Dedicated to my muses, Archica and tenshi no ai, their stories are great, they are true masters of tearjerkers. They don't belong to me.
She is gone; I wasn't ready
I suppose one never is
I wept, my heart so heavy
Full of pain so desolate
Yet all the while a distant thought
Was welling up inside
My pain was building walls
Where my heart could hide
Safe from the place of no more smiles
No clever spoken lines
No happy shared victories
No more grins and jokes
No truer gift can be bestowed
Nor could it been script
For in these walls were stored the gems
Of our unbreakable friendship.
No Truer Gift; Kathy Poncher
(Adapted and used without permission)
I stare at her, my face crumpled, tears streaming silent down my cheeks. I'm thinking about her. Her and her shining brown hair, beautiful green eyes and her courage to match the tough beauty. My tears run along my jaw line and drips on my hand that is clutching Kougan Anki, onto the bandanna that hides the ridge of scar tissue. I want to hide but from whom I don't know. I want to hurt myself, so that maybe I will not feel so guilty, like this is all my fault, that perhaps that I could shared her pain somehow. I don't want to feel this way, so angry, so sad so sorry.
I don't know what to say as I gaze upon her broken visage across the dark room. Multitude bruises and abrasions cover her visible skin, more under the standard hospital issued gowns. One particular large and vicious horizontal gash decorated her left cheek, one inch higher she would have lost her left eye. One inch lower and she would have died. I shivered as the wind rushed into the room from the open window. I stood up and walk over to her bedside.
She lies there, like a broken, battered doll. Her chest rising and falling slightly, a faint indication of life, but and indication no doubt. Three of her limbs are in cast; angry red welts cover her throat. How did she managed to survived this vicious assault? How is she going to deal with the aftermath? I want to... I need to … I hate this helplessness that make with even more juvenile that I am actually.
How did this happen? She was suppose to be one of the toughest of us all. She is not like Yanagi-neesan, not in need of protection. Why of us all she was the one targeted? Shudders run up my spine as I think how vulnerable Yanagi-neesan is, how vulnerable every single one of us is. Why? Why us? Why not are we not normal teenagers that goes to school everyday? Every one of us has scars visible and invisible, seen people die and almost died ourselves.
Our wind goddess. Fallen. How am I supposed to react? I'm only a teenager. I'm not supposed to faced with death so early in life. I don't want to know about the ugly side of human nature. But we are born into it I supposed. Bound tighter than anything could ever break. No chance of escaping. A bitter grin shaped my lips. Destiny, fates. Makes fools out of all of us. Breaks the best laid plans. Destroys the happiness. Just when we thought it was all over. Erupted the lives of ordinary people. That is if we could be call ordinary people. I feel like I'm going crazy, quietly but surely.
I peek over at Yanagi-neesan. She has cried herself to sleep into Rekka-niisan arms. She the luckiest one of us all, to be able to cry so easily without censor. Rekka-niisan meet my gaze coolly, eyes gleaming with unshed tears, forehead lined with worry. However when he notice that I am crying he turn his head to stare at the floor, unwilling to watch his teammate in sorrow. Rekka-niisan tightens his arms around his princess, shifting slightly on the uncomfortable armchair. I wonder if he is going through the same emotional turmoil that I'm going through right now.
Kagero-san and Fuuko's kaachan is still settling the hospital administration paper. Fuuko's kaachan seems to have aged a decade tonight. Mikagami is staring out of the window, the subtle moonlight making his cheek bones look even more pronounced, the nuances of his face highlighted. His closed eyes, crossed arms and posture against the wall all give him the air of a slightly ruffled but still composed outlook. But… I know that is just a façade. Over the last year, Fuuko was the one that remarkable got him to opened up more, to be more human. Perhaps he feels guilty too. For not being there for Fuuko just like me.
My eyes continue their rounds and landed on Domon-kun. Domon… who was huddling in the darkest corner. My heart wrench just looking at him. He took it the hardest I believe. Domon-kun did not cry, have not spoken a word, and could not bring himself to look at Fuuko. He looks deader that Fuuko if that is actually possible. He looks so isolated so withdrawn. I feel worried for him. As stupid as he is, his love for Fuuko-neesan runs deep and true. His guilt must be enormous, even more then ours as he pledged his life to her, the one who say he would support her because he a man and would fight for her because she a girl. Domon–kun promised to be there for her through the happy times and to cry with her when she sad. His guilt is so strong it is almost palatable. I ache for him; I want to share his pain and shame at failing her because I'm at fault too for not being the one she can count on.
Fresh tears slide down my cheeks as I recalled memories that we shared, the kiss she force me to place on Domon's forehead for her after his face with Aki, the argument that followed after I told her I can't swim in the Heaven or Hell and the swimming lessons that commenced after S.O.D.O.M.
She like the combination of mother/sister/friend rolled into one to me.
She the one who actually holds us together just as important as Yanagi-neesan who is the reason why we are together.
I clench my fists together. You cannot die. What am I going to do if you die? I don't want any more people to leave me. Kaasan, Otusan and Kurei-niisan they are left. You promised you will be there for me! Don't you dare die! I hug myself, torrents of tears rained down, my silent tears turning into uncontrolled sobs and whimpers.
You cannot die! Because you promised me! Because I can't bear if you die!
Next chapter Mikagami. Cannot decide to make this mikagami/fuuko or domon/fuuko or raiha/fuuko or even koganei/fuuko if you really insist. This stories is straight, and is rekka/yanagi. This follows the manga not anime. Reviews please. If this sucks tell me and I will take it off. Please ignored by grammar and tenses mistakes I suck at them. Erm, should I just make it a assault or rape? Assault will be easier to write but rape is more fun. Reviews please!