anyone was fond of. Well, maybe Gin, but he was weird so he didn't count.
"I have an announcement," Aizen finally said and the Espada before him inwardly groaned, "We are all aware of how Ichigo was overpowered by Grimmjow, this could prove to be a useful attack strategy. I am therefore charging each of you with finding a Shinigami captain or lieutenant and following the same steps that Grimmjow did."
The Espada were silent, staring at their leader with wide, unusually frightened eyes. They really hated that look.
Yamamoto Genryuusai was a reasonable man, he realized he couldn't force his captains into anything, but this was just ridiculous. Turning to his lieutenant, the old man growled, "How did this happen?"
The lieutenant just shrugged. "Well I assume there was some penetration and-"
"That's not what I mean!" Yamamoto snapped.
"Oh…well then," Sasakibe Choujirou picked up a list, "Soi Fong, impregnated by Halibel by unknown means. We assume it has something to do with spirit energy crossing. Soi Fong is currently having her team build a nursery and demanding maternity leave. Unohana Retsu impregnated Szayel Aporro."
"Wait," Yamamoto frowned slightly, "Unohana IMPREGNATED a male?"
"We have no idea how," Sasakibe shuddered slightly, "Nor do I particularly want to know how. Unohana is currently in shock as well, it would seem she does not even know how this happened. Well she knows how it happened, but it's apparently a bit of a trauma. Szayel has moved in with her and is currently using the medical supplies to create small monsters for his own amusement."
"I'm almost afraid to ask about Kuchiki Byakuya," Yamamoto groaned.
"Oh nothing so far," his lieutenant said, "Renji however…."
"It would appear that the first Espada has, um, claimed him. Thought he was pretty. Renji is currently pregnant with Nnoitra's child. Renji has also been attempting to flee Nnoitra, but the Espada is unusually good at tracking him down. So far all attempts to separate him from the lieutenant have failed and resulted in several injuries. In my opinion it would be best to accept that we are not getting Renji back."
"Who else," the old captain ran a hand over his face in exasperation.
"Komamura Sajin would appear to be having a, uh, litter of puppies and has taken to snapping at anyone who approaches him. We believe the father to be an Espada by the name of Zommari, but we are not certain."
"How can you not be certain?"
"The captain is refusing to speak of it," the lieutenant shrugged slightly, "The only reason we believe Zommari to be the father is that he has been following Komamura around and beating anyone who makes a comment to a bloody pulp."
Yamamoto waited for more, for he knew there was more. Getting the message, Sasakibe cleared his throat slightly. "Ah the others…Kyouraku Shunsui would also be pregnant, it seems that he got drunk and made a bet with an Espada named Stark who was also highly inebriated and well…they are both pregnant and in alcohol withdrawal. Unohana has them locked up so they don't break into any stores, but they are becoming increasingly violent. Luckily Captain Hitsugaya seems to have remained uh, unpregnant, but his lieutenant Matsumoto not so much. We believe the father to be Yammy."
"At least she didn't get him pregnant," Yamamoto groaned.
"Zaraki Kenpachi seems to have impregnated Ulquiorra, something he is being very vocal about. He has moved the Espada in with him and declared that Ulquiorra is now Yachiru's mother and if anyone questions it he will, and I quote, 'Cut their motherfucking head off and give it to their own mother as a gift.' I believe it would be best to simply allow them to be even though the Espada has been seen trying to escape Kenpachi's advances on multiple occasions."
"And the 12th division?" the old captain breathed.
"…an Espada named Barragan has impregnated both Kurotshuchi Mayuri and Nemu. I would prefer not to really think about how that happened myself. It would also seem that Shiba Kaien is Aaroniero in a way and has impregnated himself. Again, not what I want to think about."
"And then there is the Ichigo incident."
"Yes, Kurosaki Ichigo. He is still in heavy shock from finding Grimmjow with a litter of his young. It would appear that he is unable to fight at this time. He is also currently crying in the interrogation room that you had us bring him to. It would seem that he hasn't slept in weeks because of his offspring."
Kurosaki Ichigo lay slumped over the table in front of him, the stress finally catching up with him. There was a small haired, cat eared child climbing on his leg, claws digging into his flesh. "Come on Omoi (1)," he sighed as he picked the girl up, "Let daddy have a nervous breakdown."
"Weakling," Grimmjow muttered from his seat by the door where he was holding the two other infants. The twin boys were rather content to simply sit still for their mother at the moment, a true rarity. "Can't even deal with kittens."
"Yeah well Yaiba (2) and Joufu are behaving for you at least," the Shinigami muttered.
"You got something to say?!" Grim stood up and started forward threateningly.
"Yeah!" Ichigo set his daughter down and started towards his lover.
"Well say it!" the former Espada stood and glared at the strawberry blond, lightly setting his sons aside in preparation for a fight.
"We need to have sex!" Ichigo yelled and Grimmjow faltered slightly, "We haven't had sex since the kids came around and I'm going out of my fucking mind! If you don't bend over soon I'm going to die!"
Grimmjow stared at his mate for a moment then glanced at the stunned guard by the door. "Watch our kids," the Espada snapped, "And if so much as a hair is out of place so help me I will disembowel you!"
The poor man just nodded slightly as Ichigo threw Grimmjow over his shoulder and marched down the hall to the bathroom. Slamming the blue haired male against the sink, Ichigo pulled his and his lover's pants down roughly. Grimmjow didn't complain; it had been too long since they had done this anyway. He howled slightly when he was unceremoniously entered, but quickly adjusted. Ten minutes of frantic thrusting and groping later, the pair vacated the thoroughly destroyed bathroom and made their way back to their children. The poor guard was under a small pile of snarling, biting, scratching fur. Omoi had her tail bristled as she chomped down on the man's ear and scratched at his neck while Yaiba and Joufu had attached themselves to the guard's back and ass.
"How are my babies?" Grim called and the three kittens abandoned their attack to run to their mother, purring loudly.
Soi Fong was usually a very patient woman, but now she wanted to kill someone. Mostly her division. Couldn't the fools work faster?! She was large, hot, and cranky and she did not need this right now. Halibel gently rubbed her back as the pair surveyed the working Shinigami. The nursery was actually taking form pretty quickly, the walls painted to look like a forest scene, soft carpet laid down so that not even Kenpachi in full charge could make a noise, crib placed so it would get light from the window but not overwhelm the baby, and changing station conveniently placed. It was almost finished, but Soi still wanted to kill someone.
"You want something to eat?" Halibel asked.
"I want someone to die," Soi snapped.
"Pickles would be good."
"I'll go get some fo-never mind," the Espada saw one of Soi's men had already fetched a jar and presented it to the very pregnant captain.
Unohana was hiding, she wasn't afraid to admit that. She couldn't deal with this right now, couldn't deal with the questions of how this had happened, couldn't deal with the mad man running around her clinic creating monsters, couldn't deal with the world. So she was sitting in her supply closet with a portable TV. It was better than anything else.
"Oh there you are!" Szayel said happily as he pulled the closet door open, "I've been looking everywhere for you. I need more artificial blood, don't ask why, you won't like it. And your lieutenant person, I don't really care what their name is, has been looking for you. Something about alcoholics threatening the staff."
Unohana looked up at the pregnant man with wide eyes, her usual serenity long forgotten. "Why do you need any artificial blood?!" she asked in near hysterics.
"…all I can say is that I may have created a vampiric mushroom."
Burying her head in her hands the healer groaned. "It's in the left cabinet in the emergency room. Kill the vampire mushroom when you get the chance. I'll go see to the alcoholics."
"Love you," Szayel said in a singsong tone and wandered off, "And I'm not killing Skippy."
"I named the mushroom."
"I really hope these are hormones and that you don't always act like this," Unohana groaned as she made her way to the isolation ward.
Renji was in a tree, why? Because he wanted some god damn freedom that's why! Sure it wasn't the best idea with how large his stomach had gotten, but fuck it all, he was not coming down. Nnoitra was standing at the bottom of the tree with his creepy grin and his creepy scythe and his creepy self and Renji was not fucking coming down!
"Baby Doll," the Espada cooed.
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Renji bellowed.
"Sugar hips," Nnoitra called, "Come down baby."
"GO TO HELL!"
"That's not very nice," the Espada frowned, "Do you want our child to hear that? You know they can hear their mother's voice in the womb, you should really clean up your language."
"FUCKING SHIT FACED MOTHERFUCKING ASS HOLE DOUCHE BAG WHORE!" the redhead called in retaliation.
Nnoitra just frowned and Renji felt his stomach drop. This was not going to end well for him. The next thing he knew the tree was falling, the Espada had cut it down in one easy swing of his scythe. The more important thing was that Renji was falling with it. Screaming like a small child, the redhead plummeted, only to be caught by the father of his child.
"NO!" the redhead wailed as the Espada carried him back to their home.
Komamura paced restlessly. Everything was wrong; he needed a den, not this organized apartment. Maybe if he… no that wouldn't work. Growling under his breath, the great dog like creature began to rip up his bed to make a proper nest. He wasn't due for a few more weeks, but there was no sense in letting the time go to waste. Once he had a proper nest, Komamura stalked over to the smug Espada, glaring at him for a moment before making his way out of the apartment, he was hungry. Zommari followed behind him.
Shinigami veered out of his way as he walked down the street, a low constant growl escaping him. The Espada just followed like he always did. At the grocery store there was a tiny bit of an altercation, someone thought it was okay to touch Komamura's stomach, Komamura didn't. The person soon learned this as he found large wolf jaws clamped on her arm. Zommari pried the captain off the innocent woman and lead him away.
The cashier didn't have anyone to save her when she said Komamura was getting big. She was well mourned.
Shunsui was not a happy pregnant man, not that he imagined there were many. Still, he and his equally pregnant drinking partner were not happy. Damn Unohana for cutting them off, damn her to hell! He had chills and was hot at the same damn time, he was shaking and sweating and wanted a drink. No one would give him one though, 'it wasn't good for the baby'.
Stark was watching his drinking buddy, well lover, with concern. Sure he wasn't happy with the no booze mandate, but he could deal. Shunsui didn't seem to be dealing very well. Moving to his stricken lover's side, the Espada sat down on his bed and gathered him in his arms. He was immensely pleased when the Shinigami snuggled against him. The door to the room opened up and there was the bane of their existence, Unohana herself.
"I will kill you if you don't give me something to drink!" Shunsui tried to break free to grab the healer, but Stark held him steady.
"Can you give him anything?" he asked desperately.
"I'll give him something to help with the pain," the small woman said, her usually tranquil voice frazzled, "But it won't do much since we have to keep the baby in mind. You'll both just have to stay here until it's all out of your system."
Stark nodded slightly as the Shinigami in his arms started to snarl. Unohana produced a syringe, giving Shunsui a dose of some unknown drug before vanishing, probably to go hide again. Though maybe to kill the vampire mushroom Stark had been hearing rumors about.
Shunsui was not pleased. Sure the drugs were making his shakes go away, but he did not feel particularly good at the moment. Sighing heavily the Shinigami leaned further into Stark's embrace, taking solace that at least he could get a good fuck out of things.
Matsumoto grinned as she watched Yammy run around her apartment cleaning. This was awesome. The Espada was at her beck and call, all she had to do was pout and push her breasts together and the large male would immediately do whatever she wanted. So far she had gotten a manicure, pedicure, half the house cleaned, and dinner made without even lifting a finger. She could definitely get used to this.
Ulquiorra was not a happy Espada. He was sitting in a pink dress having tea with a hyper active child who should not be allowed to put that much sugar in her drink. His usually slim form was ruined, he was an unwilling mother to a pink haired, slightly retarded girl, and he was getting dominated by a scarred man on a nightly basis. Aizen was going to pay for this.
"Would you like some more tea mommy," Yuchiro asked happily.
"No," the Espada said shortly.
"…KENNY!" the pinkette screamed, "MOMMY IS NOT PLAYING ALONG!"
"Indulge the child," Kenpachi sighed.
"No," Ulquiorra repeated. Standing the male made his way into the bathroom to cry.
Barragan sat across from Mayuri and Nemu. "Well this is awkward," he said.
"I am awesome!" Kaien/ Aaroniero yelled. He had managed to get his old position back and caused a few heart attacks in the process. Life was good.
"What do you mean they all quit?!" Aizen demanded.
Gin just shrugged, hand rubbing his pregnant belly. "They decided they liked the Soul Society and their kids better I guess," he said with his trademark smile.
And that was how the war ended, with mass mpreg, random pairings, and no one really caring to fight anymore.
1. Omoi means Heart. Misu let me name the kids.
2. Yaiba means sword.
3. Joufu means warrior.
Me: -falls over laughing-
Me: I hope you liked it Misu, and sorry it took so long to finish. Let me know what you think people, but if you don't like mpreg then keep your opinion to yourself.