DC: Don't own 'em.

Rating: T for language/violence

Premise: Just any other day, fighting an army of Deadites. There are some things, however, you don't even think of doing during battle.

Deadites to the left, banshees to the right, and Ash was right in the goddamned middle of it. Like some undead mosh-pit, the freaks were riled up. Ash cocked the shotgun, steely glint in his eye as he surveyed his foes.

"Alright you undead sacks-a-shit! Come and get some!"

The first shot loose caught a Deadite square in the face.

"Eat lead, bub."

Second shot fired, the ambling banshee sent flying backwards.

"Back to hell where you belong, leatherface!"

The third blew away half a face, sharpened teeth converted to shrapnel.

"Taste it."

Fourth took out the legs of a skeleton at the knee joints.

"Bow before the boomstick, bonehead."

He held off on the fifth shot, watching the Deadite with a capital D lurch toward him. Ash beckoned toward himself with his gauntlet.

"Let's rumble, tough guy."

He fired, bullet punching a fist sized hole in the thing's stomach. It stumbled, regained balance, and continued to stagger toward him.

"Did ya like that? Care for seconds?"

Ash squared up, aimed, pulled the trigger. The sixth shot made a canoe out of the Deadite's forehead.

"No charge. It's on the house."

Pivoting on his heel, Ash fired point-blank into the eye socket of a banshee, her claws mere inches from his neck. He cocked the gun quickly, spinning in search of his next victim... But the freaks had stopped moving; some stared at him in would-be confusion, others scratched their skinless heads.

Ash let loose a guttural scream, haunches and shoulders tense, urging them on.

Still, they didn't move. A few shrugged at one another, conversing quietly amongst themselves. Another wandered about aimlessly, absent look on its rotting face.

Suddenly, it hit him. Ash turned back to the one-eyed banshee corpse, coughed uncomfortably once, and stared down at it. He shifted his weight from one foot to the next, racking his brain.

"Uh. So."

Inspiration struck.

"Hey she-bitch, was it as good for you as it was for me?"

The mosh-pit returned to its frenzy, a swarm of Deadites eying Ash ravenously. He readied his shotgun.

It was gonna be a good night.