Scared. Ever so scared. Scared of everyone, maybe even myself.
They were just... lying there! They looked so real, but it couldn't have been. My parents couldn't have been dead...
At any point I was sure that they would reanimate themselves; my mother, bless her, would stand up and reach out for me, pulling me into a warm embrace, rubbing my hair and telling me everything would be alright. I could smell her jasmine perfume rubbing against my nose, making me sneeze; her soft sleek black hair hanging down to the middle of her back. She would comfort me. She would stop me crying. My father, he would stand up and tell me to stop crying, like as an order. And even though it would sound harsh, I would stop, and my mother would smile at me, telling me I was a good boy. And I would rub my child eyes with the arm of my blue sleeves and smile back at her, and look up to my older brother Itachi, who would be smiling back. And we would be a family again.
And we would be happy.
And I wouldn't be stuck in an orphanage at the age of 4, with only my older brother to comfort me at night, when the nightmares started.
"Shhh" He would say, stroking my hair like my mother used to. "Shhh, it's alright, I'm here."
Yes, he was. But she wasn't. She was 6 feet under, along with him.
They were killed in a car crash that wasn't their fault. Nothing was ever the nice people's fault. It was a drink driver, and they were on their way home from watching an opera. I could remember the way they were dressed, like they always did to go out somewhere. My mother's hair was done up nice, scrunched up on the top of her head, her jasmine perfume was strong and she smiled at me as she walked out the door, her high heels clicking on the stone floor, her slim fitting satin purple dress swishing with every step. It was cold, so she wore elbow length gloves and a faux fur coat. My father just dressed as usual in a smart dark grey or black suit, with a black shirt and a different coloured tie. I think it was blood red that night. He smiled at me and saluted me casually as he walked out the door, with promises to be back soon.
My father had never broken a promise before that night.
I felt sad, and I could only vaguely feel the weight of a hand stroking my head. I blinked away my tears and looked to Itachi; it was dark so I couldn't see him properly. I reached my small arms around his middle as he continued stroking my hair, and I sobbed into his chest, staining his white shirt with my salty tears.
It was a small orphanage, with a few kids, and there wasn't much room for us all. It was very bare and basic, old wooden floors and panelled walls, a few lights here and there. The kids, 8 in total, including me and Itachi, stayed in one main room. It had a small table where we would eat, someone bringing out our food on a big tray. And there was a door which led to the bathroom that we all had to share. I had forgotten to bring my toothbrush with me, so my breath stank. None of the other kids besides Itachi talked to me anyway, so it didn't matter.
Occasionally the big lady, I think I heard one of the older one's saying her name was Tsunade, she would come in and take one of us away, then either bring them back or they wouldn't return. We'd had many come in like that; they'd come, go out the room a few times, and then leave completely after about a week.
Me and Itachi had been there for about a month, and Lady Tsunade hadn't been to collect us. She hadn't even said hello to us, or acknowledged our presence. Itachi told me it was because she was a very busy lady, and not to worry about it, so I said no more about it, just eating and sleeping when I was told to. Itachi looked after me, he was 8 years old and the biggest and strongest, so nobody messed with him, or me.
I felt safer with him than on my own.
We were on our own together; us against the world.
I spent most of my time in a corner, not bothering to talk to anyone, playing with this one car toy that I had managed to rescue before the nasty people took me and Itachi away to this place. It was red with black wheels, and if you pulled it back it went speeding off. I liked it a lot; my father had brought it back from one of his business trips for me. He had said the car model was a Ferrari or something like that. I couldn't pronounce the name, and my father and brother had laughed at me for it. I laughed along too, not quite getting the joke. I had a terrible lisp back then.
I was playing with it this one day, enjoying the way it went so fast and far even if i just pulled it back a little bit. I imagined what it would one day be like driving a Ferrari, they seemed so nice, and I loved the colour of the red. I was so caught up I didn't notice the new girl come over and sit down next to me, watching the car go back and forth. She plonked a teddy in front of it as I let it go whizzing away, and it crashed into it, making the bear fall over. She giggled and looked at me with her green eyes. At least, I think they were green, I couldn't see for her bright pink hair that was in the way. She smiled a big goofy smile at me, and I scowled at her. I was angry at her for making my racing car stop.
She tried to talk to me but I shuffled away from her. I didn't want to talk to her, I just wanted to be on my own, and she had a funny big forehead. But she wouldn't leave me alone. Eventually, I cried out to Itachi, who came over immediately fussing over me, asking if I was hurt. I shook my head and said: "No, that girl won't leave me alone." And I'd pointed at her; I think her name was something like Sakura?
Itachi told her to leave me alone, smiling at her. But she huffed and said "Why does he want to be alone, freak!"
I didn't know what freak meant, so I asked Itachi. He didn't tell me, just said it wasn't a very nice word, and that I shouldn't use it like she did. He then told me off for not being so nice to the girl, and that next time someone talked to me, I should talk back nicely. Like how father had taught us. I nodded and said "Yes Aniki."
She tried to speak to me again, but I just called her a freak with a big forehead and walked away from her. I made sure Itachi didn't hear, he wouldn't have liked me to say that. I knew it. She cried a bit, saying I was mean, but I didn't care, I just wanted to play with my nice red racing car.
She left soon enough, like all the other kids. I was glad that she did; she was the first and only person to try to talk to me, besides Itachi. I was thankful that she didn't come back.
Another boy came though; he had blonde hair and blue eyes and wouldn't keep quiet at all, about anything. He always shouted and laughed loudly, annoying all the other quiet kids. He just never shut up! I often wanted to hurt him, hit him or something, and maybe push him over so he would just shut up. He left me alone for a while, insisting on bothering the other kids. I didn't mind this, as he sometimes stayed quiet, so I could just think about Itachi and my little red racing car. I was beginning to love that car to bits, seeing as it was the only thing I had left that reminded me of my parents.
And yet, still, me and Itachi were never picked. I was getting used to the icky nutrient substitute food they were giving us; it was gray in colour. Itachi didn't much like it either, and we joked about it at night times when I lay in his arms. He said that if ever Tsunade came to take him away, he would run back and make sure I was taken too. He said I would never be left alone again. I was happy for this.
The blonde boy one day came up to me, like Sakura had done before him. At least he had the manners to introduce himself first, if not a little too loudly. Naruto Uzumaki, 4 years old, loves ramen. I heard that about 3 times before he pushed me lightly on the arm, him asking about me, what my name was. "Sasuke" was all I could be bothered to say, and continued playing with my little red racing car.
"Oooohhhhh pwetty wacing car!" He'd said in his annoying loud voice; his speech was impaired, making him sound like a 2 year old instead of a 4 year old. He seemed just like a big baby to me, it wouldn't have surprised me if he was still in nappies. I just ignored him, wishing he would go away and bother someone else. He was too loud for me, too bright, with his shocking hair and eyes, and he always wore the same bright orange shirt. It hurt my eyes; I only like dark colours like grey, navy, brown and black. He was like the antithesis of anything I was used to. It scared me.
He decided that he didn't like me ignoring him, and picked up my car when it was halfway through racing away from one side of me to the other. I glared at him and whined and told him to give it back, and that if he didn't, he would regret it. I'd heard Itachi say that to another big kid, when they had tried to pick on me. The other big kid had left us alone, so I thought it would work with Naruto. He frowned at me and opened his eyes all big and wide and it looked like they were watering. I tried to grab back my car but he held onto it; it looked like he was about to cry. And he did. He was very loud, even when crying. He wailed and wailed and wouldn't stop or give me back my car.
I got angry with him and hit him on the arm yelling at him to give me back my car. He cried even louder, I didn't even hit him that hard, and he hit me even harder. I fell to the floor on my bum, it was sore. I glared at him and he was hugging my car to his chest. I called for Itachi again and he came to my side, just like before. I wasn't crying, though, so he thought I had done something wrong. "No!" I said "He took my racing car, for no reason!" I'd pouted. I knew he couldn't resist my pout; I was too cute for my own good sometimes. He sighed and asked Naruto for my car, which he gave back hesitantly. I didn't like that Naruto boy, but he stayed around. He wasn't being picked to go out the room, either, which I was annoyed about.
He kept bothering me, and I just ignored him. He kept talking to me about his life, about how he was orphaned, how his mother and father had died; his father just after he was born, and his mother only just recently. He missed them, and I realised how much we had in common. But I didn't want to be around him. I just wanted to stay with Itachi. He wanted to look after me.
Naruto came over to me every day, just babbling away about how he had no friends, and how he wished his parents would come back, or he could get some new parents. He got so annoying; I just wanted to hit him. But I held my tongue and just kept playing with my car, so Itachi wouldn't come over and tell me off or hurt me. I was scared of that; I just loved my Aniki so much.
Me and Naruto continued to 'play' together; he would always talk and play with his toy frog, and I would just sit there in the corner playing silently with my racing car. I was spending all my time doing that, it was like the little car was a drug. I just needed to play with it, stay with it every second of every minute of every day. I needed it, and it needed me. One day, Naruto wanted to play with my car as well, because his frog had gotten dirty when he was playing outside in the dirt. I'd said 'No' and continued playing, and he started getting fidgety. I tried to block him out, and just concentrate on playing with my car. It was starting to break, if I pulled it back, it wouldn't go as far as it used to. It just went for a little while, and then stopped. I wondered if it was what it was like to run out of fuel in a real car. I would never run out of fuel if I had a real car, I would just keep going on and on forever, never stopping. I wished my little red car would do that.
Even though I'd said no to him, he insisted on playing with it. He picked it up, just like before, despite my protests and started playing with the wheels, pushing it along and going 'vroom'. He sounded like a baby. I was annoyed and told him to give it back, but he didn't. He stood up and started pushing it around the room, leaning on it. I got up on my feet and watched him, glaring at him. I wanted to hit him again, but Itachi wouldn't have liked me to do that. But he wasn't watching. I ran over to Naruto, telling him to give it back, but he didn't. I stuck my foot out in front of him and he tripped, sailing through the air. He fell on his face and sat up, rubbing his cheeks. I noticed it then, 3 whiskers like marks on either side of his face, I wondered if I'd done that to him. I was about to go and see if he was alright, see if I's hurt him, before I noticed my little red car across the side of the room upside down. It was in 2 bits, I could see that when I got up closer to it. No, 3 bits, there were some wheels missing next to it.
I picked up the pieces, trying to force them back together again, but bits were snapped off – it was un-mendable. I sat on the floor, trying to put it back together for about 10 minutes, trying not to cry. I wouldn't cry; I hadn't done for so long. Naruto eventually came over; he was rubbing his eyes, as if he was thinking the same thing, not wanting to cry. He said 'sorry' and put his tanned chubby hand on my shoulder as I still tried to fix it with my own pale, nimble fingers. It wouldn't fit together, the pieces were too broken.
I turned to him, glaring, scared that the tears in my eyes would threaten to overflow at the sides. I hit him on the arm again, like I did before, but this time it wasn't too gentle. I didn't care much when he started crying because he'd banged his head on the wall, I didn't care when Itachi came over and smacked my little bottom making it sore. I didn't care when lady Tsunade came in, taking Naruto away from me, and shouting at me and Itachi both. I didn't care when the loud blonde boy never returned. No, I didn't care.
Itachi promised me that as soon as he had the money, he would buy me a new one or something. But I said I didn't want one, that I was going to save up for a real Ferrari – i could pronounce it, finally – and then I could drive him around in it going so fast no-one would be able to see us. He laughed and patted my head, knowing that I had cheered up, and I had, only for a little bit...
It was bath night for me, which happened twice every week. I had been out that day playing in the small backyard we had, and it had been raining the night before, so I got a bit muddy. Itachi always insisted on bathing me, I would only let him do it anyway; I didn't like anyone else touching me, especially not since the thing that happened to my racing car. I was never able to get it fixed, and I didn't want to throw it away like lady Tsunade told me to do. I hid it under my small pillow so I could hold it at night, trying not to make myself cry, thinking about mother and father.
Itachi used the shampoo that I liked – it smelt of sage and mint and was like green goo. None of the other kids liked it, they all liked the strawberry and chocolate ones, but I liked the green one. It reminded me of my father, linked me to him in a way. Itachi squeezed some in the palm of one of his big strong hands, lathering it onto my head when i was naked and in the small bath in the bathroom. He was in there with me, we always bathed together, squeezed up with me lying against his strong chest while he washed me – I never remembered to wash behind my ears. He lathered up my ebony hair, making it all foamy, the room steaming up and all I could smell was the scent of the shampoo and his pale skin. I leant against him more, putting my whole weight against his lean chest. He wrapped his arms around me, and I felt so calm, so safe.
"Never let me go, Aniki. Never leave me alone... please."
"Of course Sasuke, I would never leave you alone."
"But promise me! Promise me you'll never leave me..."
"I promise, of course..."
He'd taken me out of the bath and wrapped me up in one of the towels and it felt so soft. He lifted e up in his arms and took us back to our small room; we had out own room then, with two small mattresses on the floor and a pillow and a rug each. He dressed me, a little slower than usual, smiling at me all the way. I couldn't help but smile back, and it felt like my heart was going to explode, it felt so big, and he was the only one in it. He rubbed my damp hair dry with the towel and then folded it up and placed it on the floor next to my clothes. He laid me down on my bed when I was in my jammys and stroked my fluffy hair, smiling down at me.
"Sleep, little Sasuke. You're such a little terror when you're awake; you're so cute when you're asleep." And he smiled at me and kept stroking my head until I fell asleep, unconsciousness bringing sweet dreams of a future life with just Itachi.
All I wanted was to be able to just live with Itachi, nothing more. I just wanted to be safe, and stay with him; I loved him more than anything and anyone else in the world. I loved him more than I loved mother, more than father, more than the little red car that lay broken under my pillow, building up dust.
Naruto, Sakura, or any of the other kids came back, coming and going within the same week sometimes, the same day. Yet, me and Itachi always stayed, he always protected me from the bigger kids, he never left me, just like he promised. I just wished we could get away from this place, this horrid room with the now rotting walls, the smelly pillows, the strawberry and chocolate shampoos, just to be alone, together forever.
4 long years passed and I'd only been through the door about 4 times maybe. I learnt what happened when you went through the door; you would see a nice man or nice lady standing there, maybe even both, smiling at you. I always went with Itachi; we were never to be separated. The nice people would smile at us and ask us our names, which we always replied to with a smile. It was what we were told to do by lady Tsunade. And then, you were put in a small room with a few chairs. The room was nicer than the one we stayed in; it was clean, white, with white tiled floors and clean windows, showing the bright blue skies outside. But, the few times we had been in that room, we had always been taken back out and put in the wooden one. We weren't called upon again for at least another 6 months when it happened all over again, and I was wishing that me and Itachi could stay in that room or with the nice people who had smiled at us and said hello and waved.
But we always went back into the room.
I was eight or nine when Kakashi came by with Iruka. They were nice, both smiling, though I couldn't tell if Kakashi was really, he wore an odd mask over his face. Though it was one of my favourite colours, navy, so I didn't complain. They shook both our hands and smiled at us and asked us our names, like the people before. "Sasuke" I'd said, with a bright smile, and Iruka, the smaller tanned one, had 'awwed' and grinned at me, nudging Kakashi in the arm. Kakashi's eye had creased up and looked at me, so I assumed he was smiling at me.
When we were put back into the white room, it had changed a bit. There were new chairs and a small box of toys in the corner in a bright blue box. I ran over to it and rummaged through it while Itachi went to sit on one of the chairs like a good boy; he was 13 by then and knew how to behave unlike me. I found no little red car, and I felt saddened, still rummaging around; then I found a little toy snake that slithered and moved, like mechanical. I gasped and put it on the floor, making it slither around a few of the chairs and my and Itachi's feet, until I heard the door open again.
Kakashi and Iruka walked in with solemn faces; they didn't take us home like I thought they would've in the end, and they just told us that they were sorry, and instead they left with one of the other kids, I didn't see who. So me and Itachi were sent back to the wooden room, and we continued on with our lives like nothing had changed. Well, only one thing had changed, I now had a small snake toy to play with and slither around. There was new one girl who came, Ino, who reminded me a bit of Sakura, and when she saw it she got scared and screamed and ran away from me. I grinned at that; she would leave me alone. And she did, which I was grateful for.
More time went by and I continued to play with my snake. Me and Itachi had to share a mattress seeing as they needed one of them for a new boy who came, so every night we went to sleep with him cradling me in his arms, like we were still little, and like I was still a baby. It stopped when I was 12, though.
We hadn't been called on for another 4 long years; birthdays and Christmases going by like any other days. For my 11th birthday I got a new toy to play with, a little frog toy, but it reminded me of Naruto so I didn't want to play with it, and I always insisted on playing with my snake toy. I was quickly getting used to staying in this place, wondering when Itachi was old enough to go and get a job and be able to pay for our own place, so we could stay together forever, just like in my dreams. I really wished that it would happen; it was all I ever wanted.
I was sent to school when I was 12, and so was Itachi. I wasn't with him though, and that worried me, I had to stay with annoying children all the time. I never wished to speak to anybody, and I was smart anyway so I was able to get by on my own, just waking up in the mornings, going to school, wishing that it would end soon so that I could see Itachi, then it would and I would be back in his arms until the morning again. I didn't like school, some kids bullied me for always being on my own, and some girls were being all icky, always wanting to sit next to me, wanting me to help them with their work. I didn't like girls, they were always too obsessed and squeamish, squealing like pigs every time they saw me or something gross like blood.
I saw Sakura around at the school, and that made me wonder if Naruto was there as well, and if he was I would try to stay away from him. I didn't want him anywhere near me; I still hadn't forgiven him for breaking my little red car...
12 turned to 13 and soon enough Itachi was working. Although I was happy that he was finally able to earn some money so that we could leave and live together, it meant that I saw less of him. He would come home from school just before I did, seeing as his school was closer to the orphanage than mine was. He would be home for just under or over an hour, depending on the day of the week, and then he would go off to work at the supermarket. It was called Tescos, I think, the same place we went to get our food from. I went to help when I was that age, with the shopping, I mean. We'd walk to Tesco's and buy as much food as we could for about 80 pounds, and then we'd carry it all the way back, just three of us. Shizune – lady Tsunade's assistant, this other boy who was about my age, maybe a year older called Neji, and me. We'd carry it back and put it in the kitchen which we were allowed in then. I think the government or something donated some money to the orphanage so they could add more rooms, we were allowed out of the wooden room not just to go into the garden now. And there was a swing set in the garden, it had metal bars with two swings attached to it with blue rope and orange plastic seats. It was glorious, you could swing up so high.
I was walking home from school one day, it was raining, and I was thinking about what we'd learnt about in business studies that day while I got soaking wet. We'd learnt about wills, and how when you're old or about to die, you write a will, stating that money or valuable things go to the people you say it goes to in that will. I thought about my parents and asked that if I was old and I only had children, no parents or siblings or anything, that if all I owned went to my children. The teacher had said yes, seeing as they were the last living relatives I had. I thought about it all the way home until Itachi came home as well. I asked him if mother and father had a will and if we were left anything. He said "Yes, I've been speaking to our parent's old lawyer recently, and he said we were left everything they owned: the house, all their money, the company father used to own, everything." He grinned at me a wide grin which made my heart twist like it used to and I grinned back, knowing that my dreams would come true soon. He said that we would move back into our home when he was 18 and would inherit his bit, and I would inherit some as well: half the money.
I shook my head when he said we could move back in, and he smiled at me and asked me why not. I said "I don't want to live there; it would make me remember out parents." I couldn't help my voice break a little when I said that. He smiled and said "Shhh, it's ok. I'll keep you safe."
But he promised me anyway.
I was happy; it was only about a year until Itachi turned 18. I would only have to wait a year, then I would no longer have to go to school and Itachi would no longer have to go to work, we would no longer have to live in the small orphanage and we could stay together forever, and he would never leave me.
Never. He promised me.
That night when we went to sleep, I cuddled up to him extra close. He was so warm, and so strong. He sometimes worked out in the back yard, sometimes fighting playfully with the other kids so he could stay big and strong for me. He ate normally so there was no fat on him, he was just like a big radiator. He always used to complain about me being so cold, but I never felt it when he was around. He always warmed me up, and I always kept him cool. It was perfect.
He stroked my hair like he usually did to help me go to sleep, and I wrapped my arms around his strong torso, never wishing to let him go. He did the same, and kissed me on the top of my head, and said: "Sleep, you're such a terror when you're awake, you're so cute when you're asleep," like he used to when I was little. I used to love it when he said that, though when I turned 13 I started rolling my eyes at it, thinking stuff like 'I'm a teenager now! You can stop saying that!', but really, I didn't mind.
And he stroked my hair and closed my eyes for me with his fingertips, saying "Shhh, sleep little Sasuke," and then he stroked my bare back and it felt soothing. I loved him so much at that point, and I had to look at him. I opened my eyes and looked at him, and he was looking back at me, smiling. It felt like my heart was going to burst, and I just had to have him closer, I wanted to have him forever. I felt a little selfish, but I didn't care; I just didn't care.
I leaned my head back just a little bit so I could touch his nose with my lips, kissing him softly. He grinned at me and I smiled back, feeling so much better, but then the bad feeling in my heart came back, like it was going to burst, so I kissed him again, on the lips that time. He smiled again and then he kissed my lips a little harder, but I just guessed it was because he was 17 and so much stronger than me. But he didn't break away like I did; he held onto me and kept kissing my small lips, putting his strong arms around my pale neck, holding my close. I didn't care though, I brought him closer, putting my arms around his waist, my hand on the small of his back, bringing him closer. I wanted him to be so much closer; I just loved him so much.
And then his tongue was in my mouth and it felt like I was going to die, my heart was beating so fast and I didn't even notice that my eyes were closed until I couldn't see him again. And I wanted to see him, but I just couldn't force my eyes open, it was as if they were glued shut; I knew that his eyes were closed too. I'd never kissed anyone like that before, so I didn't know if I was any good at it. His tongue felt so good inside my mouth, it was like he'd been doing it for years, and I began to wonder where he'd gotten all his experience from, how many girls had he kissed?
I wouldn't allow myself to be jealous, it just felt so good and I could feel heat rushing down to my groin as I allowed my tongue to go into his mouth as well and I heard him groan. His deep voice sounded so sexy and I moaned back at the sound, pressing my bare chest against his, ever wanting to be closer. I needed the contact, and it felt like I was on fire.
I didn't mean to, but I fell asleep. I was so exhausted like I usually was at the end of the day, especially after school, but in the morning Itachi had chuckled and told me not to worry about it. He said that I looked so cute when I was sleeping in his arms, and I couldn't help but blush.
The days went by, and at the end of the days came the nights and me and Itachi would start our ritual. We would undress for bed in our little room and climb into our new bed which actually had sheets on and a duvet that was comfy instead of an itchy rug and just be together. We would hug, and we would kiss, and we would go no further, just embracing each other and being together, the way it should be, forever.
And then at school, I had my very first sex ed class.
It was all boobs and dicks and fallopian tubes and I had no idea what the teacher was on about, and I didn't particularly want to know, so I sat in the back reading a book. I liked reading books, I sometimes got so caught up in the story line if it was good, that I would actually escape out of whatever room I was in and become the main character in the book, I would actually live the story. I was currently reading a thriller called 'No time for goodbye's' about a girl who one day woke up, and her whole family had left her, either murdered or were so angry with her that they just left her to live all alone. It was slightly scary because I never wanted that to happen to me, I never wanted Itachi to leave me. He promised. Then my ears perked up as I heard the word 'sex'. All the boys in the class were cheering and the girls were giggling, so I looked up, glaring, to see what all the noise was about.
"...Oral sex is another way of getting pleasure, it sometimes involves a boy licking a girl's clitoris, which is their main G-spot, or a girl sucking and licking a boy's penis. Both are highly pleasurable and maybe even more pleasurable than masturbation, seeing as someone is doing it to you..."
I stared at the teacher, hearing all the cheers and sniggers that were emitting from my classmates, though I didn't bother to listen any more and pretended to read my book again, getting lost in my thoughts. Although, my mind did start to wonder, as it usually did; oral sex...
"Itachi, what does oral sex feel like?" I asked him when we were in bed. I'd stopped kissing him long enough to ask him the question, my legs wrapped around his hips, and I could feel his erection poking out and brushing against my bum a bit. He chuckled and poked my nose.
"Where've you been learning stuff like that, little brother?" I blushed and looked down, managing to stutter out 'sex ed class today'. He laughed a little more hearty and my heart thudded against my rib cage, threatening to burst out. And then he said in the most sexiest voice I'd ever heard him use, putting his lips close to my ear so I could feel his breath ghost around it and down my neck, I shuddered. "Why don't I show you, little brother...?"
And then he was kissing me again, and I didn't know if he was telling the truth or not. I didn't care when his fingertips started caressing my sides, I was just lost in the feeling, not wanting to think or anything. I barely registered that he had stopped kissing my lips and was then making a trail to my jaw, down my pale neck, his breath skimming over my skin making me so hot. It felt like I had an erection as well, though I didn't fully notice until he was pulling down my boxers, freeing it out into the open. It was cold and I gasped a little, until it was warm again. He'd put his hand on me, whilst kissing me just below my navel. I opened my eyes again to look down at him. I was on my back and he was under the duvet cover, though I could see his eyes looking up at me.
And then they were gone, and it felt so oh oh...
His tongue was wet and strong as he licked and sucked on my throbbing member and it felt like it would explode. My breathing came out ragged and it felt like all the blood was draining from other parts of my body down to my private parts. It felt so... weird, it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. Not like before when Itachi would stroke my back and neck and sides and it would tickle. It was so... I thought this is what the teacher meant by pleasurable, and oh I just wanted it, I never wanted Itachi to stop...
I had to stop myself from screaming or moaning by biting into my arm when it felt like it was exploding. It was so weird, I just got this sudden feeling in my stomach, but not like I was being sick, and then I could see nothing but white behind my eyelids and it felt so pleasurable... And then, I came. Or, at least, that's what I thought I did, I wasn't sure because I'd never seen it happen, just heard about it. It felt warm like Itachi's mouth and he smiled as he licked it all up and drank it. I wondered what it tasted like, but decided to bite my tongue. And then, my penis went limp in his hands and he crawled up to me to kiss me. I could taste myself on his lips; it was sort of salty, and hot like I'd thought. He pressed down on my chest and smiled down at me, and it felt like a genuine smile. I was panting, and it felt like all my energy had been drained, but I still managed to smile back, flashing my teeth at him. And then I fell asleep, not meaning to do so, like before.
In my dream, it happened again, only he wasn't giving me oral sex. I was doing it to him... When I was conscious I vowed to myself that I would return the favour soon, seeing as he always had an erection when we were kissing...
I didn't have the chance to that night, Itachi came in late from work and I was too tired to be able to. I thought I would surprise him though, when he had a night off, maybe Thursday. I'd had it al planned out, I even went into the adult section of the library secretly to try to read up about it. I'd practiced on my finger, trying to remember what he did to me, every suck, every lick, to not bite or let my teeth graze him, and to swallow everything he gave me. By Thursday afternoon I was even looking forward to it, I just wanted to taste him so badly, I wanted to please him how he pleased me, and then he would love me even more and want to stay with me forever and never leave me.
That evening, we followed the same ritual. We were kissing when I finally plucked up enough courage to roll him over so he was underneath me. He stopped me with a puzzled look and put his hand against my chest so he could feel it beating so fast. My face was flushed and all I could do was think about this, I had been preparing myself for him. I just hoped it would work. I kissed him once more before shuffling backwards so I was positioned with my mouth near his crotch. I looked up at him and he still looked puzzled, so I gave him a kiss on his erection through his boxers, to give him a hint. Then I pulled them down, cautiously, my heart still beating fast, probably due to nervousness.
It was more beautiful than I'd imagined in my dreams. It practically bounced out when I pulled down his underwear, it was so big! A thick long shaft appeared in front of my nose with tufts of curly black hair at the base, a velvety mushroom head closest to my face that looked so delicious as it stood up on its own. If only I had a camera, to capture the perfectness of it, in case I were to never see it again. I gulped, not sure if I were able to 'deep throat' it like I'd read in the books, but I knew that there was only one way to find out. I leaned forward, unable to help himself as I quickly nuzzled into the curls at the base, breathing in my brothers scent. It smelt so musky and manly, it was amazing... Itachi was so patient; he just sat there, smiling down at me, waiting for me to start. I looked up at Itachi once quickly before smiling back at him and then, I got down to work.
First I experimented a little, wanting to see how it tasted. I gave the head a quick taste, to see if it tasted how it looked. Approved with the fact that it didn't actually taste like a mushroom, I slid my tongue around it, experimenting with the slit, placing my tongue in it. I tasted a bit of his salty cum, and I instantly wanted more. I engulfed the head whole and began sucking on it, licking around the head with my tongue, grasping the end with my little hand. I licked down further and further, sucking and trying different things. I wanted him to moan like I did, I wanted him to be pleased. And then I tried deep throating him, and I almost gagged when the head hit the back of my throat, but I kept going. I just wanted to please him.
I could feel his hands in my hair as I started going faster, forever licking and sucking, trying to keep my teeth out of the way. I started getting more confident, sucking a little harder, deep throating him a bit faster, I so wanted him to breathe my name in that sexy husky voice of his. I just wanted it so badly...
And then he was tugging on my hair, brought his hand to my cheek, making me stop. He even finished it with his husky voice. "Stop..." He said. I looked up at him, confused, and slightly hurt. Did he not want it? Was I not good enough for him? Was I doing it wrong? So many questions going around in my head as he looked down at me, panting, his cheeks a rosy glow and sweat starting to form on his forehead, his eyes lidded a little. I opened my mouth to speak, missing his member that should still be in there, when he pulled my chin up a little. His strong hands were then pulling me up by my armpits; I was too light. He smiled at me with his genuine smile and kissed me on my lips.
"Did I do it wrong?" And he shook his head, his breathing still a little heavy.
"No, no, you did it perfectly. That's why I wanted you to stop, I wanted to try something else out."
I tilted my head to one side, not sure what he was talking about. Well, I had no idea, seeing as I was very sexually unaware. He smiled at me and rolled over so I was on the bottom.
"Shhh, just relax. Let's hope this bed doesn't squeak..."
And then he put his fingers in his mouth before I could ask him why. I looked at him puzzled again, and he just smiled at me and withdrew his fingers, slick with saliva.
I felt him pushing one of his newly wet fingers into my anus. I'd learnt the proper name for it in biology when we were learning of the body's anatomy. It was the hole that faeces came out of, another word that I'd learned in the same biology lesson, when the teacher had said that it was what came out, and one of the rowdy boys said the word 'shit'. I'd learnt a lot of new words in that lesson.
It hurt, I could feel the ring of muscle tighten around his fingers and he told me once again to relax. And I tried, thinking of how this was Itachi doing this, my brother, whom I loved. With all my heart. And then he smiled down at me and I knew that he was pleased with me, I was relaxing. So he pushed his finger in further, it didn't hurt as much. He kept pushing it in and out and I leant up to kiss his lips, but stopped abruptly when I saw white. It clouded my vision and I couldn't see his perfect face. It felt so good, and then it was gone as soon as it came. I panted a little and Itachi smiled down at me, and then repeated the same action, and I felt it again. It felt so good, so pleasurable, and I looked up at him about to ask him what it was when he entered a second finger. That one hurt. But he made me relax again when he pushed his fingers in again and I saw white. He was scissoring his fingers, and it hurt, but then he would push his fingers in – obviously brushing against something inside me – and I would relax again. He kissed both my eyelids when I closed them to bear through the pain.
"Don't worry, shhh, I'm just stretching you. Just relax."
I tried to do what he'd said, but somewhere in between the pain and the pleasure, I just couldn't make sense of anything. My mind was trying to figure out what he was stretching me for, my poor naive mind... Before I knew it he was entering a third finger and I was starting to get scared, wondering if he was going to put his whole hand in there, maybe his fist. If he were to do that I would have to stop him, the pleasure wasn't worth that pain. But then, he was spitting on his other palm, and then put his hand down between us, slicking up his penis. I got it then, and I was suddenly fearful for the ring of muscle that would obviously scream in protest, seeing as he was so big...
But I trusted Itachi, he was my brother, the only person I could turn to. And I loved him.
He looked at me once, smiling, telling me to 'trust him' but I didn't need to be told, I already did. I nodded once and I felt his velvety head, wet with spit, being guided to my whole where his fingers were removed from. I was suddenly nervous, wondering if it were to hurt. I was never such a masochist, but I trusted Itachi. I felt it go in, just the head; it wasn't that painful, although it was quite big and felt uncomfortable in my virgin hole. He pushed it all the way in, stopping after just the head, and then looked at me. I adjusted myself a little, making sure I was comfortable; I knew then that he was stretching me, using his spit, all so he wouldn't hurt me. I nodded at him with a smile on my face when I was ready, and he smiled back, and then pushed in.
It took all my willpower not to scream, again, as I felt him fill me. He leant down and kissed me, I presumed to take my mind off the pain. It helped, and I heard him grunt when he was all the way in. It hurt a lot, yes, but I knew that it would get better. I trusted Itachi to make it better. I guessed that he was testing me when he pulled out and then pushed back in again, not slowly this time. It hurt, and I winced in pain, but there was another reason to my wince. I felt it, only a little, albeit I still felt the pressure on my little pleasure spot. I tilted my head back on the small pillow, and I hoped with Itachi that the bed didn't squeak.
He chuckled, as if hearing my thoughts, and pulled out and pushed back in again. He felt so hard in me, I felt so filled, as if this was right, as if it didn't matter that he was my brother... He did it again and he hit it full on that time, I had to close my eyes tight shut so I wouldn't scream. It felt even better than when he did it with his fingers, I loved it. I never wanted to let him go. He started up a rhythm that kept hitting that spot, and I wanted to scream, oh god I wanted to scream, but I knew that someone would hear me if I did. That would've been bad...I settled for moaning instead as he grunted along in time with his thrusts, filling me with each one, hitting that spot every time. I forced myself to open my eyes to look at him, he looked so beautiful in the dim light; his long hair, usually pulled back into a ponytail, fell loose around his shoulders, some strands of black hair sticking to his pale forehead from sweat. His brow was furrowed, as if concentrating, his brow bones and eyelashes casting shadows across his smooth cheeks. His nose, perfectly straight with a rounded tip, pale like the rest of his skin, and his flawless chin beneath his rosy lips, reddened from all the kissing. His eyes were deep grey, like charcoal, smouldering into mine as I looked up at him, and he down at me. I felt so complete right then, with him in my arms. I wound my slender legs around his waist, holding on with as much strength as I had, never wanting to let go, forever wanting to be strong enough to hold him in place. He bent down, kissing my lips as my moans got a little louder, but were now muffled by his mouth.
I felt so complete as hot white semen covered both our stomachs; mine, obviously, and his filled my tight anus, dripping out and down the hole as my muscles clenched around his member. I felt so filled, so sure that I loved him right then, with all my heart, as waves of my orgasm rolled through me, and I never wanted to let him go, never wanted us to be torn apart. I wanted to be his, and him to be mine, I wanted to live forever, even more then than when I was a little boy of just 4 years old. I wanted him to be 18 so we could live together immediately, and never have to go back to the orphanage, never to see the old hag lady Tsunade again.
It would just be me and him, forever.
Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and before we knew it Itachi's birthday was just round the corner. The lawyer he was talking about came to see us at the orphanage; we went in the special white room like we had a few times before to talk to him privately. He said that as soon as Itachi turned 18 we would be able to leave immediately and go and live in our new house. Itachi had actually listened to me all that time ago and organised for our old home to be sold and bought a new one with the money – which was a lot. It was a long way from here; we would be able to catch a taxi to get there whenever we wanted. I was so excited, I already started packing my limited amount of stuff into my old school bag, throwing all my old school books in the bin seeing as I didn't need them. Itachi agreed that I wouldn't have to go to school at all, and we could live off the inheritance and the money gained from the company. And we could go back to being brothers – and I loved him for it.
He even promised me.
He didn't tell me where we were going as we climbed into the taxi he'd booked the day after his 18th – his wallet was full of notes though so I assumed it was somewhere quite far away. He'd covered my ears as he spoke to the driver to say where we were going, so I couldn't hear him. I pouted and folded my arms across my chest, demanding that he told me where we were going. He'd just laughed and tapped his nose, and I knew he wasn't planning on telling me. So I just watched for the road signs that were flashing by as we passed, going out of London – our old home. We were on a road called the A1 and passed by many signs that said the names of places like Watford, Hemel Hampstead, Hatfield, and then pretty soon we were on a road called the A14. It looked long and pretty soon my eyes were too tired to be able to read them. My mind felt quite tired too and I took a glance beside me at Itachi who was looking contently out the window. I knew that, if we were almost there, he would be on the edge of his seat or something. So I decided it wouldn't hurt if I were to close my eyes and drift off, just for a few seconds...
I dreamt as we were travelling, of owning a Ferrari, and it took me way back to when I was 4 years old again, playing with my little red racing car that when you pulled it back and then let go of it, it went whizzing off. I hadn't thought about it up until then and I then realised how I horribly missed it, and that I would fill the void with a real Ferrari, when I was old enough to drive, of course. I knew Itachi would like to drive around in it, he like cars too, and was saving up, before he got his inheritance, for a car of his own. Though I was sure that on his little salary, he wouldn't be able to afford it.
I woke up about 2, maybe 3 hours after falling asleep, though I'd waken up a few times in between, making my dreams change and take a different course, like reading a different book. I knew that we had arrived, because Itachi was smiling down at me, his hand on my shoulder. I realised then that he'd had to shake me to make me wake up, and I blushed from embarrassment. He chuckled and took out his wallet, paying the man with a lot of bills, as I took a look outside my window. All I could see was a green field with a road beside it, and I wondered if we were at the right place, and so I looked back at Itachi again who was opening his car door. I scrambled over to the open car door where he was standing, obviously holding it open for me, with his smiling face. I stepped onto gravel, I could tell because it crunched under my feet, and I looked up at the house in front of me.
It almost took my breath away.
It was big, to say the least, obviously an old house, but very well kept as it was not crumbling nor bordered up in any places. There were steps leading up to a low porch in front of a big white door; pillars on the 4 corners of the porch held up a roof just to shelter it. And then, it went up and up and up, never ending bricks that seemed to go as high as the sky, I couldn't even see the roof. And it was so wide! I immediately wanted to know how long it would take me to run from one end of the house to the other. I didn't even notice my mouth hanging open, it was like a mansion! My dream home that I could finally call a home, and I could share it just with my brother. My beloved Aniki.
I stumbled after him with my backpack on my back as the taxi drove off leaving a rail of exhaust fumes behind him. The gravel was tricky to walk on, seeing as it was wet, and I almost tripped a couple of times so I could make it to the porch. It had ivy climbing over it, just like a fairytale house or something, but this fairytale was mine. All mine. And Itachi's, of course.
He put his slender hand into his trouser pocket, and I heard the clinking of a set of keys. He pulled them out and put it in the front lock, it fit perfectly, of course. And I knew then that this would be perfect, like key in lock, and we would never part, just like he had promised. He was not my father, he didn't break promises, and I was thankful for that as he turned the key in the lock and opened the slightly creaky door, pushing it all the way.
And I turned to him, a grin spread on my face; as he leaned down to kiss me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I knew that we had finally made it.
"Welcome home, little brother..."