Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.
Warnings: Gayness. Ridiculousness. A very non-explicit blow job.
A/N: So, I've written a story about the dentist's waiting room and another about an annoying fly. I thought it was high time for one about driving in traffic. It is just as random as the others.
All the Way Home
Mello silently gazed out the passenger side window, every muscle in his body tense. His jaw was clenched, his arms were crossed petulantly, and he kept sporadically digging his fingernails into his biceps in little fits of internal rage.
Every once in a while he would throw an annoyed glance at Matt as if he were somehow to blame for the horrible, stop-and-go traffic they were stuck in. Apparently the blonde was able to get road rage even when he wasn't the one driving, and he would let out the most soul-killing screeches in the world whenever he saw the brake lights of the car in front of them.
"Mello, calm down. Maybe you should go to sleep or read or something." Matt said after one of these incidents, despite knowing that it would have the opposite of the intended effect.
"How many times do I have to tell you I can't read in the car? I'm carsick! And how am I supposed to sleep when you keep slamming on the brakes?" Mello said. Matt sighed.
"Well, I guess we could play a game…" Matt suggested. Mello pursed his lips.
"What kind of game?"
"A car game, like twenty questions, or maybe-"
"How do you play twenty questions?" Mello interrupted.
"What, you don't know? Ha, I know something you don't! Who's third now?" Matt teased. Mello punched his shoulder a little too hard. Jerk.
"How do you play?" Mello repeated.
"Uh…one of us chooses a thing, and the other one has to guess what it is by asking yes or no questions, and if it takes more than twenty, they lose." Matt explained, trying to pay attention to the road as he spoke because there was an obviously moronic lady with crazy big hair who kept creeping over into their lane even though there was no room and she was going to kill them all.
"What kind of thing?" Mello asked.
"Uh…anything, I think, like an animal or a mineral or whatever…" Matt said, still worrying over that other car.
"Can it be an idea or does it have to be a physical object?" Mello asked.
"I don't know." Matt said. Finally the crazy lady exited, and Matt breathed a sigh of relief.
"Okay, let's play. You go first." Mello said. Matt nodded and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he tried to think of a thing for Mello to guess at. Perhaps he should start with something easy, like an animal, since Mello had never played. He chose a hippo.
"Okay, go ahead." He told Mello.
"Is it alive?" Mello asked.
"Yes." Matt said.
"Is it an animal?"
"Is it a hippopotamus?" Mello asked. Matt whirled his head around to stare at him.
"How did you do that?" He asked incredulously.
"Everybody knows you're obsessed with hippos." Mello said as if it was obvious. Matt had been unaware of this himself.
"What? I am most certainly not obsessed with hippos!" Matt insisted. Mello rolled his eyes.
"Please, I've seen the way you look at them when they're on Animal Planet." He said. Matt stared at him in disbelief before a car honked and he realized he should be looking at the road, as he was drifting into someone else's lane exactly the way the crazy lady had earlier. But of course, when he did it, it didn't mean he was crazy, it merely meant he was momentarily distracted.
"Whatever." Matt muttered. Mello laughed. At least he was in a better mood now. He seemed to like the game.
"Your turn to guess!" He exclaimed.
"Okay, is it living?"
"Yes." Mello said, and in a voice that was oddly similar to his bedroom voice.
"Is it an animal?" Matt asked.
"Yes. Well, sort of." Mello's voice was still all sexy for some reason.
"Uh…is it a mammal?"
"You can't say 'sort of', you have to give a yes or no answer!"
"Okay, then yes." Mello said. Matt thought for a moment. What could be 'sort of' a mammal?
"Is it a part of a mammal?" Matt asked with a laugh, catching on.
"Yes." Mello said in a satisfied tone.
"Is it in your pants?" Matt asked. Mello cackled. Yeah, they were mature adults, all right.
"I think you win. Okay, I'm tired of this game now. Know any more? And no license plate games, those are stupid." Mello said, then slumped down and propped one leather-clad knee up on the dashboard.
"You could play sweet and sour." Matt suggested.
"Just wave out the window at people in the other cars, and whoever waves back is sweet, and whoever doesn't is sour." Matt explained. Mello stared at him as if waiting for him to finish.
"So how do you win?" Mello asked eventually.
"You don't, it's just something to do."
"But you called it a game. How can it be a game if nobody wins?"
"I didn't call it a game."
"Fine." Mello said, and he turned to look out the window. In his peripheral vision, Matt watched Mello wave periodically at cars. It was actually really funny to see Mello doing something so friendly and…not Mello-ish.
"That woman flicked me off."
"Sweet…sour…sweet…pervert…" Mello continued. Matt glanced up to see a trucker making an obscene sexual gesture at them. He probably thought Mello was a girl. He wouldn't be the first or last to make such a mistake.
"Sour…sour…sour…sweet…sweet…I'm bored again." Mello said, turning back to face Matt.
"That's too bad." Matt said. Mello let out an exasperated sound and pretended to deflate, folding over, placing his head on his knees, and exhaling loudly. Matt rolled his eyes and then kept them on the road. They both remained this way for the next few minutes, and then Matt felt Mello's fingers running over his upper thigh.
"Mello, I'm trying to drive." He said. Then he felt Mello's forehead inch onto his leg and rest there.
"Mello, what are you doing?"
"Nothing." Mello murmured, nuzzling his jeans like a cat. A rather perverted cat, as it turned out, which proceeded to stick its nose up under Matt's shirt and rub its cheek on his stomach. Mello's hair tickled, and Matt giggled in spite of himself before sobering and directing his attention back to the road.
"Mello, tha- that is dangerous! I'm driving." Matt stammered as Mello found his…sort of a mammal. Matt quivered and tried to keep his eyes open and focused. At least the traffic was lightening up by then. Suddenly, Matt heard a loud horn honk, and realized that it belonged to a truck.
He looked out Mello's window and saw that the trucker from before had caught up with them again, and was at a height from which he could see what Mello was doing. He apparently approved thoroughly, if his very creative gestures were any sign. Matt flicked him off.
"Bitch." Mello muttered with a little laugh that seemed to vibrate an awful lot. Despite his best efforts, Matt was becoming steadily less coherent, and finally he came, gripping the steering wheel tightly and gasping. Mello sat up calmly after a few minutes and rested his forehead against his window, gazing out.
"I'm bored again." He said. Matt sighed. Yep, they were going to die in this car and it was going to be entirely Mello's fault.
"So what do you want me to do about it?" Matt asked. Mello remained silent. Eventually, Matt glanced over at the blonde and saw that he had fallen asleep suddenly. Matt sighed in relief and drove on.
It would be peaceful all the way home, leaving him free to think. He was definitely not obsessed with hippos, he thought as night fell and the headlights turned on. No matter how awesome they were.
A/N: Review! Seriously, I really want you to! I'm not joking!