Mana here. Woo last one shot for this series! As I mentioned last chapter, I am creating a new series, also Style in the form of oneshots. It's gonna be sweet, and I've already got an idea for the first fic. I figured since I made this series really Stan-centric, I'm gonna try to make them a little more Kyle-centric.
Anyway…..it is Lent! And you know what that means for you Catholics out there…time to give up something in the name of sweet Jesus! I'm giving up swearing, and since I'm like Stan, he's gonna have to do so as well, so sorry Marshy, you gotta clean up your mouth for this fic!
Mardi Gras had come in the blink of an eye and the season of Lent had begun once again. Lent was the time for Catholics to repent for their sin as their lord and savior is prepared to die on the cross in forty days.
As of this year, the Marsh family decided to participate in the holy season in order to re-establish their connection with God, since that past year they've dealt with many questionings to their religion, which resulted in temporary conversions to Atheism and Mormonism. Father Maxi had told them that if they did one more thing going against the Catholic faith, their souls would be doomed to Hell for all eternity.
This year, Randy was to give up World of Warcraft; he thought it was a pretty good game and he spent countless hours at work on his computer rather than looking through sediment analyses. Sharon was to give up chocolate; it was mostly for diet purposes rather than establishing a connection with God. Shelly was to give up listening to her Britney Spears records, but that was ok, because NSYNC was hotter. And Stan, well, Stan decided to give up swearing.
This was probably one of the harder things Stan had to do; all his life he'd been hearing curse words from both his father and his sister and also on television, so it had been engraved in him. Plus he's friends with Eric and Kyle, who do nothing but argue and curse at each other the minute their eyes meet.
"So you can't say 'shit'?" Kyle asked Stan during recess.
"Nope," Stan said confidently.
"And you can't say 'fuck'?"
"So you can't say 'I'm Stanley Marsh, the gayest fucking piece of shit—'"
"KYLE!" Stan pushed the Jew off of the swing he was sitting on and he fell into the moist wood chips.
"Sorry dude," Kyle laughed as he stood up, "I was just testing."
Kyle brushed himself off, but then flinched when a sliver of a woodchip penetrated his palm.
"SON OF A BITCH!" He shouted in pain.
Stan took his hand and sure enough the splinter was in pretty deep.
"Ow, Stan what are you doing? This hurts! I need to see the nurse!"
"Hold still for a sec," Stan took off his red mittens and tried his best to pull out the splinter.
"Fuckfuckfuckfuck," Kyle muttered under his breath quickly, as if it would ease the pain. Stan winced at Kyle's profanity. Somehow, it didn't feel right having the innocent one splurge out obscenities when he was forbidden to join him.
After about a minute of prying and more cursing from a teary Kyle, the splinter was out.
"There you go," Stan said, "now I just gotta wash off all the blood."
He took Kyle to the nearest water fountain and doused his wounded hand in the cold water.
"Ow, fuck," Kyle said as the water stung his cut.
"Dude, would you stop saying that?" Stan asked him.
Kyle blinked, looking hurt by Stan's comment.
"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," he said quickly, "I mean, well, since I can't swear…"
"It's cool I understand," Kyle finished washing his hands and slipped his mittens back on.
"Well, you can, but just not…you know. All extreme like that."
"Sorry, I'll do my best," he patted Stan's back. Stan smiled, feeling good that all was ok between him and Kyle. Their friendship wasn't fragile, but it had its sore spots occasionally.
"So, why can't you swear again?" Kyle asked him.
"It's Lent, dude," Stan explained, "during the forty days before Easter, Catholics gotta give us something for that forty days in order to build a connection with God, and I chose to give us swearing, just because I do it a lot."
"Really? What happens if you don't give up anything?"
"Well, Father Maxi says you go to Hell."
"Whoa, dude. Isn't that a little extreme?"
"I guess." He sighed.
"Psh. Lent." Cartman had approached the two from the football field, apparently forbidden by Craig from playing ball with after the fatass accused him of cheating.
"Hey," Stan greeted, "what are you giving up for Lent, Cartman?"
"I don't need to give up anything," he said as he sat down with them, "I already wrote God that kickass song, I think he should be happy with that."
He was referring to his "Faith + 1" venture, where he "wrote" love songs to Jesus and God.
"Uh, I don't think that's how it works, Cartman," Stan said.
"Goddammit! I hate fucking Lent! The Jews all start acting up and kill Jesus!"
"Shut up, Cartman!" Kyle shrieked at him.
"Ay! You have no right to talk right now, Jesus-killer! Should you go be preparing a cross to crucify some Christian?"
"You better not have just fucking said that!"
"I just did, kike!"
"Don't call me a kike, fatass!"
"DON'T CALL ME FAT YOU FUCKING KIKE!"
"CARTMAN WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?"
Kyle and Cartman both turned to Stan.
"Dude—" Kyle began but was interrupted by Stan talking to Cartman.
"Cartman why the fuck you gotta act like this every goddamn Easter? Stop ripping on Kyle for being a Jew during Lent, you fucking fatass! You already give him enough shit during Christmas, so just give him a fucking break!"
"What the fuck Stan? Did Kahl get some of his sand in your vagina?"
"FUCK YOU, FATASS! YOU'RE THE WORST FUCKING CATHOLIC EVER AND I HOPE YOU DIE AND ROT IN HELL!"
That portion of the school playground grew silent as Stan's last words hung in the air.
"We-hell then," Cartman stood up, "I'll just leave you two fags alone now."
Stan breathed in loudly, so as to get the smoke out of his head. He always hated standing between Kyle and Cartman during their fights, and more importantly, he hated hearing Cartman insult his best friend in front of him.
"Stan," Kyle's face was a white as a sheet, "you're going to Hell!"
Stan looked down, suddenly remembering his covenant.
"I guess I am."
"Why'd you do it Stan? I could have handled Cartman by myself."
"I know," he said, "I just don't like hearing him call you stuff like "kike" especially during the time where, you know, Jesus dies."
"It's cool, it's happened before."
"I know, but I just…"
He didn't finish his thought, but he knew that he wanted to say that he simply wanted to defend his best friend. He just didn't know how to put it to him without making him sound weak, so he brought up another idea.
"Well, let's just say I was going to die and the only way you could save me was to eat pork. Would you do it?"
"Of course I would, Stan."
"Well, there you go."
Excellent, excellent. That brings this series to a close. I'd like to thank everyone who had taken time out of their busy lives to read this and review. You've all given me confidence to keep writing, no matter how miserable and lonely times were, and now. I'd like to thank the people who've subscribed to this, giving me more motivation to keep writing. Watch out for my new series, (not quite sure what to title it yet, but the summary shall explain it). Thank you all again! I love you, seriously.