AN: Another quick one shot. I just wanted to thank everyone who read and reviewed Coming Undone and I'm sorry I didn't respond to the reviews! It's a long story but lets just say my computer fell victim to a little virus attack and I have not been able to do much… but now that it is up and running I can post some more.

CLARIFY: Just for the phone thing. I think Sam tossed his cell phone and got a new one. Which is why Bobby couldn't get in contact with him over the four months because Sam must have known that Bobby would have used the GPS. And when Dean got back he knew what name Sam would have used for the new cell phone and thus was able to track Sam. Just what I think though.

Thanks to macs ace who is wonderful as always with helping me get things sorted out! I always tweak after so any mistakes are my own : )

ENJOY

The dirt fell, hitting the wooden roof of the solid box, the box that contained Sam's entire life in it.

"We should salt and burn him." Bobby says quietly, continuing to throw the dirt into the pit.

"No."

"Sam…"

The young man turned, his eyes filled with unshed tears that wouldn't fall. "No Bobby, he'll need his body when he gets back."

That was the end of the conversation, it was final. Dean would be back and Sam would be damned if he didn't bring him back. Bobby said nothing, just continued to fill the dark pit.

Sam felt like the dirt was cascading around him, each shovel that poured down seemed to rain on his head, making it hard to breathe, but he continued to work until the hole was full, it was suffocating and he refused to go near it.

He turned quickly with one final glance as Bobby pounded the cross into the ground. His fingers traced over his brothers amulet, the only thing he had taken from Dean before the lid had closed over his pale, limp body.

Throwing the shovel into his brothers car, 'he'll be back.'

His face set with a determination he had never felt before, not when Jessica died, not when the trickster messed with him, this was a whole new game.

"Sam?" Bobby called after him, but he didn't turn, just started the car, looking to the older man. "I'll keep in touch, just need some time to myself." Sam had tried to reassure, not waiting for the mans answer before driving away.

Not wasting any time, throwing his cell phone out the window and into the dense brush, he was going to need a new phone.

-o-

Sam knew Bobby had tried to find him, knew the older man was looking hard for him. Dean had told Bobby to look out for him, and he appreciated it; but didn't need it.

He became invisible, tracking hunts, leaving town before he left a trace. Not bothering with anything that wasn't demon related. Bobby had tracked him down once, noticing the patterns in his hunts, following him to a small town. But he was too late, getting to town just as Sam had finished up, some lower level demons that claimed they could help Dean, it was, as always, a crock of shit.

That was the first time he had found out about his 'new' exorcism, it had left him drained, his nose and ears bleeding, but didn't hinder his ability to get out of town and make himself invisible once again. Holing up in a shit motel until his head could function once again. His first aid kit was beginning to dwindle, his reckless disregard for his own safety on hunts wouldn't have sat well with Bobby, or Dean for that matter. But he would take care of that when Dean got back.

-o-

He called once, just once, from a pay phone. He let it ring and ring before the weary voice of the older man came across the line.

There was no hello, Bobby didn't need to know, who else would be phoning from a pay phone in the middle of the night.

"Sam? Are you okay boy?"

Sam hung up, all he wanted was to let the man know he was still around, still breathing, but that had been 3 months ago, he never called again.

It was too dangerous for Bobby, Sam knew he could handle Lilith, but Bobby was a different story, and Sam couldn't risk another one of his family members. Bobby was safer staying on the side lines, Sam could take care of himself.

-o-

There was a hunt in a small town in the middle of nowhere. The town had been infested with demons.

It wasn't one of Sam's good nights, blood pouring and pooling on the hotel floor. He had killed them all, some of the innocent victims survived, some didn't, it was all a part of war. He was still no closer to getting Dean back, and that was what hurt the most.

He looked at the long lacerations, their jagged edges splayed across his stomach, some of the demons had put up a good fight, but he was stronger, and growing stronger every day.

Ruby had been there to help subdue some of them so Sam could do his thing. His nose and ears had stopped bleeding with every attempt he made to send the demons back to hell, Dean was going to be pissed.

He washed the long jagged cuts, knowing he should go to the hospital, but that was too much of a luxury, he didn't deserve that until Dean got back.

He took his time stitching himself up, his first aid kit had long since run out of pain killers and he had no intention of re-stocking them.

Feeling the needle as it punched through his skin, dragging the thread along with it, he could feel every inch of the thread move through his skin and he hissed in pain.

Pain had become a regular thing for him, he relished in it, steeping in its sharp prick of adrenaline, it kept him going. It pulled him through the times when he felt he couldn't go any further, when everything felt hopeless. It was times like these he was glad Bobby wasn't there.

-o-

Four months was a long time, but to Sam it had seemed like an eternity, he was living his own hell without his brother and he had no way to stop it. He had been tempted to call Bobby and see if the older hunter had found something, but he couldn't risk bringing Bobby into his life.

Not with Ruby around, and his ever increasing use of his abilities he had promised not to use. His life just didn't have room for Bobby in it, and maybe just maybe, that would keep the older man alive longer than any other family member Sam had.

His ears had perked instantly to the knock at the door, his gut twisting, grabbing the knife he carried with him at all times, tucking it in to his waistband, he walked out trying to be inconspicuous.

Bobby was the first one he saw through that open door, shocked at being found after so long. His eyes finally resting on who stood beside him, his brothers body; no longer pale or dead, but full of color and life. Feeling for the knife he had tucked into his waistband he didn't hesitate at grabbing it.

-o-

It took more than a few minutes to fully understand what was going on, his fingers traced the amulet, a nervous habit he had picked up ever since he had taken the necklace from his dead brother. He had always turned to it for answers, after all it was as close to his brother as he had gotten for the last four months.

He watched Bobby in the corner, not missing the looks Bobby was shooting his way, their trust had been broken when Sam had left and not turned back. He didn't blame the older man for being weary over him, hell he was weary over himself sometimes.

But leaving Bobby was a decision Sam never regretted, it was better for both of them if they were separate, and he was sure Bobby knew that as well. The older mans searches became few and far between once he came to terms with the fact that Sam wanted it this way.

But all that was 4 months ago, and now he was sitting in the same room with the older man who sent him questioning looks as Dean interrogated him.

"What'd it cost?" Dean yelled, and Sam drowned him out. It had cost him nothing, he wasn't responsible for Dean coming back and it bugged the shit out of him, he would have given everything up for him… everything.

The tension was thick, but it didn't last long once Dean realized that Sam wasn't responsible. But Sam could still feel the cold stares from Bobby who still looked hurt, if Dean noticed, he didn't say anything.

-o-

"Why'd you leave Bobby?" Dean asked quietly, his hands gripping the steering wheel as if he had never left, but Sam knew better, knew how long to the minute Dean had been gone.

"I just got caught up and didn't have a chance to call him." He lied, not having to look at Dean to know he was caught in the lie.

"Why'd you leave Bobby?" The older brother asked once again, much to the displeasure of the younger man who sighed heavily.

"It was the right thing to do." And it was, and he would do it again.

"Sam… you can't just go out and hunt on your own."

"Like hell I can't! It was safer for him that way."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Dean, everyone around me dies, mom, dad, Jessica, you. And I can't stop it, I didn't want Bobby to die as well." It was almost the truth, but he knew it would be truth enough for Dean who looked at him with sad eyes.

"Sam, don't start thinking like that, lets not forget I got a one way ticket back from the pit."

The younger man just nodded, hoping the conversation would just drop. Not liking the center of attention on him and his issues.

"Yeah, well lets not forget that I wasn't the one who brought you back." Sam said quietly, if Dean heard he didn't say anything, just continued driving, filling the awkward silence with the harsh lyrics of 'Master of Puppets' by Metallica.

Sam continued to stare out to the dark road, looking past his reflection that haunted him with the knowledge of why he had left Bobby.

AN: I hope you liked it, let me know what you think. I have one more one shot on the way and then I'm focusing on Dancing in the Dark sequel.

Also I changed my pen name, was formerly Carlyrene and now… Smarley. Sorry if I confused anyone.