A/N: A new story from zanax! This is a fic that is based on my real life experiences. I typed this up a long time ago, but just haven't posted it, because I always felt that when I do post this fic I wanted it to be perfect. But after seeing Prop 8 pass, together with a slew of anti gay laws, I knew I had to do something. So this is my release. By the way, readers from Konoha Legal, sorry, but I am stuck on that story!
So I be written in the Book of Love
Do not care about that Book above
Erase my name or write it as you will,
So I be written in the Book of Love
(Omar Khayyam, 1048-1122)
My name is Uchiha Sasuke.
I was born to Uchiha Fugaku and Uchiha Mikoto, as their youngest of two children.
My parents are extremely successful and respected. Naturally, there was a very burden of expectation placed on me right from the moment I was conceived.
I have a brother, Uchiha Itachi. He would be what you call, a genius. A complete success. Even for an Uchiha, he showed great potential right from day one.
Naturally, people became jealous. They would love to see me fail. My failure would be payback for every single time my parents got more influential. Got more powerful. Got more wealthy. My failure would satisfy their jealousy every time they saw Itachi succeed.
They would salivate at the thought that I would become a disappointment, an embarrassment to the family. They would cheer at the notion that I would fall short of the expectations and requirements of being an Uchiha.
Thus, apart from the obvious pressure for me to succeed in the light of my supposed 'privileged' background and precedent, there was added pressure from all who wanted me to fail.
To put it simply, failure in any aspect was not an option.
I was to be the perfect Uchiha poster boy.
But I had a grave secret that I have told no one.
I am gay.
I am gay. Completely queer. When I see a women, it has no effect on me at all. Boobs don't get me hot and bothered. Cocks do.
And for those who think that homosexuality is a choice, consider this: I have tried many times to try to turn myself 'straight'. I have tried to make myself 'normal'. God knows, I have tried many, many times, and failed every time to make myself a heterosexual.
But let's leave God out of this for now.
I have tried to look at those naked pictures of women. Ugh. Those pictures of boobs and vaginas repulse me.
I have tried and stared at pictures of women that are supposed to be sexually attractive. Seriously. Who would look at boobs when they could look at pecs? Who would look at vaginas when they could look at cocks?
The fact is, I don't feel anything when confronted with pieces of female anatomy.
Nothing. Not a fucking thing. Damn it.
I can't even differentiate between a women that is sexually attractive and one that is not.
My parents are extremely homophobic, and the whole Uchiha clan scoffs at the 'faeries that contaminate our land'.
Everyone hates gays. Along with the rest of my friends, and everyone I know. The whole fucking country hates gays. The whole fucking world hates gays.
Hell, with Prop 8, I won't be getting married soon.
With Prop 8, I, together with millions of gays around the world have shrunk deeper into our closets.
And it is precisely because of this I have refused to come out of my cozy closet or tell anyone.
No one knows. I don't even know someone that is deeper in the closet than I am.
I have learnt how to differentiate between women that are sexually attractive and those that are not.
I have memorized names of women that are sexy in the eyes of others.
I try not to look at a man that is sexually attractive in front of other people.
Damn that is tough. Have you ever tried tearing your eyes away from a gorgeous hunk?
I do all these to protect my secret.
You can call me a coward. I do admit it. I am a coward.
I don't want the prejudice and discrimination that comes with being gay.
I don't want to be different.
I don't want to be a weirdo.
But most of all, I don't want to disappoint my parents and my clan.
They have such high hopes for me. My mother frequently teaches me how I should choose my wife later on in life.
She gives me tips and coaches me on how to identify a potential good spouse.
I just sit dumbly and nod when those conversations come along.
Good thing she hasn't found my stash of man on man porn.
This should give you an idea of what I am, and why I refuse to admit to anyone that I am gay.
This is a story of my cowardice, of my fears, and my insecurities.
This is a story of me being afraid.
But this is also a story of hope, of courage, of love.
The God above and I aren't on good terms, especially the damn Mormons and their money. Aren't they worthier causes in the world than trying to ban gay marriage? Like world hunger? Or African poverty?
But still, this is a story that will make you believe in God Almighty, because only He, only He could have created such a beautiful, such a wonderful thing called love.
This is a story that will give you faith, not faith in religion, but faith in the goodness of the human heart, that the human soul is inherently good, that we choose love over hate, hope over despair.
I hope this story will inspire, will make a difference.
My name is Uchiha Sasuke. And this is my story.
"Do you think she's hot?"
"How bout this one?"
"This ones fucking ugly"
Uchiha Sasuke got up from his seat and walked towards the door.
"Oi! We aren't done yet!"
With that, Sasuke opened the door and walked out of Kiba's dormitory.
He walked down the corridor towards his room, opened the door, and threw himself onto his bed.
He hated every time that horny bastard started comparing women. For one it made him gag. Naked women were not his thing.
But mostly it made him realize how different he was from others. Every time Kiba flipped and asked his opinion, or made him rate women on a scale of one to ten, he was made known of the fact that he was different, that he would never marry, that he would never have kids.
But most of all, during those impromptu rating sessions, he was afraid that his cover would be blown. He was afraid he would give a wrong answer to Kiba, and his deepest, gravest secret would be out in the open.
He was a coward. He was not as brave as those proud 'faggots' that had nothing to hide.
Every action, every movement he made was to distance himself from the taboo of homosexuality. That's right – he was a gay homophobe.
He would participate in the jeers and the name calling.
He would whisper behind other's backs, calling them names. Calling them faggots, queers, buttfuckers, homos, faeries… A whole variety of names.
All this to give others the impression that he was 'straight'.
He was a selfish prick that participated in the degradation and humiliation of what he really was.
By being the biggest homophobe, no one would think he was gay.
That was until he met Uzumaki Naruto.
Sasuke walked through the school gates and headed towards the main building of Konoha High School to his locker.
Along the way he heard a small scuffle and a commotion going on. He stopped and looked at what was happening.
Someone appeared to be bullied. Sasuke walked closer and watched. As he approached the crowd, he managed to steal a peek at the centre of the makeshift circle.
"Buttfucker, do you want to suck my dick? I bet you'd want that… Queer"
A boy was sprawled face down on the ground, having been shoved earlier.
The figure groaned softly, before shockingly cerulean eyes met Sasuke's. A smile came upon his face, and Sasuke involuntarily held his breath.
"You don't know what you are missing out, you know…" The boy in the middle of the circle said amusingly, despite his disheveled appearance.
Slowly, he stood up.
"Getting your ass fucked is one of the biggest pleasures of life. You should try…"
Before he could finish that sentence, he was shoved again, stumbling slightly backward. Sasuke's stomach cringed involuntarily. He had to do something… He had to do something…
The leader turned and saw Sasuke.
"Oi, Sasuke… Look at this queer!"
Sasuke froze up, before nodding. He could not… He could NOT let anyone find out!
"Fucking queer" Sasuke declared, turned around and started to walk away, his heart clenching involuntarily.
"That's right! Take a number and wait for your turn!" Naruto said playfully, before having his whole bag poured out over him. "The queer is IN THE HOUSE!"
The crowd started to disperse, and disapproving stares and frowns, plus a few mumblings of "faggot" and "queer" could be heard.
Sasuke stole a glance at Naruto. He caught the mutter coming out of the boy's lips: "Geez… learn a new call… "
Naruto immediately sense Sasuke and looked up at him. His face broke into a big smile, and he enthusiaticly waved at Sasuke.
And Sasuke walked away, ignoring Naruto. Inwardly ashamed, he still held his head high.
That's the first chapter folks! Please review!