2D wrapped his thin arms around his frail chest. He tried to listen to his heart beat but failed to hear anything but his own ragged breathing. Long limbs recoiled up against his body. Choking back a sob his eyes filled again with tears that no words could stop. This was heart break like none other he had experienced. He felt as if in any moment he would simply break and stop working. The deep pain beat shallowly through his being and no amount of pain killers could stop it.
Bruised eyes shut against a shudder. After all those words.. after all he said.. His hand clenched, short nails cutting into his palm. I should have known.. Why couldn't I see this coming? Not even two months ago Murdoc had asked him to marry him. Well, okay, maybe not those exact words, but the closest Murdoc equivalent. The bottom line was, he had asked for forever. He remembered whispering the word to himself when the bassist said it. So stupid.
His stomach growled up at him, reminding him he hadn't eaten in two days. He was making a point. After all these years he had grown very tired- so tired that just breathing made his insides hurt and his head throb. Music still flowed from his fingertips but everything that spilled forth now was far too morose to use in any Gorillaz album. How long is forever? Gandhi died of starvation.
The human body can live:
Three minutes without air.
Three days without water.
Three weeks without food.
He licked his drying lips and part of him wondered when he would run out of tears. It was horrible, crying. He hated it, hated doing it, hated how he sounded when he did. But it was all that was left to him in the dark rooms of Kong. At least here no one could listen to him.
Everything was set. He had won over the man he had always loved. He had made a life for himself, one after the band. It was a hard one, trying to filter back into society, but he had Murdoc and that was all that mattered. How long is forever? Two days ago the bassist had given him a ring on his mobile. Everything was normal, just how it always is. But, then Murdoc took a deep breath and told him that this wasn't working. All at once 2Ds eyes played the tender nights together, all the 'I love you's, all the times when he actually felt like he was worth something. "Are you serious?" his voice echoed his memory.
All Murdoc heard after that was the sound of dry heaving and eventually the splutter of vomit hitting the carpark floor. His body retched remembering it, though he had nothing to expel from his physical body.
What does 'I love you' mean? Part of him wanted a fag, but the better half told him it wouldn't help. A strangled cry left his lips as he once again shuddered, be it from cold or heart break or perhaps both. Dented eyes wandered around his room. All of these things had once brought him joy, once made him happy. Now everything looked faded and dull. His bed silently called to him and he shakily stood.
After walking two steps he became light headed and fell forward, his arms just grasping his pink sheets. He laughed something sick and made a bodily thud as he hit the floor. "Worthless." Even his voice was foreign to him now.
It had happened time and time again. Murdoc would say something and then a day, maybe two later, come back and say he was just kidding. And it always left him feeling hollow and it always happened. Every time. But he said forever.. is forever only a month? He didn't feel like moving anymore, despite how cold he was. His eyes closed and he sighed. Somewhere in the upper levels of Kong someone slammed a door shut. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
"What does 'I love you mean'? How long is forever?" The walls devoured his words almost the second after they left his mouth, but he didn't mind. One found that after two days without food and water you didn't mind much anymore. Forever is only as long as the other person is willing to play. A ragged cough racked through his body, making him beg for the pain to end.
Squeamishly he shut his eyes and prayed sleep to engulf him in its warm embrace. Almost like sleeping wrapped around Murdoc.. The human body can last through much more than one would expect. As he slowly drifted into sleep he knew he would wake up the next morning. God doesn't want to let you die so easy. But his days were numbered and that made him inwardly smile. Maybe I can sleep forever. But how long is forever?
Failure to Thrive: FTT occurs when a child loses its will to live and simply dies.